How to Date a Nerd (8 page)

“Well, I’m sorry. I got scared. There are too many things to concentrate on. Shifting and the clutch, not to mention all the other stuff like the speed limit and you know, people in the road.” I shake my head, trying to get the smile off my face. “I can’t do this.”

“Relax, Zo. This is your first attempt. Everyone stalls. I still do sometimes.”

“There’s too much crap going on,” I say, folding my arms across my waist, my smile finally disappearing. I don’t feel like embarrassing myself anymore today. Especially in front of him.

“Tell you what. Put your hand on the shifter.”

I glare at him.

“Just do it. Trust me.”

I huff, but I slam my hand down on the stupid thing.

“Okay,” he says before setting his hand on mine. He weaves his fingers in between my own, and I swear I swallowed a drummer with the way my heart pounds in my throat. I steal a glance at him, and he looks like he’s about to sweat a rainstorm. “I-I’ll shift, you worry about the clutch.” He gulps and his grip tightens on my hand.

If he thinks this is less distracting, he’s dead wrong.

He goes to start the car for me again, leaning so close his breath tickles my neck. My head goes fuzzy as I picture him closing the distance between our bodies, forgetting I’m supposed to be doing something. His lips form words, but I don’t hear them. His scent is intoxicating, pulling me under. Holy crap! I’m going to pass out!

“Zo?”

“Huh?”

He chuckles. “Did you hear me?”

“Um, sorry what?”

“I need your foot on the clutch to start the car.”

I shake my head, wishing the fuzziness would wear off, but he smiles, and it makes everything blurry.

Somehow I concentrate enough to press my foot down. He starts the engine and leans back, taking the mouthwatering air with him. He moves my hand on the shifter.

“All right, take the Millennium Falcon into hyper drive.”

I chuckle and ease out the clutch. When the car moves this time, I don’t jump.

“What do I do when I get to the road?” I ask as I near the end of my driveway.

“Push down on the clutch, put your foot on the brake, and wait for me to shift.”

Whoa. Lot of words. “What?!”

“Don’t freak out. You’re doing fine.”

The car bumps off the curb as I turn onto the road. I try to remember what he said, but in my haste I put the clutch through the floor and slam on the brake.

At least the car’s still running.

Zak doesn’t say anything about my jerky stop, but purses his lips together and shakes with silent chuckles. He moves my hand.

“Do it again.”

If he means stall, I comply.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, it’ll happen more than once. Try again.” He leans over me to start the car. I consider stalling it on purpose if he’s going to come this close to me when I do.

I’m pretty good once the car gets going. Shifting from first to second to third isn’t as hard as when I come to a complete stop and start going again. I try to avoid stop signs and traffic lights.

“Pull into this parking lot,” Zak says pointing out my window.

I do, then park the car in a spot overlooking a giant field.

I cut the engine the way I’m supposed to this time. Zak releases his hold on my hand, and I realize how sweaty his must’ve been because the breeze instantly catches on my skin.

“Ready to do it by yourself?” he asks, gazing around the vacant lot. “Pretty sure you won’t kill anyone out here.”

I want to give him a playful punch in the arm, but I’m still too nervous slash exhilarated from the drive.

“Maybe in a minute.” Crap. My voice totally shakes.

“Are you okay?”

I nod.

“Really, you did just fine. Especially for your first time.”

I lean back on the headrest, taking deep breaths. If only he knew it isn’t just the driving making me all flustered and crazy.

The tension in the car must make him flustered too, because he stammers out his next question, which comes out of nowhere.

“So, you and Levi, huh?”

Chapter 9

Hi, Zoe. It’s Zoe. We haven’t spoken for a while.

“It’s not like that,” I say, opening my eyes and grinning. I can’t help but feel happy he’s interested, even though I feel more guilty about the whole make-out-with-random-guy thing.

“Not like what?”

“We’re not dating or anything.”

He puckers his forehead and his dark eyes narrow. Whoops, maybe not the right thing to say.

“You always kiss guys you aren’t dating?”

Yeah, definitely not the right thing to say. I can hear the double meaning behind the question and my insides turn to mulch. “It was just… a mistake. That’s all. I’ve had a bad week.”

