Love Today (42 page)

He
wrapped
his arms around me
so
I
cuddled
against him. I truly felt that way about the direction my life had taken.
The
relationship with Jared had been good for me, and Maggie, in so many ways. But how was
it
possible to love two different people?
What kinds of decisions were going to be made in the future?

“Do you still want to go house hunting today? Or would you rather hold off on that for a while? Maybe you can think about it while I’m in Canada next week, eh?”

That made me chuckle,
but I did consider it for a few seconds. “How about we just go look a little bit today, see what there is, how we feel about it, and go from there? Yeah there’s no rush, but if something looks like a good choice, we’ll discuss it and go from there.”

“I’m so glad you’re almost twenty-two,” he teased. “You’re getting so wise.”

“
Ugh,
I’m getting lots of practice
lately
.”

Chapter Thirty-One

Maggie was so excited, even more than if Christmas had already arrived again. I couldn’t hold it against her—the pure innocence of a five-year-old—but she had no idea how I was feeling inside. In a way I was glad she could be my crutch again. She would be the buffer between any awkward moments with Zack. If he had her to focus on too, maybe I wouldn’t feel so tortured.
But I knew it was going to be uncomfortable, and even though I was looking forward to finally seeing him again, I was scared.

He arrived
in San Francisco
on a Thursday
afternoon
. Jared was supposed to be back from Canada by then, but his flight had been delayed and he wasn’t due back until that evening. I don’t know if having Jared with me would have been easier or harder, but nobody planned it one way or the other. Zack figured he’d be meeting us as a package deal, so I wasn’t sure what he’d think now.

I’d given him the address to my parents’ house, and after he rented a vehicle (which is what he wanted to do) he arrived right around the time he’d estimated. Maggie was sitting in front of the window waiting for him and her excited squeal scared the crud out of me. She was out the door before I had a chance to say anything, and I watched from the window as she ran down the walkway to meet him halfway. He scooped her up into a hug, and it did a number on me. It’d been almost three months since I’d seen them together.

He carried her into the house as she chattered nonstop.
I didn’t have to say anything to him right away since he was busy listening to her, but we did make eye contact as he shut the door behind him and it gave me a very heavy feeling in my chest. Finally, when Maggie paused for a second, he said, “Let me say hi to Taryn, okay?” He set her down, and even though she was still holding onto his ar
m, he made his way over to me and said, “Hey.”

“Hey,” was all I could reply.

We just stood there for a moment, Maggie staring at the two of us. At least I felt that she was staring at us because I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. Finally he took one step closer to me and gathered me in a hug. I could tell he wasn’t going to give me the option of resisting because of how secured I was in his arms, but I don’t think I would have refused anyways since I was quick to hug him back.

“It’s good to see you,” he said softly against my hair.

I didn’t respond with words and just held him for a moment. But a moment was all I could allow it to be—just a greeting—and I pulled away when Maggie started talking again.
She started talking about Jared
of all things, and the fact that we had Clyde for keeps. She was pretty excited about that, and she even called for Clyde to come greet our visitor.

While Maggie was corralling the dog, Zack looked at me and asked, “Where’s your family?”

“Oh, um, my brother is still at school—he’ll be home in about an hour—and my parents are both at work.”

He slightly nodded, and I could tell he was waiting for me to initiate some of the conversation.
But Maggie entered with Clyde, and we spent a few minutes discussing
the
canine and his quirky personality
. It was c
onversation that bided the time
until either one of us could say something more significant.

“Are you hungry?” was all I had. “I made turkey noodle soup.”

He nodded again. “Yeah, sure. That sounds good.”

So we spent some time in the kitchen, and Maggie and I both ate with him. I couldn’t tell if it really
was easier having her there, or
if it made things more awkward. I wasn’t sure what we’d be talking about, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be about Jared’s music tour, Jared’s fast car, or Jared’s Christmas gifts.

“So, uh, where
is
Jared?” he
finally
ended up asking me. Maggie had gone to the bathroom and he kind of looked around with the inquiry.

“His flight was delayed. He’ll be in around seven.”

“In from where?”

“He had a
two
-show stint up in Canada this week.”

He barely nodded and asked, “So how’s that life going for you? The rock star lifestyle,” he added with a smile.

I kind of chuckled. “Well…
sometimes
it’s
kind of crazy what his life is like—how public it is. But it’s actually not too bad for Maggie and I
becaus
e he keeps us
a bit sheltered from it. He likes to keep a low profile for the