Authors: Delia Delaney
He slightly shook his head again as he continued to look it over, but Maggie was thrusting another present into his hands at the same time.
“Another one?”
“Two more,” she said, realizing there was another one somewhere amongst the other gifts.
When she went to retrieve it Jared said, “Really, the notebook is—”
“They’re just small things,” I said. “Nothing grand.”
“Open this,” Maggie said. “It’s from me.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he agreed, undoing the one end of it. He pulled out a little pen box that held a six pens, each personalized with different sayings like “Just Play”, or “You can never have too many guitars”.
“They’re for the book,” Maggie told him.
“Super cool,” he smiled as he picked up the first one to read it. “
‘Rock, eat, sleep, repeat.’ Nice,” he chuckled.
“That sounds pretty familiar.”
Maggie
went back to her Barbies after that
as he read each of the pens.
I tossed him the last gift and said, “Here, this is just from me. Maggie thought it was dumb since she didn’t understand it.”
He smiled as he opened it up and pulled out the
vintage-style
t-shirt inside. He laughed, as I knew he would, and said, “ ‘More Cowbell.’ That’s rad, where’d you get this?”
“I ordered it. After our night watching six hours of old SNL, I just had to.”
“Wow, I don’t even know what to say. Man, you guys are the best at gift giving. Can I hire you to come up with ideas for me when I need to get gifts?”
“Hmm, I’ll think about it.”
He patted the space next to him so I slid over to cuddle against him.
He kissed the top of my head and said, “Thank you, Taryn. This
was
the best
Christmas
ever
.”
I kind of laughed and said, “You make it sound like it’s all over. You still have your family gathering to look forward to.” He
didn’t say anything
so I pulled away from him to see his face. “Don’t you? I thought you were heading to Las Vegas to spend Christmas with your mom?”
“Uh, I was
thinking
about heading there, but I never really made plans to. I just saw her a couple of weeks ago.”
“So you’re not going to spend Christmas there?”
“Uh…no, I don’t plan on it. She’s spending it with a bunch of friends anyways.”
“What? So where are you going for Christmas? Your dad’s?”
“Uh, negative on that too.”
I made a noise of disbelief. “Jared, you’re not going anywhere for Christmas? How come you can’t spend it with your dad?”
“He’s taking his new girlfriend to Barbados. Priorities, remember?” I didn’t know what to say but he smiled and shook his head. “It’s not a big deal. Christmas has never really been a memorable holiday for me
until this year
—u
nless you count the unpleasant memories, but I try to block those out.
And I usually don’t spend holidays with my parents, anyway.
I’ve been invited to a few gatherings…”
“And are you
actually
going to go to one?” I asked knowingly.
“Uh, no probably not.”
“Then you’re coming to Kensington with us. Case closed.”
“Then fine, yes I’m going somewhere for Christmas.”
“What?”
“I don’t want you to feel obligated. That’s not why I—”
“I would have invited you anyway, had I known you were available. I thought you said you were going to your mom’s.”
“Well, I’d planned on it, but then I spent time with her earlier this month, and she mentioned we were going to be doing the ‘friends’ Christmas at
someone’s
house. I really didn’t want to subject myself to that.”
“Subject yourself to what?”
“To her
superficial friends. They’re
her
friends, not mine.”
“Oh.”
He studied me for a few seconds and then asked, “What does ‘oh’ mean?”
“Uh…just…I’m sure you’ll be subjected to
something
with my family, I just don’t know what.”
He chuckled and asked,
“What do you mean?”
“Um…well…”
“You didn’t tell them who you were dating, huh? Well…that’s okay. I mean you can tell them whatever you want.”
I sighed and
said,
“I didn’t tell them I was dating anyone new at all. Um, they still think I’m with Zack
.
”
Chapter Twenty-Three
I
was crushed by
the disappointment on his face. He knew it was no longer a matter of keeping his
status
a secret, but keeping
him
a secret. I felt awful. Hurting him w
as totally unintentional, and I could have kicked myself for running into the situation without thinking.
“I’m sorry, Jared. It’s not what you think.
There’s just so much going on with my family right now that I can’t handle bringing up my personal life with them. Everything with you and Zack and my sister was just not a good mix to talk about. Everyone had their opinions and I just wanted to do what was right for
Maggie and me.”
“So you and Zack broke up, and you decided to sell the house and move back home.”
“I wanted to sell the house a long time ago. I guess I was waiting for something else to make the decision for me.”
“It’s still for sale,” he stated, and I knew what he meant by it. And he added, “I understand, Taryn, but if you sell the house and move back to C
alifornia…
will you be happy?”
I didn’t want to think about that. I always wanted a reason to stay, or at least something that made me feel at home, but I still felt like I was in limbo. However, if I had to pack up and leave that very day, I wouldn’t want to leave
because of
Jared. So what was I supposed to do?
“I really don’t know
what will make me happy
,” I answered quietly.
