Authors: Delia Delaney
“Perfect. Yeah, I get it,” he frowned. “I said I was sorry, Taryn. I don’t need it rubbed in my face.”
The tension was so thick I felt ill.
We were both quiet for a few seconds, and because looking at him was the last thing I wanted to do, I stared at cartoons instead.
“I should get going,” he sighed
. “Come on, Clyde. Time to go, buddy.”
“Awww,” Maggie
finally spoke
.
“Sorry kiddo, but Clyde has to help me change the oil in my car.”
She giggled. “He can’t work on cars.”
“Sure he can. He lays there and tells me if I do somethin
g wrong.
”
“He tells you? What does he say?”
“Nothing. I never do anything wrong.”
She laughed again, and it made me smile.
But Jared had such a way with Maggie that I was a little envious. I wished I could get that playful, carefree mood from him
again
, but instead we’d become uneasy around each other. Why couldn’t we just be friends?
Zack came over around five, a little earlier than he usually would. I was pretty sure it was because of Jared, and that made me feel bad. I realized that Jared did have a point, and maybe being honest with Zack was what I needed to do.
I was already feeling a little cranky. Jared’s words seemed to pound reminders into my head every five seconds and I felt guilty.
The conversation didn’t go like I wanted, but I guess I didn’t really have an idea of how it was supposed to work. We’d ordered pizza, and after the house was straightened up and Maggie was put to bed, I tried to cuddle with Zack until I found a way to bring up my problems with Jared.
I just couldn’t do it though. I didn’t want to hurt him for no reason, especially because I truly did believe we had something great and I didn’t even understand what I had with Jared. What would I say?
However,
Zack
was the one that said, “Can we talk about something?”
I sat up to face him and said, “Sure. Anything.”
“Jared?” He waited for a few seconds, probably to gauge my reaction, and then added, “I just need to know, Taryn. It’s killing me to just sit back and give you space, and I’m not sure I can do it anymore. I want to be okay with the friendship between you two, and I will be if you just tell me that’s all it is.”
My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. Even when I thought I was going to bring up the conversation myself, I still didn’t feel this bad, and now that Zack wa
s making himself face it, I felt guiltier than ever
.
And because he was worried about it, it made me feel a little desperate to make things right between us.
“We’re
just
friends, Zack. He’s just… I don’t know.
He’s an interesting guy to be friends with, I guess.
”
“Well I appreciate your attempt to soften the blow, but I’m a big boy, Taryn. Just tell me the truth. I definitely know he likes you more than just a friend, so in case you’re not sure, that’s a fact. And I can tell you like him too, but what I want to know is how it compares to how you feel about
me
.
”
Ugh, hearing him say that killed
me. I hadn’t answered that question myself.
“I don’t know how I feel, Zack, and that’s the truth. My life is with you
right now
, but Jared… He just
does his best to keep
himself in the running and…”
He barely nodded his head.
“You’re my priority,
and I’ve told him that,
” I said. “I want you because what we have is… I love what we have. I mean it’s what I’ve always wanted.
”
“But it’s not enough for you.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Not if you keep wondering why you’re still in Washington. Not if another guy is making plays for you and you’re seriously considering him.”
“I’m not seriously—
”
“Taryn, don’t just be honest with me; be honest with yourself. You deserve to have options, and I want you to find the very best choice for you and Ma
ggie.
I don’t hold that against you; it’s just what needs to happen.
”
He got up from the couch
like he was going to leave. I didn’t understand why he was just going to take off like that; he was always willing to talk about anything for any length of time.
But I could tell he was upset, hurt at least, and I wasn’t sure where that left us.
“Are you leaving?” I asked.
He
picked up his glass from the
coffee table when he said, “Yeah, I think I’d better.”
“Please don’t.”
“Taryn, I don’t want to make this any harder than it should be. I’m not calling it quits with you. I just want you to have the freedom to make some choices. That’s all, okay?
Now seems like the right time for that.
”
He took
his glass
to the kitchen
and rinsed it in the sink
as I just sat there, unsure of what to do. Maybe Zack was the one that wanted a way out; maybe dealing with all of my extra baggage was becoming more than he bargained for. But I never felt that from him. I always felt that he supported me one hundred percent. And Maggie… There was no way he’d just—
“I’m going to Switzerland
tomorrow
,” he said, rejoining me in the living room. “I’m making some changes in my company and I can’t do it without this particular trip. Maybe it’s a good time for you to make some changes too.”
“You’re leaving us?” I couldn’t help but say. “And really, what changes am I supposed to make, Zack? What changes are you talking about?
That’s exactly what I
don’t
want. I don’t want anything to change.
And what about Maggie? Are you just—?”
