Love Lost (Love's Improbable Possibility) (17 page)

“What did you say to her about meeting with me?”

“I lied. I told her who I was and that you asked me to call to set up a meeting with you to discuss my leasing contract. She threw all types of darts my way but I was persistent. A woman is trying to surprise you and that wench is making it hard,” I exclaimed.

“Wow! You were trying to surprise me?” he said wiping the smile off his face as if the sentiment
itself
had surprised him.

“Answer my question first. What did she know?” I wasn’t prepared to change the subject.

“She knew you were running game. And I bet when she saw you she knew her inclinations were correct.”

I must have looked even more puzzled because he continued. "I had her order your flowers the other day, I’m sure that led her to know there was something going on. If not for that, you would’ve never made it past her desk. Why didn’t you just call me directly?” Azmir’s eyebrows furrowed as he pushed his tongue into his molars, I guess it was his turn to be puzzled.

Crap!
“I don’t have your number.”

“I text
ed myself from your phone last night. My number is in your phone. Not to mention I wrote it down on the napkin a few days ago in the cafe.” I didn’t realize that’s what he was doing when he examining my phone.

“Oh...I didn’t think about that." I crunched my
eyebrows together pondering that realization. "Well, that’s what brings me here. I want to say thank you for the iPhone. You didn’t have to do that.” I tried concealing the fact that I was impressed. Really impressed. But I was also uncomfortable with his generosity. Very uncomfortable.

"How did you know who my carrier is?"

He relaxed his lean body against the side of his sofa there in his massive office that included two sitting rooms, one with a long sofa across from two sofa chairs and in the other was a small conference table. On the other side of the office was his large desk piled with the fittings of a busy man. His stature against it oozed sex and I fought hard as hell to resist the implication of it all. I knew he wasn’t trying to tempt me purposely but that was precisely what turned me on. Azmir was so fucking hot.

“Remember…you let me see your phone at the Staples Center
." he jeered. I guess I didn’t realize how busy he was with my phone last night. After a second, he dismissed the notion with, "Oh, nah...it’s all good. Glad you got it.”

“Yes, and I wanted to say thank you. And to show that I had such a good time last night I’ve come with gifts.” I pulled out a Barnes & Noble bag and handed it over to him. I was nervous and even had the shaky hand syndrome as he pulled the book out and read the title, “
Date Out of Your League”
by April Masini? And to what do I owe the pleasure of this insightful read?” he asked feigning offended.

“
Welllllllll
…” I sang in jest, “…in the spirit of a good date I thought that I could help you step up your game,” I teased trying to suppress the laughter building in my belly. I’d had some nerve, but it was fun.

He
crossed the office, walked between the two chairs facing his desk, placing the book down and rested against it while crossing his lengthy legs and folding his arms, “You know, the funny thing is you keep referring to last night as if it was my best or the height of my game. Girl, you ain’t seen nothing. Yet.”

He paused and we locked eyes as our thoughts ran us into a reverie. And in that brief time I could tell he wanted me to understand that he was interested in going out again, for what I didn’t quite know. The look in his mesmeric eyes stapled me in my stance, it uncovered layers of debris that I didn’t realize I’d had and neither did I want to know. I wanted to fuck him so bad and not only because he was so sexable
, but for reasons that I’d never experienced and found difficult to articulate. The silence made me want to jump on him right then, thereby making me uncomfortable.
I can’t believe this man has me so out of character.
No one had
ever
turned me on so effortlessly and that troubled me. I couldn’t slip, didn’t want to lose my dignity. Fairytales weren’t my thing. Whatever slope I was slipping on had to stop.

I decided to start the intro to my departure, and as weak as it was it had to work. “I don’t want to hold you up. Ms. Peggy said you have a luncheon that you cannot be late for. Besides I need to have lunch before my next client.” I gave a rueful smile and began walking towards the door.

“Wait a minute,” he called out, his tone was calm but the nature commanding. I stopped and turned to him. “I thought you said you came bearing gifts,
as in plural…
?”

