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He opened his mouth to speak, but I put my hand up to stop him.

“I want you out of my room.”

“Sophia…” Sadness filled his once angry face, “I’m so—”

“I don’t care,” I spat. “Not anymore.” I walked to the door and pulled it open. “Get out.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He planted himself firmly.

“Fine, I’ll call security.” I stepped to the phone and picked it up.

He grabbed it from my hand and hung it up. Turning me around, he pulled me to his chest.

“Please,” he begged. “I just…you were gone and she was gone. You took her away. Both of you left me.” I pushed away from him before I gave in.

“It wasn’t like that and you know it. I told you what was going on. You need to get yourself straight.” I took a deep breath to calm myself again. “Please go, Collin.”

His shoulders fell in defeat and he stepped toward the door. “I’m not leaving,” he said as he walked out of the room.

For the rest of the week Collin shadowed everything we did. If I had a reading at a bookstore, he was there. If we went to dinner, he was there. But he was never actually with us. Every morning flowers arrived to the hotel from him with apologies and declarations of love. It was hard not to give in. I loved him so much and I wanted to share the news of the baby with him. My emotional state was plagued with hormonal craziness, which only fueled my confusion and guilt.

I stayed strong until our departure from New York. Collin sat in first class on the flight, and while he had tried to move us with him, I refused to allow the change. Victoria and I flew back together in coach. The flight was long enough for me to think and make some decisions.

It may not have been final, but what I decided seemed for the best – at least for now.

Needing time for myself to consider everything, I moved into a guest room the day after we returned home. I needed to process Collin’s behavior as well as the pregnancy and the unexpected success with my book.

The second day after getting back, I talked to Victoria. She cried at first, but after a great deal of reassurance she calmed and accepted my plans. We fell asleep watching a movie together, and I stayed in her room the rest of the night.

Collin and I moved in separate circles. He was gone for work by the time I was moving about the house, and when he got home I made sure I was always busy with Victoria. There was still too much going on inside to confront him. The last time we spoke was when he protested my move into the guest room.

The third night home, I broke our silence. I handed him a couple of things, including Victoria’s schedule.

“What’s this?” He furrowed his brow as he sat behind his large, wooden desk.

“Will and Miranda will be helping with Victoria while I’m away.” I spoke calmer than I thought I would.

“Away?” he whispered and turned his sad eyes on me.

I nodded, fighting the tears. “You’re leaving again?” I nodded. “For good?” He closed his eyes as he finished his question. His body stiffened, bracing for my response.

“I don’t know.”

His shoulders fell and his head bowed into his hands.

“I need time to myself. To think about things and to just…I just need some time away.” I stood and left the room before his tears broke my willpower.

The next morning, I took Victoria to school and then drove to Tacoma where my father and Carla expected me.

C
hapter
T
hirty

-SEVEN

I WAS WELCOMED into my old home with loving smiles but eyes filled with pity. It killed me. I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me. Instead, I wanted some answers to the questions I kept asking myself. Could I really stay with Collin and marry him? Would he even allow me to leave him once he finds out about the pregnancy? I couldn’t possibly live the way he wanted me—homebound and forced to give up on my dream. Now that I had a taste of everything I could accomplish, no one was going to stop me from achieving it. It could be done with Collin and Victoria in my life, but he couldn’t see that and I wasn’t sure he ever would.

My second day in bed, Carla pushed open my door and stood with her hands on her hips. I raised one eyebrow at her weird behavior. She stared at me and I started to feel uncomfortable.

“What?” I blurted out nervously.

“It’s time to get out of bed. Meet me in the kitchen. We need to talk.” She eyed me in a motherly way, which said, plain and simple, “Don’t argue with me.”

Once she left the room, I threw back the covers and headed to the shower. The warm water felt invigorating, but I was really nervous about whatever Carla wanted to discuss with me. After drying and dressing, I made my way, slowly, down to the kitchen. The smell of fresh coffee filled the air.

“Mmmm, coffee.”

“None for you.” Carla made me jump as she shoved a glass of orange juice at me.

“What? Why?” I scowled at her, drooling as she poured herself a steamy cup.

“Because it’s not good for the baby.” She sat at the table without looking at me. My eyes widened and I grasped the glass tightly.

“H-how did you know?” I gasped.

“I knew it!” Her beaming face snapped up to mine, and she clapped her hands.

“Wait, what?” I slid into the kitchen chair, completely confused.

