Authors: Theresa Troutman
* * *
Sebastian leaned down and kissed Tess’ lips. It was a sweet, innocent kiss. All the spark and passion of their relationship was missing. He chalked it up to the hormonal changes in her body. He understood the depression she was struggling with, yet he sorely missed being intimate with his wife. The doctor recommended waiting six weeks after childbirth, but Sebastian hadn’t been with Tess for two months leading up to the birth and his patience was wearing thin. Of course, he couldn’t tell her how he was feeling. She had too much to deal with already and he wouldn’t put any more undue pressure on her.
“I think you’ll be a natural at this,” Sebastian tried to reassure her. “Just look at how wonderful you are with being organized and bossing people around.”
“Bossing people around?” she asked with ridicule.
“Well, maybe just bossing
me
around, which I secretly love.” He grinned.
She gave him a small smile and stood from the table. “Will you hold me?”
Sebastian wrapped his arms around Tess and gently kissed her forehead. “Mattie sleeps most of the day anyway. Try to enjoy your day—maybe read a novel. You’ll be brilliant, darling.”
“And if I’m not?”
“You are not a quitter. Failure isn’t in your vocabulary.”
Tess took a deep breath and slowly let it go. “Alice will be here if I call her?”
“Yes, she’ll be popping in while I’m out.”
“Okay, I can do this,” she said in a shaky voice.
Sebastian had a feeling she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince him. As hard as this was for him, he had to walk away and leave her to it. It would be the only way she would bond with Mattie.
* * *
It took a while for Tess to fall asleep that night, her head on Sebastian’s chest listening to his steady, strong heartbeat. He had faith that she could do this, so why didn’t she? She had been sad and lonely since Mattie’s birth. Knowing it was normal for a woman to feel that way didn’t bring her any comfort. She was weepy and scatterbrained; gone was the strong girl who was on top of everything. Most of all, she missed being with Sebastian—making love with him. Would she ever get her sexual desire back?
Mattie’s cry woke her at 3 a.m., but before she could put her foot on the floor, Sebastian was up and heading to the other room. Tess laid her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes. She listened as Sebastian prepared the bottle and then silence fell as he fed Mattie. She slipped out of bed and crept into the living room. She watched as Sebastian rocked Mattie back and forth in front of the window. He was singing very softly to the baby, and it melted Tess’ heart to see him like this—the perfect father.
“What are you singing?” she whispered, walking up behind him and touching his shoulder.
“
Asleep
by The Smiths.”
“That’s a rather sad song for an infant.”
“Yes, I know, but she likes the melody.”
“So you’re giving our daughter a crash course in British New Wave music?” Tess chuckled.
“Absolutely.”
The bottle was empty and Sebastian stood from the rocking chair, ready to take Mattie back to her crib.
“Here, let me do it,” Tess said, extending her arms.
Sebastian smiled as he carefully handed Mattie over to Tess. She cradled the infant in her arms and walked to the bedroom. Tess slowly put her daughter into the crib and placed the blanket over her. The baby tucked her tiny, curled-up fist under her chin, happy with a full tummy.
“See? You’re a natural,” Sebastian complimented as he placed his arm around Tess’ waist and steered her back to their bedroom.
The alarm went off at 8 a.m. Sebastian proceeded to shower and ready himself for the day. He joined Tess in the kitchen, dressed in a suit and tie. She handed him a cup of coffee.
“Alice will be stopping by. If you need anything, call me at the gallery.”
“I will,” Tess agreed.
Sebastian kissed her on the lips. “I love you. Have a good day.”
“I love you, too.”
With that he was out the door, leaving Tess all alone with Mattie. Tess got a quick shower and dressed in a pair of shorts and a tee shirt. As she brushed her hair back into a ponytail, she heard Mattie’s cries from the other room.
She walked toward the crib with quick, brisk strides, determined to conquer her fear. She warily eyed the infant and gave herself a silent pep talk. Then she picked up the baby and rocked her back and forth. “What’s wrong, Mattie?”
She didn’t actually expect Mattie to respond, and didn’t need her to. She could smell what was wrong. “Okay, time to change this diaper.”
