“Fair enough.” She relaxed on his lap as she spoke. “What do you want to know?”
Typical.
As she relaxed he could feel himself tensing. So much depended on her answer to his next question.
“You submitted to me—because you wanted to or because you had to?”
“Both, I think.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean”—a shy smile appeared on her face, making her look a lot younger than her thirty-eight years—“that my instinct was to submit to you from the moment I walked into your office.”
She looked into his face and he recognized the exact moment she decided to just tell it all.
“It started small, with the need to lower my eyes. But it got stronger every time we were together. Whenever your voice changed in a certain way, my gaze would go down and it wasn’t long before I had to force my knees to stay straight.” She looked down, as if to underscore everything she’d said. “The urge to get down on my knees and present myself was strong, Jason.”
“But you didn’t?”
“No, I didn’t, because I wasn’t your sub. I don’t kneel for anyone except the man I’ve agreed to submit to.” Her gaze drifted away toward the garden outside the pergola where darkness had settled. “I’ve never submitted to anyone besides Darren.”
It blew him away. Heat raced through his veins. He felt triumphant, proud and humbled all at the same time. Heather, this amazing, strong and independent woman, had never submitted to anyone except her husband but had felt the need with him and had done so on their last night together.
“And what do you want to happen now?”
He had to force himself to breathe. He wasn’t sure what answer he wanted. He longed for her submission. He’d come to accept the need over the past twenty-four hours. But he still wasn’t convinced throwing themselves straight into the deep end of the dynamic would do either of them any favors.
“I want to explore this with you.” Heather’s gaze flew up to his and she looked into his eyes. Now they were reaching the crux of it. “But I think I need to take it slow, like a natural progression.”
He could tell she wanted to look away and had to force herself to continue looking him in the eye.
She continued. “I don’t want contracts or checklists or anything formal.”
“Heather.” He looked away. “You know better than that.”
“It’s too formal, too much like a commitment, a permanent arrangement.”
Something in her voice forced him to look back at her.
“I trust you, Jason. I know you’d never harm me.”
He couldn’t help himself and laughed an anything but happy laugh. “I’m glad one of us does.”
He regretted the laugh and the words as soon as they left his mouth. Whatever the intention behind his little joke had been, it wasn’t the hurt-filled look on her face now.
“You didn’t hurt me when I submitted to you. Why do you think you’ll do so next time?” She sounded exasperated. “Why can’t we explore this together? Feel our way into it? See if it works before getting all formal about it?”
“Because,” he suppressed the fear and frustration he felt, “I’m just not sure I trust myself enough.” It was painful to admit but true. No matter what Hector had said, regardless of Heather’s words he wasn’t convinced he had the instincts for anything that didn’t involve strict boundaries.
“But I do.”
Her words were soft and sliced their way through his anger, lessened his fear and filled his heart with something he didn’t want to explore right now. He sighed.
“What are your safe words? I know about black.”
His mind flew back to the moment that had been haunting him for days and he heard it again, the desperation in her voice as she had thrown the word at him, “
black, black, black
.” The word was etched into his brain.
“What about when you’re not sure about what I’m doing?”
Her smile was filled with relief. “Gray.”
Black and gray, they could work with those. “And what about when everything is good?”
“It used to be ‘white’.”
“Used to be?”
Heather smiled and nodded her head. “Yes. Black, gray and white. It’s a natural progression. Similar to the traditional one but personalized.”
“But now you don’t want ‘white’ anymore?”
He thought he understood. Of course she didn’t want a constant reminder of her times with Darren while she submitted to him.
“No.” Her eyes lifted and shone with something he couldn’t name.
“No, my word will be ‘rainbows’.”
“Rainbows?”
“Yes. They’ve been everywhere since I arrived here. They’ve been floating over the Atlantic. There were thousands of little rainbows at the blowhole when you took me there. I see them every time I look out of my window.” She touched his cheek. “Because I took them as a positive sign when I first arrived here. Because seeing them makes me happy, just as coming to The Blowhole has brought so much unexpected happiness.”
