Learning to Live (10 page)

How lucky am I to run into Tru first thing this morning? On top of
that, I was able to jump on the opportunity of buying her breakfast.
Man, she looks good this morning. Her skin is flushed and her hair is
up, showcasing her long neck. Plus she’s wearing these pants that
make her ass look unbelievable. Now I have the chance to watch her
mouth work, up close, while she sips her coffee and eats her muffin.
I’m one lucky sonofabitch.
I’m planning on telling her how I feel, and that Ashton and I are
definitely not together, but I know I need to tread carefully. I don’t
want to ruin this and scare her off. And that is a definite possibility
with how nervous she seems. I like the fact that I affect her, but I don’t
want her to be so scared that the table vibrates as she shakes.
I notice her sitting with her eyes shut tight and her eyebrows
pulled down like she’s deep in thought. Then she says the unexpected.
“I like you.”
Did I just hear her correctly or am I just hopeful?
I
remain speechless as I watch her eyes open and the fear is now gone.
In its place is determination and it’s beautiful on her. “Okay. You can
say something and not act like I just commented on the weather.”
“You like me?”
Jax, when did you become a parrot? Say
something else
. “I like you too.”
Good, that’s better.
I mentally pat
myself on the back. She continues to speak like what I just said doesn’t
matter.
“I don’t want to like you though. So I think we should stay away
from one another.”
That catches me by surprise and you can hear it in my
voice.“HUH? Why?” I don’t like that idea at all. “I don’t want to stay
away from you. I like being around you.”
“You shouldn’t though. You have a girlfriend and I don’t need a
guy. I want to discover myself as my own person, not someone’s
girlfriend. I’m trying to get the whole college experience.”
“I don’t have a girlfriend.” I notice I’m hollering, so I reach for
her hand and say in a gentler tone. “I don’t even like Ashton as a
person, but I try to tolerate her. The other night I was so focused on
you leaving with that other guy, I blocked everything out around me.
Jazz told me what you saw and, honestly, I don’t remember her pulling
that shit.”
She shakes her head and tries to pull her hand away, but I won’t
let go. I feel desperate to make her understand. This might be my only
opportunity to hold her hand again, so I hold on as she continues. “It
doesn’t matter. I don’t need a relationship. I have a full plate right now,
and I just moved here.” She stops struggling and squeezes my hand.
“I completely understand that. But honest to God, Tru, there is
something about you, and I know this might sound like a line, but I
feel a pull toward you. I can’t get you out of my head, and I want to
know all there is to know about you. What’s your favorite color?
Song? Movie? Everything. I want to know your fears and what makes
you laugh. I have to know you.” I put it all on the table and pray she
doesn’t push me away.
“Oh, Jax, there’s nothing special about me.” She stops me when
I’m about to argue. “I’m just a girl from Atlanta. I never had many
friends growing up because I was always changing schools.” She takes
a breath and seems to be struggling with her thoughts. “I’m relieved
and happy to hear you and Ashton aren’t together, but I shouldn’t be. I
shouldn’t like you the way I do.” She releases my hand and stands up
like she’s about to walk out of my life, and I can’t let that happen.
When she returns from dumping her trash and grabs her bag off
the floor, I stand right in front of her. She looks up at me with regret
and sadness in her big green eyes, and I know what I have to do.
“Goodbye Jax,” she says while trying to turn and leave.
I grab her hand to keep her facing me. My fingers softly caress her
skin, and I see how her body reacts to my touch as it leaves
goosebumps along her skin. When I reach her neck, I notice her pulse
is beating fast. Her breath is quick and shallow. I let my other hand
caress her smooth cheek as I gaze into her eyes. I move so I’m less
than an inch from her beautiful lips and whisper, “If you’ve already
convinced yourself of reasons why you shouldn’t like me, then it’s
only fair that I get to argue my reasons as to why you should.” I slowly
put my lips on hers and feel, for the first time, that I’m where I belong.
Her lips are softer than I imagined and fit perfectly to mine. I
slowly add pressure and she grants my tongue entrance into her
warmth. She tastes like the real sugar she mentioned earlier, and I
know my tongue will never taste anything as sweet as this. I let out a
groan when her tongue touches mine, and they continuously slide over
one another in a dance.
When we finally pull away from one another to catch our breath, I
notice her arms are around my neck and her fingers are in my hair. She
looks thoroughly kissed with her swollen lips and glazed over eyes and
I want to high-five myself. I hope that won’t be the only kiss between
us because I might go fucking crazy.
