Authors: Kerry Heavens
Leaning against the window, he stares at me, taking it all in.
“But I
am
just human,” he frowns. “It broke my heart too and I’m just as likely to get hurt here as you, but I still have to try.”
We sit in silence again. A passenger passes us and reminds us that we are still on the planet. The pitch-black surroundings and the artificial lighting, combined with the consuming white noise of the train thundering along have cocooned us in our pair of high-backed seats. We are sitting in the last two seats in our carriage and unless I lean out into the aisle, I can’t actually see or hear any other passengers.
Danny suddenly shifts and once again holds my hand to focus my attention while he talks.
“I don’t have any idea what I want for my future, but I know I want you. I’m twenty-nine years old and I haven’t had a relationship with anyone that’s even come close to having a lifelong future, except with you, but we were too young. We’re adults now and I have you back, I can’t pass up a second chance like this. I can see my future with you Liv, and if you feel the same way, then we have to try.”
“I do,” I whisper.
Danny takes a deep breath and pulls me into his chest. I wrap my arms around him, returning the embrace. He gives me a tighter squeeze in acknowledgement and we speed under the sea, wrapped around each other. It feels almost like a promise, to keep me safe. I realise then, things have to be less one-sided between us. He’s giving up so much to make this work, I have to trust him and be more forthcoming with my feelings. I should be honest about how I feel…if only I was brave enough to admit it to myself.
I pull back from him and realise I have tears running down my face. Danny brushes one away and lifts my chin.
“I won’t hurt you, you know,” he says looking me straight in the eye. “I love you.”
“I know. I love you too,” I say without hesitation. This time I wanted to hear it and I wanted to say it. I have no choice, it’s true. He closes his eyes and kisses me. Then he takes my hand and spreads his fingers between mine. I rest my head on his shoulder and we sit like this for some time until suddenly the train is filled with light again. When I lift my head to look at Danny, he is staring out of the window.
“Penny for your thoughts.”
He turns to me and smiles. “I was just thinking about where we go from here.”
“Me too. So what did you come up with?”
“Well I have to go back to LA next month for a meeting. I was thinking you could come with me.”
“Grace’s baby is due on the 14th of May, so, as soon as she’s had it, Connie and I are going to fly out for two weeks. But obviously we don’t know yet exactly when that will be. Mum is going out the week before and is staying at least a month. When’s your meeting?”
“May 10th.” He laughs. “Like it was meant to be.”
“So when will you fly out?”
“I don’t know.”
I think for a second.
“How about, if the baby comes early, we all fly out together. But if she’s late, you go ahead and we’ll follow? I just don’t want to go until she arrives, so I get to have the maximum time with her.”
“Okay, but you’ll stay with me, won’t you?”
“Of course.” I watch the French countryside whizzing by, while I think about what it will be like to be in Danny’s world. “Will I get to meet Jen and Scott?”
“Trust me, Jen will insist on it. I think I’ll have a tough job getting you to myself. Oh and Mom and Dad will want to see you…” he laughs. “On second thoughts, maybe we should just stay here!”
“Oh stop!” I slap him playfully. “I can’t wait. You’ll have me all to yourself when we get back; it’s only a couple of weeks. Let’s not forget my mum will be there and then there’s Grace and Andy. Connie too…maybe we can all get together!”
Danny rolls his eyes in a dramatic fashion and bangs his head repeatedly on the window. I try to look offended that he hates the idea, but we both end up laughing.
Then my mind starts filling with questions again. “What will you do after that?”
“Come home with you,” he says and looks at me quizzically as if to say ‘what else would I do?’
“You know what I mean. Your apartment, your stuff. How are you going to go about this?”
“I haven’t really thought about it. I guess, I’ll give notice on my apartment and bring my stuff back to England with me.”
“And that’s it?” I marvel. Why isn’t he fretting over this?
“What else?”
“Aren’t you freaking out? It’s so fast and you’re moving countries.”
Danny shakes his head wearily. “Why don’t you get it, I just want to be wherever you are. I don’t care where that is.”
“But it’s only been two weeks.”