“Oh! I did.” I put my
briefcase on the conference table near the door. I'd gotten so distracted that I forgot my script. I reached into my briefcase to pull out a long stem pink rose.

With a belly full of butterflies I spoke
, “You know they say pink roses symbolize “
Thank you
” and a single rose symbolizes simplicity and gratitude. That’s my sentiment.”

I walked over and handed it to him. Azmir gave me that intense gaze again sending currents down my spine. I had to maintain my composure; showing too much gratitude and emotion was for the weak and I’m no weakling. I ambled back over to my briefcase, closed it
, and left his office.

I knew he was staring at my booty. I could feel the burn from the gape.

Azmir

Bizarre of all things inexplicable, this Rayna had me going a little. She was fine as hell, bright, and her body was unbelievably amazing. She seemed so low maintenance and down to Earth. She didn’t bombard me with questions or pry into my personal life. Hell—she made me want to do that to
her
. She was mysterious. I guess I was really on the chase.

I ran into her one day in the cafe at the rec and she looked so focused on finding a house. I just stopped in to say hello but after having a brief encounter with her
, I had to try my hand. There was something mysterious about this woman. I was surprised that she agreed to the date—not that I get turned down a lot, but she was different—she wasn’t all up in my face or flirting like other women. During our time out, we hit it off fairly well. I felt so uninhibited with her like I could say anything. And though I’m not about revealing to any woman my inner most feelings or anything like that, it was somewhat like being with one of my dudes—there was no pressure.

I didn’t want to come off too strong or ostentatious so I took her to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse, a considerably moderate restaurant. My intention wasn’t to sweep her off her feet but to get to know her. I found her intriguing. Initially I had no plans beyond that because I didn’t know how well it would work out. But when I
realized she was engaging I decided to extend the night and took her to see my Lakers. She quickly had become so wrapped up in the game. When she told me she’d never been to a live game, I was shocked. She even said she’d never explored Beverly Hills or taken the tour of L.A. My work was cut out for me. If I wanted to get somewhere with her I knew where to start.

My man Kobe blew up my spot by questioning why I wasn’t in my usual floor seats. Truth of the matter was I didn’t want to completely reveal my economic status. I hadn’t dated seriously in years. I always had to be on guard for scavengers;
gold-diggers won’t get me
. It seems like everyone comes to L.A. to get in the entertainment industry. I can’t knock that but it won’t be by way of me. Rayna was cool, but she had to undergo a few more tests before I could be sure.
Fuck that.

One morning, I was coming
out of meeting my office when Peggy informed me of a visitor. Whoever it was I could tell she wasn’t fond of them. To my surprise it was Rayna. She was a sight for sore eyes. She wore a black pinstriped business suit, where the jacket didn’t cover her ass, with a silk hot pink dress shirt underneath. That apple was popping in her dress pants. She came in doing a little flirting by giving me a rose as way of saying t
hank you
for the phone I had delivered to her. I felt sorry for her for carrying around some raggedy gadget she called a cell phone. In return, she gave me this book on dating as if I needed the help.

Rayna
was sexy as hell that day. I couldn’t shake her presentation. The girl was dope from head to toe. I hated to see her leave but I had to meet Big D and seeing her motivated me even more. When she walked out of my office, I knew I wanted to explore her even more. But first I had to handle this situation with Tara. I could’ve easily started doing me but considering my relationship with her father, it would be hard.

I met Big D at Filemina’s in the meeting room in the back of the building. Ms. Filemina had a private room back there where she would allow us to meet without any disturbances. Today, although I went with Petey, I met with Big D alone.

When I walked in, I saw he was already seated and nibbling on something. I greeted him by chanting, “Big, D! My man! I see you’re munching on something. I hope I’m not late…holding you up…” as we hugged.

“Young Blood! Naw, man, I was just so hungry I asked Filemina for a biscuit or something to hold me over. Have a seat.”