Her eyes widen in shock. “I have to go,” she says, panic in her
voice, and practically runs out the door. I look up and notice that we
have an audience. Man, this girl is going to drive me insane with or
without her kisses. However, I definitely prefer the kisses.
I walk out and head toward my Jeep, feeling upbeat because I
know she’s affected by the kiss like I am. I need to plan a way to spend
more time with her, even if that means just being friends at first. I call
Jazz as soon as I get to my Jeep and leave her a message asking her to
call me. I need her to find out Trudy’s shoe size. When I bent down to
check the table, her running shoes were worn, and one had a hole
around the toe. I know she won’t take them freely. She’s strong and
independent, so I need to come up with a way for her to accept them
without thinking they are a gift.
Thankfully I love a good challenge because I have a feeling Trudy
is definitely going to be one. Living in foster care for so long can give
a person serious trust issues, so I need to show her she can trust me. I
continue to my first class with ideas running through my mind. Since
she’s working at a place I usually hangout at anyway, I can watch out
for her while I try to break down the walls she’s built. However, I’ll be
her friend as Jazz suggested then work on becoming something more.

I hurry back to my room and slam the door shut. I’m sweaty and
need a shower. I need to think and clear my head for a few minutes so
it can wait.
What was I thinking?
I shouldn’t have kissed him back. I
should have shoved him away from me instead. I didn’t though. The
only thing I was thinking when he stood so close was how much I
wanted him to kiss me. In fact, I was saying a silent prayer that he
would, and when he did I felt so much warmth flow from his mouth, it
felt as though it was traveling throughout my whole body, and I
thought I was about to combust. The fervor and hunger he kissed me
with was unlike any I have ever known or felt. It was tender and
patient.
I take a deep breath and start to pace while I come up with a game
plan. I have to keep my distance, but I know that’ll be hard because
Jazz is his sister. When he’s around I’ll just have to act as though
nothing happened.
Yes, that’s what I’ll do
. I’ll act like the kiss had no
effect on me at all. With my game plan set, I head to the shower and
get ready for the day.
My classes are going good, and I really enjoy the fact that people
don’t stare and talk behind my back here. They smile and wave at Jazz
and me as we make our way around campus. I even have people talk to
me in class about other things besides answers on a test.
Nobody in high school knew what really happened in Atlanta
when I returned to school. They just made their own assumptions and I
didn’t argue. I just kept my head down and finished out my senior
year. I didn’t even walk with my class on graduation day because I
didn’t want to be reminded of how I had nobody in my life. I knew I’d
be met with silence as I grabbed my diploma. There was no one to take
me out to eat or congratulate me, so I just went to work early to make
enough money to get out of that hell.
I shake myself from the depressing thoughts as I head to the lunch
room to meet with Jazz. She’s not there yet so I grab a turkey
sandwich and take a seat at our usual table and text her.
She responds right away.
Had 2 talk w/ Prof. Wallace bout
sumthin. Not hungry so I’ll see you later.
Slightly disappointed I won’t see her, I type out my reply.
K. C U
2nite cuz I got 2 work.
K. <3 U chick
I know it’s only a text, but her heart symbol makes
me smile.
As I put my phone in my bag and open my sandwich, I look up as
someone takes a seat across from me. Jamal is sitting there with
another guy who has spiky black hair and dark blue eyes. They’re both
staring at me, smiling. “Hey, Jamal. How’s it going?” I can’t help but
smile back at him. He seems so genuine and open.
“Hey, girl, I saw you sitting here all by your lonesome and had to
introduce you to Keith. He and I are the only penises on the dance
team, so he wanted to meet you after I told him all about you.” He
winks at Keith then stares at me again. “So lo and behold, the seas part
and I see you sitting here and thought it must be fate.”
“Hi, I’m Keith, and I must say that Jamal was right because you,
my dear, are eye candy even for those of us who usually don’t look
twice at females.” He sticks his hand across the table and I smile as I
shake it.
“Hi, Keith. It’s nice to meet you,” I say awkwardly, not being used
to compliments. “Thank you.”
“So! Why you eating by yourself, honey? I figured you would
have a fine man, like I do, by your side,” Jamal asks as he leans toward
Keith.
I’m kind of caught off guard because I picture Jax for just a split
second and then shake the thoughts away as I remember my plan. “No.
No man and I really don’t have time for one either.” I take a sip of my
drink then continue. “My friend Jazz usually meets me, but she had to
meet with Professor Wallace.” They look at one another and smile.
