Hurting To Feel (Carpool Dolls) (16 page)

Then
his hands disappeared, and she turned her head to find out where he was going,
and screamed at the electric shock on her butt cheek. She quickly buried her
face in the mattress.
Oh, my God. He bit me!

Wet
warmth stroked the sting off that particular part of her body. She sighed. The
difference in touch soothed her into relaxing.

Then
his mouth was on her, licking the length of her, from clit to ass. One swipe.
Two. Three. She panted against the comforter, reaching for the relief and yet
wanting it to last forever. She rocked back against his face in rhythm with his
tongue.

"Oh,
God." She groaned.

As
if punishing her, he stopped and moved away. She lunged backward, searching for
contact. Her pussy throbbed, wet and oh-God-so hot. Nathan's hands went around
her waist and she found herself on her back, staring up into his face.

"I
am the only one who will give you what you want," he said.

She
gasped. In that one second, her body vibrating, she believed him. "O-okay."

He
held out her hand, and she let him guide her off the bed. He remained sitting
on the edge. Sometime between kneeling on the floor and lying on the bed, he'd
lost his pants.

With
only his white dress shirt, black tie, black socks, and his cock hard and
glorious, he lifted her onto his lap. She straddled his legs, planting her
knees on the mattress. He removed her hands from his shoulders, stripped off
his tie, and bound her arms in front of him.

"Put
your hands over my head," he said.

She
put her hands behind his neck and watched him undo every button on his shirt.
After he pulled the material to the side, he grasped her waist and settled her
on his cock. Her head fell back as he filled her.

Instead
of letting her move, he simply held her down on him. Together, they still,
staring, waiting, until he blinked. Then he held her hip while reaching between
them to rub her clitoris. Unable to hold still, she gyrated atop him and stayed
fully connected.

"Wrap
your legs around my back." He put his mouth on her neck and sucked hard.

As
she locked her ankles, her pussy spasmed and this close, this tight, she felt
his cock throb inside of her. What he was doing with his hand, his mouth, his
body, could've been written in her personal sex manual about everything she
enjoyed.

In
this position, she couldn't move. She depended on him to give her pleasure.

"I
want you to come, doll," he said against her skin.

The
vibration of his words, the heat of his breath in her ear, along with his
permission, she let her body go. Every muscle constricted, drawing all the
blood to between her legs. Her hands went to sleep, her head grew dizzy, and
her breath escaped her as she ground against him, riding his cock, rubbing
against his fingers.

She
panted, unable to stop the direction she was going now that he let her have her
freedom. Then her world exploded. Her thighs clamped down on him. Her head went
back and she screamed his name as a flood of rejoice coursed through her soul.

His
hands palmed her hips, forcing her still. Through the racking shudders and
sensitivity of her orgasm, she lost control again when his cock pumped his
release in her. He sucked in his breath, his eyes locking with hers. She laid
her forehead against his and hung on.

When
they both caught their breath, Nathan lifted her off him and laid her down.
"I'll be right back."

Unable
to keep her eyes open any longer, she snuggled against the pillow and sighed in
contentment. Not much later, she became aware of warmth between her legs. She
blinked at Nathan, sitting on the edge of the bed, washing her.

He
wasn't aware of her watching, and she took the moment to soak him all in.
Earlier, his fierceness frightened her, but there was something else there that
she saw when he wasn't aware. Softness to his mouth, and concern in his gaze
reached out and stroked her heart.

He
leaned closer over her lower body. She held her breath, but when he kissed each
of the bruises marring her skin, she reached down and slid her fingers through
his hair.

"I'm
okay," she whispered.

His
gaze came toward her and once again, the curtain over his emotions snapped into
place. She lost him. She moistened her lips. "Come to bed."

Settled,
wrapped in his arms, she closed her eyes again. In the dark, she found enough bravery
to accept what she wanted. "Nathan?"

"Hm?"

She
held his arms to her bare chest. "I'll do what you want me to do,"
she whispered.

Afraid
of losing him to the side he kept to himself when they weren't having sex; she
was determined to give him permission to use her as he wanted. To disobey him
was too big of a risk. She couldn't lose him.

Chapter
Eighteen

One
of the grocery sacks slipped from Addison's grasp, and she leaned against the
door to keep the eggs from breaking. "Nathan!"

He
ran around the corner and lunged for the bag. "Got it."

"Whew."
She laughed. "Breakfast tomorrow is saved."

He
peered inside. "What all did you buy?"

"Everything."
She walked past him on the way to the kitchen. "There are more groceries
in the car. I took stock of your cabinets last night, and from now on we're
eating home at least three nights a week."

After
one full week of staying with Nathan every night, she refused to order food in
again. She picked the egg carton out of the sack.

He
lifted a box of noodles and shook the container. "You like to cook?"

"Yeah."
She opened the fridge. "It's relaxing to me and better for us if we stay
away from restaurant food if we can. Haven't you paid attention to the reports?
Everyone's cholesterol is sky high these days because of processed and fast
food. Think of it as extending your life."

He
growled or groaned, she wasn't sure. She turned around. "What?"

"I
never think about what'll happen to me tomorrow." He opened up a bag of
chocolate chips she'd bought and ripped it open. After pouring some in his
mouth, he grinned. "I'm sort of a live for the moment kind of guy."

She
hid the hurt his confession caused. "I'll go out and get the other–"

"I'll
get the groceries." He dug a few more chocolate bits out of the bag and
winked. "I'm hungry. I hope you bought more junk food."

