Love Me Like That (40 page)

“So that means…” His voice trails off as if he can’t fathom the possibility that I may be carrying another man’s baby.

“That I’m a whore, and I have no clue who the father of this baby is?” I press my trembling hands to my stomach. Saying it out loud to him makes me sick to my stomach.

“London,” he whispers reaching for me. I take a step back. “I’d never say that about you. I’d never
think
that about you.”

I close my eyes and let his words wash over me allowing myself to believe him if only for a minute. He takes a step closer but doesn’t reach for me again.

“When you woke up that morning, you had no clue how your night was going to end. I got you drunk. I took advantage.”

“You didn’t,” I argue. “I kissed you first, remember?”

His face softens, and his eyes flutter closed as if he recalls the memory this exact second. “I could never forget.” His eyes pop open. “But, I knew you were vulnerable, and I let it happen. You’re not a whore, London. You’re a beautiful, amazing woman, who is carrying my child,” he says stubbornly as if he believes it enough it will be true.

We watch each other for long moments, and his twitching fingers do not go unnoticed. I wonder absently if he has the urge to reach out and touch me as I do him.

“Can we go inside and talk?” He finally asks in a hopeful voice.

Without a word, I turn from him and finish unlocking the door. “It’s not much,” I explain as he follows me inside.

He closes the door behind him but keeps a small distance between us. I turn the lights on in the living room and hold an arm out, directing him to sit on the sofa.

“It’s exactly how I would have imagined your place,” he says and sits down in the middle of the sofa forcing me to either stand or sit beside him, knowing if I sit our legs would be touching.

The cottage is very small, and the sofa is the only place in the living room to sit. He pretends it wasn’t intentional as I take a seat beside him, keeping a protective arm over my stomach.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” He asks nodding at the ever-growing bump I can no longer hide even if I wanted to.

“The answer to that question has changed quite a few times over the last couple of months, Kadin.” He looks at me patiently, waiting for me to explain. “I was going to find a way to conduct a paternity test after the baby was born.” I stupidly remember Trent’s hairbrush I somehow ended up packing when I left Great Falls, but with what the doctor told me this morning that’s not how the tests are conducted.

“Why would you get a paternity test? Do you plan to go back to him if the baby is his?”

“No.” I shake my head back and forth.

“Then it doesn’t matter, London.”

I stare at him. His mood has completely changed from the anger he had when he first arrived to now.

“I went to your condo,” I admit softly. I watch his head snap up. “It was weeks ago, but some old man was there, and he said he’d lived there for years, and I knew he was confused so I didn’t question him any further.”

“You came back to me?” He reaches out and grasps my hand bringing it to his chest.

I almost moan at the heat coming off of his body. I’ve missed his touch so much.

“I came to tell you about the baby,” I clarify.

“I’ve missed you,” he says softly and touches my cheek with his free hand.

It takes every ounce of power and control I have not to lean into his touch. “You don’t seem surprised that I’m pregnant. How did you know?”

“I found the test in the trash.”

I nod. I remembered the test after I left the condo but had no way to go back and get it. I have to admit selfishly that in my anger I’d hoped that he would find it.

“I was going to tell you that night.” I swallow roughly trying to fight back the pain I still feel from his lies. “I heard you talking to Sierra.”

He winces.

“I could tell something was going on between you two. It wasn’t my place to get in the middle of whatever it was, but then you came and lied to me about needing to take care of something at the office.” I pause, doing my best to choke back the sob that’s trying to climb up my throat. “You lied to me. I told myself when I left Trent that I’d never let another man treat me like that.”

“So you left,” he sighs.

“I left.” I reach a hand up and wipe the tears I couldn’t stop if I tried.

“Sierra and I,” he huffs quietly. “We were never together, but that situation was a train wreck at best. I put an end to our… fuck I don’t even know what you would call it. That was over long before I met you. Months before we met.”

“You had sex with her to try to feel like you still had Savannah.” He doesn’t even have to explain it to me. I came to the conclusion long ago. There were two possibilities, either he was having an affair with Sierra or in his grief he gravitated to the closest thing to her he could find. Even in the short time I was around him, I could easily tell that he loved and was completely dedicated to Savannah, so the first part of my reasoning wasn’t even a possibility.

“Pretty fucked up, huh?” He admits.

“Grieving is messy,” I tell him.

“I want you back, London.” His voice is almost pleading and I look up and into his beautiful eyes.

“We were never together, Kadin.” I clarify.

“Tell that to my heart.”

My pulse doubles at his words.
His heart?

“You’re still grieving, Kadin. I can’t compete with her memories.” I look down at our clasped hands which now rest on his lap.

“London.” I refuse to look up at him.

