Authors: Delia Delaney
Around five we did eat at t
he Hard Rock Café, complete with VIP treatment.
Jared’s bodyguards joined us—Ben and
Curtis—and I was pleasantly surprised that they were not the grave hard asses they appeared to be. I mean they appeared that way, but once they started conversing with us, I could tell that they were a pretty consistent part of Jared’s life. I guess they
’d have to be if they took care of Jared’s safety on a regular basis. And they were more like good friends of his when they were in a personal setting.
I thought Jared would spoil Maggie rotten whenever she asked for things, but
thankfully
I was wrong. He did indulge her on occasion—like the giant sundae we all shared after dinner—but I was so glad to hear things like, “Nah, not this time, sweetie,” or “No, you already have a nice bike like that.” It wasn’t that Maggie was begging him for anything, but once in a while when she did comment in that five-year-old “aw, I want one” kind of voice, Jared was usually the one to tell her that “things” just made
life
more
difficult
.
“Besides, you’ll get plenty of
stuff
for Christmas,” he told her. We were walking again,
down
Pike Street, and on our way to find my car.
“Did
you
get me a Christmas present?” she asked him.
“Maggie,” I warned.
“Did
you
get
me
one?” Jared countered.
She eyed him for a few seconds and then said, “No, not yet. But I have an ideal.”
“An ‘ideal’, huh?” he smiled. We both chuckled at that and then Jared said, “Actually I got your Christmas present last month.”
“What is it?” she asked, wide-eyed.
“Pssh, it’s a surprise. Don’t you like surprises?”
“Mmmm, sometimes.”
“Hmm, fair enough. But you’ll have to wait.
”
She seemed okay with that and we continued to walk.
I guess I didn’t realize that Jared’s car was parked at my house, and he’d gotten a ride south with the hopes of accommodating us better. So it made sense that he rode back to Everett with us, and when Maggie invited him
in
to watch her new movie, I couldn’t object. I knew he wanted to, and I knew I wanted him to, and Maggie had no idea why there would even be a problem with it.
By nine o’clock she was bathed
and in bed, out like a light. I took a phone call from Michelle Bronson just as I was coming down the hall. I happened to have my phone in my pocket and it made me nervous whenever I saw her name on it.
I guess the news she shared with me wasn’t really shocking, but I wasn’t exactly prepared for it. Apparently my sister had been pregnant
a second time
—two years ago—and she’d gotten an abortion. I really didn’t know what to respond to that, so I chose to say nothing right away. I listened to Detective Bronson explain how the lead came about, and how
it was
verified.
“I know it doesn’t solve anything,” she said, “but we have something new to go on. Maybe it’s related somehow.”
“Yeah, okay. Thanks for calling.”
“Sure. Take a deep breath, okay? Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.”
I hung up, feeling really sad about
Rachel
’s life and her choices. I was sure she got an abortion so another baby didn’t interrupt her career. Maggie had already been one burden to h
er; why would she want a second?
Jared realized that I hadn’t heard anything good, and even though it looked as if he was getting ready to leave, he asked me if there was something he could do.
“I’m waiting for one piece of news—just one—that tells me something
good
about my sister.”
He didn’t reply, and whereas I originally wasn’t going to say anything, I decided to
confide in him
anyway. He didn’t seem surprised either, but he sat down on the couch with me and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t really know
Rachel
that well, but I know she thought pretty highly of you.”
I scoffed. “You’re just saying that.”
“Why would I feed you lines like that, Taryn? It’d be easier to just not say anything.”
I sighed and r
ubbed my forehead. “
I’m sorry.
I
t’s just…hard to believe. I mean she never acted like she respected me—she took advantage of me and she treated me like the little person below her
. A
nd I don’t think I ever heard an apology come out of her mouth.”
“But you made an impact on her anyway. Whether or not she showed that doesn’t mean she didn’t feel that way. I know the kind, Taryn. She’s like my dad. They just can’t…appear weak in any form. They can’t be wrong. Any moment of humility is considered failure. They have to be unbreakable to feel like they’re fulfilling their calling for themselves.”
“I just wish she wanted Maggie. I wish she’d put her first instead of everyone else she worked for.”
“Now
you
get to make up for that. And stop feeling guilty for it. It’s okay to feel happy that you can give Maggie a better life. You
should
feel that way
; that’s the plus side of it
.
Stop feeling guilty about it
,” he emphasized.
I was surprised to hear him say that
again
. I guess that really was my biggest issue. Guilt. I wasn’t happy that
Rachel
was dead, but at the same time, I knew Maggie could have a different life
now
. That was hard for me to justify
, and I was a little embarrassed that other people could tell
.
