Inconsolable (20 page)

“Oh my God, yes! We’re on our way.” Anna says into the phone and jumps up. “Come on. That was Garrett. I need you to take me to Mary-Beth, now!” She runs out to the car waiting for me. I groan again. This woman really needs to live her life and quit manipulating everyone she knows. I pay the bill and
make my way to the car as Anna is talking rapidly to someone.

“Were on our way. Don’t do something crazy, Mary-Beth.” Anna is hastily trying to get her to calm down
and I step on the gas. I can hear the distress in
Anna’s voice.  This isn’t something I was expecting. 

I pull the car up to the apartment
and Anna jumps out, running for Mary-Beth’s door.  I slam the car into park, pulling the keys from the ignition and running up the steps two at a time after Anna.  I have never seen Anna like this and it has me worried.  Anna bangs on the door, but gets no answer.  “MARY-BETH!  OPEN THE DOOR!”  She yells all while fighting her shaking hands to unlock the door.  I can hear Maggie scratching at the door and whimpering.  Something isn’t right here.  Anna finally gets the lock opened and runs to the bathroom door
Maggie is whimpering and scratching at. 

“Mary-Beth, unlock this door!” Anna says through the door. “I’m sorry we were fighting. Please, just unlock the door. Garrett’s on his way here.”

“Just go away, Anna! I’ll see Leila in just a few minutes!” Mary-Beth says calmly through the door. I have no clue who Leila is, but it makes Anna freak out even more. She is banging on the door like a woman possessed.

“Mary-Beth! We can talk about this!  Please don’t!”

“It’s too late for talking, Anna. It’s time for me to go.” Mary-Beth yells from the other side of the door. By now Anna is hysterically banging on the door. I push her out of the way of the door
and start to kick it in. “STOP!!! Don’t come in here!” Mary-Beth yells again. I keep kicking at the door. Finally the lock breaks as the wood on the door splits and a fire shoots off. Anna is running in
the door.
I am trying to stop her as the blood flows on the wall
and on me. 

“NO!!!!” Anna yells, dropping to the floor to hold Mary-Beth. The thing is, there isn’t anything there anymore. Mary-Beth had the gun in her mouth. There is a hole in the back of her head
and there is brain matter on the wall. 

“Baby. Come on Anna. Don’t. Let’s walk outside.” I try to pull her away, but she won’t come.

“DON’T! Call 9-1-1.” Anna is shaking, rocking Mary-Beth in her arms. I turn my back, calling the police. After I tell them what happened, I try to get Anna back out of the room.

“Baby, come on. You’re in shock. I understand.”

“Mary-Beth, why did you do this?”

“Anna, look at me.”  I growl and she finally looks at me.  Tears start streaming down her face as she realizes what I already know.  Her best friend isn’t coming back.  I have faced death, been at the mercy of it.  Seeing this beautiful, strong woman having to face it like this infuriates me.  How selfish Mary-Beth must be to let her best friend watch her kill herself.  I grab Anna’s shaking body, pulling her into the living room and shutting the door to the bathroom.  Garrett should be here any second.  He shouldn’t have to see this either.  

Anna sits in my lap on the couch, her hands covered in her best friend’s blood.  This won’t look good when the cops get here.  Good thing Mason just graduated from the Academy.  Garrett runs through the door, looking at us both and just falls to his knees. 

“I didn’t really think she would do this.  She… she was drinking.  She’s been doing that more and more lately, but I...”  He trails off, then looks up at me.  “I didn’t think this would happen.” 

“None of us did.” I shrug and wrap my arms around Anna, rocking her.  I dial Jameson, but it goes straight to voicemail.  Not only did she just let Anna down, but tonight Jameson was proposing to Sam.  Now this day will be shadowed by the black cloud known as Mary-Beth. 

An hour later the cops have removed the body from the house
and we are deemed free to go. I load Anna into the car, her body still trembling. She reaches for her phone, dials a number and it just rings and rings. She hasn’t spoken in over an hour
and it is starting to worry me. We pull up to the house. Killing the engine,
I walk around to the other side of the door.  I pick up Anna.  She is still rocking back and forth.  I walk to her door, put my keys in the lock and walk us both to the shower.  I don’t even worry about removing our clothes.  I wash the blood off both of us, as she finally lets out a strangled cry.  My heart is breaking for her.  Unlike me, she hasn’t seen death like this before.  

