It's a Guy Thing (15 page)

How Can I Get Him to Express His Real Emotions About Other Women?

You serve your man by helping him tune into his purpose, not by trying to get him to express his emotions. Emotions come and go. You best serve a man by helping him become more constant in his love and his purpose. You serve him by empowering his purpose, his direction and his love, not by obliging him to talk with you about his emotions.

When a man acts in a way that is really not in alignment with his true purpose, it feels dishonest to him. You serve him by helping him tune into his true heart’s desire. Emotions change moment to moment, but the heart’s desire is constant. Its direction may slowly change over time as it opens and matures, but it does not suddenly shift back and forth.

In terms of promiscuity, your man may feel horny. He might want to have sex with a woman he meets at the grocery store. So if you say to him, “Do whatever you feel,” you would be empowering his promiscuity. Instead, you can serve his sensitivity by inviting him to consider, “Does having sex with her serve your highest purpose?”

When it comes to promiscuity, honesty and integrity, a good man will align his actions with his highest purpose or his heart truth—not with his emotions or his penis. Men often feel like having sex with all kinds of women. However, their
heart-truth—if they are sensitive to it—may stop them from having sex because such action may not serve their highest purpose.

The future man, the evolved man, is a man willing to sacrifice everything else to live on the basis of his highest vision. His highest vision might mean his relationship, his creativity or his meditation. It might mean all kinds of things to different men, but ultimately it involves discovering and expressing the true self.

The true self is love itself
. The true self is infinite love with no boundaries. This is who each of us is. When a man’s life is guided by his true self, then his attractions to other women come and go but do not sway him. His commitment in love remains uncompromised.

A man feels whole only when he fully incarnates his highest vision, his highest purpose. When he lives on the basis of his highest purpose as consistently as possible he feels complete, and only then is he able to offer you his love without hesitation. As a woman in relationship with him, you could serve him best by continually reconnecting him to his highest purpose—rather than his momentary emotions—so he can express his true self, which is unbounded love. This may or may not have anything to do with talking about his emotions.

8
Money, Sex and the Workplace

Shouldn’t Women Be Paid As Much As Men?

We still have a very patriarchal culture which denigrates and devalues the feminine. Our culture is changing slowly, but for many years everything that was considered good was a product of masculine energy. Today, people who are aggressively working their way to the “top” are still considered good and productive members of society. But if people are really enjoying each other, communing with nature, or obviously delighting in the sensual pleasures of the body, they aren’t really looked upon as people who are contributing something valuable.

To make good money, we are expected to sacrifice our family life, our intimate life, even our personal health, while we push, push, push toward success. Most high-paying jobs in our culture entail an incredible amount of mental focus, organization and competition. Therefore, for both men and women, the masculine energy is more highly paid than the feminine.

It is not just men who are paid more, it is the masculine energy itself. Men and women are paid more for performing analytical and competitive masculine tasks than for feminine tasks, including anything involving a connection and sensitivity to the elements of nature, to true healing, to the preservation of life, and to loving, cooperative relationships.

Of course women and men should be paid the same amount of money if they do the same task. However, even deeper than a sex bias is the higher value our culture places on masculine, rather than feminine, styles of working, for both women and men. At this point of civilization’s self-destructiveness, it may even be true that, temporarily, feminine tasks are more important than masculine tasks for our future on Earth. In any case,
in order for both men and women to be paid what they are worth requires that our culture let go of its bias to overvalue masculine energy.

Why Does His Financial Irresponsibility Bother Me So Much?

In our economically driven culture, when a man is weak in his direction and vision, the first thing his woman will tend to discuss with him is money. When a man isn’t clear in his vision, it’s rare for his woman to say, “You are not clear in your vision and I’m losing trust in you.” Rather, she will tend to say something like, “Do we have enough money for rent? What have you been doing for the last month? I’m concerned that we’re not going to be able to pay our bills.”

In our culture, money is an easy measure of a man’s or woman’s masculine ability to guide his or her life and get what he or she wants. Money reflects whether a man or woman is able to cut through obstructions and achieve a goal, at least in the world of commerce. Money is something you can hold on to and count, whereas a subtle yet fundamental distrust of your partner is more evasive. Usually when a woman is disturbed about her man’s way of dealing with money, her feelings are actually a reflection of his lack of purpose, his lack of deep, intuitive certainty of who he is, and his inability to fully penetrate his woman’s heart with love.

