Memories of the night before played through her mind. After their shower, both pulled on clothing and lazed the evening away playing with Hercules and snuggling on the couch watching television. A perfect day in her opinion.
As if he felt her stare, he woke, eyes blinking open. "Morning, minx."
She smiled. "Good morning to you, too."
Hercules appeared in the doorway, marching right over to Tanner's side of the bed. With stilts for legs, he simply stepped up on the bed, no jumping required. Carefully, the dog straddled Tanner's body, then plopped down, covering Tanner from chest to feet with his huge canine body.
Tanner grunted. "What in the world are you doing, dog?"
Hercules's tail thumped the mattress while his long pink tongue emerged from his mouth, licking Tanner across the face as if Tanner was a fast melting ice cream cone.
Oakley burst out laughing. "He likes you."
"He's dang heavy and ugh… stop that." Tanner groaned, using one hand to try to push Hercules's head to the side.
Not budging, Hercules continued to bathe Tanner.
With a muttered oath, Tanner shoved harder, sitting up in the process.
Hercules reluctantly moved, shifting to the end of the bed, his sad chocolate eyes staring back at Tanner the whole time.
"Not working, Herc." He shook his head then turned his attention back to Oakley. With a smile, he leaned in.
She stopped him with a hand to his lips. "Oh, I don't think so."
Tanner pulled back, tilting his head in question. "Why not?" Worry crossed his handsome face.
"I'm not kissing you while you're covered in doggie drool. Nope. No telling where his tongue has been." She waited a beat for the words to sink in. "He probably licked his butt right before coming in here."
"Gee, thanks." Tanner shot her a look of annoyance.
Oakley giggled. "Hey, I'm just looking out for you."
"Uh-huh." He climbed out of bed without bothering to cover his nudity.
Her eyes roamed his body once more, locking onto his rapidly enlarging erection.
"Looking at me too?" Tanner hinted in a low sultry voice.
"Oh, yeah." She didn't bother to deny the obvious. Besides, it had become her favorite new hobby. That along with bedroom playtime. She didn't bother to confess to Tanner. His ego seemed solid and more than adequate without additional ammunition.
The clock caught her attention. Nine-thirty. With a sigh, she sobered. "I have to get up. The final exam starts in half an hour and I have to be available from ten until two in case any of the students have questions or get locked up."
Tanner nodded. "Yeah, and I promised Dr Miller I would meet him for lunch."
His eyes raked her bare body.
Still not quite comfortable running around butt naked in front of Tanner, her face heated as if a torch waved in front of her. Sliding to the edge of the bed, she stood, heading for the dresser to start pulling out clothing. "Maybe later this afternoon we can do something."
"I'll head back here after lunch. We can figure it out then." He left the room, presumably to find his clothes from the night before.
Oakley quickly dressed, taking a minute to pull her tangled hair into a ponytail before stepping into the living room.
Tanner stood by the couch in his jeans. The remainder of his garments wadded up in one hand. With a smile of promise, he pulled her close and planted a hard kiss to her lips.
"See ya later." With that he strode out the back door.
She touched her lips. It took a moment for her sleepy brain to realize he shared Hercules's drool with her. Rolling her eyes, she grinned.
Such a Neanderthal.
But he was
her
Neanderthal.
Chapter 19
Tanner slammed the door shut on his SUV, striding quickly around the condo to find the source of his anger sitting in a wicker chair on the back porch as her dog rested in the shade. He rounded on her quickly, clenching his hands in an attempt to leash his temper to no avail.
He'd met with Dr Miller earlier, considering the veteran a friend and someone that could help him adjust and learn to cope with his nightmares and other issues the war inflicted on him. That was all fine and good. Until he'd put two and two together and realized what his new friend really did. Dr Miller was a practicing psychologist. He'd confronted the man only to find his worst suspicions were true. Oakley had set him up, knowing how he felt about shrinks. She'd sucker-punched him in the gut, after deceiving him with her innocent act, and breaking his trust.
She glanced up from her computer at his approach, a grin immediately fading to an expression of concern. "Tanner?"
"You manipulated me." He forced out through clenched teeth.
"What in the world are you talking about?" She stood to face him, setting the laptop aside.
