Jordan (Season Two: The Ninth Inning #5) (19 page)

I listen to her, but the words aren’t sticking to me.

“You’ve said time and time again, you don’t want to hurt him, but you are.”

I turn away from her and the tears slide down.

“No matter how you
think
you want to feel, it’s not how you
really
feel.” She pauses. “Heidi, parents who’ve lost a child have a pain I can’t even explain. The strong ones, like you and Jordan, have their rough patch and rely on each other to make it through the dark times. You need Jordan. Jordan needs you. You both need each other.”

I close my eyes. The words ring true to my soul.

I run my hands through my hair. I have one more client and then I can go home and rest. I’ve been eating so much; I’m making myself sick again. Skye and Colette are about to leave. This client needed a late appointment due to a travel schedule. I’m fine with locking up.

“Sofia,” I call out to the redhead sitting in the waiting area. “You can follow me.” I smile as she does. When she stands, I see her perfectly round belly. My heart constricts for a second, but I don’t let it show on my face. I need to remain professional.

“Great,” she says brightly and trails behind me to my chair.

Once I have her all set, I ask her what she wants. “Just a trim. Nothing too much, though. My boyfriend might pass out if I come home with a pixie cut.” She laughs and I follow suit.

“Okay. I promise nothing drastic.” I direct her over to the shampoo counter and begin my routine.

When we’re back at the chair and I’ve towel-dried her hair, I start my usual small talk. “Are you from here in Memphis?”

“Born and raised. You?”

“South Carolina.”

“What made you move here?”

I stutter for a second before pulling myself together. “My husband relocated here.” I don’t say Jordan’s a baseball player. That opens a whole other set of worms. “How far along are you?”

“Almost six months.” She glows when she answers.

“Do you know the sex?” I keep my question steady.

“A boy. Which means I’ll be gray or bald by the time he’s a teenager.”

I genuinely laugh at comment. I know Jordan would be too with his daughter. “It just shows you’re a good mother and I’m sure your boyfriend is great too.”

“He’s going to be the best.” She bites her lip as her smiles grow. “What about you? Do you have kids?”

It’s the one question that seems to throw me off. On one hand, I do have a child, but she’s passed on. On the other, if I tell her I have a child who has passed, I get the horrible pity looks and the
I’m sorry
. But there’s something about the kindness in her eyes, and it makes me tell the truth.

“I had a little girl. She would have been three this year, but she passed at birth.” I continue to snip at her hair. I don’t look at her in the mirror, but after a good minute, she says nothing and I look up. Sofia’s face is pale. I’ve scared her. “Oh, I’m sure your baby will be just fine,” I reassure her quickly.

“Um...it’s not that. I mean,” she shakes her head. “I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine your pain.”

And there it is. The boilerplate of all condolences. “Thank you.”

She opens her mouth to say something else, but quickly stops.

I need to change the subject and fast. “Do you work close by?”

“Oh, I’m a massage therapist.”

“How interesting.” I pipe up my tone. “Strange to say, but I don’t think I could touch sweaty bodies all day.” I shudder.

“Actually, my job involves athletes, so they’re in fairly good shape.” She giggles, but I’m not sure I get the joke.

When I’m done with her hair, I give it a quick style and I’m finished. “All right, what do you think?” I spin around.

“Holy crap,” she gasps.

“Is that a good holy crap or bad?” I’m not sure.

“It’s good. I mean, wow. Blakey will freak when he sees this. In a good way, of course.”

I smile and brush her off a bit more and then head to the cash register. After I give her the total, she hands me her card and then hands me a fifty-dollar bill.

“It’s for you. I’ll be back too.”

“Great and thank you.” I slip the cash into my pocket and then hand her the credit card slip to her for her to sign. She smiles as she gives it back and we head toward the door.

Right before we reach it, Sofia spins around, almost knocking me off balance. “I’m Sofia Gardner.”

“Um…I know. I made the appointment.”

“I mean, I’m Blake Foster’s girlfriend,” she rushes out.

“Okay.” I’m not sure where this is going.

“Damn, I have pregnancy brain. Let me start over.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m Sofia Gardner, Blake Foster is my boyfriend; he’s the catcher for the Memphis Angels. I’m also their massage therapist.”

My heart stops. “You were at the bar.” It dawns on me she had been in the corner.

“Yes, and I wasn’t going to say a word, but,” she stops. “May we sit down? I’m asking for five minutes of your time.”

I don’t know why I do, but I nod, and we sit in the lobby chairs.

“I wasn’t going to say anything. In all honesty, I just wanted to check you out. I’m extremely nosey, and Blake is going to really yell at me when he figures out what I’ve done, but Jordan is like a brother to me.”

I wait for her to continue.

“The past two weeks, he’s been a wreck. He’s hiding it, but I see it. His eyes are bloodshot, he’s not sleeping, and he even yelled at Colby.”

“Jordan?” Jordan doesn’t yell.

Sofia nods. “Look, I’m not an expert and can’t even imagine the pain you’ve been through, but Jordan loves you. I can also tell you that
no one
knows about your daughter on the team.”