“What?”
Keith answers my question. “Well, Professor Wallace is one fine
piece of ass, and I’ve heard rumors about him...” He bends toward me
and whispers, “...giving private lessons to some of the female students,
if you know what I mean.” He winks.
I think about this and immediately shake my head. “I don’t think
Jazz would do that. She’s smarter than to fall into a relationship with a
staff member here and risk her reputation.” At least I hope she is.
“Well, just watch out. They may just be rumors, but I had him last
year and the way he looked at the asses of some of the girls, I believe
they’re true.”
Jamal holds his hand up in a stop gesture and says, “Okay, enough
about the George Clooney look-alike. Trudy, tell me about yourself
and where you learned to dance?” They both look at me with
eagerness on their faces.
I clear my throat to think about where to start. I don’t tell many
people about my past. Jazz is the only one besides Brad that I’ve ever
told how I ended up in foster care, but that was because I trust Jazz and
I thought I could trust Brad. I clear my throat and give them as little
information as possible. “I’m from Atlanta and the lady who raised me
signed me up for classes and encouraged me to dance the whole time I
lived with her.” I want to change the subject, so I ask where they’re
from.
“I’m from Chicago and Keith was raised here in Mobile,” Jamal
says and looks at Keith.
“How long have you two been together?” I’ve never met a samesex couple before, and I’m curious about how they met, but I won’t
dig too deep into their personal life.
“We met last year during tryouts. I was auditioning and Jamal was
a judge. I came out when I left high school, and I still hadn’t told many
people because this is the South,” he says, his arms in the air, gesturing
our surroundings. “I talked to Jamal about it because he’s so open and
free about his lifestyle, and I knew I wanted that for myself.” Keith
turns to Jamal and puts his head on his shoulder. “He helped me and
our friendship just grew after that.”
I can see the friendship between them as well as the trust. I want
that for myself someday. However, I don’t know if I can let myself
trust like that again and not get hurt. Looking at my phone, I notice
that I need to hurry to my last class of the day, so after exchanging
numbers with the guys, I say goodbye to run out the door.
I’m still texting Jazz on my phone, not looking up, when I feel
something cold and wet land all over my shirt. “What the hell?” I ask
to no one in particular and look up.
“Oops. My bad!” Ashton says with a fake smile, batting her
eyelashes. “I’m so sorry,
Rudy,
but you really need to pay more
attention where you’re going.” She’s holding an empty cup in one and
while the opposite hand sits on her hip.
I’m about in tears for two different reasons. One, I’m so angry that
I’m about to give her a new asshole, and two,
everyone
is watching
and the place is dead silent. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
“Geez, Ashton, you can be such a bitch.” Jamal has his arms
around me and pushes hard against Ashton’s shoulder to move past her
and Amanda. Keith has my bag that I hadn’t realized I dropped and
walks behind us as we make our exit. As soon as we get away from
everyone, the tears run down my face so I keep my head down.
“Man, I wish I had a vagina so I could knock that bitch out.”
Jamal exhales and turns toward me. “Are you okay, Trudy?”
I can’t talk so I just nod my head and smile from his earlier
comment. I want to knock her out myself, but I really don’t want any
trouble. Unfortunately, I think I already have it; I just don’t know what
I did to deserve it. Well, besides kissing Jax, but I promised myself to
act like it never happened.
After I calm down and dry my tears, I take my bag from Keith.
“Thanks, guys. I don’t know what her deal is.” I’m still shaking from
the adrenaline boost, and I want to go burn it off somehow, but I have
somewhere to be. “I need to get to class, but I need to stop by the
campus bookstore and get a new shirt. Ugh! I can’t believe her.” I’m
getting more fired up and really want to knock her on her ass, but I
restrain myself.
“If I know Ashton, then it has to do with Jaxon Coleman. She only
takes her claws out to that extent when he’s involved.” Jamal looks at
me with a knowing smile while my face turns red.
I look at the ground instead of in his eyes and say, “Jax is my
friend Jazz’s brother, and we all hang out together.” I look up, hoping
I’ve calmed down enough that my true feelings aren’t showing.
“That’s no reason to act like a five-year-old and throw a tantrum.”
They look at me and then at each other. “Well, she’ll try and make
anyone who she thinks is a threat to her future plan miserable. And,
honey, Jaxon Coleman is number one on her list of future plans.”
