Inconsolable (21 page)

I hear the door open and I look up to see Sam walking towards me. She gives me a sad smile, before sitting down beside me. “I know I’m not Mary-Beth
and lord knows I never wanted to be, but I am here for you if you need me.” 

“Thanks Sam, this just sucks, you know? I had just told her she was this awful, horrible person for what she did to you and Jameson. I didn’t know how she could live with herself. Then, she kills herself.” I let out a sob
and immediately Sam’s arms are around me and I am bawling into her embrace like a big baby.  She runs her hands over my hair, soothing me like a mother would. 

“You couldn’t know this was going to happen, Anna. Things happen for a reason. We may never know what this was for, but it was for a reason. You have to remember that.” Sam says
and continues to rub my hair down to my back, soothing me.  I don’t even realize I’ve fallen asleep until I wake up a couple hours later with Blake snoring softly beside me.  

I watch as he sleeps. I slowly lift the covers up, revealing him in just boxers. I slide my hand into his boxers
and lean down as I pull his cock out of its confines. I stroke him a little as I hear him moan softly in his sleep. I need a distraction from all the pain, I want to feel something again
and this is exactly what I need. I need to know that I am loved
and that I am still here.  I lean down and slowly run my tongue over the hardening skin.  I look up and I meet his gaze.  

“Baby, not that I am objecting,
but what are you doing?” He asks as I continue to slide my tongue up and down his shaft. He is fully erect as I encompass his member with my mouth. I watch as his hands grip the sheets
and my inner goddess lets out a victory scream. This is the first time I have ever done this and by the way he is reacting, I must be doing it right. I pull off of him
and slide myself to where I am straddling him.  

“I just want to feel something
and making love to you is feeling something.”  I say as I lean down to kiss him.  He greedily takes what I am offering as his hips meet mine, invading my sex with his cock.  I moan into his mouth as we both set a frantic pace.  This is exactly what I needed. I don’t even realize I have spoken that aloud until he breaks the kiss.

“I agree with you on that, Sunshine.” 

