Authors: Danielle Sibarium
"Are you his son?" The nurse turned to me with sympathetic eyes after making some adjustments to the breathing machine at his side.
"Yes."
"Steven," she addressed my father speaking close to his ear in a louder voice than she used with me, "Did you hear that? Your son is here to see you."
"Come close and speak to him."
"What happened? What's wrong with him?"
"I'll send the house doctor in to see you."
House doctor. She meant the resident on call. I didn't want a resident. I wanted a seasoned doctor that knew what the hell he was doing, not some snot nose out of med school.
As the nurse walked out, Jamie came to take her place at my father's side. I watched in a sort of detached denial. So many times over the last few years I wished him dead. I wanted him to suffer a slow and painful death. Now, I'd give just about anything for more time.
"So I met with your friends tonight."
Nothing.
No response.
"C'mon wake up so I can tell you what happened."
The resident walked in. "Mr. Penbrook?" I looked up.
The young doctor smiled and extended his hand. "Dr. Donavan.
Nice to meet you."
"What can you tell me?"
"It seems that your father suffered cyanide poisoning."
"What?
How?" I looked to Jamie whose eyes glassed over with tears.
"He actually self-diagnosed. He mentioned it when the medics arrived. Said he had a salad with Almonds and couldn't get rid of the almond smell."
"But how is he doing?"
The young doctor glanced at the machines and shook his head. "We pumped his stomach once we were able to confirm it, but his condition is quite serious. I don't know if you're familiar with the effects of this type of poisoning, but because it acts so fast and is so lethal, even if he were to survive, which at this point looks unlikely, we don't know what permanent damage has been done."
Jamie started sobbing.
"Permanent damage?
Like what?"
"His kidneys are failing, and since it's like an internal asphyxiation, we don't know the extent of the damage to his heart and brain. Right now we're trying to stabilize his blood pressure with IV fluids."
"But, he's a doctor!" Jamie squealed. "How can he be poisoned if he's a doctor?"
"One thing has nothing to do with the other. Being a doctor doesn't negate things like sickness and cancer."
"I know that Carter, I'm not an idiot. But he should know better. Couldn't he tell the food wasn't right?"
"Why? Was it something you made? Maybe you added a little something extra to knock him off?"
She covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head, looking horrified that I could possibly say something so terrible to her.
"He was my husband. I loved him."
"You loved me, too, once upon a time. That didn't stop you from ripping my heart out."
"Is this what she did to you? Did she make you cold and heartless?"
"Who? Elizabeth?" Was she really going there? "No, baby, you did that all on your own. Don't you dare blame Elizabeth."
While Jamie and I bickered, the doctor made his way out of the room. For the first time since I made the decision not to go to medical school, I regretted it. If I'd gone, maybe I could come up with something more than putting my trust in some pre-teen looking boy playing the role of MD. At the moment I felt out of control and helpless.
The last thing I needed was more grief and aggravation from Jamie. If she pushed any further, I wasn't confident I could control myself. I turned away from her and focused on my father. After pulling a chair over to the bed, I took a seat.
I glanced at her. She owed me, and this was her time to pay up. "Do you mind? I'd like a few minutes alone with him."
She looked offended, but the days of me caring about her feelings were long behind me. "Fine." She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.
I waited a few moments after she left to gather my thoughts together. I didn't know exactly how I felt. My mind,
my heart, they were in turmoil.
I leaned forward in the chair and took his hand in mine. I worked hard at swallowing the lump in the back of my throat. "Well, she really is a piece of work. I think I finally understand what you were trying to say about Jamie being your penance."
There was no response. He just lay there, still, too still, with the machine keeping air circulating through his body instead of his lungs.
"I think I'm ready to hear your side of the story. But you have to open your eyes first, understand? I need for you to open your eyes."
My mind wandered for a moment to the children I worked with. When they were unresponsive, lost to a world most of us can't see or reach, at least I knew if I continued to probe, to talk or touch, I could reach them in some way and hope to pull them back into this world. Staring at my father, I didn't have the confidence I could do the same.
"I need you to come back so we could hash this out the way we should've five years ago. Just you and me, no Jamie, or Mom, not even Elizabeth, just us."
I glanced at the machines monitoring his blood pressure and heart rate. Both dropped just a little. I knew my father wasn't coming back to me. He was lost. Gone forever.
I needed to give Elizabeth the keys to my car and send her home. I wasn't leaving. Not until it was over.
As I walked out of his room I wondered is it possible to both love and hate someone at the same time? Until I saw him lying so helpless, I didn't think there was an ounce of love left in me for this man. Now, I knew there was. I wondered if my mother had similar feelings for him.
Oh shit.
My mother. Someone had to tell her, and that someone had to be me.
Chapter 57
Elizabeth
I changed the channel on the television in the waiting area. The few people that were there when we arrived seemed to have left. Either that or they decided a change of scenery was necessary. There was no sign of Carter or Jamie since they disappeared through the metal doors forty-five minutes ago.
I wished I could be there at Carter's side. But she wouldn't allow him even a bit of comfort. I couldn't imagine the myriad of emotions he must be feeling. I wondered why Jamie was acting like such a bitch. I'd seen a family of three go into the unit, and since no one came back out, it didn't look like anyone got kicked out. I had a sneaky suspicion the only one that wanted only two people at the bedside was her. This way she kept me away from Carter.