His heart lifted. Her decision had nothing to do with Darren. Rainbows would be
their
word. “Rainbows. I like the idea. I want to give you all the rainbows.”
It was time to make the decision. He wanted this. He wanted her submission. He longed to see her on her knees, waiting for his command, offering herself up to him. He felt no need to take things to the extreme. If he kept a close eye, checked on her state of mind, they might be able to explore where this would take them without the formalities. For now.
“Okay. We’ll take baby steps as we figure it out. If you promise to use your safe words as soon as you think you need them.”
Her nod, combined with the smile spreading across her face, reassured him and he continued.
“We’ll take our time while we discover each other’s comfort zones. We’ll pretend we’re both novices, experiencing new sensations for the first time.”
Maybe it would be better that way. If he knew all her limits, it would be too tempting to just rush in and discover how far he might be able to push her. This way both of them would have the time and opportunity to discover what worked between
them
and what didn’t. He nodded his head, confirming his decision both to himself and to Heather.
“But first, we eat.” It had to be his imagination, but he could have sworn he noticed a load falling off her and was certain she felt lighter on his lap. “And, we’ll have a general talk about likes and dislikes while we do so.”
She turned to face him. He waited and kept his gaze on hers as she moved her mouth toward his. He felt rather than heard the words when their lips met.
“Thank you.”
Chapter Twenty
Heather tried to empty her mind but couldn’t stop the thoughts buzzing through her head. It had been so long. She took a deep breath in on a count of four, held it and let it out again, on another count of four. She wanted to look around, see if he was in the bedroom with her but forced her eyes closed instead. Deep breath in, hold, slow breath out.
Her mind drifted back to her reunion with Jason. She’d stayed in his lap after their talk and they’d fed each other small bites of the treats he’d welcomed her with while talking. Initially the conversation had been innocent, but it had quickly turned more heated.
When they’d eaten all but the last crumbs, Jason’s voice had started to change, growing deeper. His words combined with the lower pitch of his voice had made her legs weak and her heart speed up.
“When you submit to me tonight, it won’t be an accident. I’ll demand it because that is who I am and what I do. You will give it to me because you need to.”
“Yes.”
His words had left her breathless, even before he’d started torturing her with slow strokes, small bites and soft kisses. The touches had woken up nerve endings all over her body. Just when she thought she couldn’t keep herself from begging for more, he’d brought her here, to his bedroom, and had told her to strip and kneel.
She wanted this and yet it was so strange to find herself on her knees, completely naked, waiting for a man she’d been in lust with twenty years ago, a man who wasn’t Darren.
Another deep breath.
It felt strange and yet it was completely natural. She’d listened to his instructions and done exactly as she’d been told. She’d stripped and put all her clothes away before walking to the center of his bedroom and kneeling. Her arse rested on her feet, her hands were on her thighs her head bowed. It felt like coming home after a long journey. Her body remembered this, as did her muscles. Even her breathing was just as she recalled, wanting to speed up unless she paid attention and kept it under control.
How long had she been waiting? Seconds, minutes, longer? The need to say his name grew stronger. Deep breath in, hold, slow breath out. Relax the shoulders, allow instinct to take over, shut the mind off and concentrate on your body.
She felt, rather than heard, him move behind her. She wanted to look up, open her eyes and watch him as he approached her. Instead, she kept her eyes closed and forced herself to concentrate on her breathing.
“So beautiful.”
His hand on her head was like a benediction. His voice a blessing.
“Tonight you’re mine.”
His voice rushed through her body, claiming her. She could feel herself yielding. It was a process she was consciously aware of. Her muscles relaxed, her deep breathing became automatic, her nipples tensed and heat flowed into her vagina.
She kept her eyes closed as he slowly walked around her. His hand, still on her head, keeping her grounded.
“Lift your chin.”
