Love Reflection (Entwined Hearts #1) (3 page)

“Yeah, it was like something out of ‘The Exorcist,’” Saul replies. “I expected his head to spin round,” he spluttered, “or Soph’s! You looked like you wanted to rip his head off.” Both Saul and Con laughed looking at Soph again.

“You two are such children sometimes, and just because he puked doesn’t mean he wasn’t giving me a come hither look!” she snapped.

“Con, am I giving a come hither look now?” Saul asks and looked at Con while pretending he was trying not to puke. Con laughed.

“No, seriously, I need to know. I don’t want the ladies trying to jump me when I’m puking my Jack back up!” The guys were crying with laughter and Soph was standing there with her hand on her hip and her lips pursed. It was that moment, that seemingly very ordinary moment, to anyone watching from the outside that had made my mind up. How could I possibly leave these people, they were my family. My life. My peace.

Four days later my peaceful world shattered for the first time.

It was the day before my birthday. Everything seemed normal in my world, not like I was going to have something happen that was going to change my path.

I woke to the neighbour’s dog barking. With one eye open I looked at the time, 7.30 a.m. I threw my arm over my eyes. “Gah! Stupid dog. Every… damn… morning!” I rolled out of bed and trudged to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and recalled the night before.

It was a leaving party, I think, for someone in Saul’s building – honestly I can’t remember. I’d been feeling off all day and decided to leave early. Of course, Con wanted to come with me, but I’d told him to stay and enjoy the party.

Now as I looked in the mirror I wondered why I didn’t ask him to come back to mine and look after me? Oh yeah, that’s right, Gran would’ve had a fit! She still thought I was a virgin, or maybe that was just what she wanted to believe.

The other three were lucky, they either lived in their own places even if they were like shoeboxes or had a level of privacy. They all had a purpose, and career paths chosen. I’d never felt the need to plan my life out, to know what my next step was or where I wanted to be in five years.

Saul’s a photographer, Soph a model and Con was working at being sports editor. He worked for the local paper part-time and studied journalism at Uni. I worked at the supermarket. Sometimes I felt like I made our group slightly off balance. Not that they’d ever mention anything, but going out and spending money was always harder for me. Con always offered to pay, and honestly, sometimes I’d let him. Mostly I didn’t, which meant by default they missed out on adventures because they didn’t want to leave me behind. Even if I did have an amazing and lucrative career though, I think I would’ve still lived with my Gran. She was the best person I knew. I’d lived with her since I was six.

My mother, her daughter, was a single mum. She’d never spoken about who my dad was to anyone. So I guess that would always be a secret. She died from cancer when I was six. My gran was my hero.

I brushed my teeth and jumped in the shower. Twenty minutes later and I was feeling more human. I decided to go and visit Con to see if he was feeling worse for wear this morning.

By the time I’d gotten to his place and realised he was not home I’d received a text from Soph.

Soph:
Dead. Just Dead. Ugh. Never. Drinking. Again. I think something died in my mouth.

Me:
Where did you end up? I’m at Con’s, but he’s not here.

Soph:
Some randomer. I’ve crawled home and am now in bed. Last I saw Con he was still at Saul’s, he’s probably asleep on his sofa.

Me:
I’ll pop over this evening, cook you something?

Soph:
Lifesaver. I knew there was a reason I loved you girl!

I laughed and popped my phone back in my pocket. Turning around I headed for Saul’s.

T-minus fifteen minutes till heartbreak.

When I got to Saul’s top floor flat, I didn’t need to knock. The door was ajar and as I walked in, I could see the remnants of the previous night scattered everywhere. Empty cups and bottles, cigarette butts, clothes and even some scattered bodies.

I wandered around the small flat. It didn’t take long to find Con. I mean there were only two bedrooms, and he was in one… in the bed… and so was some girl, wrapped around his body, her head lying on his bare chest.

I gasped as Saul wandered in. “Hey Pea, what are you doing here this early?” he questioned, then noticing my face he turned his gaze to Con and the skank.

