“Zain, you say?”
“Yes, sir,” I held my arm out for Lilian to take as we followed.
“I once knew a Zain. It was back in eighty-three. Tulsa, Oklahoma, I believe.” As he continued on, I let my smile surface, feeling better by the minute. It might be nice to hear his stories. I’d never had a grandpa, maybe this would be something like that. Or…not.
Chapter 33
Lily
Aching, sore, disappointed. So many emotions poured through me as I grabbed my pharmacy bag from Marcio and leaned back in the seat. He was driving now, leaving the local pharmacy while my Jetta stayed in Zain’s care; sitting in front of his place like it was always meant to be there. Fuck, I hadn’t wanted to leave. Training, pouring my feelings out to my cold therapist, none of that helped as much as being surrounded by those hideous bright blue walls and laughing with my Master about how much fun we were going to have painting them. It just went to show me that no matter where we were, he was my home. So, why wasn’t I there? Why was I going back to my brother’s?
Right. Because Zain said I had to. Men. They were so complicated. Where I saw no problem with acting based on my feelings, everything with them was so planned out and strategic. Love wasn’t meant to be a game or puzzle. It was everything spontaneous. Everything brought on by the pull of one’s heart. My gravity consisted of my Master. The further we were apart, the more I felt as though I were floating through a void without direction. I needed him close. Needed his attention and rules. It was just who I was. Needy? Only for him. In my everyday life, I could be the hard-ass, bitch boss. Fine. But when it came to the man I was meant for…God, he had me at his feet ready to please him any way I could. So, why the hell was I not staying and having dinner with him tonight? It pissed me off that I was even agreeing to this ridiculousness.
“You okay back there?”
I glanced up to see Marcio staring at me in the rearview mirror. Brace continued to look out the window, surveying the traffic to the side of us.
“Yep. Just tired.”
“You can lie to your therapist all you want, but you’re not fooling me. What’s going on, Lily?”
A frown came to my face and I turned toward the blurring scenery, really not seeing any of it. “I just want to go home.”
“We are going home.”
My head shook, but I kept quiet. How long would this continue? When would Slade deem us ready to pursue more of an adult relationship? Like, staying over at my boyfriend’s house for the night? I’d spent my whole life worrying about what Slade thought. I was starting to see that obeying his rules might not work out anymore. He was doing the brotherly, and even fatherly, thing. I knew that. But I was old enough to make my own decisions and what I wanted was to be with Zain. If he hadn’t ordered me to step back and take things slow, I might have already been over there.
The closer we got into downtown, the heavier pedestrian traffic increased. What should have been a simple five minute drive turned into close to fifteen. My fingers twitched in my lap and I tapped one against my legs while we pulled into the parking garage. I was out the moment Marcio threw the Town Car in park.
“We made it.”
Marcio’s voice had me turning around to look at him as we approached the elevator. Without so much as a goodbye, he shoved the phone in his pocket.
“My brother?” I hit the button, stepping through the doors as they opened.
“Nope.”
Silence. I clenched my teeth together, trying my best not to curse the stubbornness of all men. Today just wasn’t my day. I was too amped up after my training. Where I should have been dead on my feet, I felt the need to fight it out again. It was showing in my attitude and I had to rein it back in before I came off as the bitch from hell.
“Your boy wanted to make sure you made it home alright. I told him I’d let him know.”
“Oh. Thank you.” My head lowered and I waited out the ride. It didn’t take long before I was walking through the living room of the penthouse. Slade was resting on the sofa, Mary already asleep with her head in his lap. With his index finger, he gestured for me to stop, so I did, watching as he eased out and propped a small pillow underneath her.
Quietly, we headed to my room and he shut the door behind us. Why did I feel like a child that was about to either get lectured or scolded for something I did wrong?
“How’d it go?”
I slid off my heels and sat on the edge of the bed. “Good. I told her the nightmares were coming back and they were worse than ever. She had me go over a few and then prescribed the same medication as before. She told me to let her know if she needs to increase the dose.”
“Good,” he said, nodding. “You’re going to take them, right?”
I paused, not really sure why. “Of course.”
“You need to if they’ll help. I…” he crossed his arms over his chest and I could see the stress mounting in his stature. He was becoming stiff and his face more hard. “Lilian, I want to talk to you about Zain.”
Preparing myself wasn’t something I needed to do. I expected the worse, but prayed for the best.
“Okay, what do you want to talk about?”
