Losing Eva (The Eva Series Book 2) (27 page)

“I will be, Grandma. I’m always happy when I’m with you.” Brynn hugged her gently again.

“Peanut!” Amy said suddenly.

Brynn looked at her, puzzled. “Peanut?”

“I used to call you Peanut when you were little. I had forgotten all about that.” Amy said, her eyes looking past Brynn.

Brynn was used to these moments, as Amy seemed to have them more often with some memories resurfacing. Brynn smiled. “Peanut. I love it,” she rubbed her stomach. “That’s what we can call your great granddaughter.”

“Yes,” Amy said rubbing Brynn’s stomach, affectionately. She was the only one Brynn would allow to touch her like that. “Well, I’ll leave you to whatever you were doing.”

“I’m trying to figure out what to wear to meet an old, um, friend.” Brynn said glancing at her closet in dread.

“Whatever you choose won’t matter,” Amy said cupping Brynn’s face. “You will be beautiful no matter what.”

Brynn closed her eyes, cherishing the feel of Amy’s soft hand on her cheek. She wished for the thousandth time that she had been with Amy all of her life. “Thanks, Grandma,” she whispered.

“You’re welcome, Peanut.” Amy wheeled herself out of the room, and Brynn was left alone to face her closet.

After an hour, she finally picked out a maternity dress that was both fashionable and functional. Her baby belly was obvious, but it also accented her pretty legs.
It doesn’t matter what I wear. The first thing that he is going to see is my stomach. There is no getting around it. Literally!

She checked the clock.
It was already four-fifteen! Where did the time go?

She grabbed her purse and moved as fast as she could. She didn’t want to be late! She was afraid that he would think she wasn’t coming and leave, and the winery was at least forty minutes away!

“Whoa! Where are you going so fast?” Nina, the housekeeper said flustered, as Brynn flew by her.

“I’m late!” Brynn said, trying not to sound panicked.

“You should have Tony drive you.” Nina said, concerned about how nervous Brynn looked.

“No! I don’t have time for that. I’m ready to go now and I can’t wait for him.” Brynn said, blindly digging around in her purse for keys.

She finally located them, feeling victorious, and got to her car as quickly as she could. She set her GPS just in case she couldn’t remember how to get there, after all she had only been there once, and it had been from the restaurant. She wasn’t sure that she would know how to get there from the Harper Home.

As she drove, she felt herself calming down.

What will I say to him? How will he look? What if he leaves the second he sees that I am pregnant?

She felt a little nauseous and fought the urge to turn around and go back home.
It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.

She tried to take a deep breath and clear her mind. She wanted to be calm when she saw him. She wanted to tell him that she couldn’t stop thinking about him, and that she wanted to give him a chance. She wanted him to know that she could see herself with him for a long time, and that he was the only one she had ever felt like she could be completely herself.

She was wrapped up in her thoughts, the pleasant voice on the GPS steering her way.

Brynn didn’t see the F150 in the oncoming lane swerving in front of her. She didn’t see the intoxicated driver with his eyes closed as he sped toward her, completely overtaking her lane. She didn’t see anything until she heard the horrible sound of metal crunching, glass breaking, and then felt her body fly forward forcibly through the windshield. She suddenly felt the pain of a thousand knives slicing through her face and through her body.

And then, Brynn didn’t feel anything.

THE YOUNG WOMAN SAT
at her vanity slowly brushing her long dark hair. She stared in the mirror and stared for a moment, her pretty face a mixture of excitement and sadness.

She tried to hold the tears back, but she couldn’t, no matter how hard she tried. This is a happy day!

She kept reminding herself that it was a joyous day. Sadness didn’t belong in the day, although, she knew that it would be there no matter how hard she tried to fight it off. It had been there all of her life. It was there on her first day of school, when she got her first bra, when she left for her first date, at her senior prom, at both of her graduations, and it was here now. The sadness was a part of her no matter where she went or what she did. She knew that it would be here today of all days, alive and as palpable as ever.

Will it ever go away? She sighed.

