Learning to Forgive (The Learning Series) (30 page)

She shakes her head vehemently. “No… no… no! I don’t know what’s going on. Or who possessed your body, but I know you love me, Lyric.” She looks at me and wipes her eyes. “I know you do. And if I have to show you and remind you, I will.” She grabs my face and slams her lips to mine.

She shows me with a kiss. A kiss that I’m too weak to pull away from. My hands reach down and instinctively grab her hips to bring her body to mine. I taste her tears on her lips. I taste her sorrow and confusion. But most of all, I taste my Red. The girl I love more than any fucking thing in this goddamn world. The girl I have to release, and so I try to concentrate on what I need to do. But I’m selfish so I absorb her. Every breath, every sound, and every time she tells me she loves me between kisses. I don’t think I can give her up just yet. I can’t pull away from her to stop. But the image of her lifeless body is my resolve. I grab her shoulders and push her away. But before I can explain, the devil walks in and drives that final nail in between Red and me.

“What the fuck are you doing kissing my boyfriend?” Anya stands in the doorway, smiling like the true bitch she is.

“The secret to change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

~Socrates

Blaire

“Mandy?”

Lyric stiffens beside me before turning his eyes on me. My focus stays on the bitch thief dressed to kill in her red halter top and low-rise jeans. Her dark hair is pulled to the side and curls fall against her large, showcased breasts. All I want to do is make her pay. My fist clenches with the effort to keep myself from pulling the hair off her skull.

“I’m sorry. You must have me mistaken with someone else, dear.” She plays stupid and twirls the red stir stick in her cocktail.

My heart rate is speeding and my head feels dizzy from the kiss and then seeing Mandy. Inside, I’m screaming like I did earlier with her when I walked and saw her conniving ass at the bar. When I confronted her with what she did to me, the bitch stated she was just looking out for me. I call bullshit. She wouldn’t have taken my money if that were the case. She would have made sure I would be able to make it.

Now she shows up out of the blue, spilling some crap story about being Lyric’s girlfriend. Why is she lying? Why isn’t he saying anything? What the fuck is going on? “Oh, don’t play dumb with me. I know who you are. We lived together for almost a fucking year.”

“You’re obviously drunk.” Arching her brow, she stares me down, but addresses Lyric. “Babe. We need to go. Our friends just showed up.”

Looking at Lyric, my eyes beg him to tell me he loves me… to tell me the truth. He doesn’t though. He walks up to Mandy and wraps her in his arms instead. My eyes can’t break away from the nightmare I’m watching. My heartbeat resounds in my ears and begins to shatter as he bends down and kisses her neck before saying something in her ear.

She smirks in my direction. “I love you, too, babe.” Then they walk out together, and I’m left with more fucking questions than answers while losing another person I foolishly trusted.

Time passes but how much, I don’t know. Locking myself away from the world, I stay in a void. A black hole of sadness and rejection, feeling guilty for grieving for someone who doesn’t deserve it instead of the surrogate parent I had for the past several years. I’m hollow and too unimportant to care.

After Lyric left with Mandy –or whoever that bitch was– I walked out of the bar, confused and unsure. Just like that day in the hospital, I kept walking, hopeful that the pain would stay behind. My feet automatically led me to the one place I’ve always considered home. Janet’s.

Her presence is everywhere. From the air that smells of cigarettes and perfume to the furniture, she lingers. She always kept her home so clean and had incense burning to scent the air The fragrance is comforting but doesn’t heal me or make it all better. I’m still hollow… lost.

Wrapped in her blankets, I realize there’s nothing left in me. Nobody that I can count on anymore. And I’m so fucking tired. Tired of heartbreak. Tired of giving people all of my trust so they can just leave after they pulverize it. Tired of them leaving me helpless and naked with nothing but another brick to put up. I’m close to being completely enclosed.

