Chapter 29
Lily
“Rise.”
Master’s voice had me easing to my feet. My knees ached, but not once had I moved or shifted while I waited for permission to stop kneeling. For three days, Zain trained me. Nothing dark like I expected. Everything was more disciplinary. I kept waiting and trying to prepare myself, but the routine continued.
“Come, let me see you.”
I walked forward and my Master lifted his hands, brushing the hair back to expose my shoulders. “I’m impressed. You did very well.” He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me, hugging tight. My forehead creased at the repeated closeness he’d displayed over the last few days. Zain had never been one for lots of contact or praise. It was enough to have me reevaluating how well I had thought I’d known him.
“Master?” I looked up, trying not to show my confusion.
“Yes, Lilian?” Still, he held onto me.
“Is something wrong?”
Only then did he glance down. “Of course not. Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know. You just seem…different.”
He led me to the sofa and sat us down. “Different, how? Because of this?” Pressure from his lips coaxed mine open and I was swept away at his taste. In a slow rhythm, he massaged his tongue against mine. My eyes stayed closed long after they broke away. A deep sigh of bliss left me and forced my lids open. For seconds, I blinked, staring at him.
“Yes. You’re more affectionate now.”
“I’m more
appreciative
. Love and the absence of it can change a man. I’ve waited three years to experience everything you are. Your touch, your taste, the way you feel…I never knew the little things like a hug or kiss could mean so much. They do, slave. I’d be content to just hold your hand if that’s all we were allowed to do.”
A laugh burst past my lips and I couldn’t help it. “If my brother has his way, we’ll be lucky to get that far once we get home.”
Master smiled. “If that’s what it takes to be with you, I’ll take it. At least until...” He broke off, smiling even bigger.
“Until what?”
“You’ll see.” He turned more toward me. “Why don’t we talk about the future? Do you see yourself staying at Slade Industries? Or are you eventually going to take another path?”
My lips pressed together at the questions. I’d asked myself the same ones a million times since starting there and although I was a natural and excelled, I wasn’t quite sure. I had other plans. Bigger ones.
“You’re thinking pretty hard.”
I nodded. “I love working for Slade, but…I’m actually glad you asked. I’ve needed someone to talk to about this.”
“I’m here for you, you know that. What is it?”
Zain’s eyes narrowed and concern etched into his features. I clasped my hands together, wondering how I should go about stating my thoughts.
“Do you think my brother would be upset if in two to three years I decided to open my own business? One almost identical to his?” I rushed in. “It sounds really shady, I know, but it’s not about overshadowing or stealing what he has. I just want something to create. To see it grow and thrive. Do you know what I mean? I feel like I’ve already reached as far as I can go with my brother’s company and it’s unfair to others. I see how they all look at me. Anyway, there’s a combination of things that have kept the idea fresh in my mind.”
Master’s arm came to rest on the back of the sofa and he leaned his head against his fist. The muscle in his bicep flexed for the briefest moment and I took in the swirl of tribal just below his elbow. When he spoke, I had to make myself focus through the lust that roared. Damn, his arms were so much bigger than before.
“I think it’s a great idea to start your own company, Lilian. But, I think it’s best to stay for the two to three years that you mentioned. Maybe even five. The more experience you have, the better. And what if by then you don’t want to take the risk? It’s best to know for sure. And no, I don’t think Slade would be the least bit upset. If anyone knows the need to create something and see it flourish, it’s your brother. I think he’d be very proud of you.”
“You’re right. I’m only beginning in this field. Just because I’m good at it doesn’t mean I’m anywhere near accomplished enough to take on such a task. Experience will be key.”
His hand reached out and took mine. “And so will support. I’ll back you no matter what decision you make. I may rule over certain things, but I will never stop you from accomplishing your goals. My job is to make sure you succeed. I’ll do everything I can to see that it happens.”
“Thank you.” I drew his hand to my lips and placed a kiss on his knuckles. He had no idea what hearing him say that meant to me. Or maybe he did.
“You’re very welcome.”
Tenderness was mixed in the grin he gave. My pulse jumped and I felt like a schoolgirl all over again. There was something about my Master. Whether he was happy, disciplining me, or having moments like this one, my body reacted to every single one. A heavy heat whirled in my heart and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. It was rare that I saw this side of him and when I had, it seemed like forever ago.
“What about you? What does your future entail?”
Zain picked up a lock of my hair and twisted it around his finger. “You. Whatever your plans are, I’ll change mine to fit them. If you want to stay at Slade Industries, so will I. If you want to own a business, you have me to lean on. Whether it’s an accountant you need, an IT Manager, a partner, or a bodyguard, I’ll be whatever you want. Just say the word and I’m yours.”
My body trembled from adrenaline as I took him in. The dark T-shirt left his eyes practically glowing, and he was so serious, yet caring, as he looked at me. Love…yes, he loved me. “Will you say it again, Master?”
“Just say the word?”
I shook my head. “No, the end part.”
“I’m yours?” His lips separated and he reached forward, pulling me onto his lap. “You know I’m yours, baby girl. I have been from the moment I laid eyes on you. I’ve said I love you probably a hundred times since I got you back. I’ll say it a hundred-thousand times more if that’s what you need.”
“Will you hold me?”
To have his arms around me was something I craved. I wanted to feel safe. To forget about everything I’d been through the last few weeks. I couldn’t deny I was still shaken. With the days that passed came the reality of what I’d undergone. It was all sinking in and leaving me an exhausted mess on the inside. And I knew my Master could see it. It was probably why he hadn’t unleashed any of his secret desires.
“Keep talking to me. Tell me what else you want out of the future?” His arms pulled me in and locked around, holding extra tight. I felt my body relax and mold into his.