“Jordan is very private.” Hardly anyone knew I was pregnant on his old team because he didn’t want a lot of the wives around me, spreading germs and whatnot.

“He is. But I think you should hear this. He needs you. I don’t know how much longer he can go on like this before he finally blows up.”

“He doesn’t need me.”

Sofia scoffs. “You’re so wrong. He needs you more than anything right now. None of the team can reach him. The road games were a disaster. I’m sure you saw.”

I did actually. I saw Jordan strike out and crack the bat in half on his knee. I saw the tiredness in his eyes and body.

“I’m overstepping, and I know Jordan won’t be happy either, but you needed to hear it from someone.” She pats my hand before standing and heading out the door. She turns right as she opens the door. “Heidi, if anything ever happened to my baby, I would want Blake by my side. I can’t imagine even breathing without him next to me. It wouldn’t be easy, but together we’d make it.” She gives me one last smile and leaves me.

The sobbing starts all over again.

I GOT NO response from Heidi from my last letter. I was expecting something and I got nothing. It broke off another piece of my resolve. I’ve been trying my damnedest to keep going strong, and instead, I break down a little more every day. Honestly, I think it’s a long time coming. The stress from this entire ordeal is stretching me thin. I’m falling apart.

My thoughts are borderline obsessive as I run over all the ways my life is going to suck without Heidi. Then, I think of all the ways her life might suck without me. I try to come up with new ways to get her to see what she refuses to see. I start thinking about how I’m going to make sure I can sneak visits to Eden without having to run into Heidi. Because I’m not going to want to run into her. I realize that I will in fact have to make a call to my parents to say that I’m divorced.

Not going to lie that I even start wondering about the possibility of being traded away from Memphis. I’ll be away from Heidi, she can go to baseball games again, and maybe life would be bearable.

And after I have all of those thoughts, I start beating myself up for even thinking such things. I’ve promised Heidi I wouldn’t give up, and I won’t, but damn if I can’t stop thinking about the day I may have to. If Heidi doesn’t change her mind, if I have to sign those papers, then I will have to give up. I also promised her I would do that.

I harshly rub my hands over my face. This is exhausting. My phone rings and my heart stupidly skips a beat, hoping it’s Heidi.

It’s not. It’s Colby.

“Hey,” I answer. I still feel bad for blowing up at him.

“Want to come with me to Big Blue?”

“I really don’t feel like it.”

“Well then, it sucks to be you right now.” Before I can ask why, my doorbell sounds. Colby grins from the other side of the threshold when I open the door. “Put some shoes on and let’s go.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Nope,” he smugly answers.

Sighing, I get some shoes on my feet, grab my wallet, and follow him to his vehicle. If he’s dragging me out of the comforts of my own home, then he can drive and take me back home. The entire drive there, he keeps looking at me, as if he’s expecting me to speak. I’m not in the mood, so I don’t. Tough shit for him.

As if the night couldn’t get worse, nearly all of the guys are crowded around two tables when we arrive.

“Sugar Daddy!” Hector yells when he spots us. I can’t help but laugh. Colby glares and Hector slaps me on the shoulder when I get close enough to him. “Let’s get the man a beer,” he tells the waitress.

Conversation seems to flow smoothly between everyone. Tanner is the butt of the jokes. Spencer tries to get Colby to hit on the waitress. Roman seems to like soaking in everyone’s behavior. Trent just keeps shaking his head and laughing. After my beer, I’m done drinking and ready to head home. Don’t get me wrong, hanging with the guys is fun, but I haven’t gotten much sleep lately, and I’m exhausted.

They don’t even give me the chance to bolt.

“So,” Trent begins in a tone I’ve heard him use with Kaelyn. “You’ve been in a sour mood lately.”

“We can all guess it has something to do with your wife,” Spencer adds.

“Because your separation is the only thing you ever constantly whine about,” Tanner says with a roll of his eyes.

“Am I having an intervention?” I interrupt as Roman opens his mouth. They all look a little guilty. You have got to be kidding me.

“We want you to know we’re here if you need us, and if there’s anything we can do to help, just ask,” Colby tells me.

I glare at him. “If I needed your help, I would have asked.” Like they could help me get my wife back! Colby should know better than to pull this shit. He actually knows what’s going on.

“The point,” Roman speaks up, “is we’re here if you need us.”

My shoulders, which I didn’t realize were tense, begin to relax. They all look concerned and sincere. “Thanks. I’ll work on my mood.”

They, too, seem to relax. Hector claps me on the shoulder. “Now that we’ve settled that.” He turns to Colby. “How’s online dating going, Sugar Daddy?”

Colby groans. “Any time you’re ready to leave, Jordan,” he tells me.

I laugh. “Oh, no. You brought me here for a damn intervention, then we’re staying until they’ve drilled you.”

He grumbles, but we don’t leave yet. Maybe the night won’t turn out so bad after all.

A shrill ringing annoys the hell out of me. I feel like I just fell asleep and now someone is calling me to wake me up? I blindly reach out to grab it from the nightstand, the charger yanking out as I pull it to my ear after swiping to answer.