"We're
going healthy. I'll get started on dinner once I have everything put
away." She carried a sack to the pantry.

Hidden
from his view, she stacked the supplies she bought and stood back at the homey
scene in front of her. How ironic to plan for a future with Nathan when he had
no idea she belonged in his tomorrow. She understood his way of dealing with
life and not worrying if he'd clog his arteries, but he wasn't alone anymore.
He included her in his day-to-day life and his tomorrow, whether he admitted it
or not.

Having
never been good enough to please her mom, and denied by her father, she sought
someone who wanted to claim her forever. She understood more about why she'd
acted positively toward Nathan's treatment toward her. In a sick way, she
excused her behavior because the benefits outweighed the bad.

No
one touched her growing up. No hugs, no goodnight kisses, no lingering hand on
her forehead when she'd gotten sick. Whether Nathan showed her a firm hand or
held her tenderly at night, a touch was a touch.

"Hey,"
he called from the other room.

She
walked out of the pantry and shut the door. "Can I ask you
something?"

"Yeah,"
he said, depositing the sacks on the counter.

"Do
you think less of me, I mean when we're not having sex, because I enjoy letting
you do whatever you want with me?" She pulled one of the bags closer to
her. "Forget that you want me to deal with your temper and the need to
have your life just so. I'm talking about if you only knew me as the owner of
Carpool Dolls, and you knew some other guy was–"

"There
is no other guy in your life," he said.

"I
know that. I'm just creating a scene for you to understand what I'm asking.
Pretend you knew that Joe Blow smacked me around. Would you still think I'm a
successful business owner and respect what I've done in my life?" She
removed the produce from the plastic sacks and set the vegetables on the
counter by the sink.

"It'd
be none of my business." He dug through the bag. "Did you buy any
chips?"

"No."
She sighed heavily. "The thing is, if I knew…say Joan, Lilly's mom, had a
boyfriend and I noticed bruises or heard rumors her male friend hurt her, I'd
talk to her. I'd worry. I'd do anything in my power to help her get away from
him."

"You
wouldn't do a thing, because it's none of your business." He braced his
hands on the counter. "I thought we were clear on this particular subject.
You won't go back to the camp."

"I
know. I did, and I won't go since you promised to check in on them for me, but
I want you to think about my question. It has to do with you and me, not Joan.
I was only using her as an example." She folded the paper sack.

"There
was no question. Our relationship is no one's business. You don't divulge anything
about what happens between us to others. I don't see what your problem
is," he said.

She
took a skillet from the overhead hanger and clanked it against the burner of
the stove. "Because it's wrong, Nathan."

He
wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. "It's new. Give me time to
show you."

"You
keep saying that," she whispered. "I'll never understand. If I fell
down and skinned my knee, there's nothing enjoyable about the experience. If a
stranger came up and slapped me in the face or tied me up and fucked me, I'd first
be shocked, then hurt, and finally scared. I'd run away fast and call the
police. God, if one of my clients acted the way you do toward one of my dolls,
I'd have him arrested."

"You
don't get it, because you've never had someone show you." He nibbled her
neck. "What are you doing right now?"

"What?"
She shook her head. "I'm talking–"

"Not
that. What are you doing with the pan?" he said.

She
lifted her hands in a helpless motion. "I'm going to brown the ground
beef. We're having tacos."

He
pulled her away from the stove. "Later. Right now, I want you to go in my
office, go online and look up BDSM, paying clode attention to the S and M."

"I
know what that is." She rolled her eyes. "That doesn't tell me why
I'm not thinking straight, or why I can be perfectly normal up until now."

He
picked up the package of meat, put it on the shelf in the fridge, and closed
the door. "Come on, I'll show you."

"This
isn't necessary," she muttered, trailing behind him. "You do know
there's a club a few blocks from the Pearl District on the other side of the
river who cater to couples in the BDSM scene. I'm not one of them. Don't even
think about asking me to go with you or force me to have others watch you–"

"That's
not funny." He glared over his shoulder. "I don't share. Ever. I'm
nothing like them."

"Thank
God you have boundaries," she mumbled, sarcastically.

She
stood behind him as he powered up the computer and surfed through websites. She
couldn't even grasp what she saw or understand the few snatches of writing she
caught before he scrolled away. Giving up, she walked to the window and peered
out.

From
the backside of the house, she had a view of the Willamette River and the
Freemont Bridge. Lilly came to mind, and she wondered how the child was
fairing. She hoped the antibiotics she received under the counter from the
woman's shelter were working.

She'd
know more in two days. Nathan promised to visit the camp and check up on Joan
and Lilly for her, and explain why she couldn't visit. Maybe Nathan was right,
and keeping her distance might draw Joan to the office. She sure hoped so.

"Doll?"
He stood and held the chair out for her. "Read this."

She
returned to his side, stuck her lower lip out, and blew her hair out of her
face. Asking her to read up on a subject that had nothing to do with her was
like requesting an atheist to read the bible.

Unless
having sex was a sin, which it probably was. At least the kind they had.

"Whatever.
I just wish you'd listen to me instead of always trying to show me." She
scanned the page, noticing there were no pictures.

At
the top of the page, she read 'What is a Sadist?'
Shit.

She
plopped her elbow on the desk

Halfway
through the article, she scrolled further, wanting to know more. Her hand,
clammy and shaky, accidently clicked the mouse taking her off the page. Her
heart pounded, and she found her way back.

My,
God.