Authors: Delia Delaney
Maggie was pretty entertained by this, and then she casually said, “He’s super cool.”
I had to laugh—it was such a Jared response—and I said, “
Braden
, you guys will get to meet him. Just give me some time to… I don’t know. Get used to it myself, I guess.
I’ve only known him for a few months, and we’ve only been…dating…for a
couple of
weeks.
”
“What happened to Zack?” my mom asked. “I thought things were pretty serious.”
“She kisses Jared now,” Maggie informed her.
“Oh
my gosh
,” I moaned.
My brother let out a surprised but thrilled chuckle and said, “Holy crap, my sister kisses Jared Miller…”
I rolled my eyes and said, “You guys have to not be so juvenile about this, okay? Jared is a regular guy that just happens to have a very…publicized career.
He’s really laid back, very low key when he can be, and
he’s
just a really nice guy.
I don’t want you to get so awestruck with him, all right?”
“Taryn, the boy is a famous rock star,” my mom said. “What’s wrong with getting a little star struck? That may not be how
you
reacted when you met him, but give us a break.”
“How
did
you meet him,” my dad wanted to know.
“Well…his dad is actually, uh,
Rachel
’s boss,” I replied carefully. “Or, uh, was. John Miller? He’s who
Rachel
worked for.”
Everyone kind of took the information silently, and my parents both nodded their heads.
“I didn’t even know who he was at first,” I said to break up the awkward quiet.
I proceeded to explain the story to them, and even Maggie listened since she hadn’t heard it before. My brother thought I was a complete idiot for not recognizing him, so I had to paint a certain picture for him: Jared Miller in a suit with his hair combed, and Jared Miller i
n his normal “rock star” appearance.
He seemed to
give me a little slack, but he was pretty sure that
he
would have recognized him no matter what.
Braden
wanted to know everything about him, and I think with Maggie sharing her opinions about
Jared
, my brother thought he was the coolest person on earth.
He even begged me to call him up and talk to him so he could listen in and maybe get a chance to say hi. I knew Jared would be okay with that, so I did let my brother talk to him for a bit the day after Christmas. It was the funniest thing—seeing the stupid smile on his face the entire time—but I couldn’t get him off the phone until Jared said he
needed
to talk to me.
“If you could only see the look on his face right now,” I said quietly when I took the phone. I headed for the spare bedroom for privacy as Jared chuckled.
“How old is he?
Fourteen
?”
“Thirteen.”
“Wow, he’s pretty
into the music scene
. I think he knows more about me than
you
do.”
I lightly laughed. “Hey, I like getting to know you without having to read it first.”
“Yeah? That’s good because it’s how I like it too.”
My phone signaled that I had another call coming in. When I glanced at the screen I saw that it was Zack. My heart quickened its pace; I hadn
’t spoken to Zack for two weeks
.
“You there, Taryn?”
Jared’s voice brought me back to reality. “Yes, I’m here. Uh, c
an you give me a minute?”
“Sure, you wanna just call me back?”
“Okay, that works. Talk to you in a bit.”
I thought I might have missed Zack’s call, but I guess I switched it right at the last ring.
“Thought I was
gonna
have to leave a message,” he said. “Are you busy?”
“Uh, I was just on the other line
. But no, I’m not busy. It’s, uh,
nice to hear your voice.”
There was a pause on the other end and then he finally said,
“It’s nice to hear yours too.
I miss you.”
I didn’t know what to say at first. Actually my first response was to say that I missed him, too. A lot. But I think since I did miss him a lot, it also made me feel hurt. He was the one that left. He was the one that changed things between us.
I felt a little defensive, and I had to play it safe.
“Did you get everything taken care of in Switzerland?” I chose to say. “When are you coming home?”
“Uh…things aren’t quite finished. I’d say a few more weeks. Did, uh…did you and Maggie get the Christmas gifts I sent?”
I paused for some reason. Yes we got the gifts, and I was surprised by the gift he sent me. But I had put it away for the time being; I couldn’t have it out as a reminder.
“Yes, we did
,” I finally replied
.
“
And I tried to call you to say thank you but your phone said you were unavailable or something. I couldn’t even leave a message.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.
It must have been when my
mail
box was full. I lost my phone for a couple of days and had to get another one. But that’s a long story.”
“
So why couldn’t you have called
us
?
Sorry, never mind.” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear his excuses, whether they were legit or not.
“I’m trying to give you s
ome space, Taryn. I know you have
Jared now.”
“I’m with Jared because
you
handed me over to him.
” I said
it
with mixed emotions. I was still hurt over it, but I also felt guilty for saying that out loud. It made me feel bad for Jared, like I was only with him because Zack made it possible. Was that really how I felt?
Would I have
given Jared a chance without Zac
k pushing me into it?
I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be that way or not.
“You don’t have to be in a relationship with someone if it’s not what you want,” he pointed out.
He sounded irritated with
me
, and I wasn’t sure why. What in the world did he expect?