It didn't make sense. Why would she do that? If she still had feelings for him this wouldn't be the time to act on them. Not while her husband was fighting for his life.
I looked up when I heard the door open. I'd never seen him look so forlorn. He miss-buttoned his shirt in the car and that only added to his look of despair. Carter had his phone to his ear, his other hand was in his hair. He shook his head, as his eyes searched for me. Once he found me I saw the long, deep breath he took. I didn't know who he was speaking to and took a step toward him. He put his hand up signaling for me to stay where I was.
Disappointment surged through my veins. I wanted so bad to be there for him, to put my arms around him and offer him support. And I was being stopped at every turn, first from Jamie, and now from Carter himself. He stayed where he was while he finished the call.
Once he pulled the phone from his ear, he moved forward and ushered us down into the hard plastic chairs.
"How is he? Do they know what's wrong?"
Again Carter shook his head and squeezed his eyes closed. "He was poisoned. He's not going to make it."
I shivered thinking of Dr.
Penbrook dying. Remembering what he was like just a few hours earlier, it didn't seem possible. He was so happy and full of life.
"Poisoned?
How?"
"I don't have the details, I was hoping to get that from Jamie, but from what I gather, his dinner must have been spiked with cyanide."
I covered my mouth with my hand. His dinner? OMG. He offered to buy me dinner, too. Could Supreme Salads have done that? Were they responsible for this?
"Carter, I need to tell you something." Something in his eyes told me he was a hair away from losing it. Instead of being full of emotion, they looked empty. How much more could I lay in him tonight.
"He ordered his dinner from Supreme Salads."
He straightened
up, I could see the tension in his body.
"How do you know?"
"I was at the office a little late and he offered to buy me dinner. Of course I said ‘No.’"
His entire body relaxed as he pulled me against his chest. "Thank God. If that was you in there . . ." His voice cracked. "I'd lose my fucking mind."
"Hey," I pulled back and placed my hand on the side of his face. "I'm fine. I'm just so sorry you're going through this."
"Me, too."
"How's Jamie taking it?"
"Like I give a fuck," He looked around the waiting area. "Did she go for a walk or something?"
"I thought she was in there with you."
"She was, but I asked for a few minutes alone with him. I thought she came out here."
"Since she seems to have disappeared, I'll come in if you want me to."
He shook his head. "Nah, I'm fine. Go home." He pulled his keys out of his pocket and held them out for me. "Take my car."
"Carter, I want to be here if you need me."
He nodded. "I know you do. And when it's over, I'll come home. As mad as I've been with him, you're right. Death isn't something you get a second chance at."
"You're that sure he won’t make it?"
"I guess anything is possible, but it's not likely." He looked away, over his shoulder, "Um, I should go back inside."
I squeezed my arms around him tight, wishing he could feel my love through the embrace. "Call me and I'll come pick you up."
"Okay."
I pressed the elevator button as Carter went back inside. The light above the elevator dinged, but it was going up. I thought about taking it anyway, waiting till it got to the top floor and then pressing the lobby button, but decided against it. Normal visiting hours were over. I didn't think I'd be waiting long.
The elevator dinged again. This time the light with the arrow pointing down was lit. I felt terrible leaving, but if he didn't want me here and Jamie wouldn't let me inside, I could just as well wait at home for an
hour or two and then come back.
Before the doors from the elevator opened, I heard someone come out of the ICU unit. I checked to make sure it wasn't Carter with a change of heart. Instead, I saw Jamie with two uniformed policemen.
"There she is," Jamie pointed at me. "She's the one that I was telling you about. She works in the office for him. She’s been doing everything she can to get close to my husband."
My heart
sank, my stomach along with it. What was she trying to do? I hoped she wasn't thinking of trying to pin this on me. While I wanted to get on the elevator and leave, I knew it would look like I was running away from something. I had no reason to worry or be afraid, but still, I didn't like what she was trying to insinuate.
I stepped back into the waiting area and walked right over to Jamie and the officers. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. Can I be of any help?" I kept my eyes on her the entire time and made su
re to force a smile on my face.
"Do you mind if we ask you a few questions?"
"Of course not."
"If you need me, I'll be in with my husband." Jamie sniffled at the end. As if anyone was buying it. I couldn't speak for the cops, but I wasn't.
"Let's start with your name."
Chapter 58
Carter
There was something about the constant repetition of the mechanical hitch of the breathing machine that I found comfort in. It was regular and as long as I heard it without any alarms sounding I could pretend his condition hadn't changed, that he was stable. But each time I looked at the numbers being displayed and found they dropped, I knew the time was coming near.
I hated being there, but there was nothing worse than being there without Elizabeth. I wanted her to stay, and if Jamie wasn't there, she would've been by my side where she belonged. I could've pushed the issue, but I didn't want to waste time arguing. While I didn't want to be there, I understood this was the last time I'd ever be able to speak to or spend time with my father while he was alive. If you could call that living.
Facing his imminent death, I didn't want Elizabeth more than an arm's reach away. I know that was unrealistic and couldn't actually happen, but it would be nice. Together we could get through anything. She always seemed to know what to
say or do to keep me grounded.
I thought back to the uninvited guest that showed up at her apartment. To think in the moments that followed, I questioned her feelings for me, and mine for her. I couldn't blame her for what happened with Mason tonight any more than she could blame me for what ha
ppened with Dr. Shields' wife.