"Dr Miller. Your former boss. Who just happens to be a psychologist."
Her eyes widened as she clutched her chest. "I…"
"After I expressly told you how I felt, you damn well ignored my wishes. Introduced me to Miller, knowing he and I would click."
Water formed in those expressive green eyes. "I knew you wouldn't talk to anyone on your own. I hoped you would like Dr Miller, form a bond with someone you shared a common background with."
He threw up his hands in agitation, becoming louder with her admission. "What the fuck do you know?"
"I did it to help you." She defended herself sincerely as tears overflowed, trickling down her cheeks.
Hercules trotted over as if sensing his owner's distress. He placed himself between the two of them, leaning heavily against her legs. Oakley automatically reached down to touch his head.
"Last time I checked, I was an adult and didn't need someone else to make decisions for me, especially someone with the audacity to think she knows what's best when she has no damn clue about anything. Let me put this in words you can understand. I don't need help. I don't want help. Especially your kind of help."
His phone rang. Jerking it out of his pocket, he glared down at her once more. "I can't stand manipulating women who betray you every chance they get." He flipped open the phone. "Owens." After listening a few seconds he answered. "Fifteen minutes."
"But, Tanner, I thought we…"
"No. There is no 'we', not after this stunt. You betrayed me, lied to me. So stay out of my fucking life. Shit, I wish you never were in it." That said, he turned on his heel and stormed inside to grab his duffel bag and a few essentials.
When he closed and locked the front door later, he didn't see Oakley. Probably threw herself on her bed to cry out her hurt feelings.
She deserved it.
He pictured those large emerald eyes overflowing with tears and his heart clenched.
This assignment came at a perfect time. Who knew when he would return or if. Hopefully, by the time he made it home, Oakley would have moved on and found some other simpleton to meddle with. Keep her out of his business. Hell, maybe if he was lucky, she would simply move out, finding another place to live. His gut twisted, a firm 'no' resounding in his head.
Ignoring both, he jumped into his vehicle, turned the engine over, and roared out of the parking lot.
* * * *
Six days later, Tanner lay in a shallow ditch, ducking gunfire from a compound full of deadly drug dealers with nasty attitudes and worse track records. Spoon tucked in directly to his right while Cale flanked him to the left.
The entire mission went FUBAR about six hours ago when an advanced security spotter caught their stealthy movements, sounded the alarm, and alerted the targets to their location. Since then, they'd been basically pinned down with not a lot of options. The weapons they carried on their backs would send up a massive explosion, leveling the drug factory to the ground. However, someone needed to get much closer for the charges to be placed and set before that could happen.
What he would do for a bombing raid at this moment. Sometimes working freelance in the private industry had its drawbacks.
A bullet whined nearby, slamming into the ground just in front of their trench. All three ducked.
"Damn it," Cale whispered, loud enough for the others to hear.
"At least all they have is guns. If they had something more powerful they would have dragged it out by now," Spoon pointed out.
Tanner scanned the area thoroughly, looking for every small source of cover between them and the old cement building housing a cocaine operation. He quickly calculated the time and distance, forming an improvised plan of action.
Setting his automatic rifle aside, he dug under his shirt, grabbed his dog tags, and jerked them over his head. "Here." He handed them to Spoon.
Spoon looked at him in bewilderment. "What?"
Tanner dug furiously through his duffel gathering and organizing needed items before stuffing them in the pockets of his cargo pants. "Give them to Oakley. Tell her…" He found an extra clip, stuffing it into his waistband. "Tell her I'm sorry."
Cale shook his head. "Loco, no. It's too dangerous."
Tanner grinned at his friend. "Where have I heard that before?" In all reality, he'd taken on similar, near-suicidal actions before, lending to the nickname of Loco. However, this time was vastly different. This time, he wanted to live, to return home. All the other times, he could have cared less.
No, the image of Oakley's face as he lashed into her haunted him these past days. Her tears, the defeated expression and agonizing pain on her face. He couldn't help but replay his hurtful words over and over again, wishing he could take them back or rush to her side, take her in his arms, and apologize for his harsh actions.
