How to Date a Nerd (18 page)

“Why wouldn’t you be able to?”

I shift, letting my legs fall, crossing them at the ankles. “Well, it’s not your favorite subject.”

“Uh…” He hesitates for like, three seconds before wrapping his arm around me again. “What do you want to know?”

I snuggle into his armpit, breathing in and trying not to be so obvious about it. But a moan slips out, and I snuggle farther into him to hide my face. “Like, has he tried to talk to you since that night?”

He shifts and I have to adjust so I don’t fall flat on my face. His ears burn as his hand pulls my waist back to where it was.

“Yeah, he has.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

His mouth turns up in a sort of smile. “I talked to Ariana about it—”

“Oh.” Yeah, I totally snap at him. That name sets my jealous teeth on edge.

“I was
going
to say, I talked to her, but you… you know how it is, you know? ’Cause you were there the first time around.”

I nod and the fire in my stomach starts to fade. Zak wipes his palm on his jeans before he reaches for my hand to play with my fingers.

“H-he came by my house.”

Oh shit. “What?”

“Yeah. Surprised the hell out of me.”

“When?”

He takes a deep breath. “Right after, uh, our second driving lesson.”

I shake off the discomfort crawling on my skin. That day sucked butt. I can’t believe how much worse it was for him. First dealing with me then having his prick father show up. Oh gosh. While he was talking to his dad I was deciding who to give access to “downstairs” Zoe.

“Um, so what happened?”

He tenses and I lean up to look in his dark eyes. His mouth twitches, and he takes another deep breath.

“Nothing really. I didn’t let him stay long.” He drops his gaze, and I scrunch my lips together.

“You’re lying. What happened?”

His cheeks blow up in mockery of me, and I pinch them together. Chuckling, he tucks me back into his side, hand trembling on my waist.

“He told me he was getting remarried, and he wanted to give us a heads up.” Zak pauses, and I toy with the zipper on his jacket. “I don’t know why. It’s not like he let us know anything before.”

His face goes a little red and I nod, unable to sort out what’s going through my mind and what’s actually happening. Zak’s dad is getting remarried. Holy starships! This is huge! And he didn’t say anything to me. Nada. Nil.

But he told Ariana.

Because
she’s
a good friend. Not ashamed of herself even though crap about her flies around school just as much as it does about Zak. Zit Face, Dragon Virgin, and a few names I’m not even gonna repeat in my head. And she’s not embarrassed to be seen with Zak in public, or to be with anyone from the D&D table.

Why can’t I be like that? Then Zak may have confided in me.

“Are you okay? I know that’s a stupid question but…” I stop, gauging his reaction. He’s almost laughing at me. A real smirk on his face, eyes not teary but sparkly. He pulls me in for a hug—well, a tighter hug—and kisses the top of my head before answering.

“I told you, I really am okay.” The vibrations from his voice rumble through my body, making me shiver. His hold tightens. “When he left, I always wondered if he’d ever try to come back. Weasel his way into my mom’s heart again and then shatter it. But he didn’t want that.”

My whole body freezes, remembering exactly what Zak had said to me last night. The comparison to his father, how we both want to be back in his life. But as he voices his relief that his dad is moving on, I can’t help but feel he doesn’t want me back. He’d rather I move on as well.

“Now I have some sort of closure.”

I nod, the rest of my body too frozen to move.

“Zo?”

“Um, yeah?” Oh crap, my voice is all crackled like I’ve been crying, and when I touch my face stupid tears are all over my cheeks.

“Hey.” He grabs my shoulders and pushes me back, examining my wet eyes. “What’s wrong?”

This is totally backwards. Zak’s handling everything all mature and crap, and I’m the one blubbering like a fool.

“It’s just…” I pause waiting to see whether my word vomit will push the frog out of my throat. It does. “You seem okay with him leaving this time, like you want it to happen. That your life is better without him.”

Zak nods, eyebrows pulled together, probably wondering why this upsets me.

“This morning, you said me and your dad were both trying to weasel our way back into your life.”

I actually see the light click on behind his eyes. Pulling me in again, he squeezes me so tight I envision all the tears and snot propel from all the holes in my face.

