Authors: Dee Ellis
“Was certain I’d die if I didn’t get inside you,” He whispered with a sexy smirk, throwing his head back and growling, “Fuck I love you, Sugar. So much. Tell me.”
“Mmm, I love you too baby. Let me watch you make love to me. You’re so fucking beautiful.” Really he was; the tattoos were sexy and made him seem dangerous, until my eyes fell on that one at his chest. My name at his chest softened the raw edges of him and I thought, maybe, I really did just that for him.
Much, much later we fell asleep by the fireplace after we lost count of orgasms. Cage pulled a fluffy chenille blanket from the back of the couch down to cover us. Before we slept, he whispered to me about this house and the farm and the town I would be leaving behind. My whispered replies, promises that he made me want to stand still at last, soothed him finally.
Cage promised to stand beside me this weekend while I told the truth, all of the truth at last, to my family. Eventually, I had to tell Tucker’s family too. I promised to work my ass off to get the shop running with the girls in charge of it, and then come home to him.
“Abso-fuckin-lutely.” Cage whispered before we both fell asleep.
I had no more pieces of me to hide, no more worry about if my pieces would fit with his. Even if they didn’t, he loved me and I loved him.
1
The week we had flown by with lots of visits to the shop, Cage tagging a long and smiling as I taught the girls everything I knew. Maisie and Sadie adored him and if I didn’t know how much they loved my brothers, I might be worried. Cage flirted shamelessly with all the sweet old women who came by, wondering about the status of the shop.
At first there had been some tension, questions I refused to answer. Then midway through the week, while taking a break from the muggy store where we had baked for hours, Cage yanked me close in the middle of the street. Dancing me around, he held me close and whispered how beautiful I was with cake flower all over my face and how sweet I smelled.
Then he dipped me as he pressed a lush kiss to my mouth, tongue and teeth and his hand laced in my messy topknot. I giggled when he set me right before I was flooded with love for him. Widow Jenkins and half the rotary club were milling about town square, planning one function or another and saw it all.
Widow Jenkins had sailed by the store a few times, frowning at Cage when he flirted, always asking questions. Our little dance was a display for them, to shut them all up. I held his handsome face in my hands, told him I loved him, and then kissed him like I meant it. Cage lifted me off my feet and threatened to fuck me at the gazebo in front of them if I kept it up.
Which he did, later. Cage seemed intent on fucking me anywhere I might have been with anyone other than him before. Beneath the huge oak tree at the center of town square, where Tucker proposed. In that gazebo where I kissed another boy.
On the hilltop overlooking our tiny town, most the lights out by then, where I had given away my innocence. In the shop after the girls had cut out one day, bending me over the front counter just in case anyone wanted a show.
Cage was on a mission to make my memories of this town include him in some way. I didn’t tell him, but I kind of loved him more for it.
Maisie thanked me at the end of one day, our last before the two and half days we would spend at the cabin. When I insisted I wanted the business running for my mom, she laughed gently. Then proceeded to tell me whatever heat Cage seemed to look at me with had somehow reignited the otherwise mostly warm flames between she and Cash.
So the thank you was for a week full of surprising orgasms. Before I could admonish her for being pervy, Sadie piped up beside me, shocking me. Because Sadie was like her sister in almost every way, except her mouth.
“Sweet Jesus she ain’t lying. My pussy might still be purring from Colton’s lunch time visit. My husband seems happiest on his knees lately, getting to know my kitty on a first name basis again. Pretty sure the three of us are getting fucked like teenagers again. Except Charli being as....I mean....” Wiping away tears of laughter because Sadie never spoke so crudely, I stopped, my jaw dropping.
“Sadie!” Maisie threw a handful of cake flour at her, drawing a line at her neck.
“Wait one god damn minute,” I roared, throwing my rolling pin with a clatter onto the work table, “tell me what you know!” Sadie bowed her head and let out a sigh, puffs of flower filling the air.