The cure for this is not necessarily to make more money. Usually, the cure for a man is to really define his vision, become clear about it, and live up to it on a daily basis. Then, his woman will feel his masculine energy as it is liberated
from self-doubt. She feels his loving certainty expressed as commitment and full presence in relationship. She becomes certain of his love.

She usually doesn’t need him to earn a specific number of dollars, although money may be part of the issue. She is not usually satisfied by his dollars as much as she is by his presence, his humor, his integrity and his depth of love for her.

In our culture, the demand for financial security is actually a demand for masculine energy, in a man or a woman. Because masculine skills are paid more than feminine skills, men and women must either cultivate their masculine or learn to get by with less money. When it comes to sexual polarity, money itself is not an issue. However, you will still find yourself depolarized when your partner is not paying his part of the bills. His lack of masculine integrity is a turn-off. The problem is not the lack of money itself, but your partner’s lack of confident, clear and passionate masculine energy.

Why Do We Always Fight About Money?

If you are carrying the masculine energy in your intimacy, if you are supporting your man financially and arranging your living circumstance together, you will not be able to feel him as a
man
, unless he contributes strong masculine energy in another way. If he doesn’t contribute strong masculine energy in some way, you will be able to relate to him as a housemate or even as a close friend, but, over time, you will lose your sexual polarization to him. His lack of masculine energy won’t turn you on.

How can you trust him as your source of loving, masculine
force if he doesn’t have it together enough to handle his life? You may still trust each other as friends, but you cannot fully trust each other as polarized lovers in committed intimacy if you are financially supporting him because he is not competent enough to do it.

It might be appropriate under certain conditions, of course, for a woman to support her man financially. Perhaps he is finishing work on a novel or a painting. Perhaps he is volunteering his time for important political or social causes. He might choose to serve humanity in a nonpaying position as a religious or visionary leader. Every situation is unique. There are many situations where a man could be full in his masculine energy, confident, passionate, and directed, and still be supported financially by his woman.

But if you don’t trust your man because he is undirected, scattered, ambiguous or otherwise weak in his masculine energy, this will undercut your relationship, reducing your passion, your sexual attraction and your trust of each other.

A man feels his relationship with money is somewhat equivalent to his relationship with sexuality. If you are critical of his money-making abilities or career direction, even in the kindest way, it will turn him off. He will feel it in his body as if you were saying, “You are impotent and you don’t satisfy me.” He will feel it as a direct insult of his masculine force.

Have you noticed that usually when you talk about money with your man, he gets either weak or angry? It’s really difficult to make suggestions in this area without causing a real scene.

In our culture, financial competence is frequently a good measure of masculine competence, though not always. It is understandable that a successful man is often a turn-on, and a man with weak masculine competence is often a turn-off. It is
also understandable that discussing money with your man is as sensitive as discussing his skill, or lack of skill, as a lover.

Why Doesn’t He Like to Talk About My Workday with Me?

If you are in your business mode day after day, it will probably depolarize your relationship. Even if you are good at business, your man will mostly experience your masculine energy—and men (masculine men, at least) are not polarized and attracted into intimacy by your masculine energy because they already possess masculine energy. It is your feminine love and energy that feel like gifts to them. The rest is just business. They could hire an accountant or a business associate to work with them on the finances. But nobody can hire a goddess.

If you are talking business all the time, it is like your man running away from cockroaches or sitting around listlessly watching TV all the time. You are each failing to live your sexual essence fully.

When he loves you, when his life is clear, directional and motivated for the highest good, he is full in his sexual essence and you are polarized by his masculine energy. You can trust him. You can relax as a woman and feel his masculine love deep in your heart. You feel his full presence. He is sensitive to your needs. You can feel his integrity, humor and happiness.

Likewise, he is polarized by your feminine love which opens his heart and gives him life. He may appreciate your business acumen just as you may appreciate his taste in clothing. But if
his taste in clothing ruled his life, or your business activity ruled yours, you would not feel polarized toward each other. Your passion for one another would decrease and conflict would increase.

It is fine, of course, for you to be highly successful, creative and powerful in the business world. We should each learn to give our natural gifts, whatever they are. However, in addition to being successful, if you want a man who will ravish you in love, day after day, who will always be there for you, who will penetrate your heart with his loving no matter what your mood, then you must reciprocate his trustable masculine energy with your trustable feminine. Regardless of your financial success, in polarized intimacy you must be free as a goddess, connected to your heart, wild, gifting with love, dancing without inhibition in the light and the dark.