“I want what most people do. A home. A family. I want traditions of big Thanksgiving gatherings with friends and family. And a dog that can be raised with my children. I want to be happy.”
His hand rubbed up my back slowly. “That sounds like the perfect life. It would be nice to have a home to come back to at the end of the day. A real home. Not a penthouse or an apartment building. I want a yard with a swing set. Maybe a barbeque pit.” He paused for so long, I almost lifted. “My step father, Jeff, used to barbeque all the time. I remember waking up to the smell after I was taken. It was a phantom smell, but the memory left an impact. I missed my parents so much at the beginning. I never want our children to have to experience a single ounce of the pain we’ve been through.”
My fingers gripped his shirt and I wasn’t sure if it was because he used
our,
or the fact that we were talking about children after we’d already lost one. I hadn’t been able to save our child then, and it wasn’t from lack of trying. In my mind, I’d failed, in more ways than one. I put my unborn baby’s life in danger to help a slave and we paid the ultimate price for my mistake.
“Lilian?” Zain’s hands gripped my cheeks as he pulled me back to look at him. I couldn’t stop the swell of tears. Would it ever get easier? “Don’t,” he whispered. “It wasn’t your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself.” I didn’t have to ask how he knew what I was thinking. Zain knew me better than anyone.
“It was my fault. I should have known better. If I hadn’t gone that time—” The sob cut off my words. I tried to hide my face in his chest, but he wouldn’t let me.”
“Listen to me. You didn’t know Saul would hurt you. He’d been told not to. He had orders and he disobeyed them. Had I believed he would go against my father’s wishes, I would have never allowed you to continue to help those girls. You are more important to me than anyone. We both learned a hard lesson that day, so no more blaming yourself. If anyone is at fault, it’s me. I could have locked you in. I could have ordered you to stay put, but I didn’t.”
The pad of his thumb slid across my cheek, wiping the tears.
“Nothing will replace the loss of our first child, baby. Nothing. But I promise you this. My uncle
will
pay. And when he’s gone and we decide to have more children, we will love and cherish what it means to create life. Every time we look into our child’s eyes, we’ll know how lucky we are to be blessed. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I said, sniffling.
“Good. Now, no more tears. Our past is full of pain, but our future won’t be. Let’s focus on that.”
Master eased me back to his chest. The fast beating of his heart soothed me. I let it take over my consuming thoughts completely as I closed my eyes and tried to push away the hurt—a pain I knew would probably never go away. Minutes went by while my hair was stroked and soon, I found myself drifting between sleep and consciousness. With each breath he took, I disappeared from reality. Grotesque flashes of blood, mangled body parts of slaves, and evil men played before me like a slideshow. Even though I tried to ignore them, I couldn’t shut out what had plagued me now for years, or the new horrors I saw. Jonathon. Alec dead on the table. Knives and guns aplenty. I tried reaching for something to protect me, but everything was too far away.
My nightmare opened up like a black hole, swallowing me until I couldn’t breathe past the black masked men whose fingers raked against my skin, clawing to rip off my clothes.
“I’m going to make you pay, Lily. You’re going to die just like I did. Just like my father and brothers. Alec wouldn’t be dead now if it weren’t for you.”
I screamed, trying my best to fight off his weight. My eyes widened as his face morphed from Jonathon’s to Alec’s.
“You killed me, Lily. It was all your fault.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I didn’t mean to.”
“But you did!” he yelled, grabbing my wrists harder. “Now, you’ll pay. I want you. Come be with me. Stay with me forever. You owe me.”
All I could do was plead no, repeatedly. My arms pushed against his, but I wasn’t budging him. Something warm dripped onto my face and the blood starting to pour from his mouth had me screaming. Drip. Drip. The steady splashes made me go wild. My hips jerked while I tried to knock him off of me.
“Lilian!” Master’s roar had me jumping awake. My fingers dug into his sides as I tried to get closer. “Shh. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
Fingers through my hair became evident, and my nose running had my eyes blinking from the horrified wideness they were stuck in. With a swipe of my hand, I noticed how wet my face really was. Had I been crying? I lifted my head only to come within view of my Master’s sad expression.
“You’re getting worse as the days go by. Even I can’t seem to break through your nightmares anymore.”
I’d hoped that having Zain at my side would make them go away like they had at the beginning, but each night they returned. And they were only getting more graphic and stronger.
“It’s only been a few days.”
His eyes studied mine intently. “Perhaps we should go back and get you help. This was a bad idea. After being taken again, I should have known things weren’t just going to change because I was in the picture. You need help, baby. Help that I can’t provide.”
“I don’t want to go back yet. We came here for a reason. You—”
“Will do what’s best for
you
,” he said, interrupting. “If we continue down this road, I don’t think it’ll do any good. If anything, it will probably make matters worse. Tying you up, using my tools on you.” He opened his mouth, only to stop. “Amongst a lot more fucked up things…it’s too close to what you’ve been through. We may enjoy them in the moment, but this,” he said, pointing at my head, “isn’t ready to take something that significant yet. Let’s go home, get you to your doctor, and we’ll take things one day at a time.”
Everything in me wanted to argue. We’d come so far with my training. I knew his kinks were right on the edge of being revealed…and now this? One nightmare during the day and I everything I’d waited for was getting ripped away? I felt like a piece of myself was missing out on discovering the foundation of who Zain was. I needed to see what he wanted for us. I also knew he was right. I wasn’t sure I could truly handle how dark he wanted to go.
“So, we postpone the heavy stuff? What about when we go back? I won’t get to be with you like I want. I
need
you there with me.”
He sighed. “I won’t go against your brother’s wishes. To do that would ruin any chance of peace or happiness within your family. Plus, I’ll only be a phone call away. When you have a bad dream or feel like you need me, let me know. I’ll come over and put you back to sleep. I don’t see Slade objecting to that.”