How to Date a Nerd (21 page)

He’d just make himself disappear.

The tears are coming. I can feel them prickle my eyes, and I gotta get out of here before they swarm my face.

“Okay, sorry.”

I turn to leave, but Fifth Period isn’t done talking to me.

“You get why, don’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Why you can’t play with us? You get it, right?”

No. Not really. But I don’t want to talk about it either. I can already hear the belts of laughter from my “stuck up bitch” table and also some pretty confused chatter from the other cliques in the school.

I shake my head, forcing back the air I want to fill my face up with and also the tears that beg to come out my eyes.

She stares me down, gnawing the inside of her cheek before she says something. “We’re not stupid. You mocking us or something? Because there’s no way Miss High-and-Mighty would ever talk to us unless she was making our lives hell.”

“I’m not mocking you.” My voice is quiet because I’m done talking, and I want to be alone. “I really wanted to play, but it’s no big deal.”

“Bianca,” Dan pipes up from the other end of the table. “Maybe we should let her. I mean, Zak’s and Ariana’s spots are open.”

That’s a piece of news I’m interested about. But I can’t ask because everyone else laughs at Dan’s suggestion, reminding him of all the stuff I’ve done. Stuff I wasn’t even aware of. How, yeah, I’ve made their lives at high school pretty darn hellish.

Shit, I have to get out of here stat.

No one even notices I’m leaving. Well, from that table. Everyone else does though. I hear Keira shouting at me from across the room, wondering what the hell I was doing. I try to ignore all the other whispers followed by stunned silence as I walk by different tables. It doesn’t work so well. It’s like I’ve been tied to a stake and sentenced to burn.

I hightail it straight to the bathrooms. I know it’s the most cliché thing in the freaking world, but I. Do. Not. Care. I want to cry it out before I get to last period.

And I do. Like, really let it out and I know I’m not even close to being done when the bell rings. Curse Popular Zoe for skipping so much class. If it wasn’t for the pending doom of expulsion leering over my head I’d go straight home.

Last period starts off with my ballsy move in the cafeteria and my resulting bloodshot eyes as the main topic of discussion. I sit in the back row praying to the Nerdy Gods to save me from this.

Mr. Sandstrom starts class and though it’s quieter now, it doesn’t stop the note passing or the stifled giggles from the recipients. I don’t see the note, they conveniently left me out of the loop today, but Ariana does. She doesn’t laugh either. She crumples it up and chucks it in her backpack. Not sure how to take that. She looks more pissed off than usual, but it doesn’t seem like she’s pissed at me. Her eyes are bloodshot too.

I bolt out the doors when the bell rings, ignoring Levi as he chases me to the car.

“Hey,” he says when he catches up, “are you okay?”

I nod and plaster a smile on so he’ll let me go home. I don’t want to be here anymore.

“Well, all right, but if you need someone to talk to—”

“Yeah, I know.” I give him a quick hug. I can’t talk to him about this stuff. I don’t think he’ll get it. Because he doesn’t really know me, even though he thinks he does. “Thanks.” Another fake smile and I hop in the car.

I stall another five times on the way home, and I don’t even make it in the house before crying. I collapse on the porch and bawl my eyes out.

I’ve really screwed up everything. I should’ve never pretended to be someone I’m not because now I don’t belong anywhere in school. The geeks hate me and the gods of high school think I’m a walking joke. And everyone else in between follows whatever crowd they want or shun everyone for being so judgmental. I don’t fit in, and now I’m alone.

“Zo?”

Zak plops down on the porch and pulls me in his lap.

Well, maybe not as alone as I thought.

Chapter 27

Some nerdy medicine.

“You want to talk about it?”

We’ve been sitting on my porch for a good hour or two. Sierra came home and asked what the crap was wrong, but Zak waved her in the house as another flood came out of my face. She listened, but came back with a bottle of water and tissues. I know it’s stupid to think that meant something, but it did to me.

My eyes are pretty dry now, and I shrug from Zak’s arms. He’s looking me in the eyes, but suddenly my humiliation and hurt turn to anger at him for not being around, and I sock him square in the stomach.

“Oof!”

“Where in the effing Jedis were you today Zakary Gibbons?!”