“What the fuck, Con?” he bellowed.

I still hadn’t said anything. I couldn’t. My throat was frozen. I didn’t even think I could actually breathe there for a while. My breath came out all in a rush as soon as Con opened his eyes and smiled at me.

“Hey babe,” he said automatically. Then he looked down at himself and the skank wrapped around him, who had also started to stir. A look of confusion followed by anger crossed his face. When he looked back at me, his face changed to fear.

I turned around. I could hear Con roar, “FUCK!”

I ran, sprinted, flew like my life hung in the balance out of there, and didn’t stop running until I was in my bed, my head buried in the pillow, sobbing until I couldn’t catch my breath.

Two days later I left on my six months trip. I ignored all Con’s calls, texts and visits. I spoke to Soph and Saul to let them know I was leaving. They wanted me to stay. Said I needed to talk to him, it wasn’t what it seemed. I couldn’t possibly imagine a scenario where I would think him being entwined, practically naked, with another woman would be acceptable. So I left.

Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant.

As I force myself to stop remembering, I grab my bag to leave. I give Con a glance before I go and I can see the hurt written all over his face. It’s something I see often when he looks at me now.

I leave and catch a cab. Not really feeling safe until I get home, knowing that once I’m there I’ll silently cry for everything I’ve lost. For everything that has left a hole, and for myself, and whatever broken pieces that are still left.

I jab the key into the lock with such force I think it might break. Rushing inside I quickly slam the door behind me. My heart is beating so fast I think it may jump out of my chest. I slowly slide down until I’m a heap in the hallway. My chest is constricting and I’m holding my hand over my heart while the pain slowly subsides. Just breathe, I tell myself, trying to calm down.

A knock on the door makes me scream with fright.
When did I become so jumpy and nervous?
I shake my head. “Shit I need help,” I mumble to myself as I get up. Peeking through the spy hole I see Dane.
What the hell is he doing here and how did he know where to find me?

Just as I’m about to open the door, a noise in my pocket indicates an incoming text. I pull the phone out to read.

Soph:
I gave Dane your address.

I stare at the screen and quickly reply.

Me:
What! Why?

Soph:
He seemed concerned and wanted to check on you. Sorry. I was going to come, but he really wanted to see you. Don’t worry he’s not crazy. It was his party.

Me:
Oh, that makes me feel so much better!

Soph: C
ool. Will check in on you tomorrow. xx

I stand there mentally complaining about lack of tone in a text, even though I’m pretty sure Soph got that I was being sarcastic but decided to ignore me.

“Erm, Pearson are you okay?” Dane’s voice makes me realise I’ve been standing here like a moron ignoring him. He probably thinks I’m deranged. In fact, he’s probably wondering why he bothered following the crazy lady. “Pearson?”

“Sorry, just a minute.” I look around my hallway. I still have my coat on and my bag is on the floor with the contents spilled out all around it. I crawl to my bag and pop everything back inside and place it on the stairs, then I stand and shrug my coat off chucking it over the banister. I stand facing the door trying to compose myself. Heaven knows how I look as I haven’t got a mirror in my hall to check.

I open the door and try to aim for breezy and calm. “Hey Dane, what are you doing here?”

“Well, you kind of ran away. Actually I’m not really sure what happened. I was worried I’d upset you in some way. I asked Soph for your address and thought it best I come to check on you. I hope that’s all right?” He looks a bit apprehensive and I instantly feel bad. This guy has left his own party to check on me. That’s a pretty nice thing to do for someone you’ve only just met. Although normally I would think it’s a bit odd. I know Soph wouldn’t send some crazy stalker guy after me.

I push the door ajar and step back still eyeing him warily. “Come in?” It comes out more like a question.

His head jerks up. “Are you sure? I mean you don’t sound convinced,” he chuckles, but I can hear an undercurrent of uncertainty.

Sighing, I realise he probably thinks I’m a fruit loop. I nod. “Yes, sorry, it’s been a…” strange… hard… upsetting… I settle for, “long night.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He wanders in and glances around the place.

