Authors: Hannah Foster
Eric fought the surge of sympathy that he felt for this man;
a man he had spent countless hours cursing since he learned of his existence. Ruefully, he realized her ability to tell the truth had not improved with time.
"I believe her sister is listed as her next of
kin."
Keith's jaw tightened reflexively. "Dr. Smitherman, up until three days ago, I wasn't aware that Nathalie had a sister."
"I am sure this has been difficult for you, but
hospital policy forbids us from discussing a patient's condition with anyone but the listed next of kin." Eric offered.
Keith sank into the waiting room chair. "Look, I understand policy but you have to understand what it's like to find the woman
you love on the bathroom floor and then to be told she has a mass in her brain. I just need to know if she is going to be okay."
As nausea swirled in Eric's stomach he nodded solemnly.
"She should be fine." He said gruffly. "We expect she will be fine."
Nodding, Keith kept his eyes glued to the floor, studying the random patterns on the linoleum.
"I've...I've seen her x-rays and they indicate that Ms.
Grant has suffered tremendous trauma. You also mentioned that she has trouble at night. Is there," Eric cleared his throat as Keith met his eyes, "is there anything I should know about her medical history?"
In this moment Eric hated himself. He was violating his ethics by using his position to gain personal information about someone who was not a patient. Worse, he was betraying himself by caring.
"I don't know all the details. She doesn't talk about
it and the village is very protective of her," Keith relayed as he got a distant look in his eyes. "She has nightmares and cries out in her sleep, or worse, she just dissociates and seems to go into herself. She loses track of
time and where she is. Sometimes she's in Chicago, sometimes she's in Africa. Sometimes she's a child in Indiana and has just lost her parents. But then she snaps out of it and she refuses to talk about it. But she's not fine."
Eric unclenched his hand from the clipboard that he had been holding as he struggled to gain control of his emotions.
"So," Keith said tightly, breaking the intensity of the moment. "When do you operate?"
Eric studied the man intensely. "I'm not operating on Nat," he replied.
The familiarity in Eric's tone and the use of Nathalie's nickname triggered Keith's instincts.
"What? Why not?" he asked shortly.
While Eric had bent his personal code of ethics to find out information he felt he was entitled to, he was not a liar. "I have a conflict with her and can't be her physician."
"What kind of conflict? And why is now the first we are hearing about it?"
"Nathalie is aware that I am not going to be her physician."
Keith's eyes turned cold. "She is, is she? Well, you
haven't answered my question, Dr. Smitherman. What conflict do you have with Nathalie's case?" he demanded.
Eric knew he was under no obligation to divulge the information Keith requested. But he needed to. Whether because he sympathized
with the position the man before him found himself in —knowing nothing about the woman he loved— or whether he wanted Keith to know that he had loved her first, he was unclear.
"Nathalie and I were involved once. I am unable to act as her doctor."
A look of shock overtook Keith's features as realization slowly crept in. ""Involved?" What exactly does that mean Dr.
Smitherman? Went on a date? Went steady? Were married?" Keith continued as anger emanated from his voice. "Please fill me in as it seems my girlfriend is inclined to leave me in the dark once again!"
"Nathalie and I were involved for a period of time as
residents." Eric said breaking their relationship down to its simplest form, leaving unspoken that she had meant everything to him; that he hadn't been the same since she left and that they shared a child.
"A period of time? I see" Keith replied crisply. "I may not be a brain surgeon but my math puts her residency right before she left for Africa. Would you know anything about that?"
Eric smiled ruefully. "No, Mr. Wilson, I would not. It
appears Nat is adept at keeping us both in the dark.
"Yeah," he echoed distantly, glancing back at the room. "It appears she is."
#
"So, are you comfortable with Drew as your
surgeon?" Sarah asked as she brushed her sister's hair, soft strokes pulling through the shiny waves.
As had become her new routine, Sarah would visit every day at lunch time and then again after work. Sarah wanted to and needed to spend
time with her sister. But she also needed to have a conversation with her - one she had been avoiding.
"I always loved when you did this when we were little.
It made me feel safe."
