Authors: Delia Delaney
For Thanksgiving Maggie and I made a trip to
south
to spend the holiday with my family
in Kensington
. I was excited to see them, and so was Maggie. In fact, we had such a good visit that I really regretted
having to go
back to Washington. Again, what was I going back for?
“I know you have Zack, sweetie,” my mom was telling me. “But really… Why can’t you consider moving back? Maggie would have all of this family to love her, and it would be so good for her…”
I knew she was right,
and it made me cry
.
I didn’t know what to do anymore because it was what I wanted too
—especially because my parents really yearned to have a better relationship with Maggie—b
ut I knew I didn’t want to leave Zack, either.
“If he cares about you, he’ll let you do what’s right,” my mom continued.
“Well how do I
distinguish between what’s right
and what I
want
?”
“What is it that you want?”
“Honestly? I want my sister’s case to be solved, I want Zack, and I want to be closer to my family. I know, wish in one hand, right?”
She smiled he
r sympathy. “Taryn, you stress
out about things so badly…”
“T
ell me something I don’t know.”
“Well, that there are a lot of choices to make, and it’s not the worst thing in the world to make one that doesn’t work the first time. Sometimes you just have to do it to find out if it’s right.”
To be honest, my mom’s counsel didn’t really help me much. I felt that I was the only link to keeping
Rachel
’s investigation going. What if they just stopped working on it
if I moved
?
As it was, sometimes I didn’t even wait for Detective Bronson to call me about anything. Sometimes I would call
her
, just to offer a thought, or a tiny little fact whether it was significant or not. I had no idea what
might
be that one thing that helped answer a question or two, or could possibly lead to finding out what happened to my sister.
I
also
knew
my parents were worried about me
. They were freaked out that I would so
mehow suffer the same fate as Rachel
.
Of
course I’d thought of that too,
even though the police assured me I didn’t need to worry, but
I
still
didn’t like staying in a house alone with just Maggie. I felt safe when Zack was there, and he understood that and stayed with us quite a lot, but I was kind of tired of such temporary arrangements. It was part of the reason why I felt in limbo. I had such a great relationship with him, but there were just no
guarantees yet.
Jared came over one morning to drop off Clyde
for the day
. It was the
Wednesday
after Thanksgiving and Maggie and I had just returned home the night before. Jared was another issue that I struggled with, and ever since the day we were at his house, I couldn’t stop thinking about his feelings for me. It made me uncomfortable, yet at the same time I
wanted
him to care about me.
Maggie had
spoken to him on the
phone two times since that day—she wanted to babysit Clyde. I’d spoken to him too, but nothing that had anything to do with that day at his house. A
s much as I wanted to remain friends with him, I knew that I couldn’t be around him—at least not alone.
Zack was there that morning and they were formally introduced for the first time. It was weird watching Maggie go from watching cartoons on Zack’s lap to r
unning to give Jared a hug. But
I guess she was happy to see Clyde, and she hugged him too. After that she coerced the dog into the living room so Zack could meet him, and after he did, he got up to meet Jared.
The two were pleasant to one another, as I knew they would be, so I let them talk as I finished up breakfast in the kitchen. Zack even invited Jared to stay
and
eat with us, and I was surprised when Jared accepted. I just kept my attention on Maggie the entire time, tending to her needs and answering her questions. It was safer that way.
Ten minutes after Jared left, Zack announced his departure too.
“Aw, but I want you to stay and play with Clyde,” Maggie frowned.
“Sorry, munchkin. Maybe if he’s still here when I get back.”
“Uh, I think Clyde is leaving around four,” I
told him
.
“Ah, perfect timi
ng,” I heard Zack murmur. I
knew he wasn’t talking about the dog being gone.
It was because he usually
didn’t arrive
from work
until after five.
“You invited him to stay for breakfast,” I told him. “
Maggie begged him to
let her
babysit Clyde for a day.
Are you upset that he was here?”
“No, not at all,” he said, pulling me close for a hug. He pressed his mouth against my temple to kiss me and added, “Keep your enemies closer, right?” He then gave me a kiss on the lips and said, “Bye my beautiful girls. Have a good day.”
I watched him leave out the front door
before I could have a response
.
“
Hahaha
!” Maggie laughed loudly. “Look, Taryn!”
I glanced at Clyde with one of Maggie’s princess tiaras on and smiled. “Hey, let’s dress him up like a girl and take pictures,” I said.
For some reason I knew Jared would hate that.
It made me feel good, like I was punishing him for being so incredible.
Maggie was thrilled.
“Okay!” she giggled.
At least Clyde provided some much needed entertainment that
day.
He didn’t really do much but lie
around
, but Maggie had a great time mothering him for six hours. The dog probably got more exercise putting up with a five-year-old for a day than he did in an entire month.