I slowly strip both of our clothes, wash the blood out of Anna’s hair, then my own. I grab her soap and a washcloth, rubbing her body down, making sure there isn’t a trace of blood left. I quickly do this to myself, then step out of the shower grabbing two towels. I wrap my body in the towel then wrap Anna’s in hers. She is breaking down on me
and I don’t know what to do.  I grab her some clothes and she sets out to put them on.  At least I am getting her to function again.  I walk into the kitchen and grab the wine from the fridge.  I pour a glass for her, walking back into the bedroom to see her curled up on the bed. 

“Here, baby.  Drink this, it will help you sleep.”  I hand her the wine and she just looks at me, gratefully.  She drinks the wine, then lays down and eventually falls asleep.  I grab my phone a few more times to call Carter, but again he doesn’t answer.  I lay down next to Anna and whisper how much I love her in her ear over and over until I finally fall asleep, as well. 

The next morning I give Jameson another ring, hoping this time he will answer the phone. I need his help
because Anna is turning in on herself. I don’t want this for my Sunshine. What will happen to me when her light has dimmed? He doesn’t answer, but five minutes later my phone is ringing.

“Hello?”

“Dude, what the hell is going on?”  I hear him ask,
impatiently. I guess I would too if I just got the best night of my life interrupted.

“Where are you, Carter?” 

“I’m with Sam, in Biloxi.” 

“Are you sitting down?” 

“Just spit it out already,” I hear him spit out. Wow. Touchy much.

“Jameson, its Mary-Beth,”

“What about her?”  He asks with a shaky breath.

“Jameson, she killed herself.” I wince as I say the words, knowing this is going to hurt him just as much as Anna.  “Anna and I tried to stop her, but I didn’t get there in time.  I kicked the door in and the moment it opened, she pulled the trigger.”  I figure he’d say something immediately, but I sit there for what feels like forever before I say, “Jameson?”

“I’m here.”  I can almost hear the wheels in his head turning.  I wonder if he feels he could have prevented this.  I know Anna is feeling that way.  “Why?”  He whispers
and my heart breaks a little more. 

“I honestly don’t know. We talked to Garrett and he is distraught. He said she was depressed,
but he didn’t know it was like this.” 

“Garrett?”

“Yeah, he had been seeing Mary-Beth for about four months now. It wasn’t broadcast to everyone. Mary-Beth wanted it to be a secret, but Anna knew.”  Damn, I forgot he didn’t know about Garrett.  “Dude, can you just come home? I know you proposed, but I need you here. Anna needs you here.” 

“Yeah, as soon as Sam comes back I will,” he sighs.    

“Wait! Sam’s not there with you?” 

“Would Anna be if you found out Lizzie shot herself?”  Well hell, why does he have to bring up my ex-girlfriend. She didn’t kill herself.

“Touché.  Look man, Anna is waking up.  I’ve gotta go.  She is still in shock.  I was used to seeing the brain matter on the wall, she wasn’t.”

“Alright, brother. I’ll call you when I get home,” he says as the call disconnects. 

I walk into the bedroom with a glass of water and a Pop-tart.  I hand it to Anna as I sit on the bed.  “Baby, you want to talk?”  I ask as her eyes meet mine.  I see something reflected in her eyes that scares me, it is something I saw in my own eyes for over a year; something that has finally started to fade away with her presence. 

She shakes her head and nibbles at the corner of the pastry in her hand. She takes a sip of the water, pulls her hair into a bun over her head and burrows back down into the covers. I do the one thing I don’t want to do, I stand then walk out of the door,
giving her the space she needs.   I walk into the living room, turn on the T.V. and watch a little Judge Mathis before falling asleep.  When I wake up, it’s to a knock on the door.  I open the door to see Jameson and Sam standing there, both look like they have had a rough morning.  I motion for them to come on in, as I shut the door. 