Somewhere in those few days together, she'd weaseled into his heart, burrowing in like a squirrel into a warm den during a winter storm. She brought him amusement, joy, companionship, and showed him how soulful and intimate loving could be between two people that care. Before her, sex existed as a means of blowing off steam, a quick release with some generic, nameless, hot-to-trot woman. With Oakley, something clicked, deep and tender. They made love, the farthest thing from meaningless sex in his opinion. He didn't believe such existed between a man and a woman before Oakley.
He'd never told her how he felt. Another regret he faced, sitting there ready to take on Armageddon.
Just let me get through this so I can tell her how much she means to me.
A barrage of bullets pulled him from those thoughts. If he didn't get a move on, none of them would make it out of this ditch.
Judging the night sky, he made last-second updates to his plans, determined to remain in the shadows until the last moment, and then sprint to the west side of the building, the blind side of their target.
He met Spoon's eyes. "Tell Oakley that I love her."
The other man nodded solemnly.
"Give us the signal and we'll lay down cover," Cale instructed.
Tanner took a deep breath, grabbed his stuff, and slithered down the bank until the ditch flattened out to barely a bump in the landscape. With a quick wave, he sprinted.
Gunfire erupted on both sides, from the building trying to hit him and the guys covering his back.
Focusing hard on his destination, Tanner pulled his gun close, and then dove into the minimal cover a large rock afforded. Bullets landed all around him. A sharp sting singed his left shoulder, as if someone stabbed him with a short but sharp knife.
That will leave a mark.
Good thing he wore body armor. Without it, a couple more of those and he wouldn't be getting up.
He panted, looked over the landscape, and watched for any flashes of light indicating they had him in their sights. When no bullets plunked against his rock, he lifted his head, gathered his energy, and dashed off again.
The sequence repeated twice more as he moved steadily closer and closer, dodging small flying missiles the entire way. Finally, with patience and a lot of luck, Tanner crawled the final few feet, feeling his way along the wall. As quickly as he could, he set the charges, scooted a few more feet and set more. By having all the explosives on one wall, the whole building wouldn't implode, as it would have if they could've rigged all four walls according to the original plans. That meant some search and destroy work after the big bang. Dangerous but necessary to topple the high-end drug dealers from their pedestals.
Taking the remote in hand, Tanner sprinted, clicking the button has he ran. The loud explosion deafened him; the sheer power threw him head first to the ground. He rolled and righted himself only to see all hell break loose.
Chapter 20
His words had stabbed her deep, leaving an open sore behind. She realized them for what they were: anger and frustration at her interference. They'd emerged in fury. Thus, most likely, he really didn't believe or mean them at all, just threw them at her like a fast ball, trying to injure her as he'd felt she'd wounded him. Over and over again, she'd pushed them aside, re-focusing on the real issue at hand.
Oakley re-evaluated the wisdom of connecting Tanner and Dr Miller for the tenth time. No matter how she looked at it, she wouldn't change anything. Deep down, she knew Dr Miller remained Tanner's best shot at getting counseling. Without it, she feared his premonition of dying in the line-of-duty would come true. Something she desperately wanted to avoid at all costs. Not just for her selfish reasons, but for Tanner. After everything he lived through, endured, and continued to do, he rightly deserved some happiness in life. For that to happen, demons had to be vanquished, and he desperately needed solid coping skills to take control over his volatile emotions when a trigger sent him reeling to the past. The only way she could see that happening rested with Dr Miller breaking through Tanner's steely resolve and stigmatized view of psychologists.
Curling up, she rested her chin on her knees. If she needed to trade her one chance at love in her life for Tanner's lifetime of peace and contentment, then so be it. She would sacrifice anything to help him.
Her mind flashed back to her own past. Sarah. Her former roommate. They communicated for a couple of months after the traumatic event, each email coming farther and farther apart before they ceased altogether. Sarah said she didn't blame Oakley for what happened. Oakley didn't argue, but also didn't believe the young woman. It was too soon for her to make such judgments.
That was seven years ago. Not for the first time, Oakley wondered what happened to her old friend. Was she able to move forward in life? Was she happy?
Her advice to Tanner ran through her head.
If you're going to talk the talk, you have to walk the walk.
Maybe she too had been avoiding her past lately, never completing the circle. There was only one way that she could think of to do just that. "It's worth a try."
