Hope Over Fear (Over #1) (17 page)

“I get that,” I murmur as we make our way down the dirt path. Adam has given up so much to be a father to his children, but I don’t hear one ounce of resentment in his voice. I admire and respect his devotion, and it only endears him to me more.

The Courtyard has an indoor bar area, but the bands play in the back courtyard. There are black wrought iron tables and chairs scattered in the center of the courtyard area and more intimate booths along the sides. It’s packed, and I don’t think we’ll find a place to sit.

Holding my hand, Adam leads me to the booth right beside the stage that has a reserved card placed in the middle.

“Perks of knowing the band,” Adam quips as we slide into the booth. “Hey, usually I sing a few songs with them for old time’s sake. Is that okay? If you’re uncomfortable by yourself, I won’t do it.”

“Are you kidding me? I’d love to see you play. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my hands off you, though. Guys in bands are pretty irresistible,” I joke and raise my eyebrows suggestively. I’m not really joking, but I keep that fact to myself.

“Really? I may have to rethink this whole band thing, then. Maybe I could find the time.” Adam nuzzles his face into my neck, and I instinctively curl into his side.

The band, Voodoo Fire, is really good. They play a few songs before the lead singer looks over and notices us. He raises his hand, and Adam does the same with a head nod.

“Yo Adam! Are you gonna jam with us or what? Get your ass up here!”

After a quick kiss, Adam bounds up onto the stage and gives quick handshakes and back slaps to the other members of the band. The lead singer gives Adam a guitar and moves to the side to make room.

Adam adjusts his microphone and addresses the crowd.

“Hey guys, let’s give it up for Voodoo Fire. These guys fucking rock, am I right?”

The crowd hollers and cheers loudly, agreeing with Adam. Once the cheers die down, Adam puts the guitar around his neck, readying himself.

“I’m honored and humbled to play with them tonight.” Adam turns and addresses the band with a smirk on his face. “I’ll try to keep up with you assholes, okay?”

Sitting here, experiencing yet another side of Adam, is overwhelming. Watching him play the guitar and listening to the gravelly tone of his voice has electricity shooting through my body. I cross my legs in an attempt to control the ache that has become a constant when I’m in his presence.

The band begins their set, and Adam sings lead vocal. He has a magnetic energy about him, and the crowd instantly responds. I scan the crowd and see potential Adam groupies in the making. I try to curb the territorial attitude that’s taking over my thoughts. He’s here with me, and I need to remember that.

They immediately change into their next song, and the tune catches my attention right away. It’s a classic and it’s like it was written for his raspy voice. I’ve heard it countless times, but I can’t remember it ever sounding as erotic as it does right now.

As the song raps up, the band leaves the stage while Adam stays settled on the stool.

“I hope you guys don’t mind, but I’d like to do a quick solo number,” Adam says quietly into the microphone. “Thanks for indulging me.”

After a few moments of silence, he begins to reverently strum the guitar, and I instantly recognize the Pearl Jam tune. He breathes the words to the song almost like a prayer. Adams eyes are closed as he sings, and it seems like he’s transported himself to another time.

I close my eyes and let the melody wash over me; I let his words touch my soul. The pain in his voice is palpable and the backs of my eyes burn with unshed tears. But mixed with his pain is a sense of release, and I look up to see a slight smile pulling at his lips. It doesn’t make any logical sense, but that small smile on his lips assures me that everything is going to be okay.

“For You I Will” by Teddy Geiger

“Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star

“SO, I WOULD be honored if you let me be your number one groupie. If the women fawning over you tonight are any indication, I’ll have an army of groupies for your fan club in no time,” I joke as Adam drives me home.

“Ha, very funny. I believe you’re more than enough groupie for me. I don’t need an army.” Adam chuckles, adding, “All joking aside, it feels great to strum the guitar again. I may need to do that more often.”

“Be sure you invite me when you play. You … with a guitar … singing—that’s seriously hot.”

“Is that so? You are very good for my ego, Sara.” Adam draws small circles on my thigh with his finger, sending shivers through my body.

“I must say, you gave Eddie Vedder a run for his money tonight. That song was beautiful.”

Adam turns into my driveway, puts the jeep in park, and turns into me.

“Yeah, I love that song. My sister used to make me play it for her over and over again when I was in high school.” Adam grabs my hand and cocks his head toward my house. “Swing with me?”

I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face at his request. Halfway up the driveway, Adam stops and turns back to his jeep.

“I forgot something. I’ll just be a sec.”

When he returns, I don’t see anything in his hands. Without giving it much more thought, I snuggle into Adam’s side as he comfortably wraps an arm around my waist.

This evening has been perfect in every way. I feel so comfortable with him, yet he excites me at the same time. Our conversations and interactions feel natural and fluid. Nothing about us ever feels pressured or forced. He seems to intuitively know when to get close and when to give me space. I must admit, I don’t think I can get him close enough tonight.

Adam’s fingers circle my wrist and gently pull up the sleeve of my sweater. He flips my arm over and starts lightly brushing it with the pen he’s holding in his other hand.

“I thought we could check out a new tattoo tonight.” Adam smirks at me.

“Oh, so that’s what you got out of the truck. But I’m kind of digging the dandelion at this point.”

“Well, let’s see what I can come up with, shall we? Remember, no peeking,” he teases.

“I remember the rules. You may have to distract me this time so I don’t cheat. Tell me a secret—something no one else knows about you.”