“Tea?”

“Coffee? I mean, if that’s okay?”

“Of course, it’s a habit to offer tea I guess.”

“I don’t drink it. I haven’t for years, I kind of live on coffee. It’s a bad habit I suppose, although I drink decaf at night to try and wind down, you know?”

“Oh, I don’t have decaf, and it’s,” I glance at the clock, “nearly midnight…” I can hear my voice petering off at the end of the last sentence, and I know why.

It’s sad really, I mean even when I do go out I end up back home before midnight, like Cinderella just without the fairy godmother and kickass glass slippers.

Dane smiles at me. “Caffeinated is good.”

I move to the kitchen aware that he’s following me. Oh God! How well does Soph know this guy? Why did I invite him into my house? He could kill me while I’m making his coffee. I think I left my ironing board out. I remember folding it up, but I didn’t slide it in between the fridge and the wall. I could turn around and he could hit me with it, or the iron! I didn’t put that away either. He could throw it at me. That would do some damage and my face wouldn’t be recognisable. Soph would have to identify the body and I’ll be all squished and scary looking. Well, that would serve her right for giving a homicidal maniac my address!

I grab the kettle ready to hit him with it if need be and slowly turn around. As I do, I see he is propped up against the counter on the other side of the kitchen and is reading my local free paper that I put down ready to recycle. He glances up at me, then looks at the kettle in my hand and grins.

“I don’t know about you, but I prefer my coffee with boiling water.” He winks at me… yes, actually winks at me!

I look at the kettle in my hand and my cheeks flush. Spinning around I pop it on its base and flick it on, making myself busy readying mugs and the like. The only words that are spoken are when I ask if he wants milk and sugar. It’s strange. I mean I’ve only just met this guy and he’s in my kitchen. Neither of us are talking and yet it’s comfortable.
Does that mean something?

I make the coffee and hand him his. “You sure you wouldn’t feel better pouring that over me?” he asks with a gleam in his eye.

I cock my eyebrow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He smiles and then falters, “I’ll let that one slide if you tell me why you rushed out on me?”

I fidget with my cup. “Dane, I know I said to you earlier that I’m not good with people. So imagine how bad I truly am with people who I’ve only just met and who obviously don’t know boundaries.”

He laughs and it’s warm and hearty. Something about him makes me feel safe.

“I know it doesn’t seem like I know boundaries, but I was honestly worried about you and just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I look out the kitchen window and as it’s pitch black outside, all I can see are our reflections.

Dane walks across to me and turns me around by the shoulders until I’m facing him.

“Pea, look at me.”

I gaze up to his face. He is handsome, there’s no denying it. Clean cut and obviously fit, with deep brown eyes.

“You had this look on your face when you left, it was so sudden. One minute you were laughing and the next you were gone. Please, you don’t have to tell me your life story just tell me you’re all right.”

I can see the sincerity on his face; I look towards the window again. “I’m fine. No, that’s not true. I’m not fine, but I am okay. I will get to fine though, and one day… happy. One day.”

I hear him sigh. “Pea, I’m going to sleep on your couch tonight. “

“What! No!” I practically shout in his face.

He laughs again. “At last a proper reaction.”

I draw in my eyebrows and cross my arms over my chest waiting for him to explain.

“You don’t need to be defensive with me, Pea. I thought we’d gotten over that?”

I say nothing and continue to stare. I
wonder if he’s getting freaked out with me yet?
I internally giggle and he must see something in my eyes. He asks, “Do I amuse you?”

I say nothing.

He lets out a long breath. “Okay look, I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just… it feels like you shut yourself off to everyone. It’s kind of like you’re a robot on autopilot, and every time you have a reaction to something it feels as if you immediately chastise yourself. Like you’re not allowed to feel.” He opens his mouth, he obviously wants to say something more and I just stare at him. I’m frozen. I can’t believe people can pick up that much from me in just thirty minutes of interaction.
I thought I hid it really well?
Oh God! I can feel my chest constricting again.