“I know you love him. And he loves you, that’s as clear as day. But I have a lot of things I’m worried about when it comes to the two of you being together. I mean, have you both talked about the future? Do you have a plan? You’re set, personally, and I’ll do my best to help him. He saved your life. His skills combined with Blake’s led him to find you. Shit, the guy would easily lay his life down if it meant keeping you safe…but that says a lot, too. How do we know he’s not going to mix with the wrong people again? What if he can’t handle the real world? Think about this, Lily, because it’s constantly on my mind. You can’t turn a blind eye because of how you feel for him. You have to plan for anything to happen. Be prepared, here,” he said, tapping against his chest. “And here.” His hand lifted until he was pointing at his head.
“You’re afraid of what will happen. I understand that and I love you for it. But you have to stop this,” I stressed. “This is
my
life. Let me figure it out for myself. You worry and that’s fine, but I know Zain. He loves me. All he wants is a normal life. You trying to spare me is only making things harder. Just, please, I’m begging you, let me do this on my own. Stop giving him a hard time. We don’t need this added stress on top of everything else.”
Slade’s fingers weaved through his hair as he shifted. “It’s easier said than done. Lily,” he stopped and his eyes looked upward, only for him to shake his head.
“You want to say something, but you’re not going to. What is it?”
“Nothing,” he said, lowly. “You’re right. I do need to back off. I’m just not sure how much I’ll be able to.”
I began taking out my earrings as I stared at the battle playing across his face. If Master had taught me anything, it was that sometimes being nice didn’t drive the point home and it sure as hell didn’t always get the job done. “Slade, I’m not going to ask you anymore. Back. Off. I appreciate what you’ve done for me, but I love him. If he told me he wanted me to move in with him right this very moment, I would. I did mention to him that I didn’t want to leave, but his respect for you had him ordering me to stay here.
Ordering me
, Slade.”
His jaw clenched but he let me continue.
“I know you want us to take things slow, and luckily, the man I found wants the same thing, but I’m telling you now, the moment he gives the okay, I’m gone. No more hiding for me. No more baby steps to see how I take to a situation. I belong to Zain now. I go by his rules, no one else’s.”
“Do you even really know him apart from living in some…place in Afghanistan?” The anger was sinking into my brother’s voice and I glared as I stood from the bed.
“Do not go there with me, Slade.”
His eyes widened. “Go there? Lilian, I’m being serious. You haven’t seen him here. He hasn’t even lived a real life yet. We don’t know what is going on in his head because of what he’s been through. All I’m saying is to give it a few months. Watch how he acts. Take it in and see if he’s happy or downright miserable. Don’t ignore any signs you may catch along the way. I want you to be happy. I do. But maybe you should be positive your future belongs with him before you leap off the cliff you’re standing on.”
A loud exhale sounded and Slade walked over, easing me down to sit on the edge of the bed. “Do you trust me?”
The pleading behind his stare made my anger fade. “Yes.”
“Then I need you to allow me to continue with what I have planned. It’s the only way we’ll know for sure if Zain is the one for you.”
“Plan?” My head shook in annoyance. “So, Mary was speaking the truth earlier. I knew you were up to something. Houses in Petaluma,” I said, sarcastically. “What exactly is this plan?”
A smiled pulled at the edge of Slade’s lips. “If you knew, it wouldn’t work. Just go along with what I say and we’ll both get to see just how much Zain loves you. To give you to him completely, I have to make sure. And before it’s over with, you’ll be thanking me for it.”
“Or not,” I said, under my breath. Flashes of Master having enough teased my mind and I tried to push them away. The insecurities were fictitious. I believed he wouldn’t leave me, no matter what. I just had remember that. “I’ll play your little game, but the moment I think it goes too far, I’m out.”
“Deal. Just let me work my magic and trust in me. I’m doing this for your best interest. If Zain is the one for you, we’ll know by the time this is over. You’ve both been through a lot and there’s more to come. When he gets back from dealing with his family, we’ll begin.”
My eyes shot to the clock. “Does that mean I can go back to his place until then?
The slight amusement on Slade’s face vanished at my words, only to be replaced with nothing short of distaste.
“He’ll be leaving tomorrow or the next day. I need to be with him.” I kept my tone firm. Although it appeared I was asking, we both knew I wasn’t. I wanted to spent time with him before he left. What if he didn’t come back?
“Blake called while you were at your appointment. He wanted to check up on you. He’s already here, Lilian. I don’t really think he ever left.”
Panic surged while I fought the fear that told me Zain was already gone. Had he left without saying goodbye? No…he wouldn’t do that. Would he? I stood, heading for my closet. In my heart, I knew my Master wouldn’t just take off without saying goodbye. We knew the risks he was going up against.