Adam stops drawing, and his sparkling blue eyes meet mine for a split second. He starts drawing again, and I begin to think he’s going to ignore my request.

“This stays between the two of us, and I’ll know if you squeal.” Adam’s eyes narrow in mock seriousness. I giggle softly and nod my head in agreement.

“So, I had my first kiss when I was fourteen years old. Mandy Jenkins … she was a teenage boy’s wet dream. And by that I mean she had long hair and tits. At fourteen, that’s all it took, really.” He shrugs unabashedly and shoots me a wink. “My taste in women has definitely improved with age.”

I laugh heartily. “Wow, thanks for the resounding endorsement! Although, I do meet the long hair and tits requirement. Your teenage self would be proud.”

“Oh, I assure you, my teenage self would pass the fuck out if he had an inkling that he’d have a chance with someone like you.” Adam stops drawing and shoots me a heart-stopping smile. “Anyway, a big group of guys and girls went bike riding around town one day, and the kiss happened on a park bench when everyone else went into the community center to get drinks. Cherry-flavored lips, a little bit of tongue—the stuff wet dreams are made of.”

“This is all fine and dandy, but I’m assuming there is a point to this story. A secret of some sort, maybe?” I prompt. Is it odd that I feel a tinge of jealousy talking about fourteen year old Adam kissing some bimbo … I mean girl? Yep, I’ve completely lost it.

“Hold your horses, I’m getting there. When my friends came back outside, Jimmy whipped out a can of chewing tobacco and put a big lump in his mouth. He passed it around to the other guys, and they all followed suit. I didn’t want to look like a pussy in front of my girl, so I grabbed a huge wad and shoved it in my mouth.”

“Dip is nasty,” I say as my lip curls in disgust.

“Well, I know that now, but fourteen year old Adam wasn’t privy to the inner workings of the female mind. So I took a big old wad and jumped on my bike to continue my ride. You can imagine what assholes we looked like trying to spit off the sides of our bikes as we rode through town. It’s a wonder we didn’t end up spitting in each other’s faces. It turns out spit was the least of my worries.”

“Oh yeah? Please tell me you didn’t try to kiss Mandy with a mouthful of dip.”

“God, I wish that was all that happened.” Adam shakes his head back and forth in mock shame while he continues drawing, and I can hardly hold back my giggles. “While riding through town, my bike hit a huge pothole. I corrected myself before I flew off my bike, but not before the dip dislodged and slipped down my throat. The farther we rode, the sicker I felt. I could hardly stay on my bike anymore so I pulled over to rest. Mandy stopped to see what was wrong with me, and that’s when it happened.”

“Oh no!” My hand flew to my mouth as my laughter overtook me. “Don’t tell me …”

“Yep, I puked all over her shoes. It was an epic spew, if I do say so myself. I was so sick, my friends had to call my sister to pick me up. I puked for two days!”

“Wow, if that’s not an afterschool special for dangers of tobacco use, then I don’t know what is!”

“Don’t I fucking know. Needless to say, Mandy and I were done, and she spent the rest of high school giving me the stink eye. That girl can hold a grudge,” Adam says, raising his eyebrows and looking incredulous.

A companionable silence envelops us as Adam completes my tattoo. Every swipe of the pen or brush of his fingers is wreaking havoc on my overly heightened senses.

“Okay, you can look now,” Adam whispers gently.

Before I look down, I hold Adam’s gaze and blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind.

“You frighten me.”

Adam’s lips curve slightly upward. “Well, I’m glad to hear it, Sara, because you scare the hell out of me.”

I’m not sure why, but this gives me a small sense of comfort. In an effort to change the subject, I look down at my arm to see my new “tattoo.”

“Tibetans believe the different sections of the arrow represent the mind.” Adam points to the arrowhead.

“The body …” His finger runs gently along the shaft of the arrow. I shiver in response to his intimate touch. The desire for him that is never too far away quickly comes to the surface.

“And the spirit,” he explains, pointing to the feather tip of the arrow.

I raise my arm to take a closer look at the beautiful drawing. I keep my head lowered for fear of meeting Adam’s eyes. I want him more than anything. I’m also petrified to have him.

“I love it. You always think of the most meaningful drawings.”

“I did a lot of research before I got my tattoo. It’s kind of stuck in my head. But you shouldn’t ink this on your arm,” he says, still gently running his fingers along my wrist.

“No?” I whisper.

His arm wraps around me and goes under my sweater to run up the bare skin of my back. My body comes alive with his touch. He moves closer to me, our faces so close that I feel his warm breath on my cheek. My chest swells as I breathe deeply, pushing me even closer to him.

“It should run down your spine,” his raspy voice murmurs into my ear as his fingers leave a fiery trail on my skin. “Right down your center.”

“Mmmm.”

“Sara?” I hear Adam softly chuckle as his breath gently runs down the side of my neck.

“Hmmmm?”

He pushes back, and I can’t help but get lost in his deep, blue eyes. They seem endless. He holds my gaze, and he doesn’t have to tell me what he wants. His need is palpable.

“Invite me in.” There’s no question. He’s not asking. It’s a gentle command, and as always, I fucking love it.

It’s also terrifying, but I know I need to swallow my fear. I can’t allow it to rule my decisions the way I have in the past. I drop my gaze for a second to collect my thoughts. After arguing internally with myself for what feels like hours, although it is only moments, I decide to do what my heart keeps chanting like a mantra.