Authors: Genevieve Jourdin
I hesitated to share the rest with Carter. He
worked with Elisa and I didn’t want him to have conflict at the office, but I
knew he deserved the full story. Things with her had gotten out of hand even
before she dared to ruin Carter’s proposal to me. It seemed like she was trying
to sabotage his life.
“She told me that you had
told everyone in the office that you had a ring for me and you were going to
ask me to marry you. I didn’t say anything for a second because I was so caught
off guard, but then she went on and said you had something special planned for
me. I told her thanks for the info and hung up. I don’t know how to explain it
Carter, I was here all alone and I just panicked. I thought about the shopping
trip that Cheryl had strong-armed me into and it all fit. Then I wondered if
Elisa was telling me the truth so I went through your desk, sorry.” I felt bad
admitting to him how I had invaded his privacy, but he knew that already
anyway, so I figured I might as well confess everything.
“When I
couldn’t find anything there I started going through your drawers, and I must
say you don’t hide things very well.” Carter gave me a look that made me feel
about ten years old so I went on. “Anyway, I stood there with the box in my
hand and my heart was pounding. I was afraid to open it but at the same time I
was excited. When I pulled the top back it felt like my heart stopped. It was
the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen. The green of the stone was like the
color of your eyes and all I wanted at that moment was to for you to ask me to
marry you.” I closed my eyes and braced myself to finish. “But after a minute I
started thinking about being married and it just seemed like the most
frightening thing in the world.” I felt bad when I saw the look on his face. I
pulled my hand up to his jaw and let it drift down to his chin. I didn’t say
anything else, just waited for him to respond to what I’d just told him.
“What are
you afraid of?” His voice was quiet. I wanted to be able to tell him that I
wasn’t afraid anymore but that wasn’t true. I wanted to marry him but I was still
scared.
“That I won’t be the kind
of wife you need. You know that I don’t have any example of how to be a good
wife except your mother, and I am definitely not in the same league as
Sharon
. I can’t entertain
people effortlessly like she does, I’m not a good decorator, I mean, since
you’ve moved in my house is the most stylish I’ve ever seen it. You know me
Carter. I say the wrong thing at every opportunity, there’s no telling what
kind of trouble my mouth will get me into next. The whole reason my web show
got so popular was because of all of the dumb crap I say when I go off-script.
If we were married, it would reflect on you.”
I would have gone on but Carter was shaking his head.
“You are the kind of wife
I
want
, Justine, and that’s all that
matters to me. I don’t want a clone of my mother. I want
you
. I
need
you.” My
heart stuttered at his words. They were the most perfect words ever spoken and,
oh my god, he was saying them to
me
.
I looked
into his eyes and leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips. I was
expecting him to propose any second. This was the moment most girls dreamed of
their entire lives, myself not included, but I was still waiting anxiously.
“Is that why you were
acting so weird Friday night?” Those were
so
not the words I had been expecting.
“Well,
yeah. I mean, I had just been told a huge secret, which, the more I think about
it was incredibly hateful of her, ruining your moment and all, and then I was
feeling guilty because I went through all of your stuff and found the ring. I
was practically bursting. I was feeling all wound up. Then you came home as
relaxed as ever and you weren’t acting like you had some big secret then I
started second guessing myself.” I would have kept on rambling but Carter
interrupted me.
“Okay, I
get it, but I have to ask, and don’t lie to me now, do you think you got the
amnesia because you didn’t want to marry me?” I opened my mouth to deny it, but
he went on. “Seriously Justine, you forgot our entire relationship. You forgot
back to before we were ever together.” Crap. He sounded so hurt. I guess he had
a point. I did forget it all. What did it mean? I didn’t know what to say so I
stayed silent. Heck, I didn’t know why I forgot that particular chunk of my
memory, but his explanation sounded reasonable. That made me feel like a
lame-o. I liked to think I was a better person than that. God, that’s the kind
of thing Mom would do. Ugh.
“I’m so
sorry Carter. I don’t know what else to say. I would never have done that on
purpose.”
“I know,
babe.” He sounded like he meant it, but I couldn’t be sure. I was wrong pretty
often.
“Really, I love you so
much. I would
never
want to forget
you. You’re the most important thing in my life.” I grabbed his bicep. Hmm.
That’s a nice bicep. I shook my head to get back on track.
Focus
Justine. I realized it was time to put it all on the line. I
had to let Carter know that I was a sure thing. “You are
it
for me.”
He didn’t
say anything to my declaration, but his face seemed to relax as well as the
muscles underneath the hand still clutching his arm. That was a good sign,
right?
We looked
at each other for what seemed like eternity. I was waiting impatiently for him
to ask me, all the while thinking of how I would tell my future children about
their father’s proposal to me. I was pretty sure I was going to leave the
nakedness and post coital bliss part out. I was so wrapped up in my fantasy
that I was caught off guard by his next words.
“I’m starving. I’m going
to make a sandwich. Do you want me to make you anything?” What the
fuck
? I was lounging here
naked
, waiting for a marriage proposal
and he wanted to make a
sandwich
? I
sat up in outrage. Maybe I was missing something, but I thought we had just
overcome a huge emotional hurdle. I wanted to be held and caressed. Hell, I
wanted him to propose, not get up and eat. This wasn’t going the way I thought
it would at all.
“No, I’m
not hungry.” I don’t know how I managed to keep my voice steady, but it sounded
clear and strong, not giving a hint of my jumbled emotions.