“
Taryn? I’m not going to be the guy that holds you
back
, okay?
You have the final say, but I don’t want you to miss out on things that you want.”
“It wasn’t your decision to make, Zack. You can’t just tell somebody that they have to shop around and then say, ‘Well gee, if it’s not what you wanted in the first place, then why are you still seeing him?’ ”
He scoffed. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“It is what you’re saying. You’re the one that changed everything.”
“And I did with g
ood reason. I know I was right
, so why are you blaming everything on me? You wanted more with Jared, I
know
you did. Do you feel guilty? Is that why you’re mad at me?
Y
ou don’t have to feel guilty. It’s not like I
hold it against you in any
way. I know you care about me, but I know you have feelings for him, too. There’s nothing wrong with that, Taryn. I just don’t want you to have any regrets.”
“So even if I decide that Jared really is who I want to be with, you’re totally okay with that?”
“Well, ‘totally’ wouldn’t be the word I’d use. I’d be okay with it if it’s what you want.”
“And what if it’s not what I want?”
“Is it not what you want?”
“Answer the question. What if it’s not what I want? What if I want to be with you?”
There was silence for quite a while. Finally he said, “I guess that’s up to you.”
“Up to me? Are you really that indifferent, Zack? You want to be with me if I say it’s okay? You really have no preference?”
“Of course I have a preference,” he replied, getting irritated again. “Do you not understand what this is about
?”
“I guess it’s about you
not giving a crap. That’s fine
. If y
ou still want to remain friends, I would really like that, but if you don’t care whether or not we have more than that, then what do you expect me to say?”
“You could just be honest.”
“Honest? About what?”
“About Jared. I don’t particularly care for you downplaying your relationship with him just to keep me strung along—”
“What?”
“And if you think
it doesn’t bother me, then you’re wrong. I want you to have the best, but you’re not doing me any favors by keeping things from me.”
“I don’t even
know what you’re talking about
. You dumped me a month ago. I’ve been seeing Jared for two weeks now. I don’t know what it is that I’m keeping from you
.
I
continued to call you
, but how can I still be in contact with you when you don’t care enough to do the same?”
I could hear him sigh, and then he said, “
I’m gonna finish
my stuff up
in Switzerland
. I
f you want to keep me posted about the things going on—like when you’re moving
, or anything about Maggie
—then I’m willing
to talk about it. Other than that I think you’re better off not juggling two relationships right now.
I’m still going to back off so you can
decide
what it is that you want.
”
Words wouldn’t even come to me. I didn’t understand how we’d gone from friendly ex-lovers to completely bitter acquaintances.
“I’d really like to talk to Maggie
right now
if you don’t mind,” he added. “Unless of course she’s not interested because there’s someone else that fills the void.”
“You don’t even have a right to say that,” I finally said. “That was your choice, Zack.”
“No, not really.
She was already purchased by your new boyfriend
. I only stepped aside.”
“Why are you being so unfair? I don’t understand you, I really don’t. How can you—?”
“I’m sorry, Taryn,” he sighed. He waited a few seconds and added, “
I didn’t want to do this. It’s just… I’m sorry.”
I didn’t say anything for a while. The Zack on the phone didn’t seem anything like the Zack that I knew in person. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I did understand that he was probably more hurt about me dating Jared than he wanted to admit. I could understand that—I would feel the same way—but I guess I still didn’t understand his insistence in the first place. Sure he had his business stuff going on, but was that really the main reason?
“Let me go get Maggie,” I finally said. “She would love to talk to you.”
She was right in the next room, and when I told her that Zack was on the phone, a big smile filled her face. In a way it broke my heart, but I was incapable of
assessing things at that moment.
I straightened up the family room as she sat on the couch and talked to him. I was glad the house was fairly empty—my brother was in the garage with my dad, and my mom
had gone with my
grandparents to visit some friends.
They spoke on the phone for about fifteen minutes, until Zack must have said he needed to go. The end of their conversation consisted of Maggie’s replies of: “Okay… Okay…
Haha
!...
Okay… Yeah… I miss you too…”
She
handed me the phone
a minute later and
scurried away to return to her toys.
“Are you still there?” probably wasn’t the most intuitive thing to say, but it was all I had.
“Uh yeah, I’
m here,”
he
replied. “B
ut I need to get going. It was nice talking to the both of you.”
“Wait. Uh…I don’t really feel like we talked about anything. I mean we did but…”
“Maybe another time, Taryn. I
gotta
go
. Take care, all right? Goodbye.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
When he hung up
the silence was unsettling. I wanted to keep talking to him; I didn’t want there to be a goodbye. Things with him felt so uncomfortable, and I wasn’t sure what to do.
An hour later I was putting Maggie to bed and I suddenly realized that I never called Jared back. I’d been so busy worrying about Zack while Maggie took a bath and brushed her teeth that it completely slipped my mind. The weird thing was that I was
also
thin
king about Jared the entire time
.