“Yes that’s right, two weeks, plus our entire childhood,” he says, as though he is explaining it to an elderly relative. “But it will be another month by then, will you believe me when it has been six weeks, plus our entire childhood? What is the accepted length of time before you change your life to be with the person you love? A day was all I needed.” He gives me a wry smile. “I love you. Just let me be with you. Please?”
I relax, I believe him. My last defence has fallen and I’m exposed, but I trust him completely. “I love you too.”
While we wait on the train for a prolonged stop in Lille, we discuss his plans to continue to work with companies in the US as well as companies in the UK. That way, he can keep touching base in LA and we can both maximise the opportunity to visit our loved ones. He has it all worked out. He even thinks he can charge the flights as expenses, so it won't always cost us the earth.
"Will clients really pay to fly you over? There must be other people who do what you do."
"I'm quite in demand you know."
"Oh, I don't doubt that," I tease. He grins and strokes my cheek with the side of his hand.
"So these clients won't mind that you're living across the Atlantic?"
"That's up to them. But it won't make any difference to the service I provide. Often I don't even meet with them face to face anyway." He shrugs. "I'll try to establish myself in the UK too. But I work with international clients, purely over the phone all the time. The US clients will just have to become the international ones.”
I squeeze his thigh. “I can’t believe what you’re prepared to give up, for me.”
“It’s not for you, it’s for me. I wish you would see that.”
Good God, he has all the lines, I think as my stomach does a back flip. The old me would happily slap the new me for getting sucked in by the romance of it all. But it’s pretty damn romantic; my lost love is back, like something from my precious films. This is what I’ve wanted all along. The train lurches forward once more and I sit back and daydream about what life will be like now that I have Danny.
After changing trains at Brussels Midi and a short ride on a local train, we arrive in Bruges. Champagne and chocolate-dipped strawberries were waiting for us in our room at the charming Hotel Aragon, which, for some reason, I find so funny. It is way too clichéd. Danny assures me it was part of the package, not something he requested specifically. I feed him a strawberry, which he bites while trying to stifle his own laughter. He backs into the bed and I fall down onto him still holding the strawberry, laughing hysterically.
I look down into his eyes beneath me and then kiss his strawberry-tasting lips.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
Danny grabs the strawberry from my hand and hooking his arm around me, flips us quickly so that I’m under him. He pauses briefly, his face just above mine; I feel his shallow, ragged breath. He feeds me a bite of the strawberry and then kisses me and we share the sweet taste as our tongues explore. When he pulls away I’m breathless, wanting more. But he has other ideas and jumps to his feet. He pops the rest of his strawberry in his mouth.
“Come on,” he says as he chews. “We can do it later, I want to go out.”
“No fair, I’m all turned on,” I moan as I sit up.
He smiles then shrugs one shoulder, before leaning forward to kiss me again.
“Later,” he whispers in a more sensual tone that leaves me giddy. Then he turns and disappears into the bathroom. I fall back on the bed with a huff. God, I want him!
Nevertheless, ten minutes later we are walking down the short cobbled street that leads from our hotel to the main square. It opens up before us and we are taken aback. What greets us is a large, open square lined with imposing gothic-style buildings on one side and on the other, in contrast, gingerbread-looking houses each with their own bustling restaurant in the front, under cover of canvas blinds. Standing proudly above it all is the impressive belfry, which is staggeringly high compared to everything else. All around us, people are taking in the sights and relaxing in the spring sunshine.
I look at Danny and he smiles.
“What do you want to do first?” I ask.
“I have a list from Dad.”
He rolls his eyes and then pulls a crumpled piece of paper from his back pocket. I laugh. I remember Danny’s dad; the list shouldn’t surprise me. I can picture Danny, asking him for any suggestions for this trip and his dad saying ‘are you taking this down?’ He’s a particularly methodical man. Danny reads me the list.
1. Climb the tower
2. Eat moules frites on the market square
3. Drink the beer. Kwak & Kriek Boon
4. Carriage ride
5. Canal boat
6. Waffles
7. Fries & mayonnaise from the frietkotjes (vans in the square)
8. The old chocolate house or Bittersweet – for hot chocolate
“Your dad is a man after my own heart, it’s all food related.”