She had asked to be alone right now. Too many people were milling about, in and out of her room, trying to be too helpful. There was too much noise, and no time to think. She needed to think. She needed to reflect. She needed to feel her, here.

She knew that she couldn’t do that through all of the noise.

She walked to her window and looked out into the garden. There were a lot of people there, some his and some hers. She held her breath. She knew that there would be. So many people!
I just want to get through this without crying, without ruining my makeup.

There was a gentle knock on the door.

“Eva, Are you ready?”

“Almost,” she said straightening up. She reached up and felt her floral headband to make sure that it was still firmly in place. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

It was Aunt Jane. Jane’s eyes immediately filled. “Oh sweetheart, you look so…so….”

“It’s okay, Aunt Jane,” Eva smiled. She knew what she was going to say, she was thinking it, too. “I look like my mother.”

Jane nodded, choking back the tears. “Yes.”

“Shall we?” Eva said motioning toward the staircase.

“Oh, yes,” Jane said trying to compose herself. “I told myself that I wouldn’t cry, but I just couldn’t help myself.”

“It’s okay,” Eva hugged the older woman who had been so much like a mother to her. Eva had begged her father from the time she could remember, to let go and find another wife. She desperately wanted to have a mother, but he refused. Now he just said that he was too old, even though he wasn’t. She just wanted to see him happy once in her life.

They started down the long winding staircase. Daddy was standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her.

“Oh, Eva,” he whispered. He was seeing what she had seen in the mirror. Except for the color of her eyes, she was nearly the spitting image of her Mom. “You’re a vision, you know that, right?”

Eva nodded.
I wish she were here with me!

Eva had never known her mother, but she longed for her every day. She had been taken from her in a violent car accident, with a drunk driver. It had been a horrific accident, and her mother had been kept alive for a couple of months after the accident in order to preserve Eva’s life that still needed time to grow inside of her. Eva had heard the story a thousand times of how she easily she could have died, too, and there were days without the mother she didn’t know, that she sometimes wished that she had. Nobody understood the emptiness she felt without her.

“It was a miracle that they were able to save you,” Daddy had told her for as long as she could remember. He wanted her to understand how lucky she was. He wanted her to live her life to the fullest and appreciate every moment. The mangled picture of her mom’s car was burned into her brain. The twisted blue metal, the shattered windshield, the bloodstains. They stayed with her like a vision, reminding her that she got to live.

Nobody understood the emptiness she felt without her mother. She loved her daddy, but living with him was like living with a ghost. She grew up in the big empty house virtually alone, with Daddy, and for a short time, Uncle Noah.

She loved Uncle Noah, but they said that he died so that he could be with Grandma Amy, who had died of a broken heart. She hadn’t known Grandma Amy, but Eva hoped wherever they were that they were there together. She hoped that they weren’t lonely like she used to be.

But now that she had Chris, she wasn’t as lonely anymore.

“Are you ready to do this?” Eva said looking at her dad.

“I’m ready,” he said smiling at her. He had aged. Eva had seen pictures of him from his younger years, and he had been so handsome. But he was a sad shadow of that young man now, his hair white and his eyes permanently sad. She thought of him as Eeyore from her Winnie the Pooh stories, perpetually sad and mopey. She had inherited his beautiful blue eyes, but she tried hard to not let them betray her.

The walk down the aisle was breathtaking. The backyard of the Harper House had been transformed into a beautiful scene for their wedding. She felt beautiful, like a princess, with her handsome prince waiting for her at the end. Chris was wonderful to her, and she knew that her mother would approve. She often talked to her, telling her all about him. Eva didn’t know if she could hear her, but she told her anyway.

The moment that Eva had met Chris, she felt her loneliness start to disappear. He was larger than life, and filled her days and nights with laughter and happiness. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was to meet him. She hoped that their child growing inside of her would have her blue eyes and his beautiful blonde hair. She envisioned a house full of tow-headed children running around creating chaos and joy, finally bringing the Harper House to life.

The ceremony was beautiful. Their kiss was full of affection and passion, and everyone in attendance stood up and cheered as they walked down the aisle Mr. & Mrs.

Before they prepared for the reception, Eva held Chris’ hand and told him that she needed to make a stop.

“I’ll be quick,” she said kissing him sweetly on the cheek.

He nodded at his beautiful bride knowingly. “Do you want me to come?”

“No, later,” she said kissing him, once more.

Eva walked down the quiet hallway to the room at the end.

She opened the door and peered in. Kelly looked up at her and smiled. “Are you married now?”

Eva nodded and Kelly hugged her tight. “Congratulations! I would have felt guilty leaving her all alone.”

“I know.” Eva smiled. Kelly had been there nearly every day of her life. She had her own family now, but she was still devoted to theirs. Kelly had loved her mom. “How is she today?”

Kelly looked down at the bed. She shrugged.

“She’s the same as every day,” she said sadly.

Eva sat on the side of the bed. She kissed Brynn’s scarred cheek as she held her lifeless hand. “I did it. Mom. Chris and I are married now. The ceremony was beautiful. I wish you could have been there and seen it.”

Brynn’s body was still, except for the up and down her chest rising from the breathing machine. Eva hated that she had to live like this, but Daddy refused to let her go. Brynn had never changed him from being her Power of Attorney when they divorced, and he always had the final say. Eva couldn’t imagine that she would want to live this way, or that anyone would want to live this way. She had never known her, but she knew enough about her to know that she would hate this! Aunt Kelly and Aunt Jane had told her that she would have rather died, but neither of them could convince Daddy to let her go.

“She’s a shell, Daddy! She shouldn’t have to live like this. Why can’t you just let her go?” Eva had begged him time and time again.

“I can’t let her go! I need her. I can’t let her go!” Adam argued with her and anyone else who fought him. “She could come back, it happens! There’s activity on the brain monitor from time to time. I’ve abandoned her before, and I’m not going to do it again!”

They had nearly lost her on countless occasions, but Adam always made them bring her back, hoping she would fully return to him, but she never did.

Brynn’s body lay small and motionless on the bed, her muscles deteriorated, and her scarred face sunken in and barely recognizable. She was full of tubes for feeding and monitoring, the big machine next to the bed taking every breath for her.

Eva had been coming to her room, talking to her, nearly every day of her life. But she knew that it wasn’t really her mom lying there. Brynn’s body was simply an empty shell, a faded vision of the beauty that she once was. Eva was ashamed to admit that all of her life, part of her wished that Brynn had just been taken away permanently when the truck hit her car. Watching Brynn lying in the bed, wasting away and helpless was sometimes more than she could bear. It was torture to have her mother there beside her, but not with her.

“I wish that he would have just let her go,” she muttered to herself sadly.

“I know. I do, too,” Kelly said a trace of anger in her voice.

The monitor hooked to Brynn’s brain blipped, and they both looked at the same time.

“That’s why,” Kelly said shaking her head. “He thinks she is still in there somewhere.”

“What do you think?” Eva asked, even though she knew the answer.

“She’s been gone since the moment that truck hit her.”

They sat in silence, the world outside of the doorway moving rapidly without them, preparing for the large reception.

“Don’t you have to get to your celebration?” Kelly asked finally.

“Yes,” Eva said slowly getting up. It made her feel morbid, but she liked sitting here. She liked hiding with her mom. She sighed, hating to leave. “I suppose that I should.”

“Bye, Mom. I’m going to my reception now. I’ll stop back and visit before we leave for Europe. We’ll be gone for two weeks,” Eva said, bending over to kiss Brynn’s forehead. She smoothed her brown hair across her forehead.

She hesitated. She hated leaving her like this, but she knew that she had to. She had been leaving Brynn all of her life, but this time when she left, she knew that it would be for good.

She walked slowly toward the door and opened it.

“I love you, Mom,” Eva said trying to make her voice sound happy. If there is a chance she can hear me, I want her to know that I am happy.

She closed the door behind her and leaned against it for a moment.

She heard the music playing down the hall, and knew that her guests would be waiting for her. She didn’t want to keep them waiting. She felt guilty walking away from the room, as she always did. But she forced herself to do it anyway.