I sat down and picked up the menu when Tarsha, a waitress, came in. “Im’ma get you something to drink. You want the usual, Divine?”

“Yeah, baby…pink lemonade
,” I responded.

“Yeah man, so I hear you have a “
vacation”
coming up next month with the new
friend
down in Mexico?” Big D asked.

“Yeah, it’s this spot right outside of Puerto Vallarta. I need to go down and meet our new friends. They swore their hospitality is the best so I’m going to see how true that is.”

“Okay. Is there anything you need from me? Let me know, Young Blood.”

“You still have friends down that way. Why don’t you
touch
them to make them aware of my visit just in case motherfukas want to act up?”

We needed to discuss the latest deal that would be taking place soon. The room in the back gave us the privacy to do so. Although we always limited our words, I felt confidence in the confidentiality of the room. Big D had been fucking Ms. Filemena for years, he took care of her financially as well. She would do anything she could to have his schedule include being at her place of business whenever he needed.

“Okay. Who are you vacationing with?” he asked taking a sip of his drink.

“Petey, Kid, Wop
, and their chicks.”

“Alright, so everything’s set in place?”

“So far so good,” I answered.

Tarsha came in to take our orders. When we finished telling her what we wanted to eat
, she left the room.

“Mmmmm! How old is that ass?” Big D joked about Tarsha, whose ass was bubbling over in
her jeans.

It was too loose for my liking but
to each his own
. I just laughed it off. I got a little tense but decided this was as good a time as any to get some things off my chest.

“Big D, there’s another issue I’d like to address while I have you here
,”

“Shoot, Young Blood!”
he said while smiling making this even more difficult.

“I need to kick it with you about Tara. Now, you know I don’t believe in involving you in our relationship because we’re both adult enough to handle our affairs alone
,” I attempted.

Big D nodded his head peaceably. “I think I know where you’re going. Is this about the call I got from Trish about Tara crying because of something that went down between you two?” Big D interrupted unusually.

“Yes and no. I’m not sure why she called crying but the truth is, Big D, we’re not working out. Now, I’m not coming to you for advice. I’m coming to you as a man because you let me date your daughter years ago when she was damn near fresh out of high school. You sat me down and gave me the speech about boundaries in our personal relationship as it relates to my affairs with Tara and I respected that. So, I thought it was only right to give you the heads up before it goes down.” I studied his face in anticipation. “I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s time for Tara and me to call it quits. I’d rather not go into details because she is your daughter, but things haven’t been right between us for a couple of years now. I feel like I’m at the point in my life where I’m trying to go in a different direction in terms of
home
. You feel me?” I explained feeling instant relief as I closed my statement. It felt right; I just had to go about this shit with tact.

“Well Divine, I respect you coming to me. Shit! Now I gotta hear this for weeks from Tara
and
Trish. I respect what you’ve done,” he said while looking down as if he was processing my words.

“This doesn’t have to do with any other woman, does it? Because I gotta say, if it’s permanent I can respect it but if it’s for some pussy, I can’t. I’ve always told you if you need some fresh ass just get it…but
discreetly.” Big D looked to me with heeding eyes. He was from the old school where men were flexible about infidelity. They measured their manhood by how well they provided for their families, not how they spent their leisure time.

“Nah, man. To be honest with you, new ass ain’t even been on the radar. It’s bigger than pussy
. I’m a man and need to be with someone who’s on the same page as me. And frankly, Big D, the money got to her head. Im'ma have money ‘til I die so it’s nothing to me but…I need a woman who’s feeling the same but with more of a wholesome…low key lifestyle. Not this Hollywood bullshit.” I tried my best not to speak on the details of my disdain for Tara. Her indiscretions would never be appropriate for her father’s knowledge.

“Well son, you’re in the middle of Hollywood. Your friends are in Hollywood. Now even if you don’t settle down with my daughter you gotta remember this; the money you have has elevated your lifestyle, your friends and even your taste. Don’t you think it’ll be the same with your woman?” He was pleading with me. And as simple as it would have been to fully disclose Tara’s recent offenses, I couldn’t. I had too much love and respect for them both.

“Oh, definitely.” I gave a reserved nod. My delivery had to be composed because this could have easily turned into a counseling session and I didn’t need that. I needed out. And as difficult as it was to disappoint my mentor, I had to end things with his daughter. “But the money, glitz, and glamour of the lifestyle can’t be the focus or a priority. I’m not saying I could prove it because I haven’t been out there to find one, but I know there has to be something better. This just doesn’t feel good anymore and hasn’t for a long time,” I protested gently.

Big D sighed and paused for a very long time. My phone went off and I reached to check it. Tarsha came back in with our food. As soon as she left us to ourselves again he looked me square in the eyes wanting to plant a message deep into my psyche, “Are you sure this doesn’t have anything to do with another woman?”

“No, sir…not at all,” I responded confidently.

Big D, a powerful and resourceful man in his own rite, could make decisions based upon emotional responses to unfavorable circumstances. I, myself, had never been led by mortal fluctuating feelings but by calculated premeditated actions based off facts and keen intuition instead. Knowing the acute dissimilarity in our styles always helped me manage the relationship between my mentor and me. It is also one of the biggest reasons why I couldn’t fully disclose the detail of my breakup with his baby girl.

“Okay, son, if this is what you want to do, I guess there’s nothing I can do or say. I know you are a very tactical and deliberate man and that this was well thought out and difficult to do. And to come and tell me…well, I appreciate that,” he crowed extending his hand for me to shake.

We shook hands and went on to other pending conversations before parting ways. I left Ms. Filemina’s feeling lighter than I came in. Now I had to officially break the news to Tara, which wouldn’t be as difficult as breaking it to my mentor who so happens to be her father.

When I got into the passenger side of the truck with Petey at the wheel, I updated him on the business conversations I’d had with Big D. He asked about Big D’s reaction to my decision regarding ending things with Tara as well. Petey had known we were estranged for as long as we were but what he didn’t know until recently was that I was finally prepared to end it. It was important for him to be aware because as my right hand he held my
off-hours
appointment book, he must know how to prioritize and categorize my associates. Tara no longer had priority.

“You’ll be good, Divine. Good luck wit ‘dat shit, doe
,” was his response. Crack wasn’t a man of many words, he was a man of action and I liked it that way.

That Friday night I was at Tara’s place. When I told her I was coming by the day before she probably thought I was coming to apologize for my distance. We were sitting in her living room facing each other on adjacent sofas when I said, “We’re through, T.”

“What…what did you just say?” she replied nastily.

It was clear that Tara was far more delusional tha
n I’d given her. She wasn’t expecting this. I just remained seated calmly with head resting on my folded hands.

“You know this has been a long time coming. We haven’t been straight for a while now
,” I tried pleading with her, calling on her common sense.

“What’s wrong, Azmir? You’re right, things haven’t been right for a while and that’s why I’ve been doing me. You’ve been working long hours and claiming not to have time for me! And now you’re trying to say it’s my fault? I’ve been trying to wait for you to get your shit together!”

“Yeah, you’ve been doing you alright. So I’m going to let you continue to do you, but without me.” I lifted my head to look her in the eyes. I needed to know she understood what this meant.

“What are you talking about? Months ago you were here accusing me of sleeping with a rapper and now what?” she screamed.

“I can ask you that same damn question. You’re all over the blogs with the NBA’s rookie of the year! You didn’t think that would get back to me?” She was incredulous in her denial.

“I only went to an event with him
, Azmir. It’s not like I fucked him!”

“Word?! From what
I hear you like fucking in bathrooms in the back of clubs!” My voice now unusually elevated, I stood defensively. I was mad as hell at her for trying to play me like some young kid with no relationship experience.

Tara walked over and slapped the shit out of me
.