“Hey Carter,” I say as we all make our way into the living room, sitting down on the couch.  I don’t really know how to tell Jameson this, so I just let the words spew from my mouth.  “She’s in her room and won’t talk to anyone.  She’s just staring at the wall.  I… I don’t know what to do anymore.”  I exhale softly, clearing my throat of its tight confines.  I hate to ask this of him.  I want to be who she confides in, but I think Jameson may be more adept.  “Can you try to talk to her? Maybe that will help her.  You both knew Mary-Beth differently than us.”  I look over at Sam, who nods at him.  Jameson rings his hands together nervously, kisses Sam on the head, and gives me a slight nod saying he will.  “Thank you.”  I whisper as he walks to the door. 

I hear a door open and close quietly as I stare at the wall.  I know I need to pull myself together, but every time I close my eyes all I can see are Mary-Beth’s lifeless eyes and the blood on the wall. 

“Blake?”  I say as I try to fix my hair a little, even if I am going through this I don’t need to scare him off.  “Jameson?  Oh Jameson, I… I tried to save her.  I did.” I shakily let out, my breathing ragged as he walks over and sits beside me.  Without even realizing what I am doing I have thrown myself around him and climbed into his lap.

“Would you like to talk about it?” He asks, I can tell from the way he says this that he is having a hard time with this, as well. I shake my head no.  “It will help you grieve, Anna. Tell me what happened.”

“She called me. She had been going off the deep end the last couple of weeks,
but I never knew she would do this,
Jameson.  Even Garrett can’t believe it.  Oh, you didn’t know about Garrett.”  I blush a bit, not really knowing what to say because Jameson didn’t know Mary-Beth had someone else in her life.   “She called me last night around ten o’clock. She didn’t sound like herself. She had been drinking. She had been doing a lot of that lately.  She told me she loved me.  Jameson, never in thirteen years of being her best friend has she ever said those words to me.  She only told you that.” I see him wince
and I instantly feel bad.  This wasn’t supposed to make him hurt.  “So I knew something was wrong.  I made Blake run me to her house.  She texted me on the way and said she was sorry for what she was about to do.  She said she hoped people would forgive her.  I knew then it was bad, Jameson.”  I shake from the memory.

“Garrett was on his way there, too.  He was trying to get her to stop.  She was determined.  We pulled up and got into the house with the spare key she gave me.  She was in the bathroom, locked in and not letting anyone in there. We tried to get to her. Blake, he… he kicked the door down.  She kept screaming for us to go away.  I had to get to her.”  Jameson is stroking my hair as I sob out the recollections of the night before.  I can feel his tears on my cheek as they fall down his face. 

“She kept screaming, telling me to get away from her. I kept banging on the door and begging her to let me in so we could talk. She said it was too late for talking. She said something about finally seeing Leila again. When Blake heard that, he pushed me out of the way and started kicking at the door. Finally, the lock gave way and the door slammed open. I heard the gunshot before I saw it. She had the gun in her mouth. There was blood and brain matter all over the white walls. It was horrible Jameson. I could see the light fading from her eyes. If I had gotten in there five seconds sooner, maybe…,” I trail off, taking a deep, shaky breath before going on. “Maybe.  She might. Still be here.”  I release
a strangled sob, my whole body shaking, my knuckles turning white from gripping Jameson’s shirt too tightly. 

“Anna, look at me.”  Jameson says as he grabs my chin and pulls me
up so I am looking at him. “Nothing, and I mean nothing, you could have done would have saved her. She had her mind made up. She was selfish. She always has been. I hate that she thought her life was not worth living. I hate that I wasn’t here for you and her and Johnson last night. I really hate that she fucked up my good night. I finally get Sam to be mine and here Mary-Beth is coming back into the picture to ruin it.” 

“Sam said yes?”  Oh my God! This is amazing news, at least Sam said yes.

“She did and she didn’t even know it was going to happen.  Just wait till you see her watermelon Ring Pop.” 

“You didn’t?”  We both laugh and I feel a burden lifted. I knew there was a reason Jameson was in my life.

“I did. Now come on before Johnson goes crazy with worry.  I know she was your best friend and I know you’re going to be traumatized.  Don’t shut him out though, okay?  He is worried about you and he loves you.  Don’t forget that, Anna.”  He kisses my cheek, sits me on the bed and walks out of the room.  I know Blake does and I am so grateful for him, but I am afraid that a part of me died with Mary-Beth last night.  I am afraid it may be too late for me to get it back.