“If I know Zain, he’ll be leaving in the morning. I’ll be back then.” I walked over, grabbing my overnight bag. My hands grabbed clothes I wasn’t even aware of. All I could think about was, come tomorrow, Zain would be in the presence of pure evil. Men who lived for only one thing—blood. They were trained to kill and protect, and the two men they guarded were going to be waiting. Waiting to put an end to the one person who held my world together.
“Lily?”
I glanced up from the adjoining bathroom door, but still pushed it open, grabbing my essentials bag.
“You’re being careful, right? I mean…” Slade pushed from the bed and I could see how uncomfortable he was. “What you told me before you left...”
Sweat broke out over my skin just thinking about him knowing I had been pregnant. It was a part of myself I hadn’t wanted to share. “We’re careful.”
I zipped up the backpack, going back and sliding on my shoes.
“I’m sorry about what happened to you. I think I was too shocked and angry before to come up with the right thing to say. But you have to know, had you come home pregnant, regardless of who by…I would have loved the child just as much as if it were my own. You mean everything to me, Lilian. I’ve tried to show you that over the years and I know I’ve failed, but—”
I crashed into Slade hard, hugging him with every ounce of strength I’d held back since returning. Maybe a part of me thought he would reject me and the life I carried if I had returned pregnant. The circumstances had been unconventional—a tragedy for those looking from the outside in. Growing up, I’d been preached to on how I needed to save myself for marriage. Save myself for a man worthy of my brother’s approval. Deep down, I knew Zain was that man, but how things turned out for both of us didn’t fit my brother’s bill. Not from the lectures I’d been raised on. It was a scrambled situation and one I never thought my brother would begin to understand. He’d proven me wrong on every fear I’d harbored so far.
“You never failed,” I whispered. “Never.”
His arms hugged around me tight and he kissed the top of my head before easing up and stepping back. “If I haven’t failed yet, I refuse to start now. If Zain is the one for you, he’ll prove himself just as much. Enjoy your last night together, Lily. I’m afraid my plan doesn’t call for any more of them. Not anytime soon.”
Chapter 34
Zain
What a disaster.
I spun around, looking at the bright blue walls of the living room and stopping at the deep red of the kitchen. Who in their right mind would have thought that color combination was a good idea? My head shook and I let out a deep breath. This place was going to need so much work. Of all the rentals in San Francisco, never in my right mind would have I chosen this one. If my slave hadn’t shone through with excitement over the location, I wouldn’t have made it two steps past the front door. Hell, I wouldn’t have even stopped. Bright orange outside, blue, red, and yellow inside.
“Yellow.” I cringed at the word, remembering the bright sunshine paint that littered the upstairs master bedroom. Littered, because the bastard who’d done it hadn’t even made it to the top. The four-inch gap to the ceiling still revealed the cream color that rested below. Fuck, I had a lot to do when I returned.
The air mattress shifted as I collapsed onto it. I couldn’t bear to put it upstairs. Not when I wanted full access to the level someone would try to break into if they decided it was a good idea. Given the multiple guns and knives I had under the roof, it wouldn’t be.
Music filtered through the walls and I turned toward the opposite side of where my landlord lived. I hadn’t met the tenants yet, but given that I’d heard kids earlier, I was guessing they were a younger couple. Ones, who loved to yell. Damn, this was so different from the penthouse I’d been staying at. I wasn’t even sure what to think at all the changes.
I pulled out my phone, checking the time. Blake had called not that long ago. Apparently, he was in town and heard I was back, too. There was no way he’d flown to Texas to spend time with his wife and came back in just four days. We were supposed to meet in two weeks. I wasn’t sure why, but I was suspicious. Had he been waiting to see if I’d leave without him? Had he gone and just come back early? It just seemed odd to me. Too…convenient.
Knocking had me easing to a sitting position. Had he decided to come over? Probably. I didn’t doubt he’d tracked my location when he called.
Groaning filled the room and I wasn’t sure if it was me or the mattress.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The quick succession had me looking out of the window instead of the peephole. I didn’t trust them. Too many people assumed you’d use them. It was a great place to catch a bullet right through your eye.
“What the…” I reached over and turned the dead bolt, swinging open the door. Lilian flashed me a smile before she wedged herself in. At Marcio’s wave, I lifted my own hand, confused. “What’s this?” I asked, turning and locking the door behind me. “Did Slade change his mind?”
She dropped a backpack to the floor. “For the night, anyway. He said Blake called him earlier. That means you’ll be leaving tomorrow. Am I right?”
