Letting Go (5 page)

“I can’t stay long,” said Laura. “I’ve got my family coming over for lunch today. It’s my mother’s birthday. I promised Andrew I’d cook Thai food, without realizing I’d be pushed for time.”

Jude grinned, tugging at her ear. “Does your mother know Debbie’s left?”

Laura rolled her eyes. “Andrew may have told her, I don’t know. But I’m prepared for her hideous comments.”

“So what else have you been up to? Are you still seeing 41

Kelly? Or have you come to your senses?”

Laura shook her head in exasperation and smiled. “Yes. I’m still seeing Kelly. And our affair suits me down to the ground. It’s just what I need right now.” She lit a cigarette. Jude sighed and ran her hands through her hair. “It just seems such a waste to me. You’re a really loving person, and spending your time with Kelly seems stupid. You don’t seem to have anything much in common with her. It’s all just sex by the sound of it.”

Laura grinned and nodded. “Yep, it’s more or less just sex.” She laughed as Jude scowled in disapproval. “Honestly, Jude, Kelly isn’t the monster you think she is. The reason you don’t like her is because you think she screws around. You’re being too judgmental.” She shrugged. “Sure, I wouldn’t want to find myself falling in love with her. She’d disappear in a puff of smoke.” Laura paused and sipped her coffee. “But I’m not in any danger of feeling that way about her. That’s why she suits me. I don’t want to get involved emotionally with anyone right now. God, my last choice was a disaster. Look at what happened with Debbie!”

“I’m not being judgmental about Kelly, I’m being discriminating,” said Jude. “I can’t stand Kelly because I think she just uses women. I’m sure there’s a woman out there somewhere you could spend some other enjoyable time with, who shares your interests and whose brains aren’t located in her pants!”

Laura looked off into the distance. She twisted the ring on her finger. “Well, there is a woman like that who has suddenly shown an interest in me. It’s taken me by surprise. She’s bright, talented, and it seems we have a lot of interests in common.” Laura looked back at Jude, who was gazing at her in astonishment.

42

“Well,” said Jude. “You might as well tell me. What’s the bad news?”

“She’s twenty-three years old—sixteen years younger than me. That’s the bad news.”

Jude shook her head in disbelief. “You think that’s bad news, for Christ’s sake? You’re kidding. Who on earth is she?”

They ordered more coffee, and Laura told her about Kate, their lunch together and the scene in Kate’s apartment. Laura drew on her cigarette. “I was amazed at my reaction to her, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. She’s probably just infatuated with me—a passing thing. I’m hoping she was just feeling a bit drunk from lunch and that she’s forgotten about it by now.”

Jude shrugged. “I think you’re bloody mad. Kate sounds wonderful, and since you’ve discovered this attraction for her, why not go along with it?”

Laura smiled. “For Christ’s sake, Jude, give me a break. I’m just starting to feel like my life’s getting back in some sort of order. I don’t want to start anything that could become complicated.” She glanced at her watch. “Shit, I’ve got to go.” She stood, hurriedly grabbed her shopping bags and kissed Jude good-bye.

“Have a nice day with Mum,” said Jude, grinning.

“Yeah right,” said Laura grimly over her shoulder as she hurried away.

“Aunty Laura!” Olivia squealed, charging in as soon as Laura opened the door. Bending to catch her, Laura swept her three-year-old niece into her arms and hugged her. Olivia covered her face with wet kisses and immediately 43

began to pull off Laura’s earrings.

“G’day,” said her twin brother Andrew, kissing her cheek.

“I’ll put all this in the kitchen.” He strode off holding a box containing wine and a birthday cake. His wife, Jill, greeted her warmly as she lumbered in carrying a huge bag of toys, books and spare emergency clothes for the baby. Olivia squirmed, and when Laura put her down, she immediately raced to the bag her mother had dumped on the floor, dragging out all the contents, scattering them everywhere.

“Things look different,” said Laura’s mother, casting a sharp eye around the apartment as she strode in.