He looked at me for a few seconds and then slightly nodded his head. “Okay. But just so you know… I do love you, Taryn. If you have any doubt about that, I’m sorry. And if you need to hear it, even if it’s not something you would ever consider, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you. I’d even get rid of this house for you if
that’s
what would make you happy. If you want a different house you can pick one and I’ll get it for you. If you and Maggie want to move in with me, then there’s plenty of room and I would love to have you both. Again, I don’t know what you’d consider, but I’ll do whatever I can to keep you with me. Just be honest with me. Let’s talk about it.”
He seemed so desperate to keep me in his life that my heart felt full. I wanted the same thing, but I just didn’t know what choices were going to be right for me.
I finally had someone that was open enough to give me options, but I was still afraid to make a decision.
“
Right now I’m just trying to do what’s best for Maggie and I think she needs to be around mor
e family. But for me personally…
I don’t know if I’m ready to go back home or not,” I admitted. “I mean I thought I was, but I don’t want to because you’re here. But then again, I
don’t know what your plans are.
I know you’re not going to be here year round, and I don’t think
there’s any logic in
stay
ing
here without you.”
“Point taken,” he
said with a nod
. “But…how do you feel about just…
sticking
with me? I mean I’m heading to L.A. in January to rehearse for a week, and then we’ve got a four-week
mini
tour. Do you and Maggie want to come with me?”
I stared at him for a few seconds, trying to process everything without opening my mouth and saying something stupid. “Um, tour?”
“Sure. If you want to work you can, but if you just want to chill and enjoy the
experience with Maggie, that’s cool too. Whatever you want, Taryn. Seriously. I would do whatever you want.”
I considered it for a few seconds, wondering what it would really be like. Going on tour with Jared Miller? Would I be his tag along girlfriend?
And although I’d never discussed it with him, I was worried about exposing Maggie to such a lifestyle. I knew that Jared stayed away from situations that could affect him negatively, but it still made me apprehensive. And being that I was already concerned about raising Maggie the right way, it was hard to make so many decisions
when it came to her environment or what she experienced
. I didn’t know
what
would influence her this way or that, and even though I knew that was exactly the perils of parenthood, I still wanted to do my best.
“You have questions,” he
noticed
. “Ask them.”
“Well,
my main concern has to do with Maggie.”
He nodded, seeming to know at least that much.
“And
I was trying to get an idea of what it would consist of. What
would you
do with us? I mean…I don’t know what it’s like for you, so I can’t picture how it’s going to be or how I’m going to affect how it would
normally
be for you…”
He smiled and said, “Taryn, if you and Maggie came with me, I would be the happiest guy on earth. It would make my tour
better
. Trust me.”
I liked hearing that, and it did ease my worries a little.
“And you two would have whatever accommodations that you want,” he added. “Depending on the schedule, sometimes we just rock, eat, sleep and repeat,” he smiled. “Then there are times where we go and do fun stuff, either as a band or with a few of our crew, or with wives or girlfriends or other friends and family that could be in the area. It just depends. But all I want to do is spend time with you and Maggie. You don’t have to worry about being placed on the back burner. Of course I’ve got stage time and other commitments aro
und the shows,
but all the other minutes of the day will be for you.
“And Maggie is only five. I
want
her to be five, Taryn. I want to make sure she experiences the things that little kids
should
experience. And if there is an atmosphere that’s inappropriate for a five-year-old, then I don’t want to be there either.
” He took my hand and said, “I’m so serious about this, Taryn. I’ve bee
n thinking about it for a while
. And if you do get tired of the traveling and want to go home, I totally understand. But please… Will you just think about it?”
I did agree to think about it. I even thought I already knew my answer, but I decided to wait until after Christmas to let him know, like he suggested.
He also decided not to come to Kensington with us. I’m sure it was for a couple of reasons—one being that he probably didn’t want to suddenly show up to meet my family, even though I was ready to tell them that I was in
a
relationship with
him
. I understood his hesitation,
but
I really
did want him to come with us
. But perhaps the most important reason he didn’t come—maybe it was the smartest decision on his part—was that the separation between us only made me want
to be with him more.
I learned a lot about myself when it came to Jared, and I knew that I needed him in my life.
By the second day
at my parents’ house,
everyone knew that it wasn’t Zack I was talking to, especially because of Maggie. She went on and on about Jared, telling them
as much as she could about Halloween, Clyde, his house, Christmas shopping
,
and Christmas presents. And of course my mom had to ask, “Why were people attacking him in the street?”
Well, I knew that I wasn’t going to keep Jared’s identity from them if I ever wanted him to meet them, so after their confused faces when Ma
ggie answered, “ ‘Cuz he’s popula
r,” I had to explain that she meant Jared was famous. Then I told them how famous he really
is
.
“
Breaking Point?
Your boyfriend is
Jared
Miller
?!
” my brother
squealed
. I actually knew that would be his reaction since Breaking Point was one of his favorite bands.
“Are you
freakin
’ kidding me?”
“What the hell is Breaking Point?” my grandpa
gruffly
asked.
“It’s a rock band,”
Braden
answered. “Like, one of the most popular bands there is. Taryn, I gotta meet him,” he pleaded. “Please, please?
Oh man, I can’t even believe this…
”