Blaire

Upon hearing my name, my heavy eyes struggle to open. Lyric sits there, staring down at me. His features are apologetic and full of sorrow. His touch on my forehead is soft. Maybe it was all a bad dream. Maybe I’m back in his bed and he’s with me again.

“Blaire, wake up.”

His voice breaks and his form starts to shift. I shake my head, trying to awaken so I can see him more clearly, but also wanting to sleep to avoid him. Even though I want to hate him, I can’t. I love him and that makes this so much harder.

When the voice takes on a feminine high pitch, I sit up and see two figures. One sits beside me on the couch and the other is standing in the kitchen. After rubbing my eyes, I see Cory beside me while Trudy works in the kitchen. “What… what are y’all doin’ here?” My throat feels dry and scratches with each word.

Cory only sits up and smiles. “Bout damn time. We’ve been trying to wake you for ten freakin’ minutes.” She scrunches her nose. “I hope you’re done with moping around. Cause you look like shit. And ya stink.”

“Cory. Geez. She’s heartbroken. Can you be a little more sensitive?” Trudy defends while unloading groceries from plastic bags. Heartbroken can’t describe how I feel. Betrayed. Misled. Like every tear that falls brings me closer to just giving up.

“Hey. I’m only telling the truth. It’s been three days since she left Jay’s in tears. And she’s wearing the same clothes.” Cory turns to face me. “Nobody knew where you were and figured you’d up and caught the next bus out of here. However, the lead singer of the assholes told us to look here. Funny how he knew, huh?”

Stretching, I feel all the kinks in my stiff body, but soon my anger numbs my physical pain. “Asshole is right. But it’s more like lying asshole. I’m so stupid.” Memories of how often he was gone. Even before we started having sex, I never saw him. The late night calls and how he always left the room to answer them. We never went out unless we were out of town. The locked bedroom door.

Did he keep his pictures from his relationship in there? No! Maybe they just met. Maybe they started dating before our trip to New Orleans. He was acting weird but I never suspected another woman. Maybe they met in New Orleans after he left me at the hospital. I know he had something to do, but I didn’t question him. Could he have brought her back? Why wouldn’t she claim her name?
UGH!

With each question, more confusion sets in. “I don’t know what is up with him and that bitch, but I know for a fact they can both rot in hell.” After I wipe another tear, I lock eyes with Cory. “I don’t want to talk about him or anything associated with him. Not Jay’s, not the band, nothing.”

Cory smiles and her eyes take on a devious look. “Good because I don’t want to either. I don’t want to talk about anything or anyone with a penis tonight. It’s time to get down to business, so get your smelly ass up and in the shower. Jazz will be here soon so we can get this much needed party started.”

“Party?”

“Hell yeah! I’ve declared that today be ‘Fuck it Day’. Fuck men. Fuck dogs that chew on new shoes. Fuck families and hoochie sisters. Fuck the weird neighbor who looks for gold with one of those treasure-hunting things while in his underwear.” She shivers with animated disgust.

“Metal detectors,” Trudy yells. I look over and see bottle after bottle of amber liquor, shot glasses, and Red Bull.

“Did you take that from Jay’s?”

“Fuck yeah she did. That idiot Lyric might still have my ovaries ready to have his baby, but I think he deserves a big
fuck you
. So we stole some of the only men we can count on. Jim, Jack, and Jäger for some bombs. We’re gonna blow shit up and celebrate Janet with the two girls she loved the most.”

I’m still in a daze as this all sinks in before I’m forced to the shower. When I’m done, I realized I have nothing here. No clothes or even damn deodorant. Luckily, Jazz came prepared. With fresh pajamas and armpits, I walk into the living room and see three large pizzas. The smell of cheesy greasy goodness mixed in with feeling clean has my mood lifting. Trudy sits on the couch facing Cory and Jazz who are both on the floor, so I guess that leaves me sitting with Trudy on the couch.

My appetite returns as soon as I take my first bite and.it definitely isn’t ladylike. But as I watch the others, I realize they are just as crude in manners.