“Hello, Mum,” said Laura, kissing her cheek fleetingly. Laura’s relationship with her mother was at best polite and distant, and at worst strained. She had never accepted Laura’s lesbianism, and her attitude toward her relationships was dismissive, refusing to take them seriously. Laura had long grown accustomed to her mother’s obvious pride in her brother, who seemed to have lived up to all her expectations. Unlike Laura, he had rewarded her years of “sacrifice” by settling down in a “normal” marriage, producing a beautiful grandchild. When she was much younger, Laura often argued with her mother about the situation, trying to gain her acceptance, but she had long ago given up on her. She’d decided that she really didn’t need her mother’s approval, and it was easier to take a light-hearted view of her ignorant comments.

Laura joined Andrew, who was in the kitchen opening some wine. “So you haven’t told Mum yet that Debbie’s left?” he asked.

Laura stirred a pot on the stove. “No, I was hoping you might have mentioned it to save me the trouble.”

He handed her a glass of wine, beaming a smile at her 44

—a smile just like Laura’s. “You’ve got to be bloody joking. I’ll leave that to you.”

Laura grinned at him. “Thanks a lot.” She handed him a dish. “Can you take this in for me?”

While Andrew poured the wine and Jill struggled with Olivia, trying to tie on her bib, Laura took the food to the table. She had prepared curry puffs, a hot and sour soup with chicken, a green curry with beef and a seafood noodle dish without spices that Olivia would eat.

“These are yours, sweetie,” said Laura, kissing Olivia’s forehead as she placed some chili-free curry puffs in front of her.

“This all looks very nice. Thank you, Laura,” said Mother.

Laura’s mother was tall with piercing blue eyes. Her overly cultured voice was a legacy of an early ’fifties private school education. Laura’s father had died many years ago and she hadn’t remarried. Today was her sixty-second birthday.

“Mmmm, it’s wonderful,” said Andrew, helping himself to curry.

“Why isn’t Debbie here? Is she coming later?” Mother asked.

Jill and Andrew looked quickly at Laura as she calmly spooned more rice into her bowl. “No, she’s not coming later. She’s gone, Mum. We’ve separated.”

“Ahh, that’s what’s changed. Her things aren’t here,”

Mother replied. “That’s a shame. I liked Debbie. She was such a nice pretty girl.”

Laura and Andrew rolled their eyes at each other.

“Well, never mind,” Mother continued. “I suppose you’ll find another flatmate to move in soon enough.”

45

Jill put her hand over her mouth to suppress a giggle. Laura poured more wine for everyone. In a nonchalant tone, she said, “Yeah, I thought I’d put an ad in the paper.

‘Woman wanted to share one-bedroom apartment with one bed.’ I imagine I’d get quite a few responses.”

Her mother turned away and gazed through the French doors, and Laura and her brother exchanged a grin.

“You know,” Mother said, still gazing outside, twirling her long string of pearls in her fingers. “I think it might rain this afternoon.”

They were all distracted then by Olivia taking a handful of noodles and tossing them on the floor, and the conversation turned to other matters.

It was with relief a few hours later that Laura showed them all out. She enjoyed the company of Andrew and Jill and adored her niece, but an afternoon with both Olivia and her mother was quite exhausting.

It had been four weeks since Laura’s lunch with Kate. Laura had continued to think about her attraction for her. She wondered about Kate’s feelings. After the kiss, Kate had looked flustered, her face flushed. She hadn’t shrugged it off with an amused smile as she might have done. Laura had gone over those moments in her mind several times and finally decided to call her.

Kate sounded breathless and tongue-tied. There was an uncomfortable pause before Laura said, “Sorry I haven’t called you earlier. I’ve been very busy lately. But I’ve spoken to the woman at the gallery and she said she’d be happy to look at your paintings. I’ve got her number if you want to call her and make arrangements.”

46

“That’s really great, thanks a lot,” Kate stammered. Laura gave her the phone number and was about say good-bye and hang up.

“Laura...?” Kate said.

“Yes?” Laura waited.

“Laura…I….umm…oh, it doesn’t matter,” Kate mumbled.

Laura was conscious of Kate’s uncomfortable, faltering tone. Her heart sank a little as she realized that their embrace weeks ago had not been forgotten by Kate. She hadn’t just drunk too much. “What is it, Kate?”

“I…umm…I want to see, I mean, I want to thank you for that lunch.”

Laura laughed, relieved. “Oh that. You’re very, welcome.”

