How I Came to Sparkle Again (34 page)

Clear skies, winds out of the southwest at 10 mph.

Lifts closed.

Tom leaned into Lisa’s window. They had already hugged and kissed good-bye. He knew she did not like good-byes. She had told him plainly that she preferred them to be quick, like tearing off a Band-Aid. But Tom wasn’t ready to let go.

“Change your mind,” he said. “Change your mind and stay.”

“Come on, Tom. We’ve been through that. I’ve got to make a living. My five months a year as a park ranger pay for my winter as a ski instructor. You know I can’t support myself on my ski instructor salary,” she said. “And besides, this is what I went to college to be able to do. This is who I am. I’m Ranger Lisa.”

“Is Ranger Dan going to be there?” he asked. He’d been dying to ask for weeks but hadn’t wanted to seem insecure. Now, though, he couldn’t help but ask.

“Is that what you’re worried about?” Lisa asked.

He wasn’t sure what the right answer was. “I’m worried about losing you any number of ways,” he finally said.

“Don’t be,” she said.

Suddenly, he felt bold. He felt willing to risk everything. “What if we got married? What if we got married and combined incomes? Then could you stay?”

“Don’t do that, Tom. Don’t ask me out of fear. And as far as me staying, you’ve got to respect who I am enough to let me go for a few months.”

He took a step back, hurt. “I’m sorry, I guess,” he said, confused.

“I’ll see you in just a few weeks, just like we planned,” she said.

He bit his lip and nodded.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you so much,” he replied. And then he watched her drive away. He raised his hand to wave right before she turned out of sight.

*   *   *

Lisa was remembering the morning Cody left, the morning she looked at her crucifix and pledged to have faith that she was born to experience a greater love than what she had experienced so far. As she drove away with Tom’s proposal fresh in her mind, as lame as it was, she realized he must be the answer to her prayers and wondered what the repercussions of leaving the answer to her prayers would be. Did a person do that? Turn her back on the answer to her prayers? Was she making the biggest mistake of her life by leaving him? Did a love like this come around twice in a lifetime? After twenty-some years of dating and not finding it, it seemed unlikely she would again. She wondered if these things were fated, if they could not be derailed or if there were only detours to the same destination. She hoped so.

*   *   *

The sun had finally begun to melt the snow from cobbles along the river shore. Cassie and Jill had walked Amber down to let her play in the water.

Cassie had prepared a dinner picnic of grilled sandwiches like those she saw prepared on a cooking show, with melted Swiss, cranberry relish, and turkey, and she carried them proudly in her backpack.

As they walked together, Cassie kept her eyes low and hoped she’d hear her mother’s voice.

Jill threw a stick into a little eddy behind a big rock in the middle of the swift river. Amber had to swim upstream to get it, but somehow she did, and once she had it in her mouth, she swam downstream very fast until she worked her way over to the shore and back up to Jill and Cassie. She dropped the stick next to their feet.

“I was a little worried she was going to end up in New Mexico,” Jill joked. Then she noticed a change in Cassie’s mood. “Hey, is everything okay?” she asked.

Cassie shrugged. “My mom and I used to come down here a lot. That’s all.”

“It’s a beautiful spot,” Jill said.

“Yeah,” Cassie said. She pulled a rolled-up towel out of her backpack. Inside, the sandwiches, wrapped in foil, were still warm. She handed one to Jill, and they peeled back the foil and took their first bites.

“Mm!” Jill said. “Cassie, you are truly gifted. This tastes so good. I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”

They ate quietly for a few moments while Amber retrieved the stick a couple more times, and then Cassie said, “This is where my mom told me she was sick. I asked her if she was going to die and she said that everyone dies. I got really mad and started screaming, ‘Not you!’ at her, like that, over and over. ‘Not you!’ I cried and cried until all I wanted to do was sleep. She hugged me. And then we just sat here together. But when I remember it, I try to take the part out where I screamed at her for being sick. I wish I could just erase that part and never remember it.”

“Oh, Cassie,” Jill said, wiping away a few tears. “That breaks my heart.” She reached over and smoothed Cassie’s hair.