“Oh crap, Zo, that’s not what I meant. I hate myself for comparing you to him. I’ve regretted it since it came out.”

“So, you don’t think that?” I say into his shoulder.

“Not completely. I was upset and confused as hell. I’ve been trying to let you go because you’re so different than the girl I used to know. But then you are that girl sometimes, even if it’s just for a second, and I can’t help all the… feelings I have for you.”

He’s being honest, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. What if I’m not strong enough? If I let my weaknesses get the best of me? Let all the stares and the whispering trump my friendship with him?

“Maybe you’re better off without me in your life too.” Crap, it seems my mouth rules over my mind when he’s around. I pull away, folding my arms across my chest and wiping the tears from my cheeks. “I don’t want to put you through everything again.”

“Are you expecting to?” he asks, tears brimming in his eyes.

I shake my head furiously. “No. No. I don’t ever want to hurt you again. But Zak, I’m not perfect. What if I disappoint you? What if I fall short?”

“You’re trying aren’t you? I mean, that’s what this is right?”

I nod, but I can’t look at him.

“Please Zo,” he says reaching for me. “I can’t…I don’t
want
to lose both of you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whisper as he tucks his hand around my waist and pulls me into his side. “Not again.”

“I don’t want that either.”

The sorrow in his voice pushes me on his lap—it just happens. Can’t help it, because I can totally tell I’m hurting him right now. He seems somewhat surprised at my actions, but allows it. Taking a deep breath, I pull his head to lean against my shoulder and hug him so tightly I probably pop his eyeballs out. His breath hitches against my neck and a tear splashes the exposed skin on my chest.

He’s crying.

Oh crap. I was hoping one of us would hold it together. But darn it all, that’s not happening. I try to get the tears off my face while he holds me close and sobs into my shoulder. I stroke his hair, hoping I’m doing this right.

How did this happen? One second we’re laughing and smearing sauce on each other and the next…

I tug his hair, pulling him back so he’ll look at me. Attempting a smile, I wipe the tears from his cheeks and keep my hands there.

“Zak, I am sorry. About everything. With me. With your dad. I want to be here for you.” I press my forehead against his, keeping my eyes locked on those dark irises. “I promise. I won’t leave you alone again.”

And I mean it. I never want him to go through anything alone. His hand moves from my back, and he cups my neck, pulling me to his face.

“Ahem.”

My sigh is so loud, it’s nearly a growl as Ariana clacks her tongue behind us. Zak chuckles and pulls me close to whisper in my ear.

“We’ll finish this later.”

Chapter 23

Where did all these sympathetic feelings come from?

Zak helps me off him, my face going red as I look at Ariana. She’s got the you-killed-my-puppy look, but she’s glaring at him, not me.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Yeah right.

“Are you ready to go get those keys?” She’s still looking at Zak, and then it dawns on me. Is he leaving me here? To go with her? To get
my
extra key?

Zak nods and turns to face me, back turned to Ariana. I want to shoot her a “ha ha, you lose” sneer. But I hold it in as I look in his dark, dark eyes. Drool.

“I’ll keep an eye on your car, ’kay?”

“What?!” Both Ariana and I say at the same time. Zak throws his hands up like we’ve got a gun to his head.

“Well,” he stutters as he explains. “Zo, since the keys are in your house, you have to go get them. And since Ariana probably doesn’t want to sit here alone in the mountains, I think I should be the one who stays.”

He’s totally right and both of us know it. But that doesn’t mean we’re happy about it.

“Fine. Get in the car.” Ariana stomps around the truck and hops in, her glare never leaving my face. My lips curl in an evil smile, and I throw my arms around Zak, and plant a kiss right below his earlobe. She flips me off and I chuckle.

“What’s funny?” Zak pulls back, his whole face red as he touches the spot I kissed.

“Nothing. I’ll see you in a few.”

He gulps, bouncing on the balls of his feet and looking at the top of my head.

Oh just go for it, Zak.

I take a step toward him, and he lets out a cute nervous laugh before giving me a kiss on my forehead.

Instant goose bumps. I rub them out as he opens the truck door for me. The second my butt hits the seat, Ariana revs the engine and Zak has to hurry and close the door before she takes off down the bumpy road. I snap my seatbelt on, watching her shift as easily as Zak does.