Laura then said she had to go and they both said good-bye. Her flustered words conveyed a great deal to Laura and she was concerned. Kate had revealed much about herself during that lunch. Laura had been pleasantly surprised to discover so much sensitivity and thoughtful intelligence in someone so young. Kate managed to portray strength and vulnerability all at once, which Laura found very attractive. In kissing her so passionately, Kate had revealed a strong attraction to her, and Laura had to admit that whether she liked it or not, she was seriously attracted to Kate. She would just have to try to put Kate out of her mind. After all, she was spending plenty of time with Kelly and surely that would help to put thoughts of Kate into perspective. The following Saturday, having met Jude again for shopping and coffee, Laura told her about her phone conversation with Kate.

47

Laura stubbed out her cigarette. “So she wasn’t drunk and she hasn’t forgotten about it. Her interest in me seems to be more serious than I’d hoped.”

“Well it doesn’t sound like a silly infatuation anyway,”

said Jude. “You’re attracted to her, so why wouldn’t you go along with it. Have an affair with her, for God’s sake, and you can get bloody Kelly out of your life.”

Laura sighed. “Because, Jude, there’s something special about her. Kate is certainly not a Kelly type, and I’m afraid I could get quite serious about her if I allowed anything to develop. I don’t trust myself emotionally at the moment. I’m not ready for anything serious and it wouldn’t be casual with Kate...

Thank Christ Kelly’s around to keep my mind off her.”

She lit another cigarette. She exhaled, leaning back in her chair. “I’m not getting involved with a twenty-three-yearold.”Jude laughed. “Shit, I’d kill to have a twenty-three-yearold panting after me!”

Laura laughed with her and decided to drop the subject.

48

Chapter Six

Later that week, Laura was surveying all the work on her desk. It was April, and Tony had taken a week’s holiday, hoping to catch the remnants of the warm weather. They had expected a quiet time but it seemed every client suddenly needed a new campaign. Laura had brought in a freelance copywriter to help out, and now she needed help on artwork layouts.

At least Jodie had proven to be an asset. She was a fast learner and reliable. Laura had spoken to her about the bubble gum, asking her to refrain from blowing bubbles while sitting at the reception desk or talking to clients. Jodie’s solution to this was to simply hide the gum in her mouth whenever Laura was around. Laura never again actually saw Jodie chewing gum but was beginning to grow 49

accustomed to hearing the pops and snaps whenever she was nearby but out of sight. Laura had relaxed a great deal with Jodie, and could see the funny side of this. Sometimes, she even amused herself by trying to catch Jodie out, approaching her desk very quietly. But Jodie apparently had a sixth sense, and Laura had so far not managed to catch a single bubble in the making. More importantly, all their clients seemed to really like Jodie, which was the main thing as far as Laura was concerned.

Laura rang Jodie at reception and asked her to contact Kate Merlo at the typesetters and make a time to discuss the new briefs. Previously, Laura would have phoned Kate herself, but she felt uneasy now about her and was attempting to make things seem more businesslike between them.

Laura’s office door was open when Kate arrived and she stood there for a moment entranced, looking at Laura drawing on her layout pad, talking with a client on the phone, its receiver propped on her shoulder. God, she’s gorgeous, Kate thought, aware of that familiar aching tug of desire in her body.

Kate had been away for about ten days, at her mother’s beach house. She was due for a vacation and had allowed herself to be convinced by her mother that she needed a break. Kate had not been sleeping or eating well in recent weeks, since her interest in Laura had grown to become a virtual obsession. She took a friend with her, and found herself relaxing and having a good time. She put her feelings for Laura into some sort of perspective, and despite the advice of her friend to give this woman a big miss, Kate had decided to take some control of the situation. She wanted Laura, and she was going to try everything she could to get 50

her. If in the end she failed, she’d have to find a way to deal with that. But she had to try. So she was feeling refreshed and confident when Jodie rang.

Just be
cool
, she told herself silently,
don’t be a bumbling
idiot
.Laura put down the phone and looked up at Kate with a dazzling smile that almost undid Kate. Laura said, “You look relaxed. You’ve obviously had some time off while the rest of us have been slaving away. That’s a great tan.”

Laura seemed slightly uneasy as Kate approached her with a confident smile.
She senses there’s something different
about me today,
Kate thought. She didn’t take her eyes away from Laura’s. Laura explained the various jobs to be done, but she seemed distracted, as if Kate’s gaze was having an unsettling effect on her.