Hope Over Fear (Over #1) (19 page)

I can see the disgust in his face and the contempt in his voice as he utters the man’s name. It’s like acid on his tongue.

“He was a second year law student who was interning at the firm. He swept Grace off her feet, and he was all she talked about. It all happened so fast. One minute, they were going on their first date, and the next, they were exclusive. They were inseparable; I never saw Grace without Dean at her side. Shortly after that, he asked her to marry him. He couldn’t even wait for her to finish college. They eloped without a word to anyone. Understandably, my parents were disappointed about not giving their only daughter a wedding, but they were pleased that Grace had married a good man. We were all pleased.

“Things are always crystal clear in retrospect. The signs are like blazing red beacons just waiting for you to pick up on them. I never saw or talked to Grace without Dean being there or sitting right next to her while we were on the phone. They attended Sunday dinner every week, but Dean usually got a call that pulled them away shortly after they arrived. Grace always left with him. After she graduated college, Grace decided not to go to law school. She said it wasn’t the right time. That was her
dream
, and I should have known she would never give that up willingly. She continued to work at the law firm, but she moved to the criminal law division as Dean’s assistant. So at work and at home, they were fucking inseparable.

“After graduating high school, I also attended LSU. Like most college students, I partied more than my fair share. LSU is one of the top party schools in the nation, and I took full advantage. Because of that, I missed Sunday dinners often, and I called Grace less than usual. Looking back, she wasn’t calling me either. If I didn’t reach out, there was no contact at all.”

Every word that Adam speaks is dripping with guilt, and I desperately wish I could relieve him of the heavy load. Logically, he seems to understand that the signs weren’t clear at the time, but emotionally, the burden remains ever present.

“At one of the Sunday dinners that I managed to make, Grace and Dean gave us their exciting news. Grace was pregnant. Twins. I was so damn excited to be an uncle. They weren’t even born yet, and I felt so proud. My parents, of course, were over the moon.”

“It was after Grace announced her pregnancy that I started to notice subtle changes. She appeared more pensive, and there was a slight tension between her and Dean. Nothing overt, just right under the surface. I don’t even know if I recognized it at the time, but like everything else, it’s crystal clear looking back.”

Adam’s voice is filled with dread, and I try to stop him from continuing. My fingers reach his lips, and I close my eyes to shut out his despair. His helplessness. He grabs hold of my wrist, gently kisses my fingers, and moves them away. When I open my eyes, he nods in understanding. No one knows the sorrow of this story better than him.

“It had been awhile since I had spoken to her, and I got a phone call from her while I was visiting a friend. When I answered, all I could hear was background noise. Then I heard a loud slap and Grace screaming. I could hear Dean’s voice saying the vilest things I’ve ever heard. Grace was somehow able to call me and hide the phone from Dean’s view as a way to call for help. I didn’t want to hang up, so I gave my friend Grace’s address and had him call 911 as I ran out to get to her. He continued to beat her, saying she needed to be taught a lesson. Telling her that she belonged to him, and he would never let her leave him alive. After a while, I couldn’t hear Grace protesting or crying anymore. I heard footsteps and then the slam of the door, the only sound left was Grace’s raspy breath.

“I beat the ambulance there. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I entered that house. I could hardly recognize her. She was lying in the fetal position, her arms wrapped protectively over her belly. There was a pool of blood underneath her that I could see steadily growing. I’d never been so fucking afraid in my entire life.”

Unshed tears are pooling in both of our eyes, and a sob racks through his body. He doesn’t have to tell me what the pool of blood is from. That bastard must have been kicking her in her stomach. Her placenta must have abrupted, tearing away from the uterus and taking away the babies’ blood and oxygen while Grace hemorrhaged to death. Neither Grace nor the babies would have had much time left by this point.

“The paramedics were right behind me. They got her on the stretcher and raced out of the house. I rode with her to the hospital, begging her to stay with me and fight. She fell in and out of consciousness the entire way to the hospital, and in a brief moment of lucidity, she grabbed my hand and said, ‘Protect them.’ As she was dying, her greatest concern was still her babies. That’s the last thing Grace ever said to me. She died in the operating room that night.”

“I’m so sorry, Adam.” Tears stream down my face as I pull Adam closer to me. I can’t seem to get close enough to take the pain away.

“Later that night, the police found Dean in his car with a bullet in his head. That motherfucker left her to die, and he will never pay for it. Grace was thirty-two weeks pregnant when she died. The surgeon said that her placenta wasn’t completely torn away, so Lily and Gage were able to get just enough oxygen to survive until they were delivered. So that night, the two most beautiful babies I’d ever seen were born. What a way to enter the world, right? Eight weeks early and orphans.” Adam sighs loudly and shakes his head in defeat.

“The week after Grace’s death was a blur. The wake, the funeral, visiting Lily and Gage; I was on autopilot through all of it. After the funeral, we had the obligatory get-together at my parents’ house where everyone brought casseroles and gave us looks of pity. It was fucking terrible, only to be topped by the daunting task of packing up Grace’s office and house. That’s when I found signs that Grace was plotting her escape. She must have known he would never let her go, so she would have to vanish into thin air. That’s not an easy thing to do, and it unfortunately takes time. I found new identification and a stash of money hidden under a floorboard in the bedroom, along with an envelope containing several legal documents. I guess Dean must have found some clue of what she had planned. She must have called me that night because she knew he was going to kill her this time.

