“What must I do, baby? Tell me what I can do to help us erase what happened today and move on with our lives together. I know I didn't fight hard enough for you. I took you for granted, and shame on me.”
Nokea touched my hand and I watched as water rushed to the brim of her eyes before flowing over. “Thisâthis hurts so bad,” she said, trembling as she spoke.
I rushed to hold her in my arms, laying her head against my chest. I softly rubbed her head and kissed it.
“I know it does. And I was one stupid muthafucka for putting us through this.”
Nokea's cries increased and I could feel her heartbeat accelerate. I wanted to calm her, so I moved her head away from my chest and looked into her eyes. “Don't you love me anymore? Don't you need me like I need you?”
She hesitated, but then she slowly nodded. I took her confirmation as a sign to go for a kiss, so I did. I held her face, hesitantly taking one peck, then two. She didn't reject me, so I sucked in her wet bottom lip. When I felt her hands ease around my waist, that's when I went for it all. Her lips were so juicy; I could barely contain myself. My dick was hurting; it was so hard. I pressed my hardness against her so she could feel it. We backed up to her truck, sucking in each other's lips and barely taking a second to pause. The rain was still pounding down hard, and both of our clothes were sticking to our bodies. I felt Nokea's hands touch my abs, and then slide down to my goods. My hands roamed too. I reached underneath her skirt, raising it a bit and circling her perfect ass, which was barely covered with hip-hugging lace panties. We felt each other's bodies for a while, massaging, squeezing and touching in all of the right places. Nokea unbuttoned my thin pajama shirt, trying to peel it away from my soaking wet chest.
“Make love to me,” she whispered while sucking the water from my lips and squeezing my hair. “Please.”
In no way did she have to say “please” to me. I helped her remove my shirt, dropping it to the pavement. Nokea touched my chest and massaged my biceps.
“Let's go inside,” I suggested.
She moved her head from side to side. “No, right here. I want to do it right here.”
I wasn't going to argue with her about where to make love. I was just overly thrilled that she wanted to do it, but also surprised. She backed into the backseat of her Range Rover, where she quickly came out of her blouse and hiked up her skirt. I looked inside, not knowing where to venture first. Her breasts were so damn succulent and pretty, but not as much as her pussy was. I wiped down my face, trying to clear the rain from it. I didn't care that we would have to leave the door open; and if anyone saw us, too damn bad. I made my way inside, thinking to hell with foreplay. We were both so aroused. I knew Nokea wanted to feel me as bad as I wanted to feel her. I lowered my pajama pants, allowing my dick to flop out, long and throbbing hard. It entered Nokea's tunnel within seconds, causing both of us to gasp. Slowly my hips went into action, and her wetness stirred up my rushing semen, which couldn't wait to coat her walls. I could still feel her body trembling underneath me, so I placed delicate kisses on her shoulders and on her chest, just to see if I could calm her. Her hands gripped my ass, and her nails were pushed into it. She squeezed her eyes, letting out a bunch of moans, and then a loud ear-ringing scream. The scream caused me to halt my actions.
“Damn, baby, am I hurting you?” I whispered, releasing one of her legs that I held high. It felt as if her pussy had dried up on me, and that had never happened before. “I'll take it easy, but just work with me, okay? Relax.”
She swallowed while staring into my eyes. “I can't do this,” she said. “All I can think about is our divorce. I didn't want to go through with it Jaylin, but you being inside her, and making her feel the way you do me is...”
“No,”
I said, feeling her about to renege on me. “IâI don't care how she feels. You ... we can do this. Let's work hard at putting our lives back together and to hell with that divorce.”
Nokea wasn't with it. Tears rolled from the corner of her eyes and I kissed them. I tried to calm her, but to no avail. She pushed my chest back, telling me to get up.
“Baby, calm down. Let's go inside andâ”
“No!” she shouted. “I want you to leave me the hell alone and accept that our divorce is final!”
Seeing her like this was a disappointment. I thought we were making progress. “I ca-can't accept our divorce. I can't lose you like this, Nokea. To hell with Scorpio, baby! What is it about that, that you don't understand?”
She sat silently for a moment, waiting until I got my act together. I didn't want to come over here acting no damn fool, but she was very unsympathetic to what I had said.