“We don’t
know
anything,” Sadie leaned her elbows back on the counter, making her full bust jut out even more, “I know what I
think
I know.” Maisie threw more flour at her, laughing when it went down her top.
“Which is...” I prodded, feeling the room spin just a little.
Was this more lies? More secrets?
“It's not like before,” Maisie slapped my backside gently, leaving a flour print on my leggings, “Charli you were the hottest girl in school, even when we were there,” I laughed and threw cookie dough at her as I made a face at her, “Ryder wanted you, lots of boys wanted you. Tucker loved you. No doubt. Tucker never seemed...to want you the way he should. When he proposed...I knew it was wrong. I knew you loved him because you had no choice. I... thought once he might be in love with Cash.” Maisie dipped her head, her hands playing with the cookie dough we were working with.
“I think he was.” Tucker had never admitted as much, but he loved Cash far more than he had ever loved me.
“He was? So....” Sadie sighed and slid closer to me, gripping me in a hug.
“Tucker never said so, but I thought so too. You guys are right; he never wanted me the way he should have. We...I mean I think he tried, you know? We messed around but...he waited till after he proposed for sex. I knew it was wrong. I knew it was hard on us both because it wasn’t what either of us wanted. Just what we thought we should be doing. I think.... I think Tucker thought he could fix it somehow. When he thought he couldn’t anymore, he thought he could get away from Cash and maybe, take me with some day. He...I have a letter for Cash and Colton, from Tucker.” Maisie came to my other side and the twins stood flanking me, arms around my waist as I sighed heavily.
Damn it felt good to get some of the truth out. It was not mine but I had protected it as if it was. I doubted Cash or Colton might take the truth quite the way the girls had. We spent the rest of the day talking about the amazing men we called ours.
I didn’t even cringe when Sadie explained the night they had spent before Colton left for Afghanistan or all the ones when he came home for visits.
Maisie pushed me too far when she launched into tales about the nights she had snuck into my parents’ place and, unbeknownst to my family, let Cash deflower her with all of us sleeping nearby. Gross.
I listened though because I loved them and I loved how they loved my brothers, loved me and now, loved Cage.
1
Ghosts lose their power once you face them. Standing in the three room cabin, surrounded by the people I loved most in the world, I was ready to do some facing. Cage had spent the entire ride up here giving me a pep talk. I told him the girls already knew the truth about Tucker. Cage suspected Colton might too, but that he respected Tucker too much to talk about it before. Cash was the one I was worried about.
I had spent many nights while they were overseas going over our relationship and questioning Tucker’s feelings for me. His devotion to my brothers, Cash especially, had always made me wonder if he was with me just out of obligation.
Soon enough I thought otherwise; that he loved one of the Dixon’s enough that maybe the right one, by our town’s standards at least, could fix him somehow. Not that he needed fixed, which is what I told him on that last phone call. Didn’t mean that’s how Tucker saw it.
Once the boys got us settled, I started lunch but I was a wreck and knew I had to get it out. Maisie and Sadie stopped me from cutting my fingers off as I chopped vegetables for a salad. Calling the boys into the kitchen, they sat them down and gave me the go ahead.
For years I had wanted to say so much to them, about Mama and Daddy and basically all the people I knew abandoning me at once. Leaving me behind to deal with the aftermath of Mama’s death, take over the farm and help their wives start lives while I sat and waited for mine to begin.
About Tucker knowing just what he was doing when he proposed in front of the entire town. I didn’t know where to start, so I started with the hardest truth.
“Before...before we...this weekend is...I don’t know.” Cage crossed the room to stand in front of me, shielding me from them and making me focus on him.
“I’m right here, Sugar. Let’s conquer your ghosts, baby.” I sighed, letting him center me for a moment before he stepped behind me, keeping a soothing hand at my back.