The last of her question was almost nonexistent. Sadness and fear had me lifting my arms. She didn’t hesitate to throw herself into them.
“I was going to come see you in the morning before I left.”
Tighter, she clung around my neck, and I gave her a quick squeeze before letting go. With shaky fingers, she moved to the buttons of her jacket and only paused to wipe a tear from her cheek.
“Here, let me help you.” I reached out, finishing down her stomach. Deep breaths left her and I pushed past the material to make a path up her hips and over her breasts before I eased the jacket from her shoulders. It fell to the floor while she kept her eyes on mine. “Why don’t you tell me about your day?” It was almost impossible to remove my grip from her shoulders. I held to them, wanting nothing more than to use my touch to pull her close. Before I could do that, I needed to hear how her appointments went.
Lily broke her stare and I led her to the edge of the air mattress where we sat down.
“I got the pills, but I think I need a new therapist. She’s…I just don’t feel like I can really talk to her. I don’t know. Other than that, everything else went fine. I already feel sore from training, at least that means it’s helping.”
I took her hand, placing a kiss across her knuckles. “We’ll find you someone you can confide in. When I return, we’ll look into it.”
“Actually, I was just thinking about calling Agent Sullivan’s wife. She’s…been where I have. At least, sort of. I think she might be able to help. I had plans of contacting her tomorrow after you left.
“Perfect. I think that would be a great idea.” In slow movements, I traced my thumb over the length of her palm. A shiver had her licking her lips.
“So, what all did you get while I was out?”
A smile came to my lips. “The necessities. Bathroom stuff, food, drinks, amongst other things.”
“Other things?” Her eyebrow cocked. “You say it in a tone that makes me suspicious.”
“You’re smart to be.”
I lifted her hand and bit into the tip of her finger. Not hard, but enough to have her lips separating just the smallest amount.
“I’m happy your brother let you come.” I glanced down at the bag. “And for the night, too. He doesn’t know what he just allowed.” I pulled off my long-sleeved shirt and tossed it to the floor. I didn’t wait to have Lilian climb on my lap. My hands gripped her hips and I pulled her on top of me, lying down to watch her hover above. Dark hair fell in waves around me as she lowered and I let the vision burn into my memories. Our first night in my new place. Our new place if I had my way by the end.
A soft caress traced over the intricate lines tattooed in my chest and I closed my eyes, memorizing just how soft her skin was. Everything filtered through—the smell of her perfume, the heat from her thighs that were pressing against my sides.,the pressure from her pussy sitting on my hard cock.
“Kiss me, slave, and don’t you stop until I tell you to.”
Going back to the place I was raised held nothing but a twisted sense of hate and relief. I was ready to put an end to my past, but I couldn’t stand the fact of facing it again. Knowing I’d be there so soon had me gripping Lily’s neck as her mouth connected to mine. Harder, I held her, wrapping my other arm around her waist to spin her over. Desperation drove my hips forward and made me meet her tongue with an urgency I hadn’t felt seconds before.
“Fuck, I don’t want to leave you,” I whispered against her lips. “I just got you back.”
Lilian’s arm tightened around my neck and I didn’t deny her more. I couldn’t. Master or not, I knew how much my slave needed me and I needed her just as much. If I didn’t return—
I cut my thoughts off, refusing to believe my uncles would win in this war. They tortured me growing up. Saul had killed my unborn child and beat the woman I loved, not to mention all the slaves he’d killed over time. No, he wouldn’t make it out alive. Even if I ended up dying in the end, he’d beat me to death’s door. There was no way I’d go out without him paying for his crimes.
“Master, can I ask something of you?” Her words came out broken up as we continued to kiss.
“Don’t. I know where your thoughts are.” My hand fisted in her hair as I ground into her even more. Temptation was a hell of an invitation. Just hearing Lily’s question opened the little dark box and I could feel the fight that raged on inside of me. It had my other hand coming up to lock onto the other side of her head.
“Show me,” she moaned. “Don’t leave without introducing me to the real you. Just this once.”
A moan slipped through my clenched teeth and I pulled back on her hair until she made a small sound. “You can’t take it, baby.” I pulled even harder. “Don’t you see that? You pushing this issue is only going to hurt you more.”
“Wrong. You hiding it will. Do it,” she said, angrily, jerking beneath me. “Show me what you’re capable of or I flip the switch and introduce you to someone who will.”
I didn’t have to ask who she was referring to. The dominance she held behind her stare had me remembering her description of dominating Alec. I knew my slave possessed the will. She said she’d wanted to be me. Seeing her as she was now, I had no doubts she would try.