“I was suspicious with all the bathroom time and eating like you haven’t for a year. Plus you’re glowing.” She placed a hand on top of mine.

“You tricked me into confessing?” I was shocked at her tactics.

She shrugged. “I do what I have to do.” Smirking, she took a sip of her coffee.

“I can’t believe you!” I fought off laughter, but it was too funny.

“Oh, you can have coffee. It’s decaf anyway.”

My mouth was agape at her admission. Carla was a mastermind.

Somehow I managed to talk to her about everything that had happened. I had to admit, it felt good to talk to someone who wasn’t involved in my Seattle life. She listened, nodded, agreed, and disagreed, but mostly she was comforting.

“I think you did the right thing by coming home. You need time to think about all of this and figure out what you want.” She carried our mugs to the sink.

“You don’t think I’m running away?” I bit my lip.

“Perhaps a little, but I understand why. You’re scared. This is a lot to deal with all at once, though I am a little biased.” She smiled brightly. “I cannot wait ‘til that little bundle gets here,” Carla squealed. I shook my head.

“Listen, Sophia, I know I’m not your mother, but I’ll be here for you whenever you need me.” Her hand settled on my shoulder. I burst into tears and wrapped my arms around her waist. From that moment, Carla was more than a stepmother to me.

We spent the rest of the day watching chic flicks. We laughed during Bridget Jones’ Diary, cried during Beaches, and did a little of both during Breakfast at Tiffany’s. The afternoon was relaxing, and I didn’t have to think about a thing.

The next morning, I woke up with instant thoughts about Victoria. I called Will every day to ask how she was handling the separation and to make sure she was doing okay, but last night he sounded strange when I talked with him. I had the feeling something was wrong. Victoria was upset and hurt. It pained me to be the cause.

I dressed quickly and warmly before climbing into my father’s old truck and driving to the docks. As I stepped onto the old wood, I could hear the water lapping against it. It was early, but most of the fishing boats had already left for their day of work on the ocean. I shivered at the thought of being on the water in this cold weather, but it didn’t stop me from walking around the docks, enjoying the water at my side.

Victoria was sad and suffering because of me. I left Seattle to clear my head and figure out what I wanted, but I still hadn’t come up with a damn thing. The questions continuously swirled through my mind. Did I want to leave Seattle? No. Could I accept leaving Victoria? Never. Could I really give up Collin? Not at all. Did I think getting married in a few months was a good idea? God, no. There was still so much to work out, so much to discuss. I couldn’t willingly enter marriage with these issues lingering over us. Unable to take the chill any longer, I climbed into the truck and drove back to my childhood home.

My father was home that evening. For old time’s sake, I challenged him to a game of poker. We used to play cards on his boat, during the winter months, and especially on holidays when we were home all day together.

With two bags of chips and large glasses of soda, it was on. Carla laughed at our banter throughout the different hands we played. Eventually, I had her sit with me so I could teach her how to play and beat my dad.

That night I went to bed full of sweet and salty treats. I awoke in the morning with an intense urge to pee. I actually considered squatting over the garbage can in the bedroom because it was closer. Yet another issue – I was retaining water. The engagement ring Collin had given me was so tight I thought my finger would turn purple. I finally got it off when I entered the kitchen. I sighed in relief.

“You really should pick up a baby book and start reading,” Carla laughed. “You would know not to eat so much salty food.” She shook her head and placed a plate of eggs and toast on the table.

“You’re probably right,” I agreed, knowing that, in fact, salt wasn’t the cause. I set the ring down on the table. She picked it up and whistled. “It’s probably a sign I should give it back.” My bad joke didn’t make Carla smile. Instead she scowled at me.

“Don’t go making drastic decisions without talking to the man first,” she quipped and carefully laid the ring on the table. “Here,” she took a gold chain from her neck and slipped the ring onto it. “This way you won’t lose it, and you won’t cut off the circulation to your finger. Drink a lot of water to get the swelling down.” She handed the necklace to me.

“Thanks,” I spoke around a mouthful of eggs. “I’ll give it back once I can fit the ring back on.” I slipped the necklace over my head.

“I trust you.” She winked at me and turned back to the stove.

After showering and getting dressed, I drove around town in my dad’s truck, stopping here and there, reminiscing about my childhood. It wasn’t long before I found myself at the docks again. I was aimlessly walking around when a rope hit me in the head.