“Where did you learn how to drive?” My voice bounces around with my body as she plows the truck across the dirt.

“Sorry, I don’t want to be in your presence for long.” She shifts again when we hit the smooth gravel and speeds down the mountain pass.

“I wasn’t talking about the
way
you’re driving. I meant where did you learn how to drive stick?”

“Same place you did.”

Jealousy crawls all over my body, igniting my face in what I imagine to be a bright shade of green. “Zak taught you?”

“Duh. That’s what I said.”

“How long ago?” What I really want to know is how long they’ve been so tight. I have no right to feel like she’s moving in my turf, since I totally abandoned Zak, but that’s exactly how I feel.

“Can we not talk?”

I fold my arms and press farther into the seat. “Fine. I’ll ask Zak when we get back.”

“Why do you care?” She shifts and throws me a nasty look. I knew she wouldn’t resist the bait. “He’s not yours to claim.”

“He’s not yours either,” I shoot back.

Her voice rises. “You need to leave him the hell alone. I’m
not
saying that because I want him to myself—”

“Yeah. Okay,” I say, rolling my eyes.

“I’m not! Not everyone is as selfish as you are. He’s going through a lot right now, and he doesn’t need a bitch like you hurting him. And that’s exactly what you’ll do. This is all a big game to you. Like you’re bored and he’s the only guy you haven’t nailed so you take advantage of it. Of him. I’m tired of seeing him upset because of the shit you pull. You’re going to make him think he has a chance, then drop him as soon as he pulls out his deck of Magic cards, or asks you to go to Comic-Con with him. Or even if he even speaks to you in the hall.”

She stops and catches her breath. I take it all in, knowing she has every reason to think these things. Still, I’m defensive and hurt. I’m ready to throw crap back at her, but I can’t think of any.

“What? No comment?” She says it so forcefully spit flies onto the steering wheel.

“I’m not playing a game,” I say through my teeth, looking out the window. “I’m trying to be his friend.”

“Yeah right.”

“I’m not! And don’t try and tell me there isn’t a tiny piece of you that wants me to leave him alone because you want him to yourself. It’s obvious you like him.”

“Yeah. I do.”

My head whips around so fast, I kink my neck. I really didn’t expect her to admit it.

“Why are you surprised? You said it was obvious.” She starts to pick at a scab on her face from a popped zit. I’m amazed she can do that while she’s driving.

“Does he know you like him?”

She barks out a laugh, putting her hand back on the gearbox. “Yes. But he’s still stuck on you from forever ago. Don’t ask me why. I don’t put him as someone who’s so shallow he just wants you for your skinny ass. Must be your
amazing
personality.” She tosses her eyes at the ceiling and shakes her head. “Guys are so stupid.”

I flinch like she’s slapped me across the face. “He’s stupid for liking me?”

“That’s what I said, wasn’t it?” She starts picking her face again. “You’re going to leave him all broken and shit. And I’m going to be the one cleaning it up, like I have been for the past two years.” Her voice changes, gets lower and hitches in all the right places to make me feel guilty. “Falling for someone who’s in love with his whore of a neighbor isn’t something I want to do over and over again.”

How the hell do I respond to this? I’m hurt and pissed, but the sadness in her tone catches me off guard. And I try not to think about what she’s going through, but I can’t help it. Liking someone who not only doesn’t like you back, but likes someone who’s totally treated him like dirt. Someone who shoved him aside like he didn’t mean anything. Ignored him, teased him, flirted with him only to send him cascading back into the same cycle. Then being the one he goes to for comfort. Rubbing his back and consoling him, not getting anything in return other than “you’re a good friend.”

“Hurry up.” Ariana pulls in my driveway and puts the truck in what I think is neutral.

I nod, not able to speak. I’m not even able to hate her for hating me. Because I kind of hate me too.

Chapter 24

Dad’s lap works as a confessional booth.

Hopin4lovin: how u feelin’ drinky? ;)

Zoester: sore. u?

Hopin4lovin: like shit. I kno we had plans to hang, but can we come over tmrrw?

Zoester: haha, I totally spaced. I wasn’t home 2nite n e wayz.