I watched
as he stood up and grabbed his jeans off of the floor, pulling them on without
underwear and leaving the button undone. He walked out, shooting me a smile as
he left me alone and confused on the bed. What had just happened here? Hadn’t I
laid my heart at his feet and admitted that I loved him more than anything else
in the world? How could he pass up such a perfect opportunity to ask me? I got
up too, pulling my own clothes back on hastily and barreling into the kitchen.
He was piling shaved turkey onto his bread as I made my way into the room. He
turned around with a smirk.
“Changed
your mind about the food?”
“Changed
your mind about the proposal?”
Chapter Twenty Four
Oh my god.
I wanted to cringe and take the words back, but at the same time I wanted an
answer. The look of surprise on Carter’s face gave me clue that he may not have
been on the same page as me at this moment.
It took
him a second but after his initial shock wore off, Carter finally answered.
“No, of course I haven’t changed my mind.”
Whew, the
fear I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge released its hold on my stomach and
suddenly, that sandwich Carter was making looked delicious.
“Well, I
changed my mind about the sandwich. I’m hungry.”
He smiled
and grabbed some more bread out of the bag. “Your wish is my command.” Oh how I
wished that were true. He would be on one knee in front of me at this very
second.
I walked
over to stand next to him, pressing myself against his side. I felt like I had
been woken from some weird coma in which I could see and hear everything but
couldn’t really act on anything. I wanted to make up time that I had lost.
Actually, I wanted to turn back the clock to Friday and never to have answered
Elisa’s call. Carter would have proposed to me on Saturday and I would be contentedly
wearing that beautiful ring right now. There was no doubt in my mind that I
would have told him yes. I only freaked out on Friday because I was left to
wallow in my own mind, and that’s never a good idea.
I watched
Carter build another sandwich, slightly smaller than his own, and marveled
again at the fact that I could have forgotten how vital he is to me. I looked
up at his profile, taking in his lovely jaw line and his straight nose. I was
going to burn his features into my brain so that I would never forget them
again. I was ashamed of myself, even if I didn’t have total control of my
brain’s decision to shield me from my stress. Stupid brain. It messed up
everything.
I slung my
arm around Carter’s bare waist and I could feel his muscles quiver. It made my
own insides tremble. I felt like a skittish horse, and I hadn’t felt this way
since the beginning of our relationship, but unlike the beginnings of our
relationship, I knew his mind now and didn’t have to guess at his feelings. I
was confident in his love for me, the trembling was from excitement. I was on
the verge of soldering him to me forever.
Carter
finished the sandwiches and slid my plate over. Our hands brushed as I picked
it up and an electrical current seemed to shoot up my arm and straight to my
heart. I carried my plate to the island and sat down while he walked around and
sat down next to me. I felt good. I felt right. It seemed that the amnesia gave
me the opportunity to have my old life back, and all I tried to do was claw my
way back to the present. I realized now that I would never want to go back to
the time before Carter was the most important thing in my life. Why would I? I
had the life I never even dreamed was possible before.
I took a
huge bite of my sandwich while Carter picked up his own. I smiled at him while
I was chewing and he smiled back.
“Justine,
will you make me the happiest person in the world and marry me?”
What the hell? I
swallowed part of what was in my mouth out of pure shock. I started coughing
and what was still in my mouth flew out and onto my plate. Carter threw down
his own sandwich to slap me on my back. When I got my breath back I looked up
at him through my tearing eyes. He was looking at me guiltily and I couldn’t
have that. I launched myself at him, grabbing him around his neck.
“Yes, yes, yes, yes.” His
arms reached around to encircle me and for the first time in my entire life I
felt like I was truly complete. This was the feeling I had to wait thirty years
to feel and it was fucking worth it. I wanted to dance around the kitchen in
glee, but I didn’t want to let go of Carter’s neck just in case the feeling
somehow dissipated.
Carter
didn’t say anything, but I could feel wetness against my cheek. I pulled back
slightly so that I could look at his face. Oh my god, he was actually crying.
“Are you
all right?” I asked him in a soft voice because my heart had seized up at the
sight of his tears.
“I have
never been better. I was so scared for the past three days that I had lost you
and now everything in my world is perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.” He
smiled the most brilliant smile and I found myself dazzled by the look in his
eyes. My heart wanted to burst in my chest.
I took a deep breath and
thought about the one thing that was missing. “Carter, can I have my ring now?”
Yeah, I had to break the moment. I wanted that ring on my finger, pronto.
His smile
morphed into a smirk as he stood up and grasped my hand, practically dragging
me along behind him. He stopped at the closet door and turned on the light,
reaching under a stack of jeans and coming back with the familiar little box. I
stopped breathing as he dropped to one knee and pulled the ring out. It looked
even more breathtaking than before.
“Justine
Taylor, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” My heart was pounding in
my chest and I was rendered speechless at his second, more formal proposal. All
I could do was nod frantically and stare as he slipped the ring onto my finger
torturously slowly. In the next second I leaned down to him again and grabbed
him into a hug that knocked him down and onto the floor of the closet. I fell
on top of him and started kissing his face in a frenzy of happiness.
I would have kept kissing
him for long minutes, but I wanted to see how the ring looked on my finger. I
sat up and held up the ring to the light. It was so magnificent that I turned
my hand around in different positions so that I could see it from every angle.
It was the loveliest ring I had ever seen and it was all mine, mine,
mine
. I wanted to run outside and shout
to all my neighbors that I was marrying the most fantastic man on the planet,
but I knew they would probably think I was crazy so I settled for the next best
thing.
“I’ve got to call
Cheryl.” I announced in my next breath. I stood up and pulled Carter up next to
me. “I know she knows you’re going to ask me, but I have to tell her
now
.”