“She can have him because I don’t want him,” I state with a raised
voice, but deep down I feel like the biggest liar who ever walked the
earth. I know I want him, but I want to be myself more than someone’s
property again.
We say goodbye and make plans to have practice Sunday morning
at six. I head to the bookstore and waste thirty dollars on a white
Jaguars T-shirt, all the while cussing Ashton. After I get to class I think
of my plans for Labor Day weekend.
I know I told Jazz I would go home with her, because I’m off
Sunday and Monday, but being around Jax for two full days is going to
make me crazy. Maybe I can bail, but I really want to see the beach
and I like being around Jazz. She’s told me about the blue water and
white sand and all the fun things they do. She also mentioned a huge
Ferris wheel that has a great view of Pensacola when you reach the
top, and I want to ride it because I’ve never been on one, and I’m
looking forward to it.
Class is over by the time I make the decision to go, but I’ll ignore
Jax the whole time. I leave feeling better than I did an hour ago and
head back to my dorm room. After I take another shower to get the
sticky, sweet tea off my skin, I change into my work shirt and jeans. As
I slip on my shoes, Jazz knocks on my bathroom door. “Come in,” I
say loud enough for her to hear me through the door.
“Hey, chick,” she says with a goofy grin on her face and comes
over to sit on my bed. My room has become our usual hangout, which
is fine by me because I can’t stay in her room for too long or I’ll get a
headache from all the pink.
I start to think back to my earlier conversation with Jamal and
Keith about the playboy professor. “How was your meeting with
Professor Wallace?”
She gets a dreamy look in her eye, and I’m starting to worry that
maybe she’s fallen for this guy’s crap. “Oh, you know. We discussed
the syllabus and some future group projects.” She appears to want to
say more but doesn’t and changes the subject. “Guess what Jax’s
friend Mason brought me today?”
Hearing his name has me blushing, so I clear my throat and hope
she doesn’t notice. “I don’t know. What?”
She tosses something on my lap, and I reach to pick it up. It looks
like a standard Alabama driver’s license. Then I see her age: twentytwo. “Does this mean you’re going to harass me at work now?” I ask
jokingly.
“Yes and leave you
awesome
tips too.” She squeals and claps her
hands. “Starting tonight, in fact, because that Mason guy said Jax,
David, and he are going to be there and they want me to go. They
wanted me to invite you, but you’re working. So maybe when you’re
finished we can have a real drink together and toast to our new and
amazing friendship.” I can see the excitement in her eyes and of course
I agree. She’s the first real friend I’ve ever had, and I think we deserve
it. I know I need a drink after today and that’s saying something.
When I leave and walk out of the dorm to head to work, I see
Benji standing by his motorcycle smoking a cigarette and talking to
some girl with blonde hair cut in a pixie style. He sees me and waves
with a smile.
Pixie
doesn’t look too happy that his attention is now on
me, but she should notice we’re practically dressed in the same black
T-shirts and realize it’s strictly platonic. I wave back and start walking
down the street toward the bus stop that I’ve been using when Jazz
can’t take me to work.
“Hey, Trudy, where you going?” I turn and Benji’s running in my
direction while I receive the stink eye from
pixie
as she leaves.
“Work. Where else would I be going in this shirt?” I ask, smiling
and giving him a look that says, “Duh!”
“Well let’s go get on, Foxy. I came by to give you a ride since I
was out this way and knew you were on tonight.” He grabs my hand
and starts leading me back toward his woman of steel.
“I can take the bus. I don’t want to stop you from working your
magic on
pixie
.” I nod my head toward the girl he was talking to a few
minutes ago while she walks away.
He gives me a look of horror. “Nah. You just saved my ass from a
girl that thinks she knows shit about bikes. She’s only trying to
impress me so I will lay
it
on her,” he says, grabbing his crotch and
giving a smirk that shows off his white teeth.
“Goodness, Benji, where have you been all my life with that sweet
talking mouth of yours?” I laugh while putting on my helmet.
I haven’t really done it on my own, so he turns and looks at me in
my eyes while he helps adjust the strap. “South Carolina, but now I’m
right in front of you, doll.” Even though he has a cocky smirk on his
face, he sounds so serious. Since I don’t know how to respond, I just
ignore it and bend down to pick up my bag.
He straddles the bike then starts it up as I get on and wrap my
arms around his waist. I try to keep my hold tight enough so I won’t
fall off, but I don’t make it an embrace like last time. I don’t need to
cross lines with anybody right now, especially a co-worker.