How to Date a Nerd (12 page)

And I’m nothing like that.

I’m afraid of myself.

I reach over Zak and yank on the seat release and he flies back, letting out a yelp.

I fumble around with the keys, start the car and screech out of the parking lot without stalling the dang thing.

Zak adjusts his seat. “What was that about?” He turns around to look out the back window, and his voice lowers. “Oh.”

I open my mouth to say the apology on my tongue, but he stops it.

“I think you’ve got the hang of this driving stick stuff. Take me home.”

I nod, because there’s really nothing to say, and then stall the car.

I try again.

And again.

And again.

Still nothing. My legs shake too much to concentrate, and all of a sudden Zak yells at me.

“You have to feather the clutch, Zoe! You’re doing it too fast.”

My defenses zap into place as another wave of tears splash down my cheeks. I’m always crying around him. “I’m
trying!
”

He puts his hand on my knee, but it’s totally not sexy. He tries to control my foot as I let it off the clutch.

The car goes forward, then comes to an abrupt stop.

“ARRR!” I scream and shake the steering wheel. I so can’t do this right now. I’m hurting him. Hurting me. Hurting everyone.

“Get out.” Zak unbuckles his seatbelt and opens his door.

“What?”

“Get out!”

I crawl into the passenger seat, pouting like a freaking five-year-old. I know the person I should be pissed at is me, but Zak is the one who’s going to get the brunt of it.

“I’m sorry! I can’t concentrate!”

“It’s ’cause you’re in too much of a hurry to get out of here without being seen with me,” he snaps. “So let me help you.”

He starts the car and shifts like a crazy racecar driver, and before I know it, we’re back in my driveway.

“Were you watching?” he says as he chucks the keys in my lap. “That’s how you drive stick. And that’s your last lesson. Hope you learned something.”

“Zak, wait.” He doesn’t. He’s already halfway across the lawn separating our houses by the time I catch up to him.

“Look, I’m sorry,” I say grabbing his arm.

“Just stop it!” He jerks back from my hold and I stare at him like an idiot. “Why am I such an embarrassment to you?”

Again, I have no answer for him. He shakes his head, his hair flying around his face.

“Forget it.”

Everything inside me says I need to go after him, but I stay put. There’s nothing I can say that wouldn’t be totally contradictory to what I
do
.

I stop the flow of tears and stomp to my bedroom, slamming the door so hard I’m surprised my house is still standing.

Flattening my lips into a straight line, I gaze out my window at Zak’s room. He wants to chuck keys at me? Yell? Continue to be dork of the year? Fine.

He’ll never understand anyway. He won’t get it. He’s never been popular. He’s never had to hide who he really is because
he
can handle it.

I can’t.

And I’ll probably never be able to.

Chapter 14

Someone needs to explain to him what
 a booty call is.

“Will Hope’s parents be home?” Dad shuts the fridge and pops open a can of Diet Coke before looking at me. I give him the “impatient daughter” roll of the eyes.

“Yes, Dad. It’s just a sleepover. Girl stuff.”

He takes a sip before answering. “Girl stuff.” He pauses, taking another drink. “No boys then?”

Duh. “No boys, Dad. It’s going to be Hope and me. Maybe Keira.” That’s a flat-ass lie.

I haven’t seen Zak since our fight, and I yell at myself every time I realize I’m thinking about it. It’s not like I can make anything better or that I want to. I’m done with that craptastic attempt at getting his attention.

Jesse’s party tonight is exactly what I need to forget this whole frakking mess.

“I don’t know…” Dad leans against the counter and it creaks under his weight. “Who’s going to watch your sister?”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Sierra pipes from the table, her fingers curled in front of her face so she can blow her nails dry. “Mom’ll be home at like ten, right?” She flicks her gaze to me then back to Dad. “So I’ll only be alone for an hour or so.”

Dad grunts and rubs the stubble on his chin. “And you’ll behave? Both of you?”

“Yes,” we say together.

His eyes go back and forth between us before he lets out a puff of air. “Okay. But Zoe, you bring your phone and answer it if your sister calls. And Sierra, no friends, and no leaving this house.”

We both nod and Dad chugs the rest of his soda. “All right, I’ll see you girls tomorrow.”