“When I opened the envelope, I got the shock of my fucking life. Evidence of years of abuse that Grace kept expertly hidden. Photographs that I wish I could erase from my mind. Medical records from several ER visits that my family never knew about. She wanted to be sure that no court of law would ever give Dean custody of the children should anything ever happen to her. And then, the kicker was Grace’s will named me as Lily and Gage’s guardian. Me, a twenty year old college student who had never changed a diaper in his life.”

I can’t even fathom how overwhelmed Adam must have felt. After watching his sister die tragically, uncovering past abuse he was unaware of, and then finding out he was the guardian to preterm twins, he must have felt like he was drowning.

“My parents were understandably hurt by Grace’s will. They even contemplated contesting it and taking Gage and Lily from me. I’m pretty sure they would’ve won if they had decided to pursue it. It’s hard to explain, but the responsibility that Grace left me was the only thing keeping me grounded. My responsibility to Lily and Gage made me get out of bed every day, kept me breathing in and out. I couldn’t let my parents take them away. We compromised, and when they were released from NICU, we all moved into my parents’ house. Since I had no clue what I was doing, that was the best decision I ever made. My mother was a godsend. I’ll never be able to thank them enough for what they did for us.

“When I graduated, I knew we needed to leave Baton Rouge. I wanted a fresh start for us, and it was so hard telling my parents. My university advisor helped me put together a killer proposal after I graduated, and I presented to the Northern U’s board in hopes of obtaining their account. When I came here for the presentation, I fell in love with Providence. I knew Lily and Gage could be happy here; that this would be a wonderful place to raise my children. So, when they were two years old, I packed up my truck and moved us to Providence. It was pure luck that I moved in next door to Celia, better known as my guardian angel.”

For the first time since Adam started talking, a small smile tugs at his mouth, and his eyes light up. My affection for Celia grows even more knowing that she was there for Adam during such a trying time in his life.

“Celia introduced me to Caroline. Caroline was my therapist for a time, and she understood that helping others in Grace’s situation was the best way for me to deal with my guilt and anger. So she let me start the domestic abuse program at the clinic.”

“I’m glad you were able to find an outlet to help you heal.”

“I can’t go back in time and save Grace, but I try like hell to help other women who need it.” Adam reaches out and pushes a lock of my hair behind my ear. “So, on the three year anniversary of Grace’s death, on Lily and Gage’s birthday, I made a trip to the tattoo parlor.”

Adam takes my hand and runs it over his arm and chest. “Cherry blossoms only bloom for a very short period of time every year, so they symbolize the transience of life—the importance of making every day count, because you never know when the end is coming. They also represent feminine strength, which reminds me of Grace.”

Adam moves my hand to rest directly over his heart, covering the two colorful Monarchs. “Monarch butterflies are a symbol of hope. Lily and Gage are my hope.”

Adam’s vulnerability endears me to him even more. I want to drink him in; I want to shelter him. Under terrible circumstances, he’s persevered. I lean into him, and press my lips against his in an attempt to convey what I’m feeling. The kiss is gentle and salty, a mixture of both of our tears. I end the kiss and wipe my thumbs under his eyes.

“I need to say something to you. I know you’ve probably heard some variation of this one hundred times, but never from me. Adam, you
did not
fail Grace. You have
nothing
to feel guilty about. She didn’t want you to know what was going on, and she worked hard at hiding it from you.” Adam’s eyes close as a breath shudders through him. I patiently wait for him to open his eyes before I can continue. “If Grace could talk to you right now, there is no doubt in my mind what she would say. She’d tell you how much she loves you and how proud she is of the father you’ve become. I hope you never doubt that.”

Adam threads his hands through my hair and draws me to him. Our foreheads touch and our breath intermingles.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

Neither of us speaks again for the remainder of the night. There’s nothing left to say. I’m exhausted from the emotion that Adam has wrung out of me, and I’m certain he feels the same way. I snuggle back into the crook of his arm. I hitch my leg up over his hip, and my arm reaches over his chest. Sleep quickly finds me as a single thought keeps playing over and over in my head.

This is what I’ve been waiting for.
He
is what I’ve been waiting for.

“Your Body Is a Wonderland” by John Mayer

SUNLIGHT FILTERS THROUGH Sara’s bedroom window and warms my face, slowly bringing me back to the land of the living. I wake up with a single thought dominating my mind.

This is what I’ve been waiting for.
She
is what I’ve been waiting for.

I reach out to pull her closer to me, and I’m met with a bundle of empty sheets. I hear the faint sound of clanging dishes, and I figure she’s making coffee or breakfast. I couldn’t care less about either—what I really want is to go all caveman and drag her back into bed with me. I feel like a horny teenager every time she’s near. I always need more.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt this strongly about a woman. Fuck, if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way. The truth is, before I had Lily and Gage, all I needed from a woman was a good time. And by good time, I mean a good fuck. I wasn’t extremely fond of repeats either.