I take the list from him and study the scrawl, then with a quick glance around the square I look back to Danny, who is watching me with interest.
“Well we can do…” I tap my finger down the points counting, “…four of these right now.” I glance around again. “But first I need money. We need to find a cashpoint.”
Danny narrows his eyes at me.
“I have all the money we’ll need.”
I’m not bothered, we are here to enjoy ourselves not argue about who is paying for what. I shock myself with this attitude, but he has been staying with me and I have been insisting he is looked after. If he wants to treat me, let him knock himself out. I shrug. For a second Danny doesn’t know what to do with my reaction, but I begin to walk away so he follows. I peep at him and he’s shaking his head in disbelief. I smile inwardly. I like the new me.
We start by buying a little cardboard tray of chips with mayonnaise from the van on the square to keep our hunger at bay. Then we share them while we wait in line to go up the tower. The chips are really good. Danny is sceptical of the mayonnaise, but he’s won over. So far, the chips were 3€ and the belfry was 5€ each, if he insists on paying, at least I’m a cheap date.
It’s some time later that we climb the last of the 366 steps to the top of the tower. The number of people allowed up at one time is limited, so we were glad we had chips to keep us going during the wait. In the area at the top, we are treated to a 360-degree view of the city. Each of the tall archways is open and it’s reasonably windy up so high. In the centre is a huge bell, enclosed by a metal cage and looking down the centre you can see smaller bells below. We were treated to the quarter-hourly peel of the bells while we were climbing; it was quite an awesome sound. But for now they are silent.
I head to a window at the front and rest my arms on the cold stone ledge. The ledge is well over a foot deep, so there is no way you could lean out of the window, but I lean right forward to get a good view.
“It’s beautiful,” I turn and say to Danny, but I realise he’s not behind me. He’s still standing in the middle looking at me in mild horror. “What?” I ask, worrying that I have ignored some sort of etiquette or something.
“I don’t think you should lean out like that.”
I laugh at him and then clap my hand over my mouth.
“Are you afraid?”
“Well I’m not a big fan of heights and I’d feel more comfortable if you didn’t lean right out like that.”
“Oh don’t be so silly! The wall is about two feet deep, come on I’ll protect you.” I take his rigid hand and slowly lead him to the window. I stand in front of him and he wraps his arm around my waist, but he is not very relaxed, so I don’t push it by leaning out again. We stand for a while and enjoy the view…at least I do. Then we move around to look at different aspects. The canals are gorgeous; I look forward to taking a boat trip. When I can see Danny has had enough, I suggest we go down. He looks relieved, but before we start the climb down, he turns me to him and kisses me lightly.
“I love you, you know,” I tell him as his lips leave mine, determined to say it first this time. I don’t want to always be the one saying I love you too.
He looks very happy and simply answers, “I know.”
I turn to lead him down the steps, but his arm swoops around my waist pulling me back to him and from behind me he whispers in my ear, “I have always loved you, Liv.”
My hair stands on end and I stand stock sill while my whole body responds to his words. Thank goodness he’s holding me up. I have no words. I catch myself about to cry, so I try to pull myself together as I turn to face him again.
“You’re going to make me cry.”
“I don’t want you to cry, but I want you to know that I’ve never stopped loving you…and I never will.”
I gulp and fight the sting in my eyes. I can’t speak, so I just nod. I hug him. It’s the best I can do. I don’t want to sob in public. But I’m sure he realises I feel the same way.
“Let’s go eat,” he says, trying to distract me from my overwhelming emotions and we start on the steps back down to earth.
We’ve chosen at random one of the seemingly identical restaurants on the square. Bob, Danny’s dad, told him they were overpriced and for the tourists, but he thought we would enjoy sitting on the square. We scanned the vast menu of beers and found both of his recommendations. I’m not a huge fan of beer, but I sometimes enjoy a Hoegaarden, so I thought I would give another Belgian beer a go. I have opted for the Kriek Boon, which we discovered is a cherry beer. It’s quite enjoyable.