“I... loved Tucker. I did. For half my life, even when I didn’t realize I had a choice not to. I thought it was enough for a while. Tucker did too. Tucker needed it more than I did, really. To believe it was enough. I... I knew it wasn’t right though. Tucker didn’t...he didn’t love me the way he should have. Not ever enough.” Cash frowned and looked around at the others before he spoke gently.
“Tucker loved you more than anything. What do you mean, Cupcake?” Tears made my words thick so I took a deep breath and focused on the table they sat around. I couldn’t look them in the face and hurt them. Really, I didn’t think the truth would hurt; they loved Tucker no matter what. It was the lie that would hurt. My ghosts were all about the lies.
“No, Cash. No he didn’t. Tucker loved me, yes. Tucker was never
in love
with me, he never could be. Tucker asked me to marry him knowing I wanted out of Sumner. So did he. For very different reasons. Tucker left me behind so he could find out what his truth was, and he found it. I’m so glad he got a chance to find it. Even for a little while. Before he died, he called me one last time. We...,” I took a shaky breath and Cage tugged me closer.
“We knew then it was over. Tucker had found someone else and he knew he didn’t need me to fix him, he knew I couldn’t. I got this letter after he died. I hated him for a while because he expected me, after being whatever he needed without any choice really, to tell you, his family, everyone his truths in case he never got to.” Colton caught my eye and I could see the sadness in his eyes and I knew. He knew those truths.
“I don’t.... Charli what are you saying?” Cash didn’t sound angry or frustrated, just confused and I let out a shaky breath.
“Tucker never intended to come home to marry me. He might come home to take me away, but a wedding, the one I tried to plan with his sister and mama for over two years, was never going to happen. Soon after he got to boot camp, he fell in love. Really fell in love and he was fucking terrified of what you two would think. That is why he was ended up so far away from you two when you got shipped overseas. He thought.... if you two knew you would hate him.” Cash stood, crossing the room towards me, gently taking my shoulders in his hands.
“He cheated on you? While you were here planning his fucking wedding, knowing he never intended to marry you? Of course I would have hated him.” I shook my head, peering up into his gray green eyes as I said it.
“No, Cash; I mean yes but.... he...Tucker fell in love with his bunk mate. Noah Tate. Tucker told me his name on the last call. Told me all of you had been friends during boot camp but.... you two didn’t know the two of them had....” Cash went white and stepped away and for just a second, I thought he might strike me.
Cage must have thought the same because he stepped between us, shoving me behind him a little. That seemed to startle Cash out of whatever rage he had slipped into. Blinking at us, he stepped back more, glancing over his shoulder at the others. Colton stood and crossed the room, the girls behind him.
A silent exchange happened between the two and then Cash turned to me again. I waited for it. For the rage or the cries saying I was a liar. Or the harsh laughter that I was making some cruel joke at the expense of a dead man. Cash closed the distance between us and searched my eyes.
“That motherfucker let you deal with his truths for half your life? Let you give your fucking life away to him and he knew he could never give you the same? Or did he think you might be able to cure him of it somehow? Fucking idiot.” I sagged against Cage, relief coursing through me that for right now anyway, Cash’s anger was not directed at me.
“Tucker tried,” I sighed, tired of making excuses for him but doing it anyway, “I think he thought.... he knew no one here would accept it. Or he assumed that anyway. After he died...I couldn’t...I didn’t know how....” Colton was there, a heavy hand at Cash’s shoulder and a warm look as he regarded me.
“Cupcake, you should never have had to carry his truths for him. I get why he might have felt like lying was his only option. His daddy had him running that farm and giving him a litter of grand kids. We were his family too though, for our entire lives and he lied to us the entire time. I loved him like a brother and....I figured it out a few months into boot camp. At least, I thought so once I saw how he and Noah looked at each other. I asked him over and over why he took a different duty than us. He lied then too. I asked him one time on leave, a few months before he died. I asked him what he was hiding, why he was so fucking different. He still lied.” Colton shook his head and Cash nodded too, looking up at me.