Inconsolable (11 page)

“You know it, Pippy.” He sticks his tongue out and slips me a twenty dollar bill. I just take it and smile because he hates whenever I argue with him over that. “See you later. Be good
and be careful tonight, Anna.” 

“You know I will!”  I smile and kiss him on the cheek as he walks out the building.  I laugh as I hear a muffled something about ass behind the door of Barb and Diane’s room.   

~~~~~~~~~~

I have tried on ten different outfits and still cannot decide what I am going to wear to our date tonight. I don’t even know where he’s taking me. I grab a see through coral tank top with the back cut out and a huge bow on the back. I
pair it with a white bandeau bra underneath it. I grab a pair of dark wash skinny jeans out of my closet and slide them on as well. I run my fingers through my freshly curled hair while I smack my lips again for the tenth time. I grab a pair of heels out of the closet and a pair of flats to stick into my purse in case we go somewhere I don’t need heels for.

I hear the knock on my apartment door and let out a squeal. I can’t believe I am actually going on another date. He’s seems too good to be true, too perfect, like a fictional character that makes me feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. I grab my clutch and look in the mirror one last time before walking into the living room to answer the door.

When he moves from behind the dozen red and yellow roses he has for me.  I smile because he practically needs a spatula to pick his jaw up off the floor.  Little does he know, he evokes the same reaction in me.  I look up at him and let my eyes travel all the way down his body from the green American Eagle polo to the dark wash American Eagle jeans, that fit him in all the right places, all the way down to the Doc Martens on his feet.

“Hi, Sunshine.  Like what you see?” 

Could he get anymore cocky?  He knows I do.  I feel the blush creeping up my neck to my face and I hide my head behind my hair. 

“Oh, Anna.  Don’t be shy. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.  It’s nice.”  He smiles and lifts my chin up.  God, how I wish he would kiss me. 

“Well, you look very debonair tonight, Mr. Johnson.”  I lick my lips as I respond and I swear I hear a groan come from him. 

“Well, maybe I wasn’t the only smart one.” 

“Nah, I was Salutatorian.” I smile,
grab the flowers and smell them.  “Let me put these in the kitchen in some water and we can go.  Come on in.” 

I turn to walk into the kitchen and try not to hyperventilate. This is different than having Luke or Mason over here. I turn around to see
him staring at my ass as I walk into the kitchen.  I try to remember what I read in Cosmopolitan about getting a man to check you out.  I sway my hips a little but as I do my foot catches the end of the runner I have on the floor.  Instead of looking sexy I face plant into the counter. 
Way to go, dumbass
. My face goes red as he rushes over to check on me.

“You okay?” He asks as he helps
me up to stand up
straight. My skin is tingling where he touched me. I can’t form a coherent thought so I just shake my head, yes. “You sure?” Again, I shake my head, yes.

“Sorry, I tripped on the rug. That was embarrassing.” I let out a soft laugh. They say it isn’t that bad if you can laugh about it. I hope that’s the case.

“It happens to the best of us.”  He lets out a chuckle, but leans into me and whispers in my ear, “I did love seeing you wiggle your hips like that.” 

Well, hell, there goes the blush again. I am sure I look like a crawfish right after it’s been boiled alive. Great. 

“So, umm, where are we going?” I ask with
a squeak.

“I thought we could grab dinner and go bowling.” He lets out a shrug and I smile.

“I LOVE BOWLING!” I yell and he jumps a little.  “Oops, sorry.  It’s just one of my favorite activities.” 

“It’s okay.  I just am still trying to get used to loud noises.” 

“Oh, yeah. I forget you went to Iraq with Jameson. I’ll try to remember that.” I look down again and he grabs my hand making me look at him.

“Don’t.  I want you to be who you are.  I have some issues I am working through, but I need normalcy.  Please, please don’t be anything, but that.” 

I shake my head as I see this haunted look in his eyes.  I don’t know what to say to him.  I just shake my head and smile.  I keep looking at his lips.  I can’t help but look at them.  I want them on mine. 

