In a Heartbeat (Heartbeat #1) (40 page)

“What do you want to do?” Stella asked, her voice low and unsteady. Max wrapped his arms more tightly around her and nipped her earlobe.

“I want to be inside you. Badly. And then I want you sleeping snuggled beside me.”

A shiver ran along Stella’s whole body like a giant Mexican wave. Max noticed it and his breath caught. Before she could react, he was on his feet and she was in his arms.

*

The moment Max scooped Stella up in his arms and she stared at him with those amazing wolfish eyes, he almost told her everything that was weighing down on him – how much he loved her; how much he needed her; how much he needed her to need him. Instead, he kissed her as she linked her hands behind his neck, and took her to the bedroom.

When he laid her on the bed, something in her gaze shifted. As if she wanted to tell him the same things he craved to say. As if she didn’t want this to end either.

Say it, Stella, please, say it. Say you love me. Say you want me. Say you won’t leave.

He chanted those words over and over in his head, hoping she could read his mind.

Stella remained silent for too long before she closed her eyes and frowned. When she opened them, whatever was there seconds ago was gone. All Max saw now was desire and desperation.

He didn’t want to think anymore. What he wanted was right there, lying on the bed underneath him. Max claimed Stella’s mouth in a fierce kiss and she responded immediately, grabbing his nape and pulling him to her. She needed this as urgently as he did. He’d be slow and gentle with her later, but right now he wanted to bury himself inside her and forget about the future.

Half an hour later, panting and breathless, Max held Stella in his arms and tried to calm his body and his mind by listening to her uneven breathing. Her chest was crashed against his and he could feel the rapid beating of her heart which matched his own. Neither of them had said a word since they got to the bedroom. They had expressed how they felt about each other without talking. While words could be held back, actions didn’t lie.

The connection they shared was much deeper than words. Max felt Stella was as much a part of him as his own soul. She was something that was permanently engraved in his very being. Without her he’d never be whole.

He knew she felt the same way. He’d seen it in her eyes, heard it in her heartbeat, felt it in her hot breath against his skin. If she wasn’t ready to say it yet, then so be it. Max wouldn’t pressure her into expressing her feelings with words. However, he
would
pressure her into staying with him.

Leaving was not an option any longer.

Maybe it never had been.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” he asked, when their breathing had slowed down enough to form words. Stella stiffened beside him and he caressed the straight line of her back to relax her.

“I haven’t really thought about it.”

Liar.

“Well, think about it now. Do you think it’s possible to love someone the moment you see them?”

“Probably not. To be attracted to someone, sure. But love? Doesn’t that take time?” Stella tilted her head up to look into Max’s eyes.

“Here’s my theory: I think if you get this insane attraction to someone, it couldn’t be just physical. You think it’s physical, because to you that person is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen – but it can’t be. And I’m not talking about just any attraction; there are many good-looking people we meet every day and surely we’re attracted to some of them, wouldn’t mind to get to know them, have sex with them. I’m talking about that intense attraction that suffocates you when the person in question leaves your sight. That’s not physical. The human brain is a bit slow and needs time to catch up with what our heart already knows. When – or rather if – we’re lucky enough to meet someone who captures our heart the moment we lay eyes on them, we feel primal, physical attraction to them that’s so strong it doesn’t wear off easily. That way our brain has time to catch up and realise that this is the person you can’t live without. That’s the person who completes you.” Max looked down at Stella, who was watching him in awe. “That’s the one for me.” He said the last words while staring right into her eyes, saying them to her, but giving her the option of thinking he was just finishing his train of thought.

Stella swallowed slowly, licked her dry lips and cast her eyes down. She snuggled closer to Max, burying her nose in his neck.

“You’ve thought about this a lot,” she whispered.

“My dad always used to say that he loved my mum the moment he saw her. When I was younger I thought that wasn’t possible. Then, after he died, I replayed our conversations over and over again in my head. I could talk to him about anything, and he always had something interesting and unconventional to say. I thought about the connection he and my mother shared. It wasn’t something personal – it was something that could be felt by everyone around them and it made me dwell on it, analyse it, believe in it.” Suddenly, Max couldn’t control his words any longer. What he felt for Stella wanted to burst out of him and if he didn’t let it, it would shred him to pieces. “I couldn’t truly believe in it until I felt it myself.”

Stella still had her nose buried in his neck and Max tilted her chin up with his index finger so that he could see her reaction to what he’d just said. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears and there was fear in them. Why was she so afraid of hearing that he loved her? Especially if she felt the same way?

A tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek. He’d be damned if he’d wanted to make her cry. All he wanted was to make her happy, not scared and sad. That was enough to push everything else he wanted to say inside and lock it behind a solid door.

“Don’t cry, please,
tesoro
; don’t cry,” he whispered and kissed a trail along her cheek where her tear had left a damp streak. When he reached the corner of her mouth, Stella turned her head slightly and crashed her lips to his. Her kiss was frenzied, desperate. Forcing himself to not lose control and give in to her passion, Max slowed their lips down, gently exploring her mouth with his tongue, calming her desire. He slid his hand along her back, cupping her backside and making her groan heavily. Stella tried to take control again and push him onto his back with her on top; but Max resisted, turning her on her back instead and pressing her down with his body.

“We do this my way now. I’m going to make love to you slowly until you melt in my hands,” he said huskily. Stella bit her lower lip and her grey eyes glazed over with need. “If you don’t want to hear how I feel – fine. I’m going to show you.”

He didn’t give her time to react or respond. Dipping his head down, Max kissed her until she moaned against his lips.

