It's a Guy Thing (11 page)

A key for the woman’s side of the relationship is acknowledging her power of feminine attraction. Because many men tend to be so rigid and stuck in their self-centered world, they need to be attracted by the feminine force. Their rigidity is healed by that force. And then they open in love. When you are in touch with your love, in touch with your heart, and when you offer him your love as a woman, he will be attracted beyond his momentary form of self-involvement or distraction.

The feminine force is a gift that gives energy and life—for instance, putting on really nice music and dancing, giving a simple massage or bringing him a glass of juice in the morning. Your feminine energy makes him feel, “Ahhh. It’s great
to be alive and with you.” The feminine form of love is a gift that enlivens him.

It could be your smile. It could be the beautiful clothes you wear—or don’t wear. It could be the way you put flowers next to the bed. It could be the way you whisper your love to him. It could be anything that has the effect of relieving his sense of burden and bringing him life energy.

Whereas the feminine feels blessed by life and relationships, most men feel burdened. Women feel equally burdened by life and relationships if they are in their masculine mode. The sense of being unburdened, of delight, of energy, of radiance, of enlivenment, of the flow of life itself, is feminine energy. And it comes from your heart of love. When you gift a man with this energy of love he feels you as his cherished woman, rather than a housemaid, a business partner, or a mother. He feels you as a goddess.

For a satisfying intimacy, of course, men must also know how to give feminine energy and women must know how to give masculine energy. But most men are looking for the feminine form of love in intimate relationship, most of the time. Otherwise they might have chosen a gay relationship or a relationship with a very masculine woman. Or perhaps they would have chosen no intimate relationship at all.

Should a Man Obey His Woman?

If a man meekly obeyed his woman, if he just said, “Oh, anything you say, dear,” then he would not be incarnating the masculine force in relationship. Most women aren’t turned on by a man who always does anything she says. Women
innately know that only a man with his own true vision is strong enough to love her the way she really wants to be loved.

On the other hand, in a relationship, a man learns to submit himself to heart-responsibility, to commitment in love, and yields his self-centeredness in his practice of intimacy.

In love, you don’t give yourself up as if you were weak, rather, you allow yourself to be submitted wholeheartedly to the process of love.

How Do I Attract a Strong Man?

Men tend to be weak in their emotional life. Your man may be stuck in his head, stuck in his projects, stuck in his purpose. His emotional life may be dry and empty. You are his source of radiance and delight. You are his source of wild energy. As his chosen woman, you are his most intimate source of the feminine force of the universe. This is your unique gift to him, if you choose to gift him with your feminine love.

On the other hand, women tend to be weaker in aligning their actions with their highest vision. They may allow their emotional state to over-influence the clarity and direction of their actions. If you feel closed, for instance, it’s often hard to open even though you know in your heart that love is better than withdrawal. Or, you may know in your heart that it’s time to change jobs, but still find it difficult to take the next step. The masculine is good at helping the feminine live its highest purpose. The source of this masculine energy of organization and direction may be your man or your own masculine energy.

If you are weak in your self-discipline, if you have difficulty deciding on and achieving your goals, then you need more masculine energy in your life. You can develop your own masculine energy by learning to set goals, following schedules, meeting deadlines and disciplining your daily activities.

You don’t have to balance yourself first. You can gift each other in a relationship, and by doing that, you achieve balance. You are balanced by him and he is balanced by you. For instance, his mental goal-orientation can be balanced by your intuitive sensitivity. Your wild energy and emotional flow can be balanced by his stability, discrimination and humor.

How do you attract an intelligent, strong, playful man? To attract full masculine energy you must be relaxed in your body as a woman, as the full feminine incarnation of the universe. You must trust that the feminine side of yourself is not stupid, inadequate or weak. When you fully honor your feminine, then you will attract a man who honors your feminine as you do. You will be able to come together and serve one another.

Of course, if you are naturally strong in your masculine energy, you may not want a man with a strong masculine force and a desire to cherish and care for you as his feminine source of love. Your self-discipline and organizational abilities may be fully developed already, and you may not want a man who enters your life with his masculine energy. It is up to you. You may prefer a man who gives you more feminine, nurturing, supportive love.

If you want a man who will gift you with strong masculine integrity, passion and humor, then relax in your feminine energy and you will attract him. If you want a man who will not interfere with your life as it is, who will not make loving
demands of you so much as offer emotional support and acceptance, then animate your more controlling, directive, masculine energy. The man you attract will appreciate receiving your guidance and direction. Rather than penetrating your life with masculine love he is more likely to give you feminine, nurturing love with very little direction of his own.

The choice is up to you. Just remember that you always will attract a man who puts out energy reciprocal to that which you are putting out, masculine or feminine.

Who Gets to Make the Decisions, Him or Me?

Decisions about what to do are an “even deal” between people. But they are not an even deal between masculine energy and feminine energy. The feminine energy gets what it wants in love. The masculine energy gets what it wants in freedom. Your partner cannot be full in his masculine energy and also give up freedom for your preferences. You cannot be full in your feminine energy and also give up love for his preferences.

For instance, imagine you want to move to one city and he wants to move to another. Because love is the priority for the feminine, you have the potential to stay in your feminine energy, giving and receiving love with him, and yet not live in the place you would choose, because that’s secondary to the feminine. Where you live is less important than if you share deep love, if you are in your feminine energy.

But for the masculine, if forced to choose, freedom is more important than love. So if your man feels an ultimatum from you—he has to live where you prefer or else he loses you—then
he is going to feel your masculine choice. Your priority is your career, your freedom or whatever it is that makes you want to live in a particular place.

This is fine, but realize that you are prioritizing freedom above love. You are choosing your masculine priority over your feminine priority. This choice will inevitably depolarize the relationship, unless you are with a man who prefers to gift you with feminine, rather than masculine, energy.

What Can Men and Women Learn from Each Other?

Women often have to teach men how to incarnate love in a relationship. On the other hand, men often teach women how to be free.

You would be doomed if you were only happy in a relationship because all relationships end. You would also be doomed if you could not love in relationship, since life consists of relationship. Therefore, each of us needs to learn the masculine lesson of freedom prior to relationship and the feminine lesson of love in relationship.

Women teach men life and men teach women death. They are both necessary lessons. A good man teaches how to let go of emotionally binding attachments. A good woman teaches how to love within a relationship, within a commitment. His freedom can teach her not to cling. Her love can teach him to surrender his self-centered distraction.

Why Do Men Balk at Commitment?

Men tend to argue for the possibility of love without real commitment. In response to men’s ideas about possible relationships, women often feel,
I’m real. Don’t give me your theoretical bullshit. You’re either loving me right now or you’re not
. She wants concrete love.
Don’t give me any of your heady philosophy. I’m not feeling your love right now. You’re not incarnating love right now
. She tests whether her man is really loving, or just thinking of love.
I am here. I am real. Love me
. She is here to love.

The man says, “I know you really want my attention, but can you feel love whether I am here or not? Can you be free and happy whether anything is here or not?” This is the masculine teaching of love.

The more full the masculine and feminine teachings of love are, the more close they come to being the same. At the meeting point, there is no difference between the masculine and the feminine. There is no difference between freedom and love. Since true love is all-encompassing, resisting nothing, it is totally free. And, since real freedom is fearless, with no sense of threatened self, it is completely loving. Freedom and love, masculine and feminine, are not different in their full fruition.