Amber picked up the stick and dropped it closer to Jill. Next to the stick, Jill noticed a white rock with rusty stripes that looked like a heart. “Look,” she said to Cassie as she reached for it and handed it to her. “This rock is shaped like a heart.”

Cassie looked at Jill questioningly. She took the stone and inspected it. Sure enough, one side of it was shaped like a heart. “May I keep this?” she asked.

“It’s yours,” Jill said.

“Did you know I collected these?”

“Nope,” she answered.

“My mom and I collected them.”

Cassie put the heart-shaped rock in her pocket and put an arm around Jill’s waist. Jill put an arm around her shoulder, and they just stood there like that, eating their sandwiches with their free hands. Cassie watched the sparkles on the water and wondered things ten-year-olds generally didn’t wonder about, like all the ways in which souls might be connected.

chapter thirty-four

MAY 3: NO SNOW REPORT AVAILABLE

Opening Day is October 31. Season passes available for purchase online.

Jill had her things by the back door ready to go. She had served Cassie granola this morning instead of making her usual muffins. As soon as Cassie left, Jill bolted out the back door. She didn’t want to run into Mike. She had done the same thing the last two times she had seen Cassie off in the morning.

The first babysitting morning after the Golden Dragon and the kiss, Cassie had been running late. She’d grabbed the sandwich bag with two blueberry muffins in it that Jill had prepared for her and run out the door with a, “Thank you! Have a good day!”

Jill had taken her time cleaning up the kitchen. She had actually juiced oranges that morning, wanting Mike to have something better than what could be bought at the store. She had put orange zest in the blueberry muffins, making them a whole new level of delicious. She’d looked at the clock. Five to eight. Usually Mike had come home by this time.

She had plucked all the remaining muffins out of the tin with a knife and arranged them on a plate. Then, with a little brush, she’d leisurely scrubbed the muffin tin before putting it in the dishwasher. She had washed the mixing bowl by hand. Five after eight. He still wasn’t there. Jill had taken out the garbage, returned, and washed her hands. Ten after eight. And that’s when it hit her that he might be avoiding her.

Maybe he regretted the kiss. Maybe he realized that he was in over his head, that he wasn’t ready.

Jill had guzzled the orange juice she had prepared for him with so much care. She hadn’t wanted him to see that she had gone to any trouble. Then, almost in a panic, she’d thrust the glass in the dishwasher and dashed out the door.

Today, though, she made it out with five minutes to spare. She still went out the back door instead of the front, just in case he was walking down the street.

She found the extra key that Lisa kept above a window in the back of the house and let herself in to use the computer. The house felt so empty and cold without Lisa in it. It enhanced Jill’s sense that something was wrong.

The kitchen was clean, except for a shot glass by the sink and a used tissue.
Lisa wouldn’t have left that,
Jill thought, and then remembered how Tom often said he was going next door to water Lisa’s plants. They had to be Tom’s. Oh, poor thing.

She turned on Lisa’s computer and waited for what seemed like forever while it powered up. Didn’t the machine know she was in a hurry? She had stayed in Sparkle three weeks too long. Now it was uncomfortable. Just thinking about Mike avoiding her made her cheeks burn. She could not get out of Sparkle fast enough.

All but two of the positions listed for Denver on Monster.com were for hospice and long-term care facility work. Jill supposed if she had to, she could do that. Death was a natural part of life. It wasn’t the same as when babies died. The other two ads were for nursing in the air force and for an HMO looking for a nurse-practitioner. She wasn’t a nurse-practitioner. Colorado Springs had a lot of home care positions available. That might be the way to go. Still, it would involve getting to know people and their families intimately and getting attached to them. It was unreasonable, but deep inside, she simply didn’t want to work with patients who were going to die. She knew, of course, that ultimately everyone dies, but she wanted as much space between her and death as possible. She wanted to work in a clinic where she weighed people, took their temperature and blood pressure, and then left them alone in a room with a gown. That was all she wanted to deal with day after day. Nothing more. She decided she would wait another month before pursuing any long-term care or home-nursing positions.

