Just a Little Faith (13 page)

****

Pax prayed for strength.
Dear Lord, I knew today would be difficult, but
I'm
beginning to feel overwhelmed. Seb is relying on me for so much right now.

She struggled with her emotions
,
glad
she could be
t
here
for him. S
he
knew
her
feelings for him were only growing.
Was it just
a few days ago
I decided to end things with him? It seems a lifetime ago.

Once they reached the
parlor
door, Sebastian stopped short of entering
.
G
ripp
ing
her hand
more tightly
,
he
closed his eyes
.
She grabbed his arm with her free hand and squeezed. “You don't have to do this
if it's too much for you
.
No one will judge you.
”

“That's just it
,
Pax. I do
have to. For my girls
,
and for me.
”

On entering the room, Pax's gaze was immediately drawn to the three caskets lined up side by side along the back wall. V
ibrant
flowers and
leafy
plants
surrounded them
.
As beautiful as the flowers were, the sweetness of their odor combined with the knots in her stomach
caused Pax to bite back feelings of nausea
.

U
tter sadness
encompassed
her
when
Sebastian slowly approached the
smallest
of the caskets
.
Reaching in, he caressed his
youngest
daughter's face.
“Paxson, this is my daughter
,
Maggie. She is the spitting image of her mother in every way. She has a laugh which lights up the entire room and she loves to ask ‘why
'
to anything you tell her.”

Paxson
stepped
closer to his side
.

“
My sweet
Maggie
Grace
. This is my special friend, Paxson. I wish you could have known her because she's a lot of fun. She loves to laugh as much as you do
,
and I know you would have been great friends.”

Paxson
continually
wipe
d away
the tears trickl
ing
down her face.

Wanting to give
Seb
tim
e alone with his
daughter
,
Paxson
stepped back from the casket her eyes travers
ing
the room
,
taking in the hundreds of flowers lining the walls
.
Her eyes
stopp
ed
at the casket holding Melissa.
Seb was right
.
Maggie
,
indeed
,
looked just like her
mother
w
ith
her
raven black hair and olive skin
.
T
hey were beautiful
.

Seb
reached behind him for Pax's hand a
nd
the
y
walked over to
the casket on his left
. “Ashlynn was my tomboy. She got my love of athletics.
A
lready on a little league
girls'
softball team
,
she was
convince
d
she
'd
be
good enough to play with the boys. She was right.
Better
than most of the boys her age.”

Paxson smiled
,
pictur
ing
the young
sandy-
blonde girl before her in a dirty and torn uniform. As much as Maggie looked like Melissa, Ashlynn was Sebastian made over
w
ith
her
sand
y-brown hair
.
Paxson imagined if she could see her eyes, they would be the same bright blue.

Sebastian
fingered h
is daughter's
hair
a
s
tears f
e
ll
down his cheek
onto the fabric of the casket
.
“Goodbye
,
Baby Girl. Don't be afraid. Daddy loves you.”

Expecting they would walk back out
to
the lobby, Sebastian
surprised
Pax
when he
walked over to the largest of the three caskets
.
He seemed to
hesitate before
reach
ing
out to touch his former wife's dark hair.

“I am so sorry
,
Melissa. I know things were hard
.
T
hank you so much for the girls. They will always be my greatest achievement in life.”

Sebastian bent over the cask
et, his body wracked with
quiet
sobs.
W
hen he regained his composure
,
Pax
took
him by the hand
and led him
out of the room
,
t
he overwhelming scent of
fresh flowers
and sorrow still permeating
everything they touched
.

 

After the funeral
,
e
verything
passed in
a
blur
.
Seb didn't even remember getting into the
car until he glanced up.
Looking t
hrough the side window, Seb's eyes narrowed
,
seeing
Rick's black town car le
a
d the
procession to the cemetery
.

Once the graveside service began
,
Seb stared through the lens
es
of his dark sunglasses at the
three caskets
. Tears
lodg
ed
in his throat.
Loosening his tie,
Seb
needed
to escape
,
but
how
could he? Would he ever be able to live with his loss?

Ignoring the look of shock on Rick's face, he w
alk
ed
away from the tent,
and
l
ean
ed
next to a tall memorial marker several yards
away
. He
felt a hand on his back.
A quick glance over his shoulder confirmed what he suspected. Pax.
With her touch, h
is shoulders shook
,
releasing
pent up emotions he
had
held back for the majority of the past few days.
Pax
pressed
her
face to
his back
while
her arms wrapped around
his chest
to embrace him
.