“What the—”

“I’m so sorry,” a deep, husky voice called out. “I didn’t realize anyone was out there.”

Over the side of a large docked sailboat came a dark-haired man. His smile was bright and infectious. I had to smile back.

“It’s alright.” I rubbed my head, and I started to walk away.

“You really shouldn’t walk the docs in this weather. You could fall in.” He hopped down from the boat and stepped toward me.

“I-I’ll be fine.” The large man’s fast approach began to make me nervous. He was so tall, I barely reached his shoulder. When he stopped, with a decent amount of steps between us, I relaxed.

“Honestly, the water freezes easily on these boards, so be careful.” He smiled again.

“I will. Thanks.” I continued to walk away.

When I slipped a little on a patch of ice, my face flushed red in embarrassment. I turned around and found him chuckling at me.

“Okay, so it’s not so safe,” I stated as I walked past the fisherman. We were both laughing when I took the last step off the dock. Someone clearing his throat grabbed my attention. My smile fell from my face.

“Sophia,” Collin spoke. I took in his frazzled and disheveled appearance.

“Collin,” I tried to speak, but only air came out.

He took a step forward, testing my reaction. When I stayed in my spot, he closed the distance and wrapped me in his arms. The embrace felt so good. I must have missed him more than I realized. I put my arms around him in return.

“I’ve missed you so much.” He squeezed harder.

“Collin,” I gasped, “hard to breathe.”

He pulled away. “I apologize.” He took my hands in his and rubbed his thumb over my fingers. He paused, dropping his eyes to my hand. “You aren’t wearing your ring?” The words were choked in sadness and anger. Before I could respond, he reacted. “I guess you’ve made your decision.” He brought his head up and looked over my shoulder. I glanced behind me and saw the man working on his boat. Turning back to Collin, I could easily read his assumption.

“Are you kidding me?” I was taken aback by his insinuation.

“I can only assume. You left and haven’t come back.” The muscles of his jaw were tight. It was clear he was fighting for control.

“Yes, I left, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t coming back. I needed time to think.” Tears formed in my eyes.

“And since you’re not wearing your ring, I’m guessing you‘ve made some decisions,” he said angrily as a single tear escaped his eye. I pulled my hands from his.

“Yes, I have,” I quipped and stomped around him toward my dad’s truck.

“Sophia,” his tone was warning. I spun around and jumped with how close he was behind me. “Don’t just walk away. Please. Where is your ring?” A sea of rage and sadness mingled in his eyes.

I yanked the gold chain out from under my shirt. His eyes focused in on the ring.

“It’s right here.”

“But why—?”

“Because my hands are swollen, Collin.” Before he could get another word or question out, I finished. “It’s something that happens to a pregnant woman.” I turned back to the truck, climbed in, and revved the engine.

Punching the gas pedal, I sped out of the parking area. Gravel sprayed from under my tires and I could hear small clinks against metal.
I hope I hit his car!
As I pulled up to my father’s house, I tried to wipe away the tear streaks from my face.

“Mommy!” Victoria’s voice made my stomach flip and warm tingles spread through my body. We ran toward each other and I scooped her up in my arms. “Mommy, why are you crying?”

I set her back on her feet and smiled down to her, “Because I’m so happy to see you.” I kissed the top of her head.

“I’ve missed you so much,” she said as she wrapped her arms around my legs. My anger and frustration with Collin melted away.

We heard the sound of tires screeching to a stop behind us. Collin’s movements were fast as he emerged from the car, slamming the door, and approaching our reunion. My muscles tensed and my back straightened.

“Sophia?” The regretful sound of his voice caused my muscles to loosen. “I’m sorry.” He stood a couple of inches from me. “I just, I thought you were leaving us for good and—”

“You’re leaving us?” Victoria gasped.

“No, of course not,” I reassured her with another kiss to her head.

“Are you coming home?” she pressed further.

“Of course I am.” I cupped her face.

“Is it true?” Collin’s voice broke the smile Victoria and I were sharing. We glanced to his distraught face. I turned back to Victoria.

“Victoria, why don’t you get inside before you freeze?”

“Will you be in soon?”

“Yes.” I smiled as she ran through the door. Once it was closed, I turned back to Collin, who had stepped closer to me.

“Can you watch what you say in front of her? Try thinking of someone besides yourself!”

“Is it true?” His eyes searched my face. I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Yes, I’m pregnant, but that doesn’t mean—”