Late shift. Again.

Always really. It bugs me how much he and Mom work, but not tonight. Tonight I need them gone.

The second he leaves I run upstairs to change. I pull out the purple number I was going to wear at the last party and strip down to my undies. The window isn’t even open because I’m done with that. I can’t do it anymore. I need to forget about those amazing—yes, amazing—few days I had with him. Because it’s not… it
can’t
be what I really want. I’ve worked so hard to be
this
person. The girl who goes to parties and gets the boys and who everyone wants to be.

And Zak doesn’t want anything to do with that person. Guess I have to live with that.

Plopping onto my bed, I dig my phone from my jeans. There are a few texts and for a second my brain gets really stupid hoping they’re from Zak. My stomach does a twist turny thing when I open the messages, then drops when I see they are all from Levi.

I guess I can’t blame him for trying to get a hold of me. I never gave him my number—I’m sure one of my friends did—but I did give him some tongue. He’s probably waiting for his booty call.

He won’t have to wait much longer.

If I’m going to stay popular, and forget Zak, I better do it right this time. Not halfway.

I’ll c u @ the party 2nite.

I hit send and toss my phone behind me. There’s something stinging behind my eyes, but I shake my head and focus on getting dressed.

Yeah, a party and a new boy will cure whatever is wrong with me.

“You’re not going to Hope’s, are you?”

Sierra leans against my doorframe, not looking at me, but at her feet.

“You going to rat me out?”

“No.” She steps in my room and settles on the center of my bed. “
I’m
a good sister.”

I roll my eyes and go back to putting on my eyeliner. “You were in the effing hospital. I had to tell Mom.”

“I-I know.”

My head whips around, and I swipe a big black mark across my cheek. Sierra’s not looking at me, she’s picking at a loose thread in my comforter. I don’t even know how to respond. She’s never agreed with me on anything.

She twirls her finger around the thread and yanks it out of my bedspread. “So, you’re going to a party?”

I shake my head and grab a wipe to get the eyeliner off my cheek. “I’m not taking you.”

“I wasn’t asking to go.” Her eyes narrow. “I was just curious.”

Yeah right. Like I’m going to believe that one. Unless…

“Is someone coming over?”

“What?”

“Is that why you’re okay with me leaving? And why you won’t tell Mom and Dad? You’ve got someone coming over, don’t you?”

She huffs a huge breath out her nostrils and crawls off my bed. “You know, I’m not as bad as you think I am. I was actually going to bed.” Her hair bounces a little as she storms across my room. “Have fun at your party.”

And she’s gone.

What the heck? That was so not normal Sierra behavior. I think house arrest has done something funky to her brain.

Either that or she’s gotten better at lying.

It doesn’t matter. I can’t worry about what’s going through my sister’s head when I’m so messed up myself. Split personalities and all.

Time to convince the world, and myself, that I’m happy with the choice I made to redefine myself.

Because I
am
happy with it.

I. Am.

See? There’s the smile in the mirror. Now, adjust the boobs… and I’m set.

I don’t even look at my bookshelf or my window as I walk out.

***

“This is the part where you tell me the name of that guy you were gushing about the other day.”

Hope gives me a huge grin and runs a stop sign in the process.

Ugh. I wish I could go back to two days ago when that’s all I wanted to do—gush. But I
have
to get Zak out of my brain. Shove him so far away I won’t remember why the heck I liked him in the first place.

It’s not going to work if my friends keep bringing him up.

“No. He doesn’t want anything to do with me, so I’m moving on.”

“What?!” she squeals, making a jerky stop at a light. “Is he crazy? You’re Zoe Livingston!”

I laugh. “I know, right! He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” I’m totally using a joking tone, but I’m half serious. I’m the popular one. Shouldn’t
I
be rejecting
him
?

That’s usually how the world goes ’round. But both Zak and I know who the better person is between the two of us.

Oh gosh.
Forget about it, Zoe.

“Well, I know about twenty guys who are ready to pounce now that you’re single. Want to know a few from the list?”

Shaking my head, I force a giggle and flip my hair over my shoulder. “Nah. I just want to have fun tonight.”