By the end of the night he was pretty sure Stella knew exactly how he felt about her. The fear in her eyes was gone and he saw hope replace it, just before she drifted off to a peaceful sleep in his arms.

Chapter Thirty Three

The next ten days passed in a blur. Stella barely saw her mother, because Niki took her to Milan, Turin, Venice, Verona, Tuscany and God knows where else. Every time they got back home, both women were glowing with happiness. Helen had said numerous times that if any of them wanted to join them, they were welcome. Lisa had refused because of work commitments, allegedly, but Stella suspected she was anxious about Gino. She’d gone to visit him a lot more often during those past two weeks, but refused to talk about it. Stella hated that her stubborn cousin was suffering on her own, but if she didn’t want to talk, she couldn’t make her. Keeping such a huge secret from her mum was also weighing Lisa down, and Stella had noticed how she had distanced herself from Niki, trying to keep her at arm’s length.

Stella had spent all her time with Max. He gave her a couple more driving lessons, which she had actually enjoyed this time. She still wasn’t sure if she’d ever try to get a driving licence, but since she was having fun and getting to make out with Max in the car afterwards, Stella decided not to think about it and to just enjoy the moment.

He’d also taken her to his boat a few times. He’d anchor it somewhere secluded and they’d lie on the deck, sunbathe and talk. Stella wasn’t sure which she enjoyed more – making love to Max or talking to him. When he touched her, he made her break apart into millions of little pieces of pleasure, before he put her back together – and then started all over again. When they talked, he always managed to surprise her by saying something utterly weird or obscenely funny. Stella couldn’t imagine ever being bored in his presence.

Thankfully, he hadn’t attempted again to confess any of the feelings he had for her. Stella was sure she wouldn’t have been able to hold it together if he had. It would be too much. It was hard enough that her departure date was approaching with the speed of light.

Her mum was supposed to leave in three days’ time and Niki had taken her on one last trip. Apparently there was a very famous antique market in a small town near Padua called Piazzola sul Brenta, and people from all over Italy went to visit it. Niki had been once before and claimed that Helen would love it. Stella prayed that whatever her mum decided to buy would fit in with her baggage restrictions.

It was Friday night and Lisa had an exhibition in the gallery. Her boss had managed to secure an exclusive viewing of the latest work by a very popular artist, and Lisa had been very excited all week. A lot of people were expected to show up and it would be a busy night, so it would probably be late before she got home.

Max had been acting strangely all day and every time Stella asked him what was going on, he deflected the question, or kissed her until she forgot how to form any words at all. Then, at 8 p.m., he told her to get dressed because they were going out. Of course, he wouldn’t tell her where, but the silly smile on his face told Stella that he had something planned and that had been the reason for his odd behaviour all day.

She quickly put on a yellow sundress and a pair of sandals, and was ready to go. When they walked out, Max held her hand in his and they started walking down the street, instead of getting into his car. Soon Stella realised that they were headed for the beach.

The sun had almost set, so just a few orangey shadows were licking the surface of the water. The beach was virtually empty of people; just an occasional jogger could be seen running by as they walked hand in hand along the shore.

“Close your eyes,” said Max, moving in front of her in one swift movement.

“Why?”

“Just do it, Stella,” he sighed, and gave her a disarming grin. She rolled her eyes before closing them. Max kissed her and whispered, “Keep them closed until I say you can open them.” Stella nodded. “Promise me you won’t peek.”

“I won’t peek.”

“Good.” He took both her hands in his, but didn’t move. She felt him move his upper body, but he didn’t start walking. What was he doing? Why did she have a bad feeling about this? It felt as if he was going to do something major this evening and they’d never be able to go back from it.

In a few minutes Max tugged her arms forward and she started walking. It took every ounce of self-control Stella possessed not to open her eyes and see what was going on around her. They walked together for a few minutes before Max stopped and, taking a deep breath, said, “Open.”

She did. They were in front of his lifeguard station and there were candles lit up all around it.

“Wow. How did you do this?” Stella would have seen the candles from afar if they’d been lit just a few minutes ago.

“I had a little helper.” He winked at her and led her to the stairs, gesturing for her to sit down. When she did, he knelt on the sand in front of her. “I’m so glad you wore that dress tonight.” Confused, Stella took a quick glance at her dress, wondering what was so special about it. And then she remembered – it was the dress she had worn the very first day she’d arrived in Genoa: the dress she was wearing when she’d seen Max for the first time.

“You were wearing that same dress when I first saw you and you changed my life forever,” said Max – and Stella opened her mouth to say something, anything, just so she could interrupt him, because she already knew where this was going. Max put a finger on her lips silencing her. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I can’t hold it in any longer.”

He removed his finger from her lips and substituted it with his mouth, giving her a gentle, slow kiss.

“Stella, I love you. I’ve loved you since that very first time I saw you. My brain needed some time to catch up, but my heart’s been set on you since that moment.” Max paused, studying her face and expecting some kind of reaction. Stella didn’t know what to say. Deep inside, she knew Max loved her, but now that he’d gone through all this trouble to actually say so, it made it real.

She was leaving in less than two weeks. She had an appointment with her oncologist in three weeks. What difference did it make if he loved her, or that she loved him, when there was a strong chance her cancer might be back?

“Max, I ... I don’t know what to say.” That was exactly how she felt. Nothing she said would make this right.

“You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t do this to put you on the spot, Stella. I ... I need you. I don’t want to lose you.” His voice shook with emotion and Stella was on the verge of tears. She hated not being able to tell him how much she loved him, and why in spite of that she still had to leave. She hated that she had to break his heart.