In the Stars (17 page)

Since Raleigh and Tara haven’t actually had the chance to meet yet, we are going to Tara’s house before I have to go into work Saturday night. This way, we can just have some casual girl time, and Raleigh can see where my new space is going to be. She said she needs to properly claim her side of the bed and space on the sink vanity. I sure do hope she and Tara get along, or this could get very complicated.

Between school work, the restaurant, and hanging with Tara and Adam the week goes by fast. Kyle and I talk constantly throughout the week, and I got a CD in the mail Wednesday. It was tracks of different songs Kyle picked out, and one on there of him singing as well. The note that came with it said:

Caroline, I know you said music is an important part of who you are, and you love to relate songs to certain moments. Some of these songs I can feel and relate to moments I have had with you. Cannot wait to have you in my arms again.

-Kyle.

Seriously, this man is more than I deserve, and I love all his song choices.

I WAKE UP Friday morning in a really good mood. I only have one class, and Tara and I are supposed to meet at Starbucks before I have to get ready for work. When we arrive at Starbucks, it is more crowded than usual. As soon as Adam sees us walk in, he gets busy on our drinks, not even needing to ask our order.

After a couple minutes sitting down at one of the tables, the chair beside Tara pulls out and some guy I haven’t seen before sits beside her. We both look over at him with a confused look, and then Tara gets a big smile. “Oh hey Matt, why don’t you help yourself to a seat?” I look toward Tara with a quizzical look on my face. “Oh yeah… Caroline, this is Matt; Matt, this is Caroline. Matt and I have a couple classes together.”

Matt reaches his hand out toward me to shake, and has a very boyish grin on his face. “Hey Caroline; nice to meet you. I remember Tara mentioning you before.” I shake his hand back, and notice he has a very firm grip.

“Nice to meet you too, Matt. Sorry I haven’t heard about you yet, though.” Tara just gives me a slight panicked look, then turns back toward Matt with a smile.

“I’m sorry to hear I haven’t been mentioned. You don’t mind me sitting with you, do you, Tara? The place is pretty crowded today.”

Tara shakes her head back and forth, and tucks her hair behind her ears. This tends to be her nervous reaction. “No Matt, that is fine. Don’t take it personally about Caroline not hearing about you yet. We have just been really busy discussing schedules, and her move and all.”

Matt gives Tara a blank look for a moment in thought, then that cute grin of his comes back again. “No big deal, I get it. You still meeting up with me tomorrow night for dinner?”

I see the blush in Tara’s cheeks, and noticed her quickly glance over her shoulder toward Adam. “Yes, I will meet you at 7. Just remember, though, this really isn’t a date ok? I’m not ready for that yet.”

Matt throws his arm over the back of Tara’s chair and winks at her. “I know, I just enjoy your company and want to take you out for dinner. No date word needed.”

She smiles back at him, and then glances at me as she grabs her coffee, taking a long sip. I look up toward Adam, and can tell he is staring daggers into the back of Matt’s head. This whole moment just got very awkward. Even when work is busy, Adam always takes the time to come over to our table for a minute, but not today. Matt, Tara, and I sit and talk for a while, and then, in record time, Tara is finished with her coffee and looking down at her phone.

She looks up at me, straight in the eyes, and then over at Matt. “Sorry Matt, I have to get going. I told Caroline I would drive her over to her dorm, since it is so cold, and I have some assignments to get done before my brother comes over.” Tara then stands up, and Matt and I follow suit. Nothing had been said between Tara and I about her driving me, so I know she is just ready to get out of this situation.

Matt reaches over and gives Tara a hug, and then looks back over toward me. “Nice meeting you, Caroline; maybe I will be seeing you around again soon. See you tomorrow, Tara.”

I smile up at him and shrug my shoulders. “Nice to meet you too, Matt. I am sure we will bump into each other sometime.”

Matt walks toward the door, and Tara makes a detour toward the trash can near the register where Adam now is. He has a very blank expression on his face at first, but once his eyes meet Tara’s he can’t help but smile. Tara smiles back and reaches out to squeeze his arm. “We will see you later, ok Adam? Try not to work too hard.”

Adam looks down at Tara’s hand on his arm, and then right into her eyes. “Have a good weekend, Tara, I will see you both later.” He then turns away and starts to wipe down the counter.

Tara looks over at me with a slight pout. I look toward Adam, and can tell his mind has gone elsewhere. “Bye, Adam; see you soon. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

He looks up at me and laughs. “Well then, I am pretty safe doing just about anything, I think. Bye Caroline.”

Once we are both settled into Tara’s car, she lets out a sigh and rests her forehead on the steering wheel. “So Matt, is he friend material or you thinking more? I can tell you he definitely has a bigger interest.”

Tara raises her head and looks over at me. “Yeah, see that is just it. He really does seem to be a nice guy, and I think he is really cute. I can’t do the whole relationship thing right now, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Honestly, as bad as it sounds, I think I need the whole rebound guy. No expectations or bringing your heart into it, you know?”

Tara starts the car, and we head toward my dorm. I am glad she is giving me a ride, because it really is starting to get cold out now that December is almost here. “All you can do, Tara, is what you are doing. You have obviously talked with him some already about your current ex situation, and how you feel about a relationship. If things happen between you two, and either of you decide to walk away, then so be it. You can’t force the heart. If it isn’t there, it just isn’t there. You know it can be a lot harder on one of the two people in the situation than the other, but you both have to move on. I know it has been harder on you with Andrew then you have let on. But you are doing really well, and I am proud of you.”