Silence enveloped the two women as Sarah continued her ministrations..
"I hope you still feel safe Nat. "
"I'm trying," she whispered.
"Well, you still haven't answered my question. Are you comfortable with Drew as your surgeon?"
Nathalie opened her eyes and turned around to face her sister. "Comfortable? No," she continued, "I'm sure he'd be just
as fine with me dead as he would with me alive. But," she paused at Sarah's evident objection, "as long as he hasn't changed too drastically, his gigantic god-complex won't allow him to let me die. And I do know that he
has always been a very talented surgeon."
Sarah paused, unsure of a response. "He is still a very good surgeon," she finally confirmed.
"Is he still a gigantic man-whore?" Nathalie
asked, a smile tilting the corners of her mouth for the first time since Sarah had seen her.
"I wouldn't," Sarah paused to clear her throat. " I wouldn't know about that."
"Is he married? Seeing anyone?" She asked
curiously, her interest much more ambivalent than when she had asked her sister the same question about Eric.
"No." Sarah said crisply, getting up from Nathalie's bed to pour a glass of water.
"Then I would bet money that he's still sleeping with anyone he can. We always were in awe of how women fell at his feet-"
"Nat." Sarah interrupted.
She carried on. "I never saw the attraction but to each
their own."
"Nat!" She said firmly.
"What?" Her green eyes widened at her brusque tone.
"I don't want to talk about Andrew."
"Okay. What do you want to talk about?" Nathalie queried. As she saw shadows descending in Sarah's green eyes, she slowly shook her head. "No." Nathalie whispered.
"Nat, we have to..." Sarah stated calmly, no
longer able to live with the lie they had set in motion all those years ago.
Not having slept for more than a handful of hours since Nathalie had arrived at the hospital, Sarah was resolute in her need to tell
her that she not only knew where Jack was but had been in an odd, but workable, co-parent relationship with Eric.
"No we don't!" she screamed in reply. "We don't have to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it." She pleaded,
her chest heaving as she gulped urgently at the air.
"What's going on?" Keith demanded from the doorway, his eyes taking in Sarah's rigid stance and the tears streaming
unabashedly down Nathalie's face.
"My sister and I were just talking." Sarah said, quickly adopting her prosecutor's stance blocking his path.
"Looks like you were doing the talking, Ms.
Grant." His eyes reverted back to Nathalie, clearly in the throes of an all too familiar panic attack.
"Nat," Sarah began as she moved toward her sister's bed.
"No!" she screamed, folding her self up into a
corner of the hospital bed, shrinking from her approach.
"Ms. Grant, please leave." Keith's tone was quiet and calm.
"What?" Sarah asked incredulously.
"I asked you to leave. Your sister doesn't want you
here." Keith stated firmly.
Sarah nodded as Nathalie continued to shake. "Nat," Sarah said softly, tears shinning in her eyes "Nat, I will be back later. I love you."
Keith sat on the edge of the hospital bed and softly stroked Nathalie's hand as her breathing returned to normal.
"You okay?" he asked.
Nathalie nodded mutely as she put her head back on her
pillow and closed her eyes, trying to gain control of her breathing. Once again closing him out.
#
"Hey," Eric said standing quickly from his desk as Sarah entered his office. "How'd it go?"
Sarah sat down quietly on the leather couch in his office and folded her hands together. "Where's Jack?" she asked calmly despite her heart thrashing against her chest.
"I asked Drew to take him to the cafeteria for ice
cream so we could talk."
Sarah nodded solemnly as she met his eyes. "I didn't tell her."
Eric rocked back in his chair as if hit by a blow to his
chest. He had allowed himself to hope that after years of denying to the world, and Jack, that he was the little boy's father that things may be starting to change.
When Sarah called him yesterday and told him she was ready
to tell her the truth about Jack, he was caught up in a whirlwind of what ifs. While he and Sarah had settled into an uneasy alliance of partnering to raise Jack, Eric had no illusions that Sarah held all the cards in this situation and Eric desperately wanted to claim his son.
"You didn't tell her?" he echoed. "Why?" he whispered, unable to hide his disdain.