Tess laid the infant on the changing table and went to work, wiping, powdering, and securing the diaper. Thank God for disposable diapers; she didn’t think she could stomach washing out a cloth diaper like her mom had to years ago.
The clean diaper didn’t make Mattie happy, and she continued to cry. Tess picked her up and walked into the living room. She took a seat in the rocking chair and tried to calm the fussy infant. First she held the baby close to her, Mattie’s head resting on Tess’ shoulder. “Mattie, I can’t sing to you like your father. I wish you could tell me what you want. Your father left me a schedule and you’re not due to eat for another half an hour.”
As if Mattie could understand, she cried even louder. “Okay, well maybe we can dispense with the schedule. Oh, if Bas heard me say that he’d be on the floor howling in a fit of laughter.”
Tess placed the baby back in the crib and made her way to the kitchen to warm up a bottle. There was knock on the door. Thank goodness Alice was here. “It’s open,” Tess called.
“How’s it going?” Alice asked, walking through the front door.
Mattie wailed from the other room. “I’m going to try and feed her. I don’t know what else to do,” Tess said, feeling helpless.
“I’ll go fetch her.”
Alice walked into the bedroom and picked up Mattie. Instantly, she ceased crying.
Tess looked at Alice in awe. “How did you do that?”
“I thinks she prefers to be held like this. She doesn’t want to miss anything,” Alice replied holding the baby’s back again her chest with her arm under Mattie’s legs so the baby had a full view of what was happening.
Tess sat in the rocker and Alice handed Mattie over to her. Mattie took the bottle without hesitation and finally calmed down. Tess felt relieved.
“You’ve got this,” Alice reassured. “How about I make us some lunch?”
“Oh, I would love that. Thank you, Alice.”
Tess gently rocked back and forth. Mattie was happy, Alice was here as backup, and Tess was doing okay. When Mattie finished the bottle, she started to fuss. Tess sat the baby on her lap so she could look out the window and rubbed her back in an attempt to burp her. That wasn’t working, so she tried a few gentle taps on the back. The baby burped and stopped whining, and then nestled back against Tess’ stomach. Alice was onto something: it seemed that as long as Mattie could watch what was going on around her, she was content.
Tess felt Mattie fall asleep in her arms and carefully took her back to her crib. She and Alice sat down to eat lunch.
“Thanks for the tip, earlier. Do you have any others to impart?” Tess asked. “This instant mom thing is freaking me out.”
“Every baby is different. You’ll get to know her, discover what she likes. What an amazing time this is for you.”
“I’m scared out of my mind, Alice. I’m responsible for another human being who is completely helpless and defenseless.”
“Well, if you continue to think about it in those terms, you’ll drive yourself insane.”
“Tell me about it,” Tess muttered under her breath. “Sebastian seems so much more comfortable with the whole idea of parenthood than I am.”
Alice smiled. “That man loves you two so fiercely. He’s made quite the turnaround since the first time I met him.”
Tess took a bite of her salad.
Yes, he is amazing.
“I’m so lucky he chose me, Alice.”
“I think Sebastian sees it the other way around.”
“Maybe it’s just fate. All I know is that I couldn’t have had this baby without him.”
Sebastian walked through the front door of the condo, his face hidden by a large bouquet of summer flowers.
“Welcome home!” Tess said, running to him and all but jumping into his arms.
“I missed you, too,” he said. “How was your day with Mattie?”
“We both survived.”
“As I knew you would.” Sebastian handed Tess the flowers. “I bought these for you.”
“Thanks, I’ll put them in some water.”
“Let me get out of the suit and check on Mattie,” he said, giving Tess a quick kiss on the lips.
Sebastian made his way to check in on his daughter first. She was sound asleep—his little angel. Then he changed out of his suit and into a pair of jeans and polo shirt. He was so relieved to come home to a happy wife and baby. He honestly didn’t know what he would have done if he’d come home to find Tess dissolved in a puddle of tears. Things were progressing well.
When he joined Tess in the living room, she handed him a scotch. Sitting on the sofa next to her, he put his arm around her shoulders. “I’m proud of you, darling.”
“Your schedule helped and so did Alice.”