“I needed you too,” she said. “But you failed me, time and time again. I had no choice, other than to go through with what I did today. I'm sticking to it. So please get up so I can go inside.”
I let out a deep sigh before I eased out of her dry pussy and backed out of the truck. I raised my pants, watching Nokea hurry to put her blouse back on. She stepped out of the truck, pulling down her skirt, not saying a word. How we went from being so excited about each other to this? I don't know. Nokea started to walk away. I called her name and she turned. Holding out my hands, I pleaded with her.
“So this is how you're going to treat me, huh? Let me know now, so I can stop wasting my time with you.”
“I'm letting you know now, you will be wasting your time.”
I knew I was seconds away from losing itâagain. And saying not another word, she went inside the building, leaving me in more pain than I was in before I came over.
“Fuck it,” I said, making my way back to my car. “To hell with it.”
JAYLIN
The divorce was hard to swallow, but I was doing my best. Shane had closed on another deal, and that did bring some joy to me. Losing Nokea, however, was the worst feeling ever, and I couldn't believe that I had been so clueless about what she would ultimately do in a situation like this one. Never did I think she would make such a move. She did, and I was still trying to figure out how I was going to live with her decision.
I mean, my behavior was so out of character. Having thoughts about following her to see what she'd been up to? Thinking about her being with another man? That in itself made me angry. I couldn't seem to overcome this insecure-ass feeling I had inside. No doubt, when a man loves a woman and he loses her, it just makes him crazy. I was definitely feeling that way, and it frustrated me that I was making no progress with her whatsoever.
Shane had been on me about getting my act together. He knew how difficult this situation had been. I was pleased to have a friend who wasn't trying to stab me in my back at a time like this, but who was trying to be helpful. After work one day, we went to a crowded bar, just to sit back and chill. I needed to relax, and having a few drinks every now and then seemed to help. I sat on a bar stool with my elbows resting on top of the bar. I had just taken a shot of Rémy, and was feeling the burning sensation down my throat. I cleared it and looked over at Shane, who was sitting next to me. We were both causally dressed in jeans and button-down shirts. Mine was tan and his was white. I had on my Calvin Klein loafers, but Shane wore his Nike tennis shoes. We rarely got dressed up to go to work; and as low-key as we were, the women's eyes were still shifting around the room toward us. I was flattered by the attention and so was Shane. He did notice how quiet I was, and he reached over to grip the back of my neck.
“In time, my brotha, you will feel so much better,” he said.
“Yeah, but I'm living for today and not for tomorrow. Today I feel like shit. I would do anything in the world to remove that day in court from my life. I can't believe Nokea is no longer my wife.”
“That's what the courts say, but you know, as well as I do, that Nokea will forever keep her status.”
“I agree, but I'm surprised by how quickly the shit went down. She didn't even allow herself time to think about it. She brought her ass to the house and damn near raped my ass; then she basically told me, âFuck you.'”
Shane cocked his head back. “What? I didn't even know she'd come to the house!”
“She did. I was knocked out, and she came in and fucked the shit out of me. Had me going crazy, and made me tell her that I'd forgiven her about killing my baby. I'm still pissed about that, even though I told her I wasn't. That hurt me like hell, man. Nokea never should have done that to our child. Then she got me hyped again. We were making love in the rain, and all of a sudden, she made me pull out. Man, her pussy had dried up on me, and that ain't never happened. She said it was over and she was satisfied with her decision. She's been fucking with my emotions, and I got a problem with that.”
“You'll be all right. It just takes time, that's all. It was wrong for her to have an abortion, but neither one of us knows or understands what she was going through at the time.”
“I know it's been hard on her, but something like that was difficult to swallow. She's got this look about her that says she doesn't even love me anymore. And when I look into her eyes and see it, man, it's the worse feeling ever. You should have seen her that day in court. She wanted that shit over with, and after the divorce was granted, she broke out of there like she was pleased. Later that night, I saw something different. I'm confused.”
“I've spoken to her since then, and âpleased' is not the word you'd want to use. Maybe âready to move on,' but she is just as devastated by this situation as you are.”
“Then why go through with it? It didn't make much sense to me, especially if she's so hurt behind this. One day she's going to regret her decision. I know that for a fact.”