Angrily, I pushed the dress to her hips, hearing it split in the process. “You think you’re going to order me around? Hmm?” The panties tearing from her hips had a smile edging to her face, but not for long. Something flashed behind her eyes and the next thing I knew, her arm was flying out and knocking mine further away.
“You want to be my Master? Prove you’re worthy, or maybe I’ll find someone else who will.”
Lilian could have hit me with a bag of bricks for the force her words had. Rage flared even though I knew she didn’t mean them. She was baiting me, and it was working.
“You’ll never be rid of me, slave. Never. If you even think about trying to replace me, you’ll regret the day. You’re mine.
Mine
,” I said, reaching back to pull her panties off completely. The struggle was there while she tried to wiggle further away. I let her feel the power in my hand as she pushed against my grip on the lace. Fuck. I could feel my darkness beginning to thrive with her fight. This wasn’t good. Wasn’t right.
The pressure against my wrist sent my hand flying back. My head shook and I lifted from the bed, turning to pace the living room.
“No going to happen. Not yet.”
Mindlessly, I talked to myself, letting the calm try to snuff the need to completely overpower her. I could take what I wanted.
Whatever I wanted.
“Don’t you dare.” Lily flew off the bed and undressed. It only made my urges even more intense. I could feel my shoulders cave in and my movements become more lithe. Faster, my heart raced, and I could see the Lily before me was no longer my slave. She was replaced by a woman who thought herself my equal and she glared back at me with every intent to pounce if I didn’t first.
Slowly, we circled each other, testing, getting our feel for one other. I couldn’t stop staring at the sway of her breasts. My fingers twitched while I tried to keep my distance and focus.
“You don’t want to do this, slave. Your best bet is to go kneel and get in position. I’ll let you apologize, you can get your punishment, and we’ll pretend like this never happened.”
Her head shook even as the unshed tears reflected in the light. “
I will not.
You owe me this after everything we’ve been through. Give it to me before you leave. Don’t deny me a part of yourself that I might never get to experience again. I haven’t once told you not to go. And I don’t want you to,” she sobbed. “Blake Morgan could handle it, but I know what you need. Now give me what
I
need.”
My eyes closed, confliction clouding my mind, and my darkness easily winning in the process. And then…nothing. Gravity became nonexistent and I landed hard on my back. The air whooshed from my lungs and Lilian was on me before I could process that she’d even moved to begin with. My jeans tugged against my hips and she had them unfastened within a second.
I growled, kicking out my leg and easily pinning her underneath me. The waistline slid to my lower hips and my cock was so hard, it ached behind the material that kept it restrained.
“Your mistake was telling me you liked the fight. I’m about to give you one you’ll never forget. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
A laugh bellowed out of me as I took in her small frame beneath me.
“I have you at my mercy, slave. What are you going to—?”
Both of her elbows came in and with a yank, her wrists somehow broke free from my grasp. I was barely able to deflect the heel of her palm thrusting toward my face.
“Nice,” I breathed out. Damn if my adrenaline wasn’t starting to shoot through the roof. This was my fantasy come true with added competition. It wouldn’t be as easy. Lilian would make it hard for me. She’d make me work to have her where I wanted.
My hand shot out to grab one of hers and her body shrimped to the side. The fist that slammed into my ribs had my mouth parting in shock. What the fuck? I hadn’t thought she’d get that physical.
“That’s it.” My fingers embedded in her hair and I tried to roll her onto her stomach, but her feet planted and she made it difficult to turn all the way. I added more of my weight and used my legs to separate hers to help with the maneuver. “Is this what you wanted?” I spanked her hard, causing her to yelp and fall onto her stomach. With one hand, I managed to grasp her wrists and with the other, I removed my pants completely. Lily’s ass lifted, rubbing against my cock, but still she tried to break my hold. My hand came down on her ass again—hard. “You think this is so bad? That taking you is what sates my sick needs? Not even close,” I said, growling in her ear. “You just fucked up, baby, because there’s no going back now. You want it. You fucking got it.”
Or so she thought.
The hand holding her wrists dropped and I wrapped my arm around her throat before she could block it. I didn’t tighten, but kept her from being able to move. With my other, I forced my way to cup her mouth, easing from there to add enough pressure to make her think I was attempting to be rough.
Sounds filtered through, but nothing that alarmed me. I kept my entire attention on her behavior, waiting to see if anything triggered her past.
“Did you really think you could overpower me? Now you get to suffer through what I want from you.
Whatever
I want. I think right now that’s for you to be my slut. Master’s little fucking whore.”