After a few moments,
S
e
b
turned to her and
looked up
,
taking
in his surroundings
, his t
ears easing.

“It's interesting to me how peaceful a cemetery is. I suppose that's the point though. It's a place where family can come and find
respite
or calm or maybe just solitude in the
ir
grief.
” He crossed his arms across his chest.
”
But I don't know if I will ever be able to do it. How can I come back knowing my girls are here?
Seeing an engraved marker with their name
s
, reminding me of how little time I had with them. How can that be comforting?
I don't want to think about them being here. I want them with me, right now, forever.”

“No one said you ever have to come back here. Besides your girls, they aren't here. They are here…” She pointed to the center of his chest.
“Here in your heart is where you will always have your girls. No matter where you go, they go with you. Their smiles and their laughter, those are things which can never be taken away from you
.
Those are yours forever. Just because they aren't with you in a physical sense, doesn't mean they
've
left you.
”

He
started to
turn away but she pulled his chin back so he faced her again. “
I know it sounds trite and silly, but I believe it. Love doesn't vanish because of death
.
L
ove can even be strengthened through death because we tend to remember the wonderful aspects of people's lives more than anything else. Besides, I believe your girls are now in a place where they will never have to know true sorrow or pain. They are happy and at peace for eternity. As difficult as death can be, knowing the joy of the other side can bring great comfort.”

Taking her hand into his,
Sebastian looked down
shaking
his head
.
“I don't know
,
Pax. I don't know what to believe. The only thing I know right now is my world is shattering into a million pieces
,
and I have no idea how to put it back together.”

Paxson remained quiet
,
but
when he
looked up
,
he saw the traces of tears track down her cheek. He gathered her to him
self
,
hanging
on for dear life to the only person he felt he could count on.

****

After w
aiting for the service to end and the
crowd
to
dispers
e
, Pax and Sebastian
walked back to the burial site
. The workers
,
beginning
their final preparations
,
notic
ed
them
approach the tent
and
silently
backed a few feet away.

Se
bastian placed one hand on the two small
casket
s
and closed his eyes.

“
Did I tell you b
oth of my girls loved music
?
W
hen I was with them, the radio, the TV,
MP3 player
, whatever
always blared
.
They sang their hearts out whenever a song came on the radio they knew. It always made me smile hearing their sweet voices try to match those on the radio.
Would you do me a favor
,
Pax? Would you sing something for them? For me?”

Though
surprised at his request
,
she
knew she
couldn't refuse him
.
“Of course
,
Seb. Do you have something in mind?”

“The song you sang at the hospital.
I never heard it before, but it'
s something they would have liked, I'm sure.”

Steeling herself,
Paxson took a deep breath and beg
a
n to sing.
Thoughts swirled through her mind o
f two little girls dancing with their daddy to
silly songs on the radio
. She sang
,
imagining
Seb embracing them a
nd kissing them when he walked in the door after several months away. She
reflected on the images of their sweet smiles she
'
d seen in pictures all over his house.
Pax
hop
ed
this simple act
would bring
him some peace.

T
he last note left her
lips;
Seb
's
hands
remained motionless
on
their caskets
. Raising his head, his
eyes
shielded behind his
dark sunglasses
he turned
toward her
,
lip quivering with emotion
.

Pangs of sorrow touched her heart. How could she help him through this?
Uncertain
ty filled her voice
. “Sebastian, would you like if I said a prayer?”

He reached
for her hand
not saying a word
.

Dear Lord. Today has been hard. I know it is the hardest day Sebastian has ever experience
d
and I also know the next few days will be just as difficult. I ask you, Lord to please be with Sebastian today and in the coming days, weeks and years as he struggles with missing his girls. Help him dear Lord to remember the times which brought him joy
.
The days they were born, the days they
took
their first step
s
and said their first word
s
. Help him to cherish those memories and realize they are there for his comfort. Be with Rick as he has lost his wife
,
and be with the rest of the family who has had to endure such a terrible tragedy.

Dear Lord, be with the young man whose choice
to drink and drive
led to the untimely deaths of these three dear ones. Help him to realize the error of his ways
,
and give him a heart of repentance. And finally
,
dear Lord, thank You for allowing Ashlynn and Maggie to be a part of Sebastian's life for as long as they were on this earth. Thank you for loving Sebastian enough to give him two beautiful girls who loved him no matter what. Help us all to have the heart of a child in all that we do. I ask this all in your most loving Son's name, Amen.

Her eyes still closed, she f
e
lt
a gentle breath across her face,
as
Seb
whisper
ed
in her ear
,
“Thank you.”