The weird thing was that I was the one that crashed on the
family room
couch around
three
o’clock. I think I was still pretty tired from the holiday weekend and from
staying up
so late the night before
with Zack
. I woke up when Maggie apparently let Jared in, and the two of them stood by the couch staring at me.
“What are you guys doing?” I mumbled. I
was
even wedged
between
the dog and
the cou
ch
,
like I’d been cuddling him
.
“You let my dog sleep on the couch?” Jared asked.
I
tried
maneuver
ing around Clyde to sit up and said, “We didn’t think he could actually get up here.”
“He may be chunky and awkward, but he kn
ows a good deal when he sees it
.”
“Hey, we made him a cozy bed,” I pointed. “He laid there quite a lot.”
“I don’t mean the couch being the good deal,”
he
said, giving me a look.
I understood he meant me, but I decided not to respond.
“Get down,” he motioned to Clyde. It took a few seconds, but the dog eventually worked his way to the floor.
I realized why Maggie had been so quiet when I saw her sucking up a milkshake that Jared had brought her. She sat on the couch and continued to watch cartoons, and then Jared sat down between us.
“Nice and warm,” he remarked, referring to
where I’d been
sleeping
.
“I did that just for you
.”
“Hmm, thanks,” he replied, handing me my own milkshake. “Caramel. That’s what you like, right?”
“Uh, yes. Thank you. And how did you know that?”
“I pay attention.”
I studied him for a few seconds, trying to decide if he was a little
irritable, or I was just being
sensitive.
Grumpy
or not, he was completely gorgeous.
The top of his hair was normally in a fauxhawk, as it had been that morning, but now it just seemed disheveled. And I wasn’t sure if I was staring at his mouth or the stubble surrounding it, but both were attractive. His eyes appeared worried though,
due to
their natural ability to depict emotion, but also because
now
his eyebrows
seemed to be
giving him away
.
“Everything okay?” I asked. “How did your day go?”
He barely shrugged a shoulder.
“It was fine.”
“Are
you
fine?”
He slightly turned toward me and said, “Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
With a shrug I replied, “I don’t know. I’m sorry I let your dog on the couch.”
He
finally
relaxed a little with a slight smile
. “Nah, it’s okay. He’d never try it on his own
.
I don’t have to wor
ry about him doing it at home because h
e’s too lazy.”
“Then are you upset with me about something else?”
“No, why do you think that?”
He sounded defensive again, agitated.
“You just seem…bothered. And by the way, did Maggie look to see who it was before she opened the door?”
“No I’m not bothered, and yes she looked out the window. Actually yeah, I am kind of bothered,” he decided to add. He turned even more on the couch so he was facing me and
quietly
said, “I just… I don’t get it, Taryn. If you can’t be honest with your boyfriend about what’s going on between us, how can you even feel like you have a very strong relationship with him?”
“What?”
“He invites me to have breakfast with you guys? The guy that’s been pursuing his girlfriend for the past two months?”
“He was being polite, Jared. Isn’t that what you’d do?”
He lowered his voice even more, so Maggie couldn’t hear.
“No, I’d
kick his ass out of my house.”
“Well then maybe Zack has
a little more class than you do,
”
I glared.
“He
smugly
befriended me, Taryn. I’m not an idiot.”
“He did not.
He’
s a very nice guy and… Y
eah, maybe he was a little on guard, but what do you expect?”
“Oh I don’t blame him one bit—a move like that is meant to tell me he’s not threatened by me—
but my point is that you can’t even talk to him about it.”
“You’re wrong. We’ve talked about you quite a lot. Lately it’s been about the things that Maggie shares with him, but I have told him that you’ve asked me out.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“What about the rest of it?”
“You really want me to share your songs with him? I kind of thought you didn’t want anyone else to hear them. I was trying to respect your
privacy
.”
“Taryn, I’m not talking about the music. I’m talking about how
you
feel about
me
.”
I didn’t know what to say at that moment. I could deny it I
guess
, but where would it get me?
I knew why being around Jared was hard for me,
but what was I supposed to do about it?
“Why can’t you just put yourself in my shoes?” I
asked quietly
. “Please? Can you just…pretend you’re going through what I’m going through and…
Jared, I
hate
dating, okay? I
especially
hate starting out with someone new and
the awkward, learning-to-trust-
someone stage. My last boyfriend was a
liar.
I do not want to go through that again. Can you understand that? I
hate
feeling so worried
. I have something really good with Zack and I would be stupid to mess that up
.
”
He barely nodded
, but didn’t say anything for a while. Finally he said,
“Yeah, I hear you. I’m sorry.”
“And you may not realize what if feels like to be the person that gets dropped for someone else, but
I
surely
do. And it sucks. I can’t do that to
a person
. Zack deserves more than that because he’s a great guy.
He’s kind and generous, and he’s the type of person that I can count on. He’s honest and balanced and just…”