Firing up her laptop, she went online, and opened her email account. A few clicks of the keyboard later, she hit the send button. "Okay, Sarah, the ball's in your court."
* * * *
Returning from the grocery store, Oakley methodically put away each item, unable to shake the sadness and worry that followed her like a dark raincloud. Keeping busy helped. That way she didn't think.
Yeah, right.
She constantly thought about Tanner and their argument. As much as she lectured herself on the need to get over it, her mind stubbornly stuck to it, replaying the scene like a bad record.
With a shake of her head, she forced the dreary thoughts away. No sense wallowing in the past. She could only move forward.
She placed the last item in the fridge, and then pulled out the new squeaker toy for Hercules. One squeeze and his head perked up. Oakley smiled when he trotted over, grabbed his new gift with that huge mouth, and carried it back to his mattress. Squeak, squeak, squeak. From the sounds of it, he seemed to like the small replica of a giraffe. "Let's hope this one lasts longer than the last."
He ignored her, enthralled with biting down on the body of the stuffed animal.
With him settled, she headed to her laptop to check for any questions from students. Everything else fell into line, including tests and scores. All that remained would be a few loose ends on behalf of the students, usually the ones begging for points to bolster their end of semester grade when they did badly on the final.
An email with a familiar address immediately caught her attention.
Sarah.
Shakily, she opened it, holding her breath until scanning the contents. Oakley smiled in relief and happiness for her old roommate as she considered the request for a meeting between them.
Sure, she wanted to see her old friend again. But that meant returning to a past she tried so hard to leave behind. She held no illusions that the topic of what happened seven years ago would come up, probably jostling some ghosts in both their closets. Uncertainty flared.
Isn't that what you asked Tanner to do? Talk about what happened? Meet his demons head on?
She lifted her chin with resolve. Fingers flew over the keyboard with acceptance of their meeting that afternoon. It's not like she had anything else to do. Besides, no day like today to get the awkward and uncomfortable over with.
Tough sledding before you hit the flats.
She clicked the send button before she could change her mind.
* * * *
Oakley entered the small soup and sandwich shop shortly before one. Nervous, she scanned the room, relieved when she didn't see anyone that resembled Sarah. Now that the time had arrived, her cowardice showed. More than once she'd wanted to back out. Only the thoughts of what she'd asked Tanner to go through firmed her resolve to keep the appointment and go through with the reunion. She couldn't live in a glass house and throw stones at his. And, she could do no less than what she asked of him.
Finding a quiet booth near the back, she watched the door. A waitress came over with menus, leaving two when Oakley mentioned she was meeting a friend, before hurrying off to assist other customers.
A sandy-haired brunette came through the door, carrying a car seat, and looking over the room.
Oakley's heart sped with recognition. She waved at the other woman, sharing a smile when their eyes connected.
"Sarah. You look wonderful." Oakley looked her over, noticing the neat slacks and blouse, along with leather flats. Her face carried a smile that extended up to her eyes. If the appearance stunned her, the fact that she brought a small baby with her shocked Oakley.
Sarah smiled warmly. "As do you." She placed the car seat at the back of the table where they could see the tiny little one. "This is Megan."
"Wow." Oakley looked at the sleeping baby, dressed in a pink outfit complete with headband. "She's beautiful. How old?"
"Four weeks. I'm still on maternity leave." Scooting into the booth, Sarah took a seat across from Oakley. "To be honest, I was thrilled to get out of the house and meet you, even if it was an hour drive to get here since I live in Lincoln."
Oakley turned her attention from Megan to Sarah. "Me, too." She leaned in. "I have to admit, I'm nervous."
Sarah nodded. "I expect both of us are. But it's a relief to see you again. Really."
Oakley heard the sincerity in her friend's tone. "It's been so long. What do you do now?"
"I work as a counselor for a small elementary school. Richard, my husband, is a manager at a computer software development company."
Sarah was married and had a baby. The facts took a moment to sink in. "I'm so happy for you. I never imagined…"
Sarah reached out to take one of Oakley's hands, holding it between her own. "Oakley, it's okay. I can talk about it now."
Oakley met her eyes then bobbed her head.