“I need to be first in your life.” Another tear rolls down my face, and he reaches up and catches it on the end of his finger. “Can you love me like that? Can you love me like you loved her?”

“No,” he whispers softly, destroying what little repairs my heart had made over the last five months.

“No,” I answer honestly. The pain that immediately crosses her face guts me and makes me happy all at the same time. Obviously not the answer she was wanting and her reactions prove she cares for me; it proves I have a chance.

I reach up, clamp my finger and thumb on her chin, and pull her face up, forcing her to look into my eyes. “London, I already love you more.”

She gasps and her eyes go wide at my admission. “I’ve spent the last couple of months working through a lot of my problems,” I tell her not wanting to lose steam. “I felt incomplete when Savannah died. Her death destroyed me. She took a huge part of who I was with her.” I take a deep breath because I’ve thought all of these things but never said them out loud, not even with Dr. Long.

“That’s how I felt without you,” she admits.

“Even in your absence, you’ve already replaced that missing piece, London.” She watches my hand as I reach out and place it on her stomach. “I love you, London.” I flex my fingers. “I love this baby. Look at me,” I plead as her eyes drift down to where I’m touching our unborn child. “Biologically or not, this baby is mine. I need you, London, and I need this baby, too.”

She smiles softly and places one of her hands on top of mine. “Love?” she whispers so low I can hardly hear her.

“With every atom of my being,” I proclaim gently.

“I can’t take the lies,” she says. “Even if you’re trying to protect me.”

“Never again,” I vow.

“I’m not going to compete with Sierra for you.” She turns her face to look in my eyes.

I can’t control the mild tick I get above my right eye when I think of that murderous bitch. “Sierra is even more of a non-issue than she was months ago. I’m not going to go into all of it right now, but we’ll never have to deal with her again. I promise you, London. You’re it for me.”

She shifts her gaze back and forth between my eyes, more than likely trying to determine if I’m telling the truth.

“Do I have anyone to worry about?” I don’t think right now is the right time to bring up the fact that I’ve practically stalked her outside of her building.

Without hesitation she replies, “My heart is possessed by yours. I couldn’t love someone else if I tried.”

The smile in my heart matches the one creeping over my face. “You love me?”

“I think I had loved you before we left the cabin, Kadin.”

Her words bring pain and understanding with them. I know without a doubt had she had said those words before she left, I would’ve more than likely rejected her. I can admit that I’ve needed every second of the time we’ve been apart to heal and move past my own demons. I only hope that I can repair what I broke because of the lies I told her.

I lean in closer to her, hoping to kiss her softly when she stands abruptly. “I forgot the groceries!” She exclaims. “My frozen yogurt is going to be ruined.”

I stand with her. “Let me help you,” I offer.

I convinced London to let me order pizza for us when her stomach started to growl after we got the groceries into the house. She offered to cook and as much as I’d love to spend the evening in the kitchen preparing a meal together I can tell how tired she was after a long work week.

“Thank you,” she says pushing her plate away.

“For what?” I ask gently. We’ve been in the same room for hours, and my fingers itch to touch her, my mouth waters to taste her. I know we have to go slow, and we can’t just go back to the way things were the weekend before she left.

“The pizza,” she says pointing at her plate.

“I plan to give you the world, London.” I wink at her. “Pizza is only the beginning.”

She smiles timidly in response. “Want to watch some TV?”

Watching TV is not exactly my first pick but being in the same room with London is more than I thought I’d ever have again. “I’d love to,” I tell her.

We end up with some ridiculous Lifetime movie on with the volume turned almost all the way down. Her eyes seem to glaze over almost immediately, and I know she’s exhausted.

“Come here,” I tell her and pat my lap. “Lay down.” I shift my body to the very far end of the sofa and watch with relief as she lies on her left side and places her head on my lap.

I pull the few clips she has in her hair out and toss them on the coffee table in front of us. I stroke her hair gently and resist the urge to bring it to my nose to smell. We didn’t discuss where we plan to go from here, but we know we both love each other, so I‘m hopeful of our future together.

Before long she’s gone completely still, and her breathing has evened out. I continue to stroke her hair absently and lean my head back, closing my eyes. A sense of calm I’ve never felt before in my life settles over me and know I’ve found my place in the world; I know that place is wherever she is.

Not wanting both of my legs to fall completely asleep, I lift London in my arms and cradle her to my chest as I make my way down the narrow hall. There are only three doors to choose from. One is the bathroom and the one at the very end of the short hall is open, and I can see a queen sized bed taking up almost all of the space in the room.

I walk inside and gently put her down on the unmade bed, thankful the covers were already out of the way, clearly left from when she threw them off of her this morning. I settle her in, pulling the covers over her shoulder and turn to walk away. I have no plans to leave fully but decide it may be best to sleep on the couch.