Jared smiled when he knew I felt uncomfortable, and he said,
“Yeah, I
think I
can read you
,
Taryn
. And it’s not just
about
that either, but I’ll be respectful of your situation right now and leave the other stuff alone.”
I wiped a couple of tears
from my face. “
The other stuff
, huh?
”
I kind of scoffed. I knew he was talking about whatever was going on between the two of us. “
You’re just arrogant.”
He chuckled when he said, “
No,
I’m just in love with you.”
Chapter
Twenty-One
I
was taken by surprise, even though I already knew he had feelings for me. But that was a phrase that I did not take lightly.
“
You don’
t get to say that to me,
”
I finally said.
“I’m
only
being honest. And I want
you
to
feel better.”
“What? How is that even logical?”
“Because I do love you and
there’s no reason you
shoul
d
go another day
without
knowing that.”
I stood up from the couch and said, “Really Jared, you’ve got some nerve!”
“What?” he scoffed, standing up
as
well
.
“
It’s not like it has to mean anything to you, right? I mean you could just laugh at
me
or whatever
and not even care. B
ut you do. Why would you react like that?”
“Because you said you’d ‘respect my situation’ and then you go and say
that
!”
“You called me arrogant.”
“You’re t
aking advantage of my emotions right now
.”
“No, I’m not. You know exactly how you feel but you don’t want to admit it. I understand how much you’re hurting because of what happened to your sister, but you’re hiding behind it right now.
And I don’t blame you for that;
I do understand
because
decisions can be hard. B
ut
you have your own life to live. You deserve to be happy, and
all I want is for you to be honest
with me
.”
“All you want is to hear what you want to hear.”
“No, all I want is for you to be honest. Really, Taryn, that is all I want.”
“What about what
I
want? Does that matter?”
“Of course it does. Tell me what you want.
I would do anything for you. If it’s within my power, I will do it.
”
I stood there for a long time,
fighting
the confusion
that
cloud
ed
my head.
Hearing him say that almost broke my heart
and I knew that’s what caused me to react so harshly
.
Fear had the tendency to make me panic.
I wanted
clearer
answers, b
ut that was asking a lot
these days
,
and I felt buried under the decisions that I was unable to make
.
He sighed and stood right in front of me so I had to look at him.
“Taryn, here’s the deal. I respect your answer either way, but can you please tell me where you and I stand? I mean if you just want to be friends, then fine
, I can’t
force it
. If you have feelings for me other than friendship but now’s not th
e time, then just tell me
.
I
’ll wait.
I promise I will.
If you’re not sure what to do because of Zack, then just say so. If you don’t ever want to see me again, then I’ll leave you alone. But please… Just be honest with me.”
“Fine,” I
relented
, feeling a mix of anger and defeat
. “
B and C. Uh…
I’m not sure if now is
the
right
time, and I don’t know what to do. There, does that make you happy?”
“Was that so hard?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
I took
a deep breath of air and
exhale
d
with a groan. I took a moment to decide what to say—it probably didn’t matter since I would say something stupid—but I realized I was just too tired to be combative anymore. I didn’t know the purpose of Jared’s
questions
, but I was beginning to think he was breaking me down just like Zack had. Maybe I thought too much.
Maybe I really was that stubborn and people had to work harder to get me to budge.
But m
aybe I just needed to go with my
feelings
for once and go from there.
“I’m so tired right now,” I said quietly. “I think I need to go to bed.”
Jared
only
nodded and didn’t object. I could tell he felt und
ecided about our conversation like I did, and we both knew it wasn’t finished
. However, he did step closer to me, and as my heart began to change rhythm in my chest, he
gathered
me
in
his arms and…
G
ave me a hug.
If there was anything that he could have done for me at that moment, a hug was it. Just a simple display of affection, and it felt so good.
I took
in
a deep breath
of him
and tried to let myself relax as I wrapped my arms around him. I swear I even dozed off for a few seconds, just standing there with him holding me. I was that
tired
, and apparently that
comfortable with him
.
But if Zack had been there
he would have done the same thing
and I would have enjoyed it as well
. Jared wanted me to be honest with him, but what would he think if I told him that my relationship with Zack had changed
, but I still
had feelings for
him
? That was one reason why I couldn’t drop everything I had
, just
to try something new. I
felt like I
had somethi
ng real with Zack.
But
there was something about Jared that I couldn’t disregard. I knew he was right; I did have feelings for him, I just didn’t know how to classify them. But
I needed
his
care at the moment
, and he was willing to give it
. It was just a hug, right? And I had answered his question—I told him where we stood. So why did that loud
thumping
in
my
che
st suddenly match
what was going on
in
his
?