“Pea, listen it’s fine. Let’s go sit down. You look a little pale.” Whatever he sees must scare him as the next minute he scoops me up and walks me through to the lounge room, then lays me carefully on the sofa. He walks off and I feel a bit like a con-woman. I mean he’s all worried and I am actually fine. It’s strange, for once I don’t feel heavy, which is something that has sat with me for years.
What is it about this guy that frees me?

Suddenly there’s a knock on the door and I can hear, “Pea, Pea, open up. It’s Con! Are you okay, Pea?”

Blimey! I briefly wonder why he sounds so worried. I wonder if Stacey has asked him to meet her parents. I giggle internally again.
Am I drunk? Was I roofied?
What is wrong with me?
I’m not a giggler, even if it is internally.

I hear the door open then, “What the fuck? Where’s Pea?”

“She’s lying on the sofa, calm down.”

The door swings open and then Con is there kneeling down beside me. “Pea, what’s wrong?” His face is all screwed up and he looks panicked.

“Con, I’m fine. Honest. I was just feeling a bit peaky and Dane was worried, so he put me on the sofa, but I’m fine now. Look, I’ll sit up.”

“What do you mean
put
you on the sofa?” there’s a growl to his voice.

“I picked her up and carried her to the sofa. You know, in case she passed out and hurt herself?” Dane also has a growl, bloody men!

“Both of you shut up. I’m fine. I wasn’t, but I am now.” I sit up and look between the two men.

“Con, what are you doing here? Where’s Stacey?”

“I took her home. I wanted to make sure you were all right. You rushed out of that party like someone had upset you.” He glances over at Dane.

I can see Dane narrowing his eyes at Con, so I speak before he gets the chance to.

“Con, as I keep saying, I’m fine. I wasn’t, now I am. I just needed to get out the club. Dane was worried, so he came to check up on me after Soph had given him my address.”

Con’s face goes blank. “Soph gave
him
your address? Stupid woman, she’ll do anything when she’s buzzed.”

Before I get a chance to defend her, Dane steps in. “Soph was helping, you know? That thing you do for friends? She was worried and so was I. I asked for Pea’s address so I could check on her. I’ve known Soph for a while, so she knows I’m not some crazy stalker guy,” he looks at me with a glint in his eyes when he says the last words and I blush. He must know what I was thinking earlier.

Con see’s the exchange and growls, literally, out loud. That makes me swing my head to him and widen my eyes, at the same time Dane chuckles.

“Listen Pea, I should be going anyway. You’re obviously feeling better and now Con is here, I’m sure he can look after you.” I nod at him and smile, afraid to say anything else tonight and make myself sound more stupid than I already have.

“I’ll see you out,” announces Con.

As Dane is walking out he turns to face me. “Pea, Soph also gave me your number. I’m going to call you in a few days.” With that he winks and Con’s scowl deepens. I watch them walk to the door and the low murmur of talking, then the door slams and Con strides back to me.

“What the fuck is going through your head, Pea?” He’s pacing back and forth and waving his hands around in the air. It’s actually quite comical and as I snigger, his head snaps round to me.

“Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny!”

“Con, shut up!” I’m still trying not to laugh.

“Some strange man rocks up at your place late at night and you just let him in? He could’ve been a nut job.”

He’s getting worked up, so I get up and walk out. I head for the shower. I need to clean tonight off me. I hear footsteps behind me and I’m spun around. Con is about an inch from my face, his eyes flicker with something and whatever he was just about to shout, stops on the end of his tongue. His breathing becomes shallow and his eyes lock onto mine. Their normally bright green colour darkens to a forest green and he draws me in and I’m lost in thought back to six years ago…

“Pea!” I heard Soph shout across the busy airport as I stood waiting for her to meet me.

It’s been sixteen weeks since I’d left.

Sixteen weeks to mourn the loss of Con.

Sixteen weeks since I changed my phone number so I could stop the constant phone calls and texts from him.