"At one time, I didn't think I would ever get to a point where I could even consider dating again, let alone marrying. But my parents connected me with a psychologist who specialized in cases like mine. She really helped me come to terms with what happened and learn to move past it. I returned to college armed with determination and the want to help others just like she helped me."
"Are you still in therapy?"
She shook her head. "I talk to my therapist now and again, but don't need regular appointments. She turned my life around. I wanted to do that for others. So, I became a counselor."
Her reasoning made sense to Oakley. When a person makes such a great impression, it's natural to want to pay that forward to others.
"What about you? I know you went on to graduate school. I followed you that far, at least."
Oakley blinked. "But we lost touch within a year."
Sarah smiled sadly. "I found it hard to continue communicating at that point in my life. It kept bringing back old memories: good along with the bad. But, I wanted to know how you were, what you did. I could do that by watching the university website from afar."
"Oh."
Sarah released her hand, but leaned forward. "Did you get counseling?"
"Yes. For a while. I…" She opened her mouth like a guppy with no sounds emerging. This was the moment she dreaded. Taking a deep breath she tried again. "I felt guilty."
Sympathy crossed Sarah's face. "I did too."
Oakley jerked in surprise. "You had nothing to feel guilty for. It was his fault, not yours."
"It sounds rational, but the mind isn't always rational."
Oakley understood that completely. "I thought you hated me for setting up the date." Her gaze lowered to the table, unable to watch her friend's expression to her comment.
Sarah sighed. "Oakley, listen to your own words. It was his fault, not yours. I never blamed you. I blamed myself and him, of course. But never you."
Looking up, Oakley found truth written on Sarah's face.
"No, Oakley. You see, you were my hero that night."
Oakley's eyes widened. "Some hero."
Sarah shushed her. "I was… lost and afraid that night. I just wanted to take a shower, scrub away his touch, and forget the incident ever happened. You didn't let me do that. Instead, you made the phone calls, tossed me in your car, and insisted I tell the emergency room staff what happened. I didn't want any of that at the time. But soon I realized that without you forcing me to make that first step, I wouldn't have sought therapy and certainly wouldn't be here today with a wonderful husband, adorable baby, and a career I enjoy."
Oakley stared at her.
"You saved me, Oakley."
Tears threatened, spilling over with Sarah's words. For the first time in years, Oakley felt relief and acceptance begin to suture closed the old wound. Her friend's words helped heal more than she could have ever expected.
"You saved yourself. I just drove the car," Oakley pointed out, smiling through the streams running down her cheeks.
Sarah teared up and sniffled. "I'm so glad you emailed me. I've been wanting to connect with you for years, but always backed out before writing the email. When I saw your email this morning, I couldn't let this opportunity pass by. Not when I had so much to share."
The waitress walked over, quietly interrupting. "I'm sorry. I just thought you might need something to drink."
They looked up to her and patted wet cheeks with napkins, quickly giving her their order.
"So, tell me everything. Especially about Richard."
Sarah warmed to her subject, telling all about the love of her life and the life they made together.
Oakley absorbed her words, letting the soothing balm sink in. Sarah had more courage than she gave herself credit for, impressing Oakley immensely. She saw the love and devotion in Sarah's face as she spoke of her caring husband, the man who helped her through all the stumbling blocks to a happy relationship. She deserved all the happiness she could get.
They ate their soup, still chatting away, catching up with the happenings in one another's lives.
As she walked out of the restaurant later, Oakley sported Sarah's phone number and a promise to get together again soon. A promise she intended to keep.
She never realized how much she missed Sarah until today. It was as if the clock turned back and they were freshmen once more, staying up late talking about any subject that came to mind, laughing and happy. Her guilt hadn't absolved completely, but she no longer felt the deep burning anguish in the pit of her stomach from her actions years ago. Now, she carried less weight on her shoulders and a lighter step with the understanding that Sarah didn't blame her, instead thanked her for her devotion and caring that started the ball rolling for the healing process. Words she only heard in her dreams before now became reality.
As she settled into her car, her thoughts returned to Tanner. If only he could hear similar words from those he believed he let down. Perhaps, just like her, they could help him on the road to forgiveness.
On that thought, she picked up the phone and dialed.