“Good. So you have no more qualms about being here without me when I have to go to work?”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Tess snickered. “And I don’t think you should refer to the gallery as work.”
He wasn’t quite sure what she met by that comment and gave her a quizzical glance. “That’s what it is, isn’t it?”
“Essentially, yes—but it’s your passion. Work seems like something you’re forced to do. You aren’t forced to spend time there. You love it.”
Sebastian had never thought of it in those terms. Tess was correct: it was his passion. The time he spent in the gallery seemed to speed by and before he knew it, it was time to come home to his family. How on earth had be become so lucky to have this life? The funny thing was that most people wouldn’t consider being stripped of their birthright and losing their inheritance a blessing, but not Sebastian. He had never been happier.
“Have I told you lately how spectacular you are?”
She looked up at his face and smiled. “Actually, I don’t think you have ever called me spectacular, and I certainly don’t feel that great right now.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Look at me, Bas. I’m an overweight, emotional wreck.”
Sebastian placed his glass on the coffee table and turned to face Tess. “Stop—I love you and I think your weight is perfect.” He loved the extra fullness of her curves and her buxom breasts, but he knew better than to try to verbalize it lest he screw it up and it came out all wrong. “I miss being intimate with you.”
Tess frowned. “I’m sorry. I just haven’t felt up to it.”
“Shh, don’t apologize. I understand. I just wanted you to know how much I desire you.”
Tess wrapped her arms around her husband and leaned her head on his shoulder.
“I want to do something special for you?”
“What did you have in mind?” Tess asked in a leery voice.
“I want you to be pampered. After everything you’ve gone through this past year, you deserve it. I’m sending you to the spa.”
“What?”
“I want you to have a day of solitude. You can have a massage and a facial, relax in the whirlpool, and have your hair and makeup done. All while surrounded by a peaceful luxury. It will be just like spending the day at the library,” he said with excitement.
“I don’t see how that is remotely anything like spending the day at the library, but I do admit, I feel like I could use some pampering.”
“Excellent. I’ll set it up.”
“Have you talked to Fiona about the trip to London?” she asked, her heart filled with hope.
“You really want to go, don’t you?”
“Yes. Maybe it will help me feel normal again. You know I’ve been depressed since Mattie was born. The spa day sounds wonderful, but I really just want some alone time with you,” Tess selfishly admitted.
“And you want to leave Mattie here?”
“My mom has offered to watch her. You know she would love it,” she tried to persuade him.
He desperately wanted to make Tess happy. She had scarified so much to have this baby and the very least he could do was grant her this wish. “I’ll talk to Fiona—see if she still wants me to scope out some leads. She did mention interest in opening a gallery in London.”
“Oh, wouldn’t that be great if she did? Maybe we could move to England.”
“What about NYU? You’ve got two more years to go.”
“I could transfer and finish my degree over there. I never did get to study abroad like I wanted,” she reminded him.
“But what about your mother? She won’t be able to see Mattie. And we won’t have Alice on standby either.” Sebastian paused for a moment than added, “I thought you were looking forward to an internship next summer. I’m not sure you’d qualify if we move to England now.”
“Damn, you’re right,” Tess said, disappointed.
“Who can say what the future holds,” Sebastian said in an effort to raise her spirits. “Stranger things have happened.”
* * *
Tess had never been to a spa before and was taken aback when she entered the tranquil space. The lighting was soft, and soothing instrumental music played in the background, sounding like Oriental instruments and a babbling brook. She was given a plush terry robe and slippers to change into, and then she was guided to a tranquility room. Taking a seat in a velvet-covered lounge chair, she was offered spring water with a slice of fresh lemon, which she happily accepted. Then she opened her book and read until it was time for her treatment.
Fifteen minutes later she was taken into a private room for her massage. Lying on her stomach, Tess felt the therapist began to rub her back in a circular motion. The smell of lavender filled the room and Tess inhaled the wonderful scent. As the ninety-minute session continued, Tess felt the tension in her body melt away. It almost felt as if her mind had disconnected from her body and she was floating. This was one time she didn’t mind Sebastian’s extravagance; in fact, he was going to get a big thank you for this later.