It takes him a minute to compose himself. “Sorry, Zo.” He clutches his stomach and takes another breather. “I tried to catch you in the hall between classes, but I couldn’t find you.”

“And lunch?” I raise an eyebrow even though I know I can’t do it right.

“I had to talk to Ariana.” He quickly jumps into his explanation after I give him the evilest glare I can muster. “She had to know where I stood with her, because… well, I dunno what exactly is going on with…”

He stops and his face fills with what looks like red paint.

Oh my gosh.

“With us?”

More red paint fills his face. “Is that lame?”

I chuckle and curl back into him because I’m
so
not angry anymore. He’s just so dang cute when he gets all embarrassed like that. “No. I had ‘the talk’,” I use my air quotes, “with Levi today too.”

He nods and squeezes my shoulders. “Well, I’m sorry I wasn’t at lunch. After I heard what happened, I felt like the crappiest friend ’cause I wasn’t there for you.”

I shrug. It’s not his fault.

“I honestly didn’t think you’d be waltzing up ready to play D&D.” He laughs. “Oh man, I
wish
they would’ve let you play. You would’ve owned it.”

He’s trying to make me feel better, I can tell, but I don’t feel better. In fact, I feel worse. Just a reminder of why they told me to leave them alone.

I get it now. I mean, the whole reason for my transformation in the first place was to escape all the people who made me feel like crap, like I wasn’t worth anything because of the stuff I was into. It was a “keep your enemies closer” kind of thing. And then I became exactly who I hated, making fun of and ignoring all my old friends because I was embarrassed of who they are.

They all hate me now. But I’m not mad. They have every right to hate me.

“Zak?”

“Hmm?”

“Why don’t
you
hate me?”

“What?”

I thought my eyes were dry, but they’re not. Another wave of tears piles up behind them. “Why don’t you hate me like everyone else does? I was even worse to you than I was to them, and you still… I mean, you’re sitting here holding me. Why?”

He doesn’t answer. He swipes away a single tear on my cheek with his forefinger and smirks, but still says nothing. Does he not have a reason? Or can he not find one?

“Why?” I ask again, blinking more tears out like crazy and shaking my head at my knees. “Why? Why? Why?” I slap my hands over my face and mumble into them. “I don’t deserve it. You. Your friendship. Your—”

“Are your parents home?”

That’s
what he has to say? Where’s Mr. Sensitivity?

“No. They’re always working, you know that.”

“Just wanted to be sure,” he says as he stands. He extends his hand out to me.

“Where are we going?”

I set my hand in his and he pulls me up.

“I’m answering your question.”

Now I’m the one who’s not saying anything as he tugs me inside, straight up to my room. When we get there, he gently sits me on the bed.

Holy Obi-Wan Kenobi, what is going through his brain? And please don’t let him see the birth control on my nightstand.

He goes to my shelf, the carefully constructed one hiding all my nerdy literature. Smiling, he slides the door open and grabs the heavy X-Men book. Is he telepathic or something? Because how the hell did he know what was hidden on that shelf?

“What are you doing?” I ask, ready to slam my bedroom door shut.

“Slide over.”

I do, still giving him the crazy confused and probably really stupid-looking stare. He grins as he sits next to me, then tosses the comforter over our heads.

“Zak?”

The flashlight brightens his face before it lands on the book sitting between us.

“I know you think I didn’t know,” he says, flipping through the pages and opening it to the middle of the book where there is a collage of all the X-Men, “but sometimes, you forget to shut your blinds.”

I’m only a little bit embarrassed, but mostly I can’t help but be totally flushed because I’m under the blankets with him and his very sexy scent.

“Zo, I don’t think I could ever hate you. You hurt me, but whenever I saw you grab one of those books and duck under here, I knew you were probably hurting too, and I’d let it go.”

Whoa. “Just like that?”

He snickers. “I guess I make it sound easier than it was. But yeah, I’d let it go because I knew it wasn’t the girl at school under this blanket. It was my friend.” He grabs my hand and plays with my fingers. Yeah, I like that a lot. It makes my arm grow goose bumps. “Does that answer your question?”

I’m ready to kiss the crap out of him. This is the sweetest thing in the whole entire freaking world! But instead I sigh and nod.
He
doesn’t hate me, which is amazing and more than I deserve, but everyone else wants me to run straight to the hell Popular Zoe originated from.