That’s the understatement of the year.

“Want to talk about it?”

Yes. I want to be back in his living room with the Nintendo controller, spilling my guts about how fake and stupid I am, how Cody assaulted me, and how every night I cover myself and read comic books. But nothing escapes my tongue. It’s too much, and I’m not allowed to dump it on him. Since he’s not my friend and all.

“I’m sorry I asked,” he says, shifting in his seat. “I just—”

“Worry?” A smile forms on my lips, but I don’t look at him.

“Yeah.”

“Why?” I keep my eyes locked on a speck on the window.

“Why what?”

“Why do you worry about me?”

I hate it when he hesitates. Every breath I take during the silence I get more and more self-conscious and question why I say the stupid things I say.

“I dunno. I guess I-I’ll always worry about you, Zo.”

It doesn’t answer my question, but I don’t care. I can’t help the smile that glues onto my face as I finally look at him.

“Nice.”

He furrows his brow at my amused tone. “What?”

I poke his shoulder. “Episode 34?”

He raises his eyes to the ceiling and smirks. “Yeah. I think you’re right. I didn’t mean to steal the line, though. I meant it.”

I laugh and he smiles with me.

“I still can’t believe you remember all of it.”

“I don’t have amnesia. And it hasn’t been that long.”

He nods. “Feels like it has though.”

There he goes, sucking the fun out of the conversation again. I try to bring it back. “How was the documentary?”

“You really want to know? You did dive out my window to avoid it.”

Crap. Why do I fall so easily into Geek Zoe around him?

“No. Just trying small talk,” I lie.

He takes a deep breath, and starts picking at a hole in his jeans. “I’d much rather hear about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know that thing I walked in on? Did it contribute to your bad week?”

Yes, but I’m so not talking about it. “No.”

Yikes! I didn’t mean to sound so rude. Like, we were totally having a good time and I snap at him.

He leans back, his eyes a bit wide. “S-sorry. It’s none of my business.”

What the heck? It’s totally his business! I mean,
he
stopped Cody from… going further. I barked down
his
throat afterward. And he doesn’t look down on me because of it. He
worries
about me.

Why
does
he worry about me? It doesn’t make any sense! I ditched him. Kicked him right out of my life and kept him far from me so I wouldn’t have to endure High School Emotional Hell.

And it’s worked, for the most part.

Then Cody attacked me, and I’ve tried all my mightiest to forget about it.

But I haven’t forgotten.

At all.

And I haven’t talked to anyone either.

Tears prick the edges of my eyes, and I blink them back. No, no, no. I’m not going to cry, dang it. I will get through this without crying. That will make it seem like I’ve made a mistake by being Popular Zoe. Which I haven’t.

Right?

Taking a large gulp to rid my mouth of the building saliva, I huff out a barely audible response. “What you saw with Cody… it’s not usually like that.”

His neck turns toward me so fast I think his head may spin off. “What do you mean?” His tone is soft, soothing, full of concern. You know, all those emotions I don’t deserve.

“If you hadn’t come over, he would have… I’m pretty sure he was gonna…” Something in my voice box shuts down and I can’t keep going.

He leans forward, face inches away from mine. If he wants me to talk, this won’t help. I can barely concentrate with him so close.

“Why did you lie to me?”

I shrug.

“Zoe.” He puts his hands on mine. His skin feels so good and my inhibitions about everything, all of it, disappear. I
want
to talk to
him
. One-hundred percent as myself.

A shaky breath escapes my lips before I answer. “I was scared.” Oh gosh. Here comes the flood. I turn my face from him so he doesn’t see it starting. How can I explain what’s going through my mind? How can I tell him without crying? How…? Just… how?

“And I-I deserved it.”

His mouth pops open. “What did you say?”

“I said I was scared.” I know what he means, but I don’t want to repeat myself.

He leans back, letting go of my hands and kneading his forehead. “Tell me why you think you deserve to be sexually harassed.”

Honesty, Zoe.

