Just a Little Faith (11 page)

“Regret?”

“I won't be with a man until
I'm
married.”

His hand fell.
“Um
,
okay. That was… unexpected.”

She jerked back like she'd been burned
.
“Have I ever given you the indication I would be willing to do anything like that with you? If I have, I apologize. I know I have expressed to you how important my faith is.
Although
we
'
ve only known each other
a short time
, surely y
ou can't imagine I would be the type of girl who would just jump into bed with someone at the drop of the hat?
”

“I guess I never thought about it. I mean, well… I don't know what I mean.
”
Standing he paced the floor in front of her
,
and then
stop
ped
.
“
I like you. A lot. Don't you like me?”

She
looked at him
, afraid her feelings would betray what she needed to say versus what she wanted to say
. “That's the problem
,
Sebastian. I do like you. Too much in fact.”

“Too much. What do you mean too much? You aren't making any sense.”

“I know. I don't know how to explain it. When
I'm
with you Seb
…w
e have a great time together and we laugh.
It feels natural.
”

“I know. I feel that way too.”

“But being with you also terrifies me. I'm no
t like the other girls you've had
in your life. I can't just give you something I have cherished my whole life knowing you aren't going to commit to me in return.”

He put his hands up as if to protect himself
.
“Whoa. Who said anything about commitment?”

“That's exactly my point
,
Seb. What you want, what you desire from me
,
comes easy for you because
,
i
n actuality
,
it
requires nothing from you.”

Sebastian
dropped back on the couch,
silent.

“I am sorry for giving the wrong impression
,
but I will not apologize for my principles. They are who I am.”

Seb
rose
from the couch,
towering
over her. “You know Pax
,
I think we have something good going on here. I like you. You like me
,
and we enjoy each other's company. But
,
for some reason, that's not enough for you
.
I can't give you any more than that right now.
And you know what?
I can't apologize for who I am
,
either.”

Pax closed her eyes
,
fighting back tears
.
The slamming door echoed in her ears.
Opening her eyes, the
empty room
screamed at her
. She slid off the couch,
collaps
ing
on the floor
, tears streaming
down her face.

Oh Lord, help me and my breaking heart.

 

Running down the steps of her apartment, Seb
couldn't decide if he was angry, sad, hurt
,
or all three. He did know he needed to get away from the situation before he said anything he might regret.
Pressing the unlock button on his key fob, his car chirped in response and he jumped in the front seat, slamming the door behind him.

He started to turn the key in the ignition, but paused.
H
e didn't understand Pax,
but
she didn't deserve to be maligned for her beliefs. But he was
upset
,
too. Angry with her for letting him get close to her.
Frustrated
with himself for feeling more for her than he planned
…
E
ven though he didn't quite understand it,
he was hurt
,
as well. Hurt because
,
if he thought about it, he knew she
spoke the truth
. As much as he tried not to think about it, if she
had
been any other girl
,
he would have done just what she said. He would have wooed her, slept with her
,
and left her, and not once considered loving her.
Bile rose
in the back of this throat.
How could I be so foolish?
Pushing those thoughts aside he looked at the clock.
Just forget about her
,
Seb.
The night
'
s still young.

H
e wanted to go for a long run to try and clear his head
.
Sticking his key in the ignition
, he noticed the pattering of raindrops on his windshield
.
If he valued his health,
now
was probably not the best time to go.

H
e reached for his phone
where
he'd left
it
in the front console earlier
. “I'll call Rangy. He's always up for a night on the town.”

He then remembered Rangy mentioning he had to go out of town to take care of some business. Looking down, he saw
a
voice mail icon display
ed on the
screen
.

“
Maybe he changed his mind and decided to stay home.”

Putting in the password for his voice mail, he stared out the window still steamed over the argument with Pax.
The rain came down
even harder
making it
more
difficult to hear the message,
Seb
sat
up and listen
ed
more intently.
Lightning flashed in the distance.

“Seb, it
'
s Rick. I, uh, need you to call me as soon as you get this message. It's
urgent
you return my call
,
Seb. Please call me. Please.”

Rick?
Why would
he be calling
?

Sebastian
hit redial
and
waited, not anxious to have a conversation with his ex-wife's husband.

“Hey
Rick
, I got your message. It sounded pretty important.”

“Sebastian. I
'm so sorry. I
don't know how to tell you this…”

“Rick…
What's going on?
”
Was he crying?

Sebastian's heart constricted.

****

Thunder cracked outside and a flash of lightning filled the room.
Paxson
realized
she
needed to
get up
of
f the floor sooner rather than later. Sensing something
amiss
, both KC and Ace
timidly
v
e
ntured
out of their
usual
hiding place
s
and circl
ed
her
,
mewing
their concern
.
R
each
ing
out, she rubbed her hands along their soft fur, pausing every now and then to wipe the tears still cascading down her cheeks
.
“I can always count on you two to know when I need some affection.”

She did
n't know how much Sebastian meant to her until he
walked out the door.
In
only a few days
he'd become fully integrated into her life
.
How could she let something like that happen?
The thought of not seeing him
over
the next seven days, seven weeks, or eve
n seven months made her heart ache
, a
nd now
they had
the deal at LLS! How awkward would that be
after their disagreement this evening
?

She made it from the floor to the couch
,
but as soon as she
felt the couch
cushion
beneath her
,
she moved to her grandmother's chair
,
staring
at the couch
.
M
emories of what
had
happened there
only
a few minutes earlier
fill
ed
her mind
.
Her skin tingled at the remembrance of his touch. P
ut
ting
her head in her hands
, she took several long deep breaths
.
“Maybe a good soak in the tub will help.”
She stood, but
a
knock at the door stopped her.