She looked for positions in Durango, Aspen, Vail, Telluride, and Breckenridge, and the only thing that came up was an ad to sell Avon. That wasn’t hopeful. Maybe Hans was right. Maybe Monster.com and the classifieds were not how hiring was done in small ski towns. Maybe to get a job she really wanted, it was time to hit the pavement.

Back at the Kennel, Tom and Hans were eating breakfast and getting ready for a day of window washing—their off-season job.

“You’re late,” Hans said. “Did you and Mike have some quality time this morning?”

Jill made a face. “I was on the computer at Lisa’s, trying to figure out what I’m going to do when my divorce is final and I no longer receive a thousand dollars a month from my ex.”

“You could wash windows with us,” Tom said.

“Good to have options,” Jill replied, and went back to her room to search through boxes for job-hunting and interview clothes. She took a few pieces out of the box and laid them on her bed. Nothing seemed quite right.

“Knock knock.” She knew that voice. Mike. He stood in her doorway. “Tom and Hans were leaving as I was walking up the path. They said to just go on in. I hope that was okay.”

“Sure,” she said, confused.

“Nice mirror,” he said, pointing to the ceiling.

“Yes, I’m very kinky,” she said dryly.

Mike just looked up and nodded. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Well, that first morning after our, um, date, you were late, so I figured maybe you needed a little space,” Jill said as she folded clothes and put them back in the boxes.

“I was on a call. Rollover on the highway. We were out there for a while.”

“Oh,” Jill said, feeling foolish for making assumptions.

“Cassie’s birthday is the sixteenth. She wants to canoe or kayak on the reservoir to the waterfall. Did she ask you to join us already? She told me she was going to invite you and Mauricio.”

“She didn’t mention it. Maybe she changed her mind,” Jill replied.

“No, she didn’t change her mind. She was probably just distracted by homework or whatever.”

“Hm.”

“Well, please save the date. Sunday the sixteenth. I know it would mean a lot to her if you were there.”

“Okay,” Jill said.

“Hey, last night we took Heather down to Denver. Do you know Heather? She works for Dr. Westin at the sports medicine clinic. She’s eight months pregnant and was just put on bed rest until she delivers. She told me that she’s taking maternity leave after that, but that she and her husband are trying to figure out a way for her not to have to come back to work at all. So, today Dr. Westin doesn’t have a nurse. FYI.”

“Thanks for the tip,” she said.

“So … are we okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, we’re okay,” she replied even though she still felt awkward.

He looked back up at the ceiling. “I think I discovered my new interest,” he joked.

She laughed. “You can see why I’m ready for a new era of my life.”

He smiled and nodded. “I’m so glad I got to see the infamous Kennel.”

“If anyone saw you walk in, your reputation is ruined,” Jill teased.

“Worth it,” Mike replied, reaching for her hand and pulling her into him. He kissed her tenderly and said, “Well, as much as I’d like to develop my new interest and give you your unexpected reward right now, I’m going to forgo immediate gratification in hopes that you’ll find your way to Dr. Westin’s and secure a position that will keep you here in Sparkle.”

Jill laughed.

He kissed her once more, pointed to the ceiling, and said, “We can explore this later.” Then he left Jill to dig her old nursing shoes out of the back corner of her closet.

*   *   *

Jill clasped her résumé and copy of her nursing certificate as she walked up the little sidewalk to the old blue mining house that Dr. Westin’s office was in. On the porch sat a bicycle, and in the waiting room sat a very hairy man in a knee brace. Jill assumed the bicycle belonged to the doctor. She picked up a copy of
Skiing
magazine and had a seat. She had enough time to read an article on Kicking Horse mountain resort and look at some of next year’s gear. Finally, a very athletic-looking woman with a weathered face hobbled out on crutches. Behind her walked the doctor in a white lab coat. He wore glasses with thick, dark frames. His salt-and-pepper mustache matched his bushy hair. She thought his face looked kind.

He patted the lady on the shoulder and said, “See you in two weeks,” then pointed at the man in the knee brace and said, “Dennis. Good to see you.” Then he pointed at Jill and said, “I don’t know you yet.” He scrambled behind the counter to look at his appointment book. “Who are you?”