“Because I’m a slut.” Because I let people believe I’m a slut. Cody probably thought I’d lead him straight to the vault, and when I didn’t—

“No you’re not.” His face flushes, like he shot off a comment without thinking. I raise my eyebrows. “I mean… I don’t think…”

My heart flutters as he tries to find the words. I let him off the hook because really, he’s giving me a lot more than he knows. And I’m being stupid anyway.

“Thank you.”

“For?”

I blink like crazy, trying to keep those cursed tears back, but I’m not successful. I’m crying, dang it. And I can’t stop. “For thinking more of me than I’m worth.”

Zak wipes my cheeks, which isn’t helping because I don’t freaking deserve his concern right now. So I cry harder.

“I’m sorry this happened to you,” he says, shaking as he goes to tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear, but can’t seem to get it right. I chuckle and he moves his hand to wipe the tears from my face again. I’m glad the shifter is between us. I think I’m about to lose it and crawl into his arms. I can’t do that without wanting more from him.

He drops his hand. “No matter what you think, you don’t deserve it.”

I open my mouth to argue but he cuts me off. “You. Don’t. Deserve. It.”

I nod, even though he’s only half right. I don’t deserve to be attacked, but Popular Zoe signed up for this reputation. That’s the price I pay for feeling accepted.

My tears turn to sniffles and Zak leans back. My body aches without him holding onto me and my bottom lip almost juts out.

Come back please. Just hold me a little longer.

The silence stretches between us, but it’s not awkward. I feel relieved, like I’m finally being myself for the first time in a long time. A breath of fresh air, a weight off my shoulders, and all those other good-feeling clichés.

He gulps and wipes his palms on his jeans. “You ready to get going?”

I sigh and look at the clock. It’s getting close to dinner, and I know Zak needs to get home, but I really don’t want him to.

“I guess.”

He chuckles. “Unless you want to grab something to eat?”

I want to. I really do. I want to sit with him and talk. Catch up, find out more about his life now, and talk Spiderman,
Star Trek
, Call of Duty, and everything else under the geeky sun. Maybe come up with a few kick-ass quantum theories.

But I can’t risk being seen with him. What would people think? I wish I could openly date him, or at least try, because I have no idea how deep his feelings go for me, especially after all the crap I’ve pulled. But I’m too terrified of high school becoming middle school all over again. Besides, Zak deserves someone way better than me. I can only imagine the swirling gossip, and especially since the conversation I had with Keira today, the repercussions of going out with him would chop the head off of my social status. That shouldn’t be what I’m concerned about when I’m with him. But just thinking about it all makes my heart kick-start into a fury and my breathing become freaky erratic.

Calm down, Zoe.

“No. You told your mom you’d be home for dinner. You don’t want to piss her off.”

“Then come over and eat.” He smirks at me and I roll my eyes. Another escape from the bathroom is not what I had in mind for tonight.

“Thanks, but I really should go home.”

“Okay. But you’re missing out on some good food.”

I’m sure I am. Mrs. Gibbons’ cooking is amazing from what I remember. But this whole thing has gone on long enough. Time to get back to the real world.

I turn the key, and smack my hand on the shifter. Zak buckles back up and sits there watching my arm as I try to shift.

“Um, hello?” I say giving up and waving my hand in front of him. “I still need your help.”

He laughs and laces his fingers with mine over the gearbox. “Just remember, I can’t hold your hand every time.”

But he gives me a little squeeze, letting me know he won’t mind if I ask him again.

Chapter 10

I can totally handle two personalities.

Oh. My. Gosh. That was one of the best afternoons of my life. Yes, I stalled the car about fifty times. Yes, I talked about my nasty ex-boyfriend. Yes, I bawled my eyes dry. But I can’t stop smiling. I thought I couldn’t like that nerdboy any more than I already did, but all the scrunched up queasy feelings turned into a riot in my belly the second he put his hand on mine.

Boy, am I in trouble.

And I’m totally on a high! I want to scream it out to someone. Dance around and squeal and do all that stuff girls do with their girlfriends when they meet THE guy. It totally sucks ’cause I can’t.

But I want to talk boys. Just to get it out. Make it official that I’m totally into him and then maybe I can push it away forever.

I blow up my cheeks and pull my laptop out.