“I agree. But in the meantime, I need for you to chalk it up, stop spending so much time in Jaylin's World on Facebook and get back to business with me. Can you do that for me?”
“I will do my best, but the love that I get from my Angels on Facebook helps me cope with what I'm dealing with. You have no idea how those ladies make me feel, and it's not about hooking up with anyone in particular either.”
Shane gave me a stern look. “Are you sure about that? You don't need to inject any more women into this mess that you already have. You seem to have your hands full, and I don't want you to lose focus.”
“I assure you that I won't. And even though a few ladiesâwell, one, in particular, has really caught my attentionâI know it may stem from the neglect I'm feeling from Nokea. She reminds me so much of Nokea, and she fine as hell too. But it is what it is. I damn sure know what my priorities are now. Business and my damn kids!”
We both laughed.
Since our glasses were getting empty, Shane called for the bartender to fill them. An older black man, Raymond, came over to fill our glasses.
“Don't y'all youngbloods overdo it, especially if the two of you aren't the ones paying.”
We weren't sure what Raymond meant by that, until he pointed to two chicks at the other end of the bar who had told Raymond our drinks were on them. Both of the women looked decent, and being offered a drink wasn't going to hurt anyone. Shane lifted his glass to the ladies and they smiled, lifting their glasses as well. A few minutes later, they came to our end of the bar to sit. One of the women kind of reminded me of Taraji P. Henson, and the other had addictive eyes, like Regina King's. She sat to Shane's right, and the other woman sat next to me. I guessed they had already planned this out.
Shane glanced at me, and then he smiled at the ladies. “Thanks for the drinks, but you really didn't have to.”
The one with the pretty eyes spoke up. “It's okay. We didn't mind at all.” She held out her hand, extending it to Shane. “I'm Velvet.”
The other one spoke up too. “And my name is Faith.”
Shane spoke for both of us. “I'm Shane and this is Jay,” he said, pointing to me. I nodded my head and sipped from my glass again. It was so easy for me to pick up women; Nokea didn't know all of the women I'd turned away because of her. Even at a time like this, I could easily walk away, but conversation never hurt anyone.
Faith cleared her throat to get my attention. I turned to her, while Shane started conversing with Velvet.
“I guess I don't have to ask if you're married, only because I already see your ring,” she said.
I looked at my ring, turning it in circles. “Yeah, I'm happily married,” I said, leaving it there.
“I have to be honest and say that I was hoping otherwise. Your wife must be one lucky woman. I'm not going to pressure you or anything; but if I give you my phone number, is there any chance you'll use it?”
Sometimes in these situations, I didn't know how to say no. Depending on what kind of mood I was in, I didn't like to hurt anyone's feelings. In this case, the woman was beautiful, she came to me like she had some sense, and she was confident about what she wanted. That always impressed me. “Sure, you can give me your number. Maybe I'll use it, maybe I won't.”
She smiled and wrote her number on a piece of paper. “I love a confident and cocky man. That you are.” She gave me the piece of paper, and then she moved in closer. “If you're happily married, then why the long face? I've been watching you all evening, and I haven't seen you smile once.”
“I'm tired from work, that's all.”
“Then you should be glad to be off work. Would you like to dance? I love me some Maxwell, and the dance floor isn't that crowded.”
I glanced at the small hardwood dance floor, where four other couples were dancing. A disco ball turned from up above, along with yellow and white spinning lights. Shane was still talking to Velvet, so I shrugged my shoulders.
“Sure. Why not?”
Faith and I went to the dance floor; as we danced to “Pretty Wings” by Maxwell, my mind was all over the place. I'd thought about taking her to her house and knocking her back out, but the desire wasn't there. Thoughts of Nokea were crippling me, and I wondered what she was doing. I finally forced out a smile, spinning Faith around.
“Okaaay,”
she said. “I
knew
I'd get a smile out of you tonight.”
I was sure she wanted to get more than a smile out of me. We danced through another song. When the DJ kicked up KEM's “Why Would You Stay?” the words really caused me to lose my swag:
Girl, I know you deserve a better man./ I was a fool to ever let you down, so why would you stay? / Woman, I beg your forgiveness and I'll do whatever it takes./ Sugar, your heart has been broken, but I can still see true love shining in your eyes.