Tara glances over at me and gives me a very genuine smile. “Thank you Caroline; I need this right now. I am really nervous about tomorrow, but excited too. You are right, though, whatever happens, happens, and all I can do is be honest with him. In reality, I don’t think there are many guys that would complain about a sexual relationship. This is something else that is going to be scary for me. I have actually thought about it a lot, and I want sex—like bad, like now—but Andrew was my one and only. What if I am no good at it, or chicken out?” Tara’s face scrunches up, and she tucks her hair again.

We are now in my parking lot, but she leaves the car running as we talk some more. “Trust me, Tara, I am sure when you are ready and the moment comes, you will be just fine at the actual act. Plus, if you have a good partner, then he will love teaching you along the way if anything seems complicated. I wouldn’t even let that bother you at all. If you get to that moment where you are about to and you change your mind, then he has to accept that. Just be safe.”

Tara looks at me for a moment, and then raises her eyebrows up. “So is Kyle a good teacher, Caroline? He is driving all the way here to have you come stay the night with him tonight, so I know at least you two will be enjoying yourselves this evening.”

I swat at Tara’s arm, but I can’t help the smile on my face. “Let’s just say: Kyle and I work very, very well together on all levels. Honestly, I think he is too good for me. I don’t know if I deserve him.” I look away for a moment out the passenger window.

Tara touches my arm, and I turn back toward her. “Why would you think you don’t deserve something good, Caroline? I am sure you deserve nothing less. He obviously really likes you, and you obviously like him too so why sell yourself short.”

“I do like him, and it isn’t that I feel I don’t deserve someone good. It is just, I have had some other confusing thoughts lately. Ones I shouldn’t be having if I want to be in a serious relationship with Kyle.”

“Have you talked about this with him? Do you consider you and Kyle as an actual boyfriend/girlfriend? Maybe you need to follow your own advice. You can’t force the heart. You will have to see what evolves out of all of this. You are both adults, but still young so it isn’t like your biological clocks are ticking away right now.”

“We haven’t ever really discussed an actual relationship status. I guess the assumption is probably there that we are an official couple, but I don’t know. I know he is a great guy, and if things don’t work out he will have no trouble finding someone deserving of him. I just can’t explain what I think really about it all. I just need to get all my thoughts straight.”

“Don’t worry, Caroline; I have recently come to try and believe that things will turn out the way they are supposed to be. It might take a while, and there might be a lot of bullshit along the way, but it will happen. I can’t wait until you move in, and we can have all these talks at all hours. Both drunk, sober, happy, and sad.”

“Trust me, I am looking very forward to that as well. I am sure there are going to be plenty of them with us two lunatics. You sure it is ok with you and Eric picking up my car tonight?”

I feel a slight heat in my cheeks as I mention Eric’s name. This is the exact type of shit I am talking about when I say I need to get my thoughts straight. “Yeah, we are all set. We are going to be eating dinner there, so I am going to ask that we can be seated at one of your tables… if that is ok with you?”

I feel my hands starting to actually fidget in my lap. She had mentioned them eating there to me already. Hearing it again, though, and knowing I am going to be seeing both Eric and Kyle tonight, just amps up my nerves. “Yeah Tara, that will be good. I have to go get ready. I will see you tonight then.”

Once I arrive in my room, I suddenly feel like all I really want to do is put on my comfort hoodie and curl up into a ball on my bed. I feel extremely tense. I decide, since I don’t have time for a nap and can’t have a drink because of work, that a really hot shower across the shoulders is probably going to be my only help right now. Once I am all dressed, I add more bounce to my hair and pull it up loosely off my neck. The cascading curls flow just right, and having it off my neck helps me from getting too hot at work. Knowing who will be there tonight, I know I am going to get over heated, and I contemplate wearing shorts too. Since it is December, I go for the tightest pair of black skinny jeans I own, along with my black Chucks.

Once I am walking out of my room, my phone rings. “Hey Kyle, how are you?”

“Hello Caroline, I am doing really good thanks. The day has gone by way too slow, and I just wanted to talk to you before you went into work. Do you want me to come in the restaurant tonight, or wait for you in the parking lot?”

“It would probably be easier for you to just wait outside. I get off at 9, but I have to make sure I have all my tables straight before I walk out so I don’t want you to just have to stand around. You sure you are ok with driving all the way here to get me so late?”

“There is no stopping me, Caroline. It has been entirely too long since I had your lips on mine. You are ok with me coming to get you, and staying with me, right?”

“Of course Kyle; I can’t wait. I have my car situation all straight, and Raleigh is actually excited about driving me back tomorrow. She can’t wait to meet Tara. I am sorry we have to cut our time short, but I am sure we will make the most of it. Be safe, and I will see you in a few hours then.”

“I wish we had more time, too, but I am happy to take what I can get with you. There are no doubts we will use our time to the fullest, Caroline. See you soon.”

I CATCH MYSELF looking over at the door while working, way too often. It is after 7, and I haven’t seen Tara and Eric yet. We have stayed busy, and some of the guys are already getting a little rowdy at the bar. My head has definitely been elsewhere tonight, though, and I need to get myself straight. I am walking out of the kitchen with a full tray in my hand, when I see them. The hostess is already walking them over to one of my tables. My grip actually falters some, and the tray tilts slightly in my hand—luckily, I make a quick save. I don’t think loaded baked potato is a good look to wear. It isn’t only the sight of Eric in his worn out jeans and blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up as high as they can go on his forearms, due to the muscle, that has me faltering. It is the sight of the woman I don’t recognize holding onto his arm that really throws me off. She is laughing about something, and Eric is smiling as well.