His voice was soft and full of command. She heard the words and lifted her head toward the sound.
“Open those beautiful eyes for me.”
She was reluctant to leave the darkness but couldn’t refuse his wish. He stood in front of her, his black jeans accentuating his powerful legs. She drank all of him in. His bare chest, muscled and covered with a light dusting of nearly black hair, his neck, his mouth and his brown eyes, large and filled with a stormy light, staring straight into hers.
“No. Don’t look down. Keep looking into my eyes.”
She hadn’t been aware of the urge to lower her gaze again until he mentioned not doing so. She kept her eyes open and felt herself falling into his.
His hand tightened in her hair, pulling her head, stretching her neck, keeping her captive between his hand and his stare.
“That’s my girl. Give it to me. I want it all.”
Yes, all. Take it all. Everything. Please
.
The words jumped through her head, the depth of her need taking her by surprise. He bowed down and kissed her, hard and demanding. His tongue pushed through her slightly parted lips and attacked hers. She took it, moved with it. Stroke for stroke she absorbed his heat and hunger and answered with her own. His sharp intake of breath when he pulled his lips away was her reward.
This
. How had she lived so long without these sensations? How had she thought she might survive without these feelings, this surrender?
His stare was still burning into her eyes. His voice low and soft.
“I’ve been dreaming about this. There’s so much I want to do to you, with you.” His thumb stroked over her lips. “I want to explore your hot body, discover your limits and take you there.” When he pushed his thumb into her mouth she sucked it in, rolled her tongue around it and relished in the deep sigh he responded with.
“Yes, baby, suck it for me. Show me what your mouth is capable of.”
His voice was controlled, soft and yet she could hear the heat beneath his words. He kept his thumb in her mouth as he pushed her head to his crotch with his other hand.
“Feel what you do to me.”
His cock was hard against her cheek, the material of his trousers straining. She couldn’t stop herself from rubbing against the stiffness like a cat. The hold on her hair tightened, forcing her to stop moving.
“Not until I say so, girl.”
He pulled his thumb out of her mouth and she mourned its loss. She wanted… No, she
needed
to taste him. She craved his touch. Her body glowed. It radiated heat and created a yearning she remembered but hadn’t experienced in a long time.
He kept his hand on her head as he walked around her again, stopping when he stood behind her. She felt the material of his trousers against her heated skin as he crouched down. She missed his touch the moment he lifted his hand off her head and sighed when both his hands found her breasts. She wanted to lean back, feel his naked chest against her back, have those little hairs tickle her skin but knew better than to move without his permission.
“So soft.”
His voice was a whisper in her ear, a sensual flow of air across her cheek. Fingers brushed her nipples and the voice was back. “So hard.” Followed by, “So sensitive” as he squeezed his fingers together, trapping her erect buds between them. Heather heard her groan as if it came from somebody else’s mouth. All she knew were those hands, the fingers stroking and pinching her. From pleasure to pain and back again, like a wave carrying her away from her thoughts.
Her breathing grew harder, her mouth opened and panting noises escaped. A need to ask, to beg for more, gripped her. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t speak. He hadn’t told her to be quiet. She wanted to experience, needed to surrender. Heat moved through her body, from her breasts to her vagina. She felt open, exposed, wet and beautiful. She only desired to make him happy. Nothing more and nothing less.
“What are you murmuring?”
His question shocked her. She hadn’t been aware of making sounds. She thought she’d been quiet.
“Tell me, girl. I want to know what you feel.”
Her mind spun. She knew the answer to this question if only she could find her tongue.
“Rainbows. I feel rainbows.”
“That’s my girl.”
She heard the triumph in his voice and rejoiced in it. His hands continued their tortuous attack on her breasts. Soft strokes, painful pinches, hard pulls followed by more tender caresses. She lost herself in the sensations and had to force herself to concentrate when his voice returned.
“I want you to crawl to the bed, Heather. Keep your perfect arse in the air for me to admire.”