Authors: Theresa Troutman
“Okay, shall we hail a taxi?” Sebastian inquired.
“No, I could use the exercise. Let’s walk.”
They crossed the street and continued up Fifth Avenue. “Are you happy we’re having a girl?”
“I know you had your heart set on it. I’m glad you are getting what you want,” Tess told him.
“I would love this baby no matter what sex it is.”
Tess felt as if she was in a chokehold and couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t continue with this conversation. “How are things at the gallery? Anyone famous stop in lately?” she asked, attempting to change the subject.
“Things are going well. I have a client, Mrs. Irving, that wants me to find her the next big thing in London. She likes to purchase on the ground level so she can be the envy of all her friends.”
“How do you do that?”
“Penny put me in contact with a few art dealers and I read the trades. It’s all about connections and building relationships, though I must admit it would be easier if I could take a trip abroad to do it in person.”
“You should do it. Maybe I could join you.”
“And what about Mattie?”
There it was again: more talk about the baby. Only this time he was calling her by name. “Maybe my mom will take her for a week so we can go in the summer.”
“I don’t think I could leave her so soon. Can you?”
“I really don’t know, Sebastian. I just don’t want our lives to change because of the baby,” Tess replied, feeling deflated.
Sebastian stopped walking and pulled Tess back against a building, out of the line of pedestrians, and into his arms. “Everything is going to change, Tess. It is inevitable. I know you’re fighting it, but you need to prepare yourself.”
“Couldn’t we bring Alice along?” she asked in desperation. “Ever since we found out I was pregnant, things have changed between us. I just want my husband back. I want you all to myself, I don’t care if it sounds selfish.”
* * *
For the first time, Tess opened up to him about how she was truly feeling. He wasn’t quite sure what to say in response. For the past several months she’d wanted to avoid conversations about Mattie, and now she had finally told him why. Sebastian never thought of the baby as a distraction, but maybe he had spent too much time thinking and talking about the impending arrival and less time doting on Tess. He felt a pang of regret. Of course she was in a fragile state, and he had done a poor job of making her feel loved and cherished.
“I’m yours, Tess—utterly and completely yours.” He leaned in and kissed her with emotion. It must have been a good kiss, because he could hear a little moan of delight in the back of her throat.
“That’s all I ever wanted, Bas.”
They ate an early supper at Saks and then Sebastian took Tess to a movie. They shared a bucket of popcorn and Sebastian had his arm around his wife throughout the film. She snuggled into him, a happy expression on her face. She didn’t even seem to mind that he’d dragged her to another John Hughes movie. They were together and he was focusing his attention on her.
She leaned into him and whispered, “Thank you.”
Tess was well into her second trimester, but rarely talked to Sebastian about the pregnancy. He pampered Tess and gave her love and attention. Things were great between them if the baby was left out of the conversation. However, not talking about the baby was increasingly difficult for Sebastian. Where he would spend his time reading pregnancy books, Tess dove deeper into her coursework. No matter how he tried to reach her, they were drifting further apart. It was killing him and he didn’t understand why she couldn’t be happy like he was. Sometimes he felt like giving up and getting off the emotional roller coaster she had put him on, but he loved her too much to ever consider walking away.
It was Saturday evening and both Tess and Sebastian were sitting on the sofa. Tess was studying, Sebastian was reading a novel. He had to say something; the silence was killing him. Gently closing her textbook and removing it from Tess’ grasp, Sebastian said, “We need to talk.”
“About what?”
“The baby.”
“We always talk about the baby,” she said in exasperation.
“That’s not true, Tess. You’re in denial. The baby is coming whether you want it or not.”
“Yes, I know that, Bas. I’m the one who has gained fifteen pounds and can’t fit into her clothes anymore. Don’t try to pretend you know what I’m going through,” she warned in anger.
“I think I do know what you’re going through. I’m the one reading the books,” Sebastian countered, holding up the pregnancy book that was sitting on the coffee table.
“Books are fine in theory, but reality is very different. I knew the first year of marriage was going to be a challenge, but I wasn’t expecting to be pregnant, too. I can’t raise a baby and graduate at the top of my class and become a journalist. I don’t want to sacrifice my dream,” Tess ground out.