I smile and swirl my hips as we both work towards our releases.  We both climb higher and higher until we are both exploding in a spiral of pleasure.  We are both panting from the exertion we have just put our bodies through, along with the stress of the last day and a half and the lack of sleep.  He rolls over and pulls me into his side before we both drift off to sleep, ready to face the days ahead.  I sleep, but not peacefully.  I wake up several times gasping for breath and trying to calm my heart.  Each time, Blake just rubs my back and wraps me up into him.  Having someone know what I am going through is a lot easier than I thought it would be, but I fear I have a long road ahead of me.   

~~~~~~~~~~

Two days later,
we have all gathered at the Hickory Funeral Home.  I hate that it’s such a small town because everyone here automatically passes and says “I wonder who died, today?”  I am guilty of it myself.  We may be a small town, but you don’t always know everyone.  I see Jameson walk up to the stage after the preacher has said his peace about the life of Mary-Beth.  He looks sharp in his dress blues, which is also what Blake has on. 

“Mr. Joseph asked me to sing a song today.  I know many of you know me, but not many of you know that I can sing and play the guitar and a few other instruments as well.  Before I play, I would like to say a few words.  If that’s okay, Mr. Joe?”  He lets out a shaky breath as I take Blake’s hand.  My mother is sitting beside me as the tears stain my cheeks. 

“Mary-Beth and I weren’t on good terms when she passed.  She did things I am not happy with, but even now I have to say that Mary-Beth taught me so much in the short time I knew her.  She was a wonderful woman and she loved me.  I cannot blame her for choosing to leave when the going got tough for me.  Hell, I wanted to leave myself.”  A few chuckles happen in the crowd as he keeps going.  “Mary-Beth taught me what it was like to love someone with all your being, to love unconditionally.  She was always a free spirit, with a feisty side.  She always gave it her all.  There is one thing I wish she could have done differently.  I wish that she would have fought a little harder for what she wanted.  I also wish I could have been there that night, four nights ago. Maybe then, well everyone knows what I am thinking.”

“I owe Mary-Beth
because she taught me what it is to love and be loved in return. I owe her
because she taught me to appreciate the person who loves me, unconditionally.  I pray that God lets her rest in peace.  I will always have a place in my heart for Mary-Beth.  I wish that you all could see the light in her eyes one more time.  I wish that she hadn’t done this.  This town is going to feel the loss of a beautiful person for a while. I also have to say thank you.  Thank you God, for giving us all what little time we had with Mary-Beth.”  He stands and makes his way down to where a guitar is resting on a stand.  He picks up the instrument before returning to his seat.  It amazes me that the man lost his legs.  If you didn’t know it you wouldn’t because it hardly shows when he walks.  Jameson plays a song that has every eye in the church wet with tears.  Mr. Joseph is sitting next to Mary-Beth’s grandparents as her grandmamma sobs into a Kleenex.  After Jameson sings his song, Pastor Manny takes the podium again. Jameson makes his way back to his seat by Sam.

“Thank you Jameson.  Now Anna would like to come up and say a few words.”  He walks back to his spot smiling at me, as I stand on wobbly knees and make my way to the front to stand in this crowd of people and honor my best friend’s life. 

“Wow, maybe I should have come on before Jameson.  You always were the show stealer.”  I say with a chuckle that I don’t really feel. “As many of you know, Mary-Beth and I have known each other since we were nine years old. When she would come down and spend the summers with Mrs. Eloise and Mr. Barry, my momma would make sure I’d go down there to visit, especially after they lost Leila. For thirteen years of my life I was her best friend.” I take a shaky breath and pull the lint off my black dress. “We all know Mary-Beth was far from perfect, but is anyone ever really perfect?”

“I remember this one time, when we were fishing down by the lake. Mr. Barry told us to wait for him, but we didn’t. Mary-Beth ended up hooking Leila in the head
and boy did she get a whipping.  We both got grounded for a week.”  I smile as I hear some chuckles in the background.  This is what I wanted, to make everyone laugh, well until I meet Garrett’s eyes and see him not as happy.  He’s hurting, mourning.  I just hope he will overcome this.  “I wrote a poem I’d like to share with you all today, before we lay my friend in her final resting place.”  I take a deep breath.  As I recite the poem my hands are starting to sweat and the page is getting wet. 

I stood and watched

As the light left your eyes

The battle was over

You surrendered your sword

I could not stop you

I could not save you

Your mind was made up

My tears flow freely

For I have lost my dear friend

I will never see your face

Hear your laugh

See your smile

My friend is gone

Could I have done more

Helped you battle the demons within

Sought help for you

Held your hand longer

Listened more

God only knows I would do anything

To bring you back

Make you see there was another way

You take with you a part of me

Wherever you go

I will always be with you

I will forever miss and love you

Your memory will live on

Of this I promise you

You will never be forgotten

I won't say goodbye

I'm not ready to let you go

I can feel your spirit all around me

I pray that those who have gone before you

Are there to help guide your way

I know you will be watching over and guide me

Until we meet again

My dear, sweet friend

I step down from the podium
and make my way back to my mother and Blake.  He kisses my cheek and squeezes my hand in a show of support.  It soothes me.  He soothes me.  He is unlike anyone I have ever met before and I will forever be grateful for my time with him.  My mother grabs my other hand as I rest my head on her shoulder.  Pastor Manny says a few more words, then prays over Mary-Beth as the service comes to an end.  Blake stands, as does Jameson, Luke, Mason, and Garrett, making their way to the casket they each grab a handle.  They walk out the side door of the funeral home, sliding the casket into the hearse as it gets ready to take Mary-Beth to her final resting place.  

I slide into the car with my mother as we turn on our flashers. Blake is going to ride in the limo with the rest of the guys, I’m pretty sure it’s because he wants to sit between Jameson and Garrett. Garrett looked like he wanted to murder Jameson during that song he was singing. I wonder if maybe he feels like this is Jameson’s fault. I wish I could say it was anyone else’s fault. I wish it hadn’t been me who was there when my best friend pulled the trigger.

“Baby?” I gasp when I feel my mother’s hand on my arm. I look up at her, I can tell she’s worried about me,
but I can promise that I am not going to follow that route. 

“Yes, Momma?” 

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”  She gives me a sad smile as we make our way to the cemetery a town over. 

“No, I’m okay, Momma.  It just hurts, you know, not having her here anymore.”  I give her a sad smile, then turn to look out the window. 

“I know, baby girl.  At least you have Blake to help you.  I really like him.” 

“I love him, Momma.”

“I know you do, baby.  He loves you too.” She pats my arm, then focuses on driving the car.  

We pull up to the cemetery
and make our way down to the gravesite. There is a green tent set up for everyone to stand under. All the guys are standing around the casket. They each take their roses off their lapels before setting them on her grave. Pastor Manny says a few more things, before praying that the Lord watch over Mary-Beth. Not an eye is dry as the casket is lowered into the ground, especially not mine, knowing my best friend will never come back. I gasp as an arm comes around my shoulders and I look to see Mason standing beside me. He kisses me on top of the head, then turns to leave. As he leaves, I feel someone grab my hand. I look over to see Samantha watching me with tears in her eyes. I squeeze her hand, before she pulls me into a hug. I let out a sob as she wraps me up in her arms
and it takes me back to before Mary-Beth moved here.  When we were in elementary school and it was Sam and Anna against the world.

“Come on,
Anna!”  Samantha squeals as we run up the stairs to the water slide.  The water park is about an hour away from our house, so our parents make a habit to bring
us at least once a month in the summer. It’s an amazing time
and they even have an amusement park beside it. Luke and Jameson are already at the top screaming about us being a bunch of chickens. “You can do it,
Anna!  Don’t let them say that!”  Sam yells out as we run up the steps. 

The higher we get, the more nervous I am. This slide is scary. It is enclosed. You sit in this tub and it goes around as if you were being flushed down a toilet. I gulp, but decide to not chicken out. We get to the top as the guys grab the float. We each sit in the thing
and I let out a blood curdling scream as the lifeguard pushes us into the dark abyss.  I feel a hand on mine and I instantly know it’s my best friend.  The one that would do anything to help me.  Once we get off the ride, Jameson immediately starts picking on me.

“Hey, Jameson,” Sam retorts. “Remember that time you and Luke were watching that really scary movie? What was it? The Leprechaun?”

Jameson immediately stops teasing. “You wouldn’t dare.” He growls out.

“Mmm hmm!”  Sam smiles, hands on her hips.  “Anna, Jameson was so scared he ended up peeing the bed because he wouldn’t get up until the sun came up.” 

“SAM!” He roars. 

“Anna?” Sam asks as she looks me in the face, I look up and break out bawling even more.

“Sam, I am so sorry I ruined our friendship.”  I say through broken sobs. 

“Shhh,” Sam says as she pulls me tighter.  “Anna, everything happens for a reason and it’s okay.  We are friends now, that’s all that matters.”  She smiles, sees Jameson coming, gives me one last squeeze, then walks over to her fiancé.  My mother and Blake are standing off to the side as I walk over and lay the roses in my hands on top of Mary-Beth’s grave.  I never imagined losing someone this close to me.  I mean, I’m not naïve, I know death occurs, but for me, it’s not something I am used to.  To have Jameson almost taken and now Mary-Beth gone, it’s not easy for me to digest, but I hear time heals all wounds.