“Anna, baby. If you keep looking at my lips like that I don’t know if I can contain myself. I want to kiss you,
but I am trying to be a gentleman.” 

“Oh, I, um. Let’s go eat.” I blush again,
grab my clutch and walk out the door. This is going to be quite an interesting night.

I swear this woman is trying to kill me.  The whole way to Texas Roadhouse I kept thinking about the way she eyed my lips.  If I didn’t know any better I’d think she was undressing me with her eyes too.  Now I’m thanking God that I like to run and stay in shape.  I keep trying not to look at her slender stomach underneath that see through shirt.  Why in the hell did this come back into style?  I think it’s just to give guys like me heart attacks.  Now here we are eating in the restaurant and it’s driving me crazy because my eyes aren’t the only ones on her.  I swear I will kill that bastard in the black cap if he looks at my woman one more time. 

“Wait what?” I look up at her and try to focus on what she’s saying. I’m being rude, but I can’t get over all these assholes staring at her.

“I was just asking how Jameson was.”

“Oh, he’s getting better.  He still has his moments, but I think he realizes that he just isn’t meant to be with Mary-Beth.” 

“Yeah, I still fume when I think of how she left him.  It makes me so angry.  I tell her all the time you can’t just quit when the going gets tough.” 

Well, I like that scenario, but I wonder if my Sunshine will be there for me when she finds out what I really am. I’m a monster who lives off of alcohol and cigarettes. I may even be crazy after seeing Kyle last week. I have been taking my medicine though, seems to be helping a little bit. I take a sip of the Bud light I ordered and raise my glass to her.

“So, do you quit when the going gets tough?”

“I’m a red-head.  Stubborn as all get out.  I should have probably ended my friendship with Mary-Beth years ago.  I just feel sorry for her.  She’s been through a lot and she needs someone to be there for her.  Ya know?” 

God, this woman knocks me to my knees.  It makes me regret all the things I have done.  The five women I used to try to cover pain that they couldn’t erase.  Two of the women, I didn’t even know their names.  I let out a huff as a response and she lifts her fork to eat her steak.  Now, this is something else that attracts me to her.  She didn’t order some rabbit food.  She ordered a damn steak and is tearing it up.  She isn’t the woman who’s worried about her stomach showing and being not so fit.  She is tearing up the steak and not giving a shit.  The little moans coming out of her mouth as she eats might be my undoing.  

“I don’t know her whole background, but I do know that she’s pretty damn lucky to have someone like you.”  I give her hand a squeeze and finish eating my own steak. 

After dinner, I pay for our meal and open the door to the Rover for her.  I watch as her jeans squeeze that sexy little ass of hers and I can feel my jeans starting to get a little snug.  I walk around the back of the car so I can make a few adjustments, then slide into the driver’s seat. 

“Mind if I smoke?” 

“Not at all, this is your car after all.”

“If you don’t like it I won’t do it in front of you.”

“Blake, be normal. I don’t smoke, but I won’t stop you from it.”

Damn, I think I may be falling in love with this woman. I really should make this official. I grab my cigarettes,
pull one out lighting it up and rolling the window down enough to where it won’t blow all over her. I inhale and look over at her. “You know you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” I let out as I exhale.

“Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.”

She is totally flirting with me. I can’t believe this girl wants me. It seems too good to be true. I inhale one more drag or my cigarette, then decide holding her hand is way more fun than smoking that cigarette. I let the butt of my cigarette fall out the window and blow the smoke out into the wind. I turn back and grab her hand interlacing our fingers yet again.

We pull up at the bowling alley and I run around to grab the door for her. I smile as I pay for the balls and shoes. We start to make our way down to the lane on the end and I am grateful that there is a door there for me to get out of easily. I hear a bowl crashing into the pins and I can feel myself being transported into another time. I grab Anna’s hand and smile so she won’t be worried. “I forgot my phone in the car. I’ll be right back okay.”