We talk about anything random. Cory brings up whatever comes to mind and it usually has to do with sex. When the word Manicorn comes up, I can’t help but ask what the hell she’s talking about. Then I see the picture Jazz pulls up on her phone and laugh for the first time in days, while wishing I never asked. My eyeballs can’t be bleached to erase the image of guys dressed up as ponies. So not my thing. But whatever. Free country and all.

Cory places a Jäger Bomb in front of each of us after the pizza is demolished and then raises her glass. “I want to say fuck you to possessive meatheads, parents who judge instead of accept, and horny pricks.” Cory downs her bomb and looks at Jazz.

“I want to say fuck you to crazy bitches and bad parents who need to grow the hell up. Oh… And America’s look on the perfect body. My boobs were working boobs and are awesome.” Jazz downs hers and smiles widely.

Trudy surprises me by standing with her back straight, ready to down her Bomb. “Fuck you, assholes and dealers. Fuck you for ruining and taking lives. And a big fuck you to anyone who hurts my girls here in this room or my family.” Her voice is strong and her demeanor is ready to fight. That’s not something I’m used to seeing on her shy self.

Feeling determined to make this speech count, I hold my glass up as the anger I feel for everything I’ve gone through in my past and recently with Lyric surfaces. “I want to say fuck you to liars, thieves, and men in general. After tonight, I will no longer talk to, think of, or see you again, and I hope you rot in your new girl’s poisonous, dog meat vagina. If you catch herpes, I hope it hurts and causes you to scratch from asshole to ballsack until you bleed.” I down my Bomb, loving the licorice taste and sweetness from the Red Bull. The burn that flows down my throat coats the acid from the words that I just spoke. I’m so fucking ready for another.

We are rude and crude and not giving a damn. We dance like idiots to Ke$ha and when it mentions making it rain, Jazz jumps on the couch and dumps her purse all over the place. Not just cash but actual coins are being thrown. Luckily, it doesn’t hurt because we’re drunk as hell. We tell our phobias, and I can’t help but bust out in hysterics when Cory announces her fear of pomegranates. She says something about the inside looks disgusting and causes her skin to crawl. It’s still funny.

“I think I’m going to breakup with Bo.” Cory announces.

“Why? He seems sweet. And his ass in wranglers is so yum.” Jazz stuffs an Oreo cookie in her mouth and smiles, showcasing her chocolate covered teeth.

“It’s just time. His horse has been rode hard and ready to retire. God knows I’ve tried this exclusive thing, but honestly, we fight all the time.”

“Oh… yeah!” I slur. “I remember y’all fighting once. At Jay’s.” Gripping the counter for balance, I try to snatch Jazz’s Oreos from her.
Damn, I drank a lot.

“Yeah. I wanted to get yoooouuu,” she points at me, “from that weird guy that night. But
Bocephus
said to leave you.” Cory sits on the stool and leans on Trudy.

“Bocephus? Wait… is that his real name?” Jazz slurrs.

“Yup. I like to call him that when I fake an orgasm. Ha… which unfortunately is more than I care to admit.”

“Does he know?”

Cory shrugs while shoving a cookie in her mouth. “Hell if I care. I don’t plan on seeing him or his,” she holds up her pinky and wiggles it, “hamster dick ever again.”

“Oh, come on. The guy is so cute and built. I’m sure you’re exaggerating.”

“You’re right. He doesn’t have a hamster dick. He has a man-gina.” I spit out my drink, trying not to laugh and choke to death before she continues. “I’m positive he shoots up. He’s starting to look like a gorilla who walks on his fist. And if that’s the case, he should’ve put some roids in his weenie instead of his ego. We got into it yesterday. And that’s when I decided it’s over.” Her eyes narrow as she fixes herself another drink. “Do you know what he did? He
RIPPED
my Hans Solo poster from beside my bed. That’s when I told him the poster was the only fuckin’ way I can get off when I masturbate, because he’s not meeting my demands.”