How to Date a Nerd (23 page)

Holy hell, that was hot.

“Get your sleepy butt out of bed,” he says, smirking at my messed up hair, “you owe me a ride to school.”

I don’t even look at the clock before standing up on the bed and leaping into his arms. He lets out an “Oof!” as I almost knock him on his ass.

“I owe you a ride, huh?” I ask, keeping my legs wrapped around his waist, but pulling back so I can see his wicked hot face. “How do you figure?”

He shifts my weight, but keeps a hold of me. His cheeks are super flushed and I get all giddy. It’s so freaking awesome I can make him as crazy nervous as he makes me.

“I drove you to school when you didn’t have a car, right?”

“Yes.” I hop off him, though I really don’t want to. I run my hands on the inside of his plaid overshirt. “What’s wrong with your car?”

“Nothing. My mom had to take it today. Hers is at the shop.”

He leans in, sending waves of peppermint in my face. Oh dude, he can’t kiss me right now because I’ve got major morning breath. Didn’t help I had a midnight snack of Parmesan artisan chips either.

I take a step back, trying to be discreet about covering my mouth. “Well, wait downstairs Mr. Impatient.”

After I shove him playfully out the door, I develop supersonic speed. I’m dressed and ready to go in less than five minutes.

“Another jacket?” Zak asks as I descend the stairs. I know it’s like a thousand degrees outside, but I don’t care.

“Baby steps.” I wink, and he rolls his eyes.

Zak’s a major gentleman, as always. Opens my door for me, holds my hand on the shifter, but only after he asks permission, and when we get to school, he warns me before we get out of the car he’s not going to pressure me into anything I’m not comfortable with.

Normally, when a boy says this it means sex, but I know he means all the simple things. Holding hands, kissing, heck, even talking to him before I’m ready.

I’m one helluva lucky girl.

“Zo?” Zak grabs my arm before I can get out of the car. “I’m about to say something that’s going to sound egotistical and cocky, but I have to ask.”

“Nice disclaimer.” I laugh. “Go for it.”

He takes a huge breath and doesn't look at me. “You sure about this?”

I raise my eyebrows and stifle a grin. “Um, sure about what?”

“This.” He waves his hand between us. Oh gosh, is he asking what I think he's asking?

“Zak?”

 “Sorry,” he says to his lap, “I just know how it is.”

Wait, huh? “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t think I ever told you I understood why you did what you did. Why you changed. Because I get it. Trust me. Some days, it… hell, it sucks.”

He’s still talking to his lap and I’m gagging on my tongue. He always seemed so cool with how he’s treated. I never thought about it hurting him at all because he never showed it. But being the target for everyone’s insults is something I can definitely relate to.

“I know what you’re giving up. And I have to make sure, is it only because of me?”

I still can’t find my voice and when he looks up, I’m pretty sure my face looks super dumb.

“Sorry. I know it’s stupid for me to think you’d be willing to risk social suicide for someone like me. Forget I asked.”

“It’s not stupid.” I grab his hand and tuck my fingers between his. “You
were
the reason. At first.”

He cocks his eyebrow, making me temporarily lose my train of thought. He’s got to teach me how to do that. “Please tell me I’m not the reason now. I’d be a hypocritical shite if that’s the case.”

“How so?”

“Asking you to change yourself to impress me.”

I laugh and squeeze his hand. “Zak, I’m totally jealous of you. You deal with people giving you crap every day, but you don’t change yourself to please them. And you shouldn’t have to either, because, well, you’re frakking awesome.” I pause while he sort of laughs. He’s totally nervous, and it’s not helping my nerves at all. How do I explain this?

“I kept asking myself why I couldn’t do that. Ignore what people thought of me and be myself. You were…
are
the only person who knows who I really am and you like me for it. You make me, I dunno, proud to be a total dork.

“So, yeah, you’re part of the reason still, but I’m not doing this just for you. I’m doing this for a lot of people. Myself included.”

Mom and Dad, especially Dad. When I briefly peeked in his room to see if he was at work or sleeping still, I was happy to see him tucked in bed, snoring so loud I’m surprised the house hadn’t crumbled into a million pieces. He’s so awesome to do what he does for us. And he could totally get an office job if he wanted. He’s smart and good with people, but he said he likes what he does even if it doesn’t pay as much as he’d like it to or gets him the respect I freaking know he deserves. But even though I hardly ever see him, when I do, I can tell he’s happy. I totally want that too.