“Sure.” She smiles,
slides on her bowling shoes and starts to set up the lane as I run out the side door to the vehicle.  I grab the bottle of Vodka under the seat and chug a good portion wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.  I reach for the whiskey and pour it into a cup that I keep in the car and turn to walk back into the bowling alley.  I let out a gasp when I look up and see Kyle in that same outfit he was wearing in my kitchen, propped against my car, right leg back against my tire. 

“Quit this shit, Blake. This isn’t you. You’re better than this, brother.” He stands there staring at me. His eyes are begging me, but I can’t make myself stop, as a matter of fact I take a big gulp of the Jack Daniels I just poured into the cup I was taking inside.

“Why are you bothering me?  You died months ago, Kyle.  Go into the fucking light, dude.”

“I would if I could. Your ass is keeping me here.”

“Fuck off.” I drink more of the cup and reach into the backseat for my bottle of Jack. I light up a cigarette after pouring more alcohol into my cup, then make my way back to the red-head bombshell waiting for me.

“That’s right, Johnson, keep drinking.  Go ahead and drive her home like that.  You better wake the fuck up before you don’t have her anymore.  Only this time, it won’t be at someone else’s hands.  It will be your own.” 

I turn around with venom in my eyes.  How dare he say that shit to me?  Only I’m standing there alone.  Well alone except for the homeless man standing a few rows over staring at me like I’ve lost my marbles.  I won’t even deny him that.  I’m seeing a fucking ghost.  Those marbles got lost a long damn time ago. 

I drop the cigarette I inhaled in record time to the ground and put it out beneath my shoes before walking into the bowling alley.  I go to the counter and get two bottles of Coca-Cola for Anna and myself.  I pour my coke in my glass and make my way back to the beautiful woman waiting for me. 

“That was quick.” She smiles and I just shake my head. Quick my ass, I was gone about ten minutes.

“Sorry, my um, my mom called.”  Oh, you’re a fucking asshole. 

“Everything okay?” 

Dammit woman, quit looking at me like I kicked your puppy! I wasn’t on the phone with another woman like you’re thinking. I’m just obviously losing my fucking marbles. “Yeah, she was just checking up on me. When I told her I was out with the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, she wanted all the deets.”

“Don’t say that word again,” she says between fits of giggles.

“Why not?”

“So not cool.  Now I know why you were Valedictorian.  You’re a nerd!”  She laughs louder and I just roll my eyes. 

“Well, bring it on, Sunshine.  Let’s see who is nerdier when I beat your ass in bowling.” 

“You got it, dude.”

Holy shit.  Did this girl really just quote Full House?  I think I just fell hard.  Anyone that quotes Michelle Tanner is getting an A plus in my book.  After four games of bowling and Anna beating me three out of the four we head back to my car.  I grab a bottle of water out of the vending machine before we leave.  We walk to the car hand in hand and I try to hold back the hiss as I see Kyle sitting where I am about to place Anna.  He gives me a smirk and I just growl. 

“What’s the matter?” Anna looks around and I smile.  Trying not to shake from the craziness I now know as my own life.

“Nothing, I just noticed a scratch on the car,” I respond trying to play it off as I shut my eyes and shake my head. When I open them Kyle is gone. Note to self: google hallucinations while drinking.

“Oh, I hope you can buff it out.  I’d hate to have a scratch on a car as nice as this.” 

“I’m sure I
can.  Come on Sunshine, let’s get you home.” 

I shut her door,
walk around the car and say a little prayer that a certain best friend stays away for the remainder of the night.  I can only take so much crazy before I eventually will lose it.  Ten minutes later I pull up to Anna’s. I step out of the car and walk around to let her out.  We walk to her door in silence before she finally turns to look at me.

“So. Blake.”

“So. Anna?”

“What are we doing? Like are we dating or are we just friends?” She looks down and then to her door. God, she’s so fucking adorable.

“Anna?”

“Mmm hmm?”