“I never asked you to give up your dream, and you don’t have to. I have a plan.” Sebastian took her fingers in his hands. He took a deep breath and prayed she didn’t go mental on him when he uttered the next sentence. “I’m not going back to NYU in the fall. I’m staying home to raise the baby, so you can graduate and get a job. You already made my dream come true by marrying me and giving me this child. I finally have the family I’ve always wanted. I’m so grateful that I had Nanny Jones, but I won’t dump my child off on a governess. I hope you understand my logic behind this.”
Tess was dumbstruck. She stared at him for the longest moment, trying to come to grips with what he had just told her. So many things ran through her mind, and they all led back to the same conclusion. It seemed like the perfect solution for them both. Tess was terrified to become a mother and had no faith she could do a good job. She had even contemplated asking Sebastian if they could hire Alice to become a full-time nanny. The idea of Sebastian staying home to care for the child put her at ease. She might be ill equipped to be a mother, but she had absolutely no qualms that Sebastian would make an excellent father.
Sebastian was right to want to raise the child. He had a terrible relationship with his mother, which had disintegrated beyond repair, and a nonexistent relationship with his father. Tess had a good upbringing and wanted that for their child. She only wished she could love the baby half as much as Sebastian already did. Maybe that love would come in time—once the baby was born. Right now it was just a foreign object taking residence in her body. She was having a difficult time thinking of the baby as a human being, even after seeing the sonogram in the doctor’s office.
“You’re right. I think it’s the best solution,” she calmly stated.
“Really?”
“I know you’ll take good care of us both. Will you keep your job at the gallery? You’ve done so well there and we could use the extra money with another mouth to feed.”
Sebastian grinned and leaned in to kiss her on the lips. “Yes, I’m staying at the gallery. Fiona can give me more hours and Alice offered to babysit on the days I have to go into the city.” He paused and looked into her eyes. “You’re really on board with this?”
“I’m all in. We can do this, right?”
“Absolutely.”
Tess turned on the sofa and placed her feet on Sebastian’s lap. “Rub my feet, please.”
He complied without complaint, rubbing her feet with his knuckles. It felt so good, she lay back on the couch and closed her eyes, and maybe for the first time in months she felt some relief. Sebastian would take care of them; she knew it in her heart—she just needed to keep reminding her brain of that fact.
“How am I doing?” Sebastian asked.
“Perfect,” she murmured, her eyes still closed. Suddenly she felt a spasm in her belly—the baby kick for the first time. Her eyes flew open and her hand reached over her abdomen.
“What is it?” Sebastian anxiously questioned.
Tess stilled and then began to smile. “The baby is kicking.” She grabbed his hand and placed it on her belly.
Sebastian’s expression turned to awe. “Oh my God, that’s amazing.” He leaned down and said to Tess' stomach, “You’re going to be a strong one, like your mummy, aren’t you?”
“I’m sure she can’t understand a word you’re saying.”
“Yes, she can. It’s in the book. You really should read it. I’ve been marking passages for you.” Sebastian grabbed the book and handed it to his wife.
Tess rolled her eyes but accepted the book. As much as she wanted to hide, feeling the baby move inside her flipped some kind of invisible switch in her brain. She needed to prepare for what was to come, for it seemed Sebastian was far more versed in what to expect than she was.
In that moment she felt close to her husband—closer than she had for some time. “I’d like to go to bed,” she said as she sat up.
“Okay, I’ll be in shortly,” he replied.
Tess gave him her sexiest grin. “Don’t be daft, Bas. I’d like you to take me to bed, and I don’t want to sleep.”
“Oh. In that case, let me assist you.” Sebastian smiled as he picked her up off the couch and carried her to the bedroom. “You know it kind of turns me on when you call me Bas.”
“Yes, I know,” she said, placing her arms around his neck.
* * *
After four months of waiting, she finally wanted to make love. It had been so long, the invitation had gone right over his head. Thank God he had been reading up on pregnancy. As much as he longed to be with her sexually, he didn’t want to hurt her or the baby. He had plenty of ideas on how to make their foray enjoyable for Tess.