“That’s what I mean.” She winks, pulling up against the curb outside Jesse’s massive house. “A boy to help you have fun.”

“I got it.” ’Cause I do. Levi is target boy number one. After all, he’s hecka hot, not a bad kisser—from what I remember of that kiss—he’s the perfect person to help me get over the geek next door.

The music pumps through my body before we even get inside. Jesse always has a DJ at his parties because he can afford that type of stuff. This is also why I’m never a party host. People would totally realize I’m a fake with the money stuff. That and it’s too much work. Jesse can also hire someone to clean up after. Trust funds. Must be nice.

“Hey, bitches!” Keira calls from the table she’s dancing on. “It’s about time you showed up!”

She hops down and plants a sloppy kiss on my lips then does the same to Hope.

“Holy hell. Someone’s had a few shots.” Hope laughs as Keira loops her arm through both of ours.

“Come on. Let’s dance!”

I wiggle her off. “I’m gonna go find someone,” I shout over the music. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

Hope’s mouth pops open, but I don’t hear what she says before she’s dragged away.

Now to find drummer boy. There’s no way I’m going to look in this crowd. I’d be stopped by a million people before I found him. That and Cody is trying to catch my eye. Bleck. He needs to stay the hell away from me tonight or he’s going to be punched in his diseased junk. Stupid jackass attacking me then spreading rumors.

Just chalk it up to more things I need to forget.

Someone walks by with a shot and without even thinking, I snag it and toss it back. Whew. That’ll help the nerves.

Pulling out my phone, I cross over to a less crowded hallway. After a few hugs and “heys” I send Levi a text.

Where r u?

It’s a few minutes before my phone vibrates in my hand, and I have to shake off a guy who appeared out of nowhere to offer me a beer. One shot is usually my limit at these things.

Right here.

Huh? I look up and down the hallway, but I can’t see the darn boy anywhere. Taking a step into the next room, a hand wraps around my wrist and whirls me around.

“Hey.” Levi smiles as I whack him in the chest. Then I see his eyes rake me over and as he takes in my skin-tight dress his face flushes. I pucker my lips as I speak, attaching the strings on Popular Zoe’s next victim.

“Hey.” Taking his hand, I pull him upstairs. “Let’s go somewhere we can talk.”

There’s not any conversation on the way to the bedrooms, but he’s not fighting me. Why would he? Here’s the booty call he’s been waiting for.

And this will totally make me forget about…

Oh gosh, I can’t think about it now. That’s why I’m here. To forget.

We get to an empty room—only took two tries to find one without a we’re-doing-it rubber band on the knob—and I open the door for him.

He walks past me and stands awkwardly in the middle of the room while I shut the door behind him. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Pulling him by the arm, I drag him to the bed, shoving him down so I can leap on top of him. He’s sitting upright against the headboard as I straddle him. I only see his surprised face for a split second before curling my tongue around his to make my intention clear that I don’t want to talk.

I. Want. To. Forget.

He wraps his massive hands around my waist, but instead of pulling me closer, he pushes me back.

“Whoa, Zoe,” he says catching his breath. “Hang on a minute.”

I ignore him and trace my lips along his jaw line and watch him squirm underneath me. Moving my hands to the button on his pants, I try to pretend I know what I’m doing, that I’ve done it millions of times.

My hands shake, and Geek Zoe is screaming at me to stop, but I can’t. I have to get Zak out of my head. I have to stop fighting between two different versions of myself. I have to take control over this whole thing I’ve made a mess of.

When I get his zipper down, I take a deep breath and close my eyes before pressing against him through his boxers. My stomach leaps off a cliff. Holy crap. I’m touching a guy’s penis. How did I get to this? Do I move my hand around? Or leave it here? Do I keep going downward?

Oh, I’m totally in over my head with this stuff.

“Um, Zoe?” Levi’s voice cracks, which makes me feel like maybe I’m doing something right even though I’m just pressing against him.

“Yes?”

“Is everything okay?”

That’s a bizarre question, given the position we’re in. Crap, I knew I wasn’t doing this right. I whip my hand out from his pants and go back to what I know how to do. Making out is just fine anyway. This whole thing is starting to remind me of what Cody did to me and it’s making me a bit sick.