Sierra. After talking to her last night and seeing the look on her face, she’s so scared to go against the crowd. If anything I’ve got to prove to her that even though it’s scary, it’s worth it. But to be honest, I still have to prove that to myself.

Zak. Yes, he is still part of the reason. I’ve hurt the guy way too much, and he’s my friend dang it. Hopefully way more than my friend. I’m freakishly and obsessively in love with him. I don’t know if he’s quite there with me yet, since I’ve metaphorically Force-choked him over the past couple years, but I don’t care. I love him. So I shouldn’t be ashamed of him anymore.

And me. Yes, I
have
to do this for me. Geek Zoe. Just like my dad said, there will always be people who don’t understand who I am or what I choose to do with my life. But screw ’em. I totally get what I’m about to lose today when I walk through those doors. But unlike yesterday I won’t let the whispers and the laughs get to me. If I get picked on, I better develop a tough skin. Like Ariana and Fifth Period Bianca. They don’t take crap from anyone.

Besides, what I’m losing couldn’t possibly add up to what I’m gaining. Like my dad said, erase the parts that make me unhappy. I guess that means emphasizing the parts that do. So that means
Harry Potter
,
Dr. Who
,
Lord of the Rings
, and all my comic-book buddies need to know I’m not embarrassed of them, either. Geek Zoe makes me happy.

Zak leans over and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. Just like in
Zombieland
. I get giddy over it.

“You promise?”

I put my forehead against his. “I promise.”

***

7:30. I sit in the front of the class so I don’t see the continued note passing from the cafeteria display yesterday. Apparently it’s still a hot topic. That and “Zoe spotted in the same car as Dork Lord” flew around the school like the info was carried via Firebolt.

But sitting in the front helps. I try to think of what’s in front of me rather than what’s going on behind me.

9:10. I see Zak in the hallway, he’s busting it to class. I wave and give him a quick hug, then bolt to my class. A few people see the display of affection, getting slack-jawed and wide-eyed. Nothing I can’t handle. Besides, hugging Zak sends the “I’m totally in love with this guy” butterflies through my stomach instead of the “Oh my gosh, what if someone sees us?” butterflies. That’s good, right? Progress.

10:45. Hope drags me into the bathroom between classes and begs me to tell her what is going on.

“Keira’s saying you wanted to sit at the Nerd-O table yesterday at lunch. Then today you show up with King Dork Dax or whatever his name is. Are you feeling okay?”

I smile at my best friend, hoping she’ll get it, and she’s still got my back like she said.

“His name is Zak. And he’s the guy I’ve been telling you about.”

All the air rushes out of her tiny frame, and she clutches the sink to keep from falling. “Oh. My. Hell.”

“Are you okay?” I ask, stifling a laugh and holding her arm.

“What universe have I stumbled into?” she asks, poking my face as if I’m some sort of apparition. “Who are you?”

“Knock it off.” I grin and bat her hand away.

“I just… I can’t believe it.” She shakes her head, her eyes still way wide. “How long have you been banging your next-door neighbor?”

“I’m not sleeping with him.” I sigh, wishing this conversation would go better. Hope has always been so cool about everything, but now she’s looking at me with shock and disgust. So not what I expected. “I just
really
like him.”

“Oh my gosh. Is this what you were trying to talk to me about the other day on IM?” She sets her hands on my shoulders. “You want to commit social suicide for… for
him?
”

What is it with people saying I’m committing suicide here? Oh crap, maybe I can’t… no, I have to do this. I have to stop being so damn self-conscious.

“I’m not doing it for him,” I whisper. “Hope, do you seriously not remember who I was in middle school?”

She doesn’t answer.

“Well, let’s just say Head Dork wasn’t Zak, it was me. And I’m still into that stuff.”

She starts prodding my face again. I shove her hand away.

“Are you serious?” she asks. “Or is this some bizarre not-so-funny joke you and Keira are trying to pull?”