She may have been worried about her weight gain, but Sebastian believed he had never seen her look more voluptuous. Her breasts were fuller, her curves more pronounced; it really was true what they say about a pregnant woman glowing. He kissed her swollen belly and ran his hands over her soft skin.
Their lovemaking was slow and sensual. He took his time, wanting to savor being with Tess again. Watching her atop him moving back and forth, gloriously naked, made him come undone.
They lay in each other’s arms, awash in bliss. “What does it feel like when you’re inside me?” Tess asked.
He didn’t expect that question, so he said the first thing that came to mind. “Beautiful.” He looked over to see her expression. She was crying. “Oh no, did I say something wrong?”
She furiously shook her head. “No, you said everything right. I love you, Bas.”
They kissed, a lazy, slow kiss that made his body tingle and his heart sing. “I love you, Tess. I’ve missed this so much.”
They didn’t talk anymore; they merely enjoyed their intimacy and fell to sleep in each other’s arms.
In the morning Sebastian brought Tess breakfast in bed. They read the Sunday paper and lounged in bed until noon.
“We should shower. What would you like to do today?” Sebastian asked.
“I want to stay in bed all day.”
“Hmm, you might be able to persuade me,” he replied, sneaking a kiss on her neck. “You’re not going to study today?”
“No, I need a break. I’ve neglected you for too long. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It’s just everything has been so crazy.”
“I know, darling. Life just happens sometimes. We need to promise each other that we’ll never let it get in the way of our relationship. Promise me we’ll always make time for one another, whether it is due to class, or work, or the baby.”
“I promise,” she vowed, snuggling into his body.
While Tess was in class, Sebastian met up with Sigourney at Bloomingdale's.
“What can Auntie Sigourney help you with today?” she asked, perusing the lunch menu in the café.
“You have to help me pick out some clothes for Tess. She refuses to buy maternity clothes and all she wears are leggings and oversized sweaters. I can’t help but think that if she has something nice to wear, she’ll feel better about herself.”
Sigourney pondered his request. “Why don’t you just buy her a few wrap dresses? All you have to do is buy her a bigger size.”
Sebastian grinned. “You’re brilliant!”
“Yes, I know,” she replied without an ounce of modesty. “And go up half a size on the shoes. That should work nicely.” Sigourney closed the menu and looked at her brother. “How is Tess doing? I know she’s had a rough go of it.”
“That’s putting it mildly.” Sebastian frowned. “She’s afraid to have the baby. Afraid that everything will change between us. I know it’s hormonal, but I just don’t know how to convince her we’ll be okay. I feel like I’m walking a tightrope, never quite sure what frame of mind Tess in is on any given day. I want my strong, confident, fearless Tess back.”
“Maybe once the baby is born, things will get back to normal,” Sigourney offered.
“Maybe.”
“Will you let me give her a baby shower?”
“I don’t know if that’s a great idea. Remember what happened the last time you threw her a shower?”
“It doesn’t have to be at the brownstone. We can have it at the condo. The baby needs furniture, clothes, accessories.”
Sebastian laughed. “Accessories—you make it sound like she’ll be draped in jewels and handbags.”
“No, silly—I mean bottles, pacifiers, nappies.”
“I know she needs all those things, but right now I’m just trying to keep Tess happy. I reckon I could use your help putting something small together.”
Sigourney grinned. “I’m on it!”
Sebastian chuckled. “Honestly, sometimes I think you would have made a better party planner than a pianist.”
“I can’t help I love a good party. Neither can you—admit it.”
“I do love a good party,” he admitted. “Will you call the guests and arrange a catered luncheon?”
“Done!”
The baby shower went off without a hitch—at least Sebastian thought it did. Tess was smiling and appreciative of the many gifts the baby received. They now had furniture, a pram, a playpen, clothing, and—as Sigourney put it—lots of accessories. All they needed was the baby.
“It was a nice party, wasn’t it?” Sebastian asked Tess as they sat on the sofa, alone, surrounded by gifts.
“Yes, it was nice. I knew you and your sister wouldn’t let me get away without a shower. She did an amazing job, as always. I was just thankful Lily didn’t show up this time.” Tess slowly shook her head. “Look at all this stuff. We’re going to need a bigger place to live.”