Looking t
hrough the peephole
,
she saw that
Seb st
ood
drenched
from the rainstorm outside.
The part of his shirt not covered by his coat was plastered to his chest and rivulets of rain drops still traveled down his face.

She swung the door open.
“Seb? What's wrong? You're soaking wet… Did your car not start?”

“Pax.” He said her name so softly she could barely hear it.

“Sebastian.
You're
scaring me. What's going on?”

“They're gone.”

“Who's gone?”
She dragged him into the apartment.

Sebastian answered in a cold monotone. “I had a call from Rick when I got in the car. Melissa and the girls were coming back from dance class tonight. Apparently
,
a car crossed the median at a high rate of speed and hit them head on.
They'
re dead. All three of them.”

Paxson
pressed her hand to her mouth
, then
pulled Sebastian into her arms
.

“They're gone Pax. My little girls are gone.”

 

Pax
pulled Seb over to the couch
,
then
ran to the
closet to get him a blanket
and towels
.
Pausing at the
entrance to the closet
, she took a deep breath and returned to the couch
,
linens
in tow
.
She encourage
d
him to remove his coat, but he remained still and quiet.
Finally,
with no assistance from him,
s
he finagled it off of him
and
draped
the blanket around hi
s shoulders
.
Taking the towel, she gently wiped the rainwater from his face and hair
.
His
face still register
ed
shock
as
Pax
went
to the
kitchen
and set
a teapot on to boil
. She leaned against the counter
, arms trembling.

Dear Lord. Please give me the strength to say and do the right things.
I'm
not sure why this
happen
ed.
I know Sebastian is going to be need
ing
You more now than eve
r
, even if
he
doesn't know it right now. Please help me show him Your care is everlasting
,
and give me the courage to be there for him.

Bringing back two cups of tea, she placed them on the coffee table and sat beside Sebastian on the couch
. He
hadn't moved since she left him.

“Sebastian. Sweetie, what can
I
do for you right now? Is there someone I can call? What about Jim? Let me call him for you.
Where's your phone?
”

Still non-responsive, Seb didn't react. S
he couldn't see his cell phone
or his car keys
, so she grabbed her raincoat from the closet and hurried down the steps to his car
, throwing the hood over her head to block as much rain as possible
.
Cupping her eyes, she l
ook
ed
through the window
and
saw his keys
in the ignition
.
R
ain pelted her hands as
she
tried
the
front door
.
Whispering a silent prayer of thanks when i
t opened
,
she
glance
d
around the front seat
and
found
his phone lying on the floorboard.
Snatching
the phone and the keys, she locked the door
, waiting for the familiar beep of the alarm system
,
and ran back up the stairs.

She hung up her coat and returned to the couch b
eside him
. Her fingers
,
cold from the rain
,
betrayed her when she tried to
s
crol
l
through the names in the address book
. Finally, she
found
Seb's agent's name
and
pushed the dial button.
Putting a
hand
on
Seb's shoulder she
prayed Jim would pick up the phone.

“Seb? What's going on bud? It's late isn't it?”

Inhaling
a deep breath, she answered. “Jim
, this is Pax. I, uh, I'm with Seb. He's at my apartment.” She struggled with her words. “Seb just got some terrible news and you were the first person I could think of to call.” Explaining the situation to Jim, she ended the call and
turned toward Seb
tr
ying
to keep herself together.

“Sebastian, Jim is going to come right over. How about I give Linc a call?”

Taking his silence for approval, Pax found Lincoln's name
in the contact list. Once he answered
,
she
outlined the circumstances of her call.

After h
anging up the phone, Paxson leaned back on the couch
and
rubbed
Seb's
arm
s
,
trying to provide some comfort as well as warmth to his chilled body.

His whisper broke the silence.
“Thank you. I didn't know what else to do but come back up here. For some reason, I knew you would know what to do.”

She squeezed him in a tight hug
.
“
I'm
glad you did. I know my saying I am so sorry doesn't help anything right now
,
but I will do whatever I can to help you. Please know that.”

“I know. I… I just need to sit here with you right now if
that's
okay.”

“Of course, you can stay here as long as you like. Jim and Lincoln are on their way.
Linc said he'd try and reach Rangy too. He's not sure he's in town though.
We're going to get you through this.”

F
or the first time since she pulled him into her apartment,
he
looked her
in the eyes
.
Seeing the tears
running down his face, she tighte
ne
d
her arms around him hoping to take some of his grief from him.

She could not imagine the pain he
felt right now.
She
'
d been lucky in her life
, having only
lost one set of grandparents
.
T
hey
'd
been in poor health at the time
,
and their passing
had been
more of a blessing than anything. But
for someone's
own children taken
,
and in such a violent way
…
Pax could
n't begin to
process
the sorrow
.

P
ull
ing
back
,
Seb
joined
their
hands
,
then
looked
up at her.

“The next few days are going to be crazy
,
and I know that. There's going to be decisions
that need
to be made. I know it sounds strange, but
I need you to help me.
Will you Pax? Will you come to California with me and help me say goodbye to my girls?”

Her heart stopped in shock
.
This was a private matter
.
I
t would
n't
be proper for her
to be there
.
Clearly, his mind wasn't
dealing with
things correctly
.
Maybe after he took the time to think about it, he would realize what he asked and change his mind
.
Until then,
s
he would do what he requested, even if
she
knew
it was
n't
the wisest choice at the time.
The earlier problems between them seemed to vanish. All that mattered now was helping him through this any way she could.