I push back the tears starting to form behind my eyes. I get why she’s acting like this, and at least she isn’t laughing at me, but I wish she’d take me into a hug and tell me it doesn’t matter to her. I can’t help but feel I’m ending a friendship.

“It’s not a joke. I’m sorry I haven’t been totally honest with you about this, but you can see why I wasn’t. There’s no way in hell you would’ve ever been my friend if you knew I was a closet nerd.”

I wait for her to argue, or to tell me something encouraging like, “You’ll always be my peep. No worries!” But she doesn’t. She doesn’t say anything. I leave before I really start crying.

Now I know how it feels when your best friend is embarrassed by you.

Karma’s a bitch.

Chapter 30

Apparently, I don’t do things half-assed.

If the conversation with Hope hadn’t happened, I probably would feel a little more confident right now.

Well, maybe not. Keira and Hunter are laughing while stealing glances in my direction. BJ ignores everything except Keira’s exploding cleavage. Cody’s at the other end of the cafeteria with some sophomore girl on his lap, head cocked as if to say, “Take a look at what you’re missing!” Everyone else in the cafeteria looks at me standing in the doorway, some pointing and whispering to their friends while others just wait.

What is she gonna do today?

I’m looking for Zak. He’s not at the D&D table, but Ariana is, so he’s not with her. I wish there weren’t so many people in my school. Almost all eyeballs are on me, but I can’t seem to find those dark beauties in the crowd.

“Hey, whore!” Keira giggles from across the cafeteria. “Get your ass over here before you get sucked into Loserville again.”

The whole table laughs at Keira’s “clever” insult while the D&D crowd rolls their eyes. Bianca gives me the look like, “don’t you even think about coming over here again or I’ll pummel your ass” and everyone else looks at me, waiting to see what I’ll do.

This is what I see.

Popular Zoe, sitting with her group of friends in her skankiest dress-code-allowed skirt. The boys are all fawning over her while the girls ache to be her. Keira’s getting greener by the second as Hunter glides his hands all over Popular Zoe, and she shows nothing but indifference. The things people say behind her back aren’t true so they hurt less. They hurt… but less.

Geek Zoe, sitting at the D&D table totally zoned into the game. She makes a move that everyone goes “ooooh!” over. She’s wearing her favorite Spiderman shirt and does a victory dance which makes people passing by totally make fun of her. But she lets it roll right off her because the other players are laughing and dancing too. This is how it’d be if Geek Zoe had beaten Popular Zoe down before high school started.

The biggest difference I see?

Someone who isn’t me vs. someone who is.

I shake my head, trying to clear everything in it. When I open my eyes, I see him. Zak walks in the doors that lead to the bleachers and outside tables. He gives me a small smile when he catches my eyes, but doesn’t move.

There are a million people between us. I can’t make a straight line to his arms, but they aren’t my destination right now anyway.

I march right up to a table in the center of the cafeteria. People are sitting at it, but I don’t care. I climb on top and look at my audience, which is now half the student body. Everyone is telling their friends to look in my direction, some already laughing, but most are gaping at me.

My cheeks blow up, and I start doing Darth Vader breaths again.
Remind yourself why you’re doing this, Zoe! You’re tired. You’re so tired of being someone you’re not. You’re tired of being afraid. You’re tired of everything. Just do it! Like a friggin’ Band-Aid!

I unzip my jacket and toss it on the floor. Here I stand in my bright blue Superman shirt.

“The
Star Trek
franchise includes six series:
The Original Series
,
The Animated Series
,
The Next Generation
,
Deep Space Nine
,
Voyager
, and
Enterprise
, totaling 726 episodes.”

The cafeteria is dead silent and my heart is pumping in my throat, but I keep going.

“Tom Baker, who occupied the Tardis between 1974 and 1981, is the longest-serving doctor on
Dr. Who
. In
Harry Potter
, dragon’s blood is an effective oven cleaner. Yoda is sixty-six centimeters tall, but still one of the most powerful Jedis of all time.”

My cheeks blow up as I cast my eyes around the room, spotting Levi near the pizza line, twirling his drumsticks. He’s grinning at me, but it’s not one of those grins like he’s making fun of me. He’s smiling like now he
gets
it. Why I was “lost.” He rolls his drumstick in the air, telling me to keep going.