“Thanks for the dance,” I said, backing away from her in the middle of the song. “I need to go handle some business right now.”
She didn't ask what, and all she said was “Su-sure.”
As she walked in front of me, my eyes dropped to look at her ass. I couldn't help but think about what could have transpired tonight. She made her way to the bar. Before taking a seat, she flagged the bartender again. She asked if I wanted anything else, but I declined. I turned my attention to Shane, interrupting his conversation.
“Say, man, I'm getting ready to jet. Are you staying?”
“Not for long,” he said, eyeballing Faith. “Why are you leaving so soon?”
“I need to go take care of something real quick. Need to get home to check on my kids too.”
Shane turned to Velvet. “I'll be right back. I'm going to walk my friend to his car.”
She nodded.
Before I left, I reached out for Faith's hand.
“Enjoy your evening, baby, and stay sweet. Thanks for the drink and the dance.”
“You're welcome. Sorry you're leaving so soon. I wish you'd stay for a while longer.”
“Maybe next time.”
“Maybe so.”
I left and Shane followed behind me. When we got to my truck, he folded his arms. “I wish you'd hang around for a while. I'm not saying that you should hook up with Faith or anything like that, but just chilling and talking may help put you at ease.”
“My mind ain't with it, but I'll see you when you get home. Or will I?”
“Hey, I'm good. I will definitely be there tonight, but I don't mind having good conversations with females.”
“Are you sure that's all it is? Tiffanie shouldn't be worried, should she?”
“Not one bit. These ladies are real nice and down-to-earth. Tiffanie won't be home until eleven o'clock, so I'm just wasting some time.”
I nodded. After Shane and I slapped our hands together, I left.
I drove down the highway in a real shitty mood. I knew Scorpio could temporarily change my mood, but I didn't feel like seeing her. I called home to check on the kids, and Nanny B said that everyone was fine. I talked to LJ for a few minutes, then to Mackenzie and Jaylene. When I asked for Justin, Nanny B said he was asleep. I told her I'd be home soon.
I figured it would be another restless night for me, and if the thoughts of Nokea were keeping me up, I wanted to keep her up. I didn't want to seem like no stalker, but I missed having my wife around. My hope was that she would have something intriguing to say to me, and that would change my mood around. That led me to her condo, and I lightly tapped on the door. There was no answer. I knew she was there, only because her Range Rover was parked in the parking lot. I'd also heard soft music playing from inside her apartment. I heard the volume go down. I leaned in to speak loud enough so she could hear me. I didn't want to sound like I was yelling, however. I kept my voice friendly.
“I guess by now you've already looked through the peephole and you know it's me. Why don't you just open the door?”
There was no response. I sighed and waited for a moment. Still, silence. Minutes later, I continued. “Can I tell you that being without your love is driving me insane? If you were out to make a point, you damn sure made one. I don't know how long you're going to make us suffer like this. If you don't give a damn anymore, why don't you just say it?”
She didn't say one word. I wanted her to open the door, so I did not raise my voice. “I will only stay for five minutes, and all I want to do is see you. A hug would be nice too, Nokea. If you're listening to me, just say something. Give me a signal.... Knock on the door. Something.”
I waited, but no signal came. I stood for a moment, and then I sat down in front of her door, bending my knees. I fumbled around with my fingers, thinking about how things had gone so very wrong. “Damn, I just wanted to tell you about my day, and I miss not being able to communicate with you. So here I am, and I hope you're listening. I got up early and took my morning jog, which you sometimes took with me. Then I showered and looked for you, but you weren't there. Afterward, I had breakfast with Nanny B and the kids; and to see your chair empty ain't a good thing, baby.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, pausing for a moment before I continued on. “I then drove to the office with Shane, expecting to get a phone call from you, telling me that I'd forgotten something and needed to come back to get it. Or a call just to say how much you loved me, and encouraging me to have a good day. Whatâwhat about those notes that you sometimes write me, sharing your thoughts and letting me know what's waiting for me when I come home.” I smiled in deep thought. “All I can say is, plenty of times, Nokea, you had my ass so anxious to get home. I miss all of that, don't you?”