"I started to broach the subject and she...she..." Sarah, who made a living at her ability to speak eloquently and passionately,
stumbled for the words to describe her sister's reaction.
"She what? She had a seizure?" Eric asked as he clenched the arms of his chair as he began to push himself to rise.
"No!" Sarah assured him as she put a hand out to stay his departure. "No, she didn't have a seizure, I don't know what to call it. I have never seen her act this way, even after..." Sarah halted
suddenly.
"Even after what, Sarah?" Eric asked bitterly, knowing with certainty that she would not answer the question. He had asked too many similar ones in the past and gotten nowhere.
As expected, she shook her head in response. "It was
almost like she was having a panic attack, I guess."
Eric recalled his conversation with Keith the night before. "Is she okay now?" he asked with air of detachment in his voice that
didn't make it to his heart.
"I think so. Keith arrived and kicked me out." She chuckled. "Isn't it ironic, I didn't know he existed till three days ago and he's kicking me out of her hospital room?"
"Yeah, I think he would say the same about you." Eric cracked as he rubbed his hands over his face wearily. "What do we do now?"
Sarah's response went unspoken as Jack and Andrew came
through the door with Jack talking excitedly. "And then Darth Vader looks at Luke and goes..."the animated boy stopped midstream. "Hi, Aunt Sarah!"
"Hey bud." She smiled warmly. "Did you have fun?"
"Yeah! Drew let me have chocolate AND vanilla!" he said excitedly until a warm blush crossed his cheeks. "But I wasn't supposed to rat Drew out."
"It's okay, little man." Andrew spoke for the
first time, his eyes meeting Sarah's. "I can take 'em."
Sarah fought the warm blush mirroring her nephew's as she cleared her throat and averted her eyes from Andrew's heated stare. "Well, we need to get going," she remarked with great efficiency, standing to
grab her purse.
"Wait!" Eric and Jack exclaimed in unison, the younger not ceding the floor. "We have to talk about my birthday. You promised, Aunt Sarah!"
"You're right, I did."
"Awesome!" he exclaimed. "I wanna go to Pump and Jump and invite all the kids from my class and Drew and Eric and I want..."
"Dude." Andrew laughed. "Take a breath!"
Jack drew a deep breath while Eric chuckled. "Why don't we start with what you want for the big day, Jack. What's top of the list this year?"
In a split second the animated boy grew circumspect.
"Well, um, I'm not sure how to ask for what I want."
"Jack," Sarah chided playfully, "you spent a full half hour with Santa Claus last Christmas telling him what you wanted. Why
so bashful?"
Looking at the three adults, Jack pulled at his fingers as he did when he was anxious. Just like his mother.
"It's just, I was wondering," he paused as he
looked around at the expectant eyes trained upon him. "If this year maybe my parents could come for my birthday."
Sarah's quick intake of breath was the only sound as stunned silence permeated the room. Andrew's eyes found Eric's and saw the visceral
pain his best friend was feeling. Quickly, Sarah fell on her knees in front of the young boy. "Jack, honey, we've talked about this and I've explained..."
"I know," he said with quiet acceptance "my
parents love me very much but they can't be with me so you and Eric are taking care of me," he recited but his voice was devoid of emotion.
"Little man, let's go check the surgery board and see
if anything really gross has come up." Andrew offered as he grabbed the young boys hand and guided him out the door. He turned on his heel as he followed Jack and pinned Sarah and Eric with a glaring look. "You two need to fix this. Now. "
The slam of the door echoed as Sarah finally met Eric's glacial blue eyes. "We'll tell her tomorrow. Together."
The cacophony of early evening Manhattan traffic echoed against the high rise buildings towering over the city's skyline. Nathalie, standing on the hospital roof and staring out at the city lights, found the
noise both jarring and soothing. She missed the wide open spaces of her home in Africa; the way the night sky would be blanketed with stars and how you could hear the earth breathing. At the same time, the hustle and bustle of Manhattan
reminded her of Chicago - the life she led there and then left behind. She had a foot in two worlds and was no longer sure where she belonged.