“What if I can’t do this? What if I chicken out and go back to being the total bitch I’ve been since we started high school?”

“Do you plan on doing that?”

I shake my head, lifting my shoulders a tad. “I have no idea what to expect anymore.”

It’s getting a little uncomfortable under here. Not the conversation, that part is totally fine, but it’s hot. I’m still wearing my jacket, but I don’t know if I want to take it off. I’ve been successful at hiding the nerdy attire underneath it all day so far.

He takes in a huge breath and lets it out of his mouth. My face gets covered with the smell of peppermint. It’s super delicious. I wish I wasn’t sweating a river.

“Why the X-Men?” he asks tugging the sleeve of my jacket. Okay, so now I know I’m obviously showing how hot I am. Or his super power is mind reading. Maybe he is telepathic.

“What?”

“Why this book?” He pulls the jacket off my shoulder, running his hand across my shoulder blades. I have to slurp back the drool piling in my mouth. “Why not the sisterhood of the what’s-it pants book? Or
The Notebook
? Or a book at all? Why read
this
book?”

My jacket’s off all the way now, and he runs the flashlight across my back, tracing patterns. I know he asked me something, but all I can think about is how amazing that feels.

“Zo?”

I shake my head clear and stare at the book. It’s dark with the flashlight now being run around my back, but I’ve memorized the picture. Why do I like this?

“’Cause it’s frakking awesome.”

He chuckles. “Why?”

“Zak…”

“Humor me.”

Gosh, I’d do anything for him right now. Even talk nerd with him.

“I dunno. I guess ’cause they are all totally hated for being different and still they fight to save the people who hate them, and that’s pretty heroic.” I pause before adding, “And they are all super badass!”

Zak barks out laughing, pausing the movement of the flashlight for a second. “Who’s your favorite?”

“You know who my favorite is.” I poke him in the chest. “You’re wearing his shirt.”

“Gambit?” he asks as he pulls the bottom of his shirt straight with his free hand.

“For real!” I flip to Gambit’s page in the book. I can’t see worth crap, but I know where it is. “I mean, look at him. Out of all the things he could use to charge and explode, he picks a deck of cards. I love it!”

“Hell yeah! That’s why I like him too.”

We keep laughing while he continues to play with my fingers with one hand and rubbing my back with the other.

“Why did you ask me that?” I ask after a few minutes.

“Well,” he says, glancing behind me, “I wanted to let you know you can talk about this stuff with me. You don’t have to hide it.” The light clicks off, but it’s not dark. My Green Lantern design on the back of my T-shirt lights up the space under the comforter. Is that what he was doing back there? Gosh, I’m so stupid. I should’ve picked up on that.

“How’d you know what shirt I had on?” I smile.

“I have the same one, silly girl.”

Oh, that’s right. I guess it’s not the most subtle green. I slip my hands inside my sleeves and move the shirt around so I’m wearing it backwards, but it’s brighter under the covers now.

“You don’t think I’m a major dork for wearing this to school?”

He laughs and pulls me into his side. “I actually think it’s way, uh, s-sexy.”

Sexy? Did not expect that one. But then I think about him in his Gambit shirt, his blue plaid over it, his holey jeans and damn it, he’s beyond sexy.

“Just wait till I start speaking Elvish.”

He tucks my face between his palms and laughs. His eyes are so bright, something I haven’t seen from him in a long time. Like he’s super duper freaking happy. He’s still chuckling when he says, “I’ve missed you.”

Gah! He had to say that, didn’t he? I lean in to kiss those darn beautiful lips, but stop myself. I’ve made this mistake twice before due to my horrible timing with this sort of thing. And it’s…I mean it can’t be right kissing him because I haven’t proven anything. Only that I’m still that self-conscious girl who can’t handle being made fun of. Even worse, I’m ready to go back to being the total popular beast because it’s seems like the easy way out at this point.

Okay, so maybe that’s not entirely true. Being popular isn’t easy when you have to hide who you really are.

My eyes start filling up again, and Zak’s mouth pops open.

“Hey, I-I didn’t mean… I’m sorry if that was the wrong thing to say.”