I couldn’t finish the sentence. I was going to ask if he was just going to forget about being a part of her life. Was that what being a single
mom
was all about? Fearing that a man could just walk in and out of your child’
s life like that? I mean really,
Zack had known us for less than three months and I was expecting him to be Maggie’s permanent father figure? I guess I
jumped the gun on that one and it made me feel like I’d made a really big mistake
.
“Am I just going to what?” he
challenged
. “Forget about her? Really? You think I could do that?”
“I don’t know! What am I supposed to think?”
“Just don’t
over
think.”
“Oh, ‘just’ don’t? Like I’m not supposed to be hurt that you’re taking off halfway across the world without a second thought?”
“What do you mean without a second thought? I’ve thought long and hard about
this.
I put it off because of everything that happened with Rachel, but now seems like the right time.
I have to do this, Taryn; it’s just business. But w
hen I get back
,
we can pick up where we left off. If that’s what you want.”
“And why can’t we just stay together while you’re gone?”
He didn’t answer right away as we looked at one another. Finally he said,
“Because I want you to be sure, okay?
Go ahead and see other people.
I want you to know for sure that you didn’t miss out on any
thing
. We can still talk, and I’ll still call
Maggie, but I’ll be gone for
a month, so I think that—”
“A
month
?”
“At
the very
least.”
“Why so long?”
He looked at the wall for a few seconds before he answered.
“Because I’m going International. We’re getting things started across seas. Manufacturing, too.”
I stared at him for several seconds before I finally said, “Wow. Really?”
“Yes, and since I’m going to be pretty busy, and we’ll be in different time zones, I just want less pressure right now.”
Well I couldn’t dispute
that
. Less pressure is what we both agreed to
at the beginning
.
“And this is what you want?
” I asked.
“
Time apart so you can focus on your business?”
He paused
briefly
. “Yes, it’s what I want.
Like I said, I put it off because I needed to at the time.
And no, I don’t regret that. Not for a second. But n
ow I have another chance to make it happen and…I think I should do it.
I car
e about you, Taryn, I really do, but for now I need to take care of some business decisions before I can manage anything else
in my life
.
”
I barely nodded, trying to keep my emotions to myself. If that’s what it came down to, then how could I object? I felt that I owed him that much since he’d been so gracious to
us
, and especially with everything going on.
“Okay,” I said, standing up from the couch. I joined him where
he
was standing near the kitchen and wrapped my arms around him. Laying my head against him I said, “I’m really going to miss you
, though
.”
“I’ll miss you too,” he said quietly.
I moved so we were facing each other,
and
I kissed him
like I had the power to change his mind
from leaving
.
Chapter Twenty
It’s strange how information can be so vast.
You have one little piece of it, and really, it could lead a million directions.
The police had been trying to track down
Spencer
. They hadn’t had any luck so far until someone said something to someone, and that person remembered something about someone else…
He
was my sister’s boyfriend in
high school
.
Spencer
Evans
. Now I remembered him, even though I was
barely
thirteen when I’d first met him.
He and
Rachel
were only together for a couple of months.
The police
tracked down
Spencer
, who now lived in Modesto. He was pretty surprised to see the
letters
again, even wondering why
Rachel
still had them. He explained that it was just a stupid
argument that they’d had. He dumped
Rachel
to go out with another girl, and when that didn’t work out and he wanted
Rachel
back, she wouldn’t have anything to do with him.
The t
h
ing she “took away” from him was h
is football scholarship.
Spencer
said he was so wrapped up in drama with
Rachel
that he ended up not performing well for scouts. He told Detective Bronson that he didn’t hold that against her now, but at the time he did.
And it all
ended up
working out okay because he got
a baseball scholarship instead.
The “you should have told me” part had to do with
Rachel
seeing
his best friend
behind his back. It was just a silly dramatic reaction to him finding out that
Rachel
and Danny had been seeing each other before
she got together with
Spencer
.
He was mad that they’d kept it from him.
He had no idea what the pictures mea
nt. He’d never seen them before
. He thought that one of the guys could be someone named Marty, but that turned out to be
a no
.
The bottom line was that
Spencer
hadn’t seen
Rachel
since graduation, and Detective Bronson believed that to be true. She’d spoken to several other high school friends that
Rachel
had, and nothing about
Spencer’s
story sounded off, so that lead pretty much fizzled out.
Other than the case pulling me down, I was miserable living alone in Washington. Zack had called a few times in the two weeks he’d been gone, but Maggie missed him
,
too. She also kept asking when he was coming back, or when we were going to see my family again.
I didn’t have any answers for her, and that bothered me.
We had Abigail over several times as a play date. Ashlyn, Zack’s sister, had even been over twice. I also met up with his parents
and Ashlyn at Chuck E. Cheese
one Saturday.