Love Me Like That (21 page)

I sit on the step leading into the sunken living room and wait until he reappears. It doesn’t take long before he’s walking back into my sight. His steps don’t carry the same determination they had just minutes before when he strode into the condo with purpose.

He walks past me, and I lean back and watch as he sweeps up my suitcases, leaving his at the door. “If you want I’ll show you your room.” I stand and follow him down a hallway.

He’s walking toward an open door at the very end, and I run right into his back as he stops at the threshold and pulls the door closed.

I take a step back, and he turns toward me. “That’s…” He runs his free hand through his hair. “I don’t want you in there.”

I know my eyes go wide, but I just nod my head in agreement, allowing him to slip past me in the wide hallway. He opens the door farthest from his and sticks his head in like he’s unsure of what he’s going to find. Satisfied with the sight, he swings the door open and flips the light switch.

He walks into the room and sets my suitcases down at the foot of the bed. “I, uh. I’ve got some things I need to take care of.”

“Okay.” What else do I say? He’s informing me of his plans but gives nothing away. I’d started to wonder in the truck on the way here if he regretted the offer to let me stay. With the way he’s acting now, I’m certain of it.

“There’s nothing to eat here. I cleaned it all out before I went to the cabin.” He makes his way into the hall. “I’ll grab something on the way back. Pizza okay?” I nod, and he walks away. Less than a minute later I hear the front door open and close, leaving me in a condo, in a strange city, alone.

I’m surrounded by complete silence. The walls here are thicker so I can’t even hear the wind like I could at the cabin during the times Kadin grew reflective and wanted to be alone. I sit in the room for a bit, refusing to unpack any of my things. With the way he’s been acting today, I don’t know how long the invitation to stay here is going to last. I have the feeling it will be rescinded soon.

Growing weary of staring at the details of a room that has apparently been decorated by a woman, more than likely Savannah before she passed, I wander out into the common areas of the house. In the living room, I notice several framed pictures of a younger Kadin and a beautiful blond woman who I presume is Savannah. They look happy and ridiculously in love.

I do take in the fact that Kadin looks quite different that he does now. In the pictures, he has no facial hair at all. He’s very clean cut, and I can tell that he has more bulk to him now than he did in any of the pictures presented in the frames. I wonder if he exercises a lot now to pass the time he would’ve normally spent with his love.

His love.

The woman he chased after as a boy. The woman who married him and promised him forever. The very same woman who took his heart with her when she died.

“What are you doing here, London?” I ask out loud holding a picture of Kadin, who has his arm slung over the shoulder of a younger man who carries the same familiar traits as he. I run my finger over the face of the Kadin smiling back at me. A look I was able to pull from him less than a handful of times in the nine days we were together. My guess would be a younger brother, which I find odd because he’s never mentioned having one. Come to think of it, he never gave any details about his family.

Just another thing to add to the long list of things I don’t know about the man I’ve agreed to live with. I place the picture back down where I got it from and head back to the room that has been designated as mine. Standing just outside of the door I glance down the hall. Every single one of the doors is closed. I respect his wishes to not enter his room. He was only specific about his bedroom, but I’ll extend the same courtesy to the other rooms as well.

I step inside and close the door behind me. I’m frantically digging through my purse looking for my phone when I realize I left it in the trash in the bathroom of that café before we left. Trent tried to call twice more after Kadin answered and I was just sick and tired of hearing it ring, disgusted every single time I saw his name pop up on the screen. I backed-up everything from it last night before packing my laptop, so it served no purpose. I didn’t want him to be able to track me since my number was on his plan. I needed to sever all ties to him and Great Falls.

I lie back on the flowery comforter on the queen sized guest bed and stare at the ceiling. Less than an hour in Spokane and I’ve never felt more alone in my entire life.

Thankfully I was able to get into the condo first and get the letter to my family off of the dining room table. Not knowing what else to do with it, I shoved it deep into the inside pocket of my jacket. Having London in this home is conjuring a wide variety of emotions, every one of them something I refuse to deal with right now.

I got out of the condo as fast as I could with no other explanation than I had some shit to take care of. The truth is I had to get away from her; more importantly away from her in the home I shared with my wife. I knew it was going to be hard for me, but I underestimated the shock it would cause to my system when it actually occurred.

Less than half an hour after I leave I’m pulling into the long winding driveway at my parents’ home and just my luck my uncle’s and my brother’s trucks are in the drive as well. Sunday. Apparently they still have the family dinner, one I haven’t attended in as long as I can remember.

I’m actually amazed I showed up here. I haven’t been to this home in months. Avoiding people, including every member of my family and the friends I had before Savannah died has become part of who I am. Suddenly I miss them. Maybe it’s knowing how close I was to ending it all and never seeing them again.

I stand on the front porch and ring the doorbell like a stranger. I don’t know why, it just feels like the right thing to do. Like I need to be welcomed back into the fold rather than throwing myself back in without an invitation.

Without flare my mother tugs open the heavy door, her hand suddenly going to the base of her throat like she’s seen a ghost. It hits me then the pain I’ve caused my family even without the extreme of suicide. It’s almost like she’d already accepted that I was gone, my absence weighing heavy on her.

I don’t say a word; I just cross the threshold and wrap my arms around her. She holds me tightly, and I return the embrace with fervor, letting her love sink in deep and wrap itself around my heart.

Eventually, I lean back from her, kiss her forehead, and wipe tears off of her cheeks.

“Are you hungry?” She asks. As always, the mom of two boys is concerned about my food intake.

I want to please her and sit down with a plate of home cooked food, but I know I told London I’d bring food home. Suddenly thinking of her makes me want to return to the condo. That thought makes me regretful for being such an asshole the five minutes we spent there together.

“Not tonight mom,” I tell her and step to the side keeping my arm around her shoulder. “Where is everyone?”

“The guys went to your dad’s study. Your Aunt Diana had a migraine, so she didn’t make it this evening with Scott. Go say hello. I have to finish in the kitchen.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I begin to make my way down the hall toward the study.

“Kadin?” I turn back toward my mother. “Please come say goodbye before you leave?”

“Of course, Mom.” I give her a genuine smile she hasn’t seen in a while. Nodding at me, she heads in the direction of the kitchen.

The three men in my dad’s study have seen much more of me that my mother has in the last eighteen months; probably more than they wished they had with the sourness of my attitude and self-destruction I’ve been displaying, so when I reach the closed office doors I swing them open animatedly.

All three heads turn and stare. Six eyes gawk at me like I’m a circus bear riding into an arena on a tiny little bike.

Kegan is the first to move, standing from his comfortable spot on the leather sofa and slowly walking toward me. He’s the one I’ve allowed around me the most since my world fell apart. I grin at his timidness, and then my smile falters when I realize he’s acting this way because he doesn’t know which personality he’s going to get.

“Brother,” he says extending his hand for me to shake.

I slap it out of the way, and his eyes go wide at my action, clearly anticipating some outburst or aggressive intent, rather than what he gets. I pull him to my chest and hug him a few seconds longer than would be considered manly.

I release him and chuckle at the look shock still on his face. “Quit that shit,” I tell him and walk further into the room shaking my dad’s hand first then my Uncle Scott’s.

They are both members of the board of
Cole International
, and even though I’m now the CEO of the company, ultimately the board makes most of the decisions. It was the board’s decision to administer the ultimatum that landed me at the cabin. They have to look at the best interest of the company and its stockholders, as well as the several hundred employees who depend on the Cole name to feed their families and pay their bills. I can see now why they did what they did and respect them for it. When it was issued two weeks ago, I wasn’t as understanding.

My father and uncle know I’m here to give them my answer. They want to know whether or not I’ll step down and allow the vice president, a man who is not a Cole, take over the company, or if I will man up and treat the business as the family legacy that it is.

“Son,” my dad says motioning his hand to the side as an offering to take a seat.

I settle onto the leather couch at his right and Kegan sits down beside me, silently watching all of this unfold. He’s anxious to hear my answer as well. My dad tried to get him to agree to take over for me if I decided to step down, but he refused, said he had no intentions of spending his life behind a desk. Most days I wish I could be just like him, but being the first born son I have been groomed most of my life for this position. A position I always took pride in until my world fell apart.

“You get it together, boy?” My Uncle Scott has evidently been hitting the scotch heavily already. He struggles to control his mouth when he’s been drinking. It has led to more than one altercation in the past.

Normally I would stand and rise above him, becoming as imposing as possible and tell him to go fuck himself, but today is different on so many levels. The first being, I’m not drunk myself. It’s a very different change of pace.

I chuckle at his gruff question and shake my head without looking at him. Thank the Lord my dad has the most invested into this company because if I had to deal with Uncle Scott directly more often, my decision would probably be different.

“I’m far from having my shit together, Scott.” I look at my father so he can tell how serious I am. “But I finally understand that I need to. I want to.”

I look down at my hands briefly and then back into my father’s eyes. “I haven’t had a drink in a week.” I want to tell him more. I want to tell him that I plan to reach out to the counselor I saw right after Savannah’s death, but it’s not something I’m going to say in mixed company. I know if I do and Scott pops off at the mouth I’m going to end up laying him out cold, and that is the behavior I’m trying to prove to my dad that is in the past.

My dad nods, understanding the significance of my admission. Alcohol has been my closest relative recently and the only thing I felt like I needed in my life, other than my grief.

“When do you plan actually to start getting some work done?” My uncle slurs.

I raise an eyebrow at my dad. He grins at me and shakes his head slightly. “Shut your mouth, Scott or I’m going to send you home and have the board force you to dry out as well.”

We all laugh while my uncle huffs and mumbles unintelligible things under his breath. I’m grateful to my dad for deescalating the situation.

I pat both hands on my thighs and stand. “Well, I’m going to get out of here. I’ll be at the office first thing in the morning.”

I lean over and give my dad a quick hug. I merely nod at Scott as I leave the study making my way back to the kitchen to tell my mom goodbye.

“You leaving already?” She asks as I wrap her in another one of her famous hugs. The type of hug that makes you feel hope, like you can face anything in the world so long as you stay in her embrace. I can’t of course. There are so many things I have to fix; wrongs I have to right.