Authors: Megan Fields
I stretch all my limbs and yawn, as my body pries me from my slumber. Rolling over, I look at my phone to find it’s only seven in the morning. I also find five missed calls, two voice mails and three text messages. I’m guessing they’re all from Jack, but I put my phone back down without looking at them. Rising from my bed I pull a robe on and make my way to the kitchen for a cup of tea. I’m surprised to find Lottie already sitting at the breakfast bar with a pot of tea in front of her.
“Morning.” I sit on a stool next to her and pour myself a cuppa.
Lottie swivels her stool to face me. “How’re you feeling?”
“Still pissed; I can’t believe Jack would think I’m having an affair with Alex.”
“You really slapped him?” She asks looking impressed.
“I did but it’s nothing to be proud of. I can’t believe I did it.”
“Well if you ask me he deserved it!” I roll my eyes at her and am about to say something when there is a light knock at the door.
Lottie places her hand on my arm. “Don't worry, if it’s him you’re not here.”
“It’s seven-fifteen, where else would I be?” She puts the chain on the door, so it can only open a few inches.
“Let me in Lottie.” Jack’s voice sounds from the other side of the door.
“Go away Jack, she isn’t here.”
“Where is she?”
“I’m not telling you.”
“Let me in then, so I can check.”
“You’re not coming in, now go away.” She tries to close the door, but Jack stops it with his foot. “Move your foot before I move it for you.” She says through gritted teeth. I’ve hardly ever seen my sister angry and I’m glad she’s in my corner.
“It’s okay Lottie.” She looks at me and then releases the chain, opening the door wide.
“Fine.” She walks toward her room. “Shout if you want me to throw him out.” The thought of Lottie trying to remove Jack from my apartment makes me smirk. She’s at least a foot shorter than him and three stone lighter. I turn my attention to Jack who’s still wearing his clothes from last night.
“May I come in?” He asks
“Door’s open.” I mutter.
“I will take what I can get.” He walks over to me, but stops short. He looks like he’s had no sleep and his eyes are blood shot. “I’m so sorry.” He whispers.
His eyes look like they’re full of so much regret and I ache to reach out and touch him. “Why Jack?”
He hangs his head. “I saw you cuddling and I know you’ve been seeing each other. I just jumped to the first conclusion albeit the stupidest one.” I start to panic; the only times I’ve seen Alex has been at Velvet. “Alex told me about your job as an event planner. About how he bumped into you at a party you hosted, but I saw him pick you up at your apartment last Saturday and I flipped. I convinced myself it was innocent, but I saw you two interacting last night and then the cuddle upstairs.”
Phew. “Jack, I was hugging him to congratulate him on the success of the opening. Alex was, and will always be, the big brother I never had.” He nods and looks down at the floor.
Stepping closer to him, I reach up and tentatively touch the cheek I slapped and as the back of my fingers touch him he closes his eyes; leaning into my touch.
“I'm sorry.” He opens his eyes to see a tear slide down my cheek. “I never should’ve hit you.” Reaching his hand up to wipe away my tear with his thumb, I lean against him placing my head on his chest. He wraps his arms around me cocooning me and I feel safe.
“Why are you crying?” I shake my head against his chest. “Ella? What did Lottie mean last night, when she said I didn’t know what you’d been through?” I pull away from him, shaking my head, but his arms tighten around me.
“Ella, please talk to me. It’s killing me that you’re hiding things from me.” He cups my face in his hands and looks me in the eye. “Please. Was it me? What happened between us after I left? I regret it every day and if I could change it I would.” His eyes search mine, pleading with me to talk. I can’t let him think it’s because of him.
I sigh. “We need to talk.” He nods and follows me to the sofa. Sitting next to me, he places his hand on my knee, waiting for me to start. I can’t look him in the eye, so I fixate on his hand - using it as an anchor to focus on.
I take a deep breath, “Jack when I was twenty I started dating a man named Eric.” His hand tenses on my knee. “We dated for six months and a part of me was in love with him. We were like any normal couple in the early stages of a relationship and couldn't keep our hands off each other.”
“Ella...” His voice sounds strained.
“Please let me finish, and then it will all become clear.” I sneak a glance at him and he nods. “Eric wanted to be more adventurous, shall we say, in the bedroom and we experimented.” I feel his whole body tense now, but I have to keep going. “One day he went a little too far and was way too rough, so I told him. We went back to normal sex after that, but over the next few weeks he slowly started to verbally abuse me. He’d always brush off his comments though and so would I, figuring he’d just had a bad day at work or something. I guess I never wanted to believe that he would intentionally hurt me.” Taking another deep breath, I continued. “I started to ignore the comments he made toward me and tried not to let it show that he was upsetting me, but that only made him take things a step further. He started to push me around. He never outright hit me, but would make sure I got knocked into things, like the corner of the dresser, or the coffee table. He would make a joke of it and call me clumsy, but I knew better. One day I came home from work and he kicked off big time, shouting at me and shoving me about. He struck me across the face and I told him I was leaving him.” Jack stood up and started to pace back and forth. I had lost his hand that was anchoring me and I focused on my own hands in my lap. “I went to our room to pack the few things I had there and he grabbed me from behind.” The memory of that moment floods me and I stop for a moment to control my emotions. Jack’s standing looking out over the park opposite my apartment, with his fists clenched at his sides. “Eric forced me down on the bed, tied me up and gagged my mouth. Then left me alone for hours not returning until the evening, where he simply got in bed and went to sleep as if I weren’t even there. In the morning he untied me from the bed, my hands and feet still tied together and helped me to the bathroom. I decided not to struggle in case he lashed out and once back in our room he left me again for a few more hours. When he came back, he... he raped me. It happened twice on the first day and three times on the second day, but on the third day, he wasn’t alone.” Jack whirled round to look me in the face. I hadn't realised that I’d starting sobbing and the next thing I knew he pulled me across his lap into an embrace.
“Shh Ella, I'm here. No one can hurt you.” He cooed to me and rocked me until I calmed down, holding me; making me feel safe.
“I need to finish Jack.” He stays silent, holding me tightly in his arms. “Eric had brought one of his friends with him and he let him... he let him rape me.”
“Fuck!” I look up at Jack whose eyes are full of rage. “Is there anymore?” I nod and he closes his eyes, as he strokes my hair gently and continues to rock me.
“On the last day Eric went out for a while, but his friend came back for more. He had a knife Jack.” I kept my eyes open, not wanting to close them for fear of seeing my memories. Jacks hand is now stroking up and down my spine and I focus on it. “Guess he either forgot to take it, or wanted me to remain scared, as he left it on the pillow next to my face. I managed to reach it and set myself free, making my way to the nearest police station.”
“That fucker. If I ever see him I’m gonna kill him!”
Sitting upright on his lap, I reach out and cup his face. “He isn’t worth it. He’s going to spend the rest of his days rotting in prison and I hope he drops the soap... a lot.” Jack shakes his head at me. Guess he’s not ready to make jokes about it all yet. He looks up at the ceiling and sighs, his grip on me loosening.
I try to shift off his lap but he stops me, “Where’re you going?” I shrug my shoulders and look down. “Is this why you cried when you touched my face?” I nod unable to talk. I know first-hand what it’s like to be hit and I’d inflicted that on him. I was disgusted with myself and turned away from him. He gently pulled my face back to him. “Don't ever hide who you are from me. I know the real you and I know you'd never hurt a fly.” I smile weakly at him and he brushes his thumb across my bottom lip making me gasp. “I'm sorry again for last night. I shouldn't have jumped to that ridiculous conclusion. You weren’t the only one to lash out. I punched Alex!” He shakes his head.
“I saw his bloody lip when he caught up to us.”
“Guess I have some more apologising to do.” I try again to move off his lap and as I’m part way up he pulls me to him. I land on his lap with my legs either side of his thighs and he crushes me to his chest. “Please don't get up.” We hug again for a few minutes and I pull back to look at him. ”I can’t bear the thought of what you went through. I’m so sorry I wasn't here to protect you, but if you'll let me I'd like to be here for you, however you'll let me be.” I look into his eyes and can see he means it. He'd be there for me as a friend or more if I let him. I know the balls in my court, but I’m still a Domme and I can't shake the thought that he’s better off with someone else even if it kills me to think it.
“Jack, I will always love you, but right now I need you as a friend.”
“If that’s what you need, then that’s what I’ll be.” He lets me go and I stand up. “Right... I have another person to apologise to for being a dick.” I walk him to the door and he pulls me to him again. “I mean it. I’m here for you.”
“I know. I really appreciate it.” I lean up to kiss him softly on the cheek I abused.
As I make my way home I’m furious. I can’t believe what Ella told me and she’s been through. I enter the apartment slamming the front door behind me and head straight for the balcony; gripping the wrought iron railing so hard I don’t know how to let go.
“Jack?” I hear Alex shout my name, but can’t respond. I feel his presence behind me. “Are you okay?”
It takes me a moment to respond. “I’ve just been to see Ella.”
“How’d it go?” He asks cautiously.
I finally let go of the railing and stand to face him, rubbing my hand across my face. “It went fine and we’re okay, but…”
“But what?” I can’t tell Alex about it. She confided in me and it’s up to her if she wants others to know.
“Nothing” I mutter. I look at Alex who has a bruised lip and jaw. He has his eyebrow cocked at me, but doesn’t push me for information. “Look I’m sorry I hit you. It was a stupid thing to do.”
“No, the stupid thing was you thinking anything was going on between me and Ella. You punching me, well that I can understand. You just wanted to protect your girl.”
I stalk into the kitchen. “She’s not my girl.” I say grumpily.
“Well whatever she is, I get it.” He replies.
I pace the room, still angry. I need to do something. “Fancy a few rounds at the gym?” I ask hoping he’ll be up for some sparring.
He shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah sure. Maybe I can pay you back for last night!”
“In your dreams old man.” I joke.
When we get to the gym I go to warm up with some skipping, while Alex heads to the treadmill. I’m facing the mirror and can see other women checking me out, but all I can think about is Ella. As I stop and stretch, a woman approaches me. She has her blonde hair made up perfectly, her face is caked with make-up and her outfit barely covers her body. She couldn’t look more false if she tried.
“Hi, I’m Beth.” She offers her hand out and I hesitantly shake it.
“Jack.” She twirls her hair between her fingers and leans closer.
“So, Jack, do you think you could help me learn to skip?” She asks demurely.
“What? You don’t know how to skip?” I don’t know why it tickles me, but I start to laugh and can’t stop, laughing so hard I have to lean against the wall for support. She storms off looking less than pleased with my outburst.
“I see you haven’t lost your way with women.” Alex jokes as he claps me on the shoulder.
“Sorry, but that was the most ridiculous line I've ever heard.” We head over to one of the boxing rings and put our gear on. We used to come to this gym when we were teenagers, but we were into lifting weights then and showing off to the girls how strong we were. The old owner still runs it and he decides to come watch us spar.
“Hey, Max.” I shake his hand before he helps me put on my gloves.
“Boys. How’ve you been? New York treated you well I take it?” He asks.
“Hey, Max. Yeah, New York was good, but there’s nothing like coming home.” Alex says before slipping in his mouth piece.
I slip into the ring and we circle each other. “Come on then boys. Let’s start with five 3 minute rounds. Keep your moves tight and no pussy footing around. Show me what you learned in fancy New York.” Max shouts. I’d forgotten Max had been a boxing coach.
The first round’s good and Alex manages to land a few punches. During the second round though, he gets a little cocky and I catch him with an uppercut. “Time!” Max shouts. We each sit in our corners for a drink and a breather. “Okay, let’s go. Third round, come on Alex get your head in the game. Are you going to let your little brother get away with a move like that?” Max asks. Alex mumbles something, but I can’t understand him with his mouth guard in. The third and fourth rounds are a draw, as we each land a few good hits. It’s during the 5
th
and final round that the image of Ella sitting on my lap flashes in my mind, my arms around her waist and her scent intoxicating my every thought. I drop my hands and Alex hits me with a left hook. I drop like a sack of spuds and the last thing I hear is Max shouting “Timber!”
“Jack? Jack?” Alex is shaking me as I slowly open my eyes. “Are you okay?” I sit up and touch my hand to my head.
“Yeah, I’m okay. What the hell happened?” I ask taking a glass of water from Max who’s kneeling by my side./
“You dropped your guard and I caught you. It’s lucky we had head gear on or that could’ve been worse. Why the fuck did you drop your guard?” He asks angrily.
“Sorry. My mind wandered and I just forgot where I was temporarily.”
“Come on, up you get.” Max orders. “You’ll be fine.”
“Cheers Max. Sorry about that.” I say embarrassed for getting knocked out.
“Looks like you got me back for last night.” I joke to Alex. He just shakes his head and goes to the changing room.
“What happened last night?” Max asks.
“I punched him in the face.”
“What the hell for?”
“I thought he was after my girl.” Yeah that still sounds stupid a day later.
“Your girl? What girl?” Max sounds intrigued. “Whatever happened to that cute little thing that used to watch you work out?”
“Same girl or woman I should say now.” I reply, wiping the sweat from my neck with a towel.
“I’m guessing that nothing was going on between them?” He says matter of factly.
“No. I don’t know why she won’t give us another chance though. I know she’s been through some stuff since I was gone, but we clearly still have feelings for each other.”
“If I remember correctly she was head over heels for you. You could see it a mile away that she was totally and utterly in love with you. Give her time.”
“Thanks Max. I will. I just hope she doesn’t take too long. It’s killing me.” I half joke, but am half serious. I haven’t been with anyone for over six months now and I know I don’t want anyone other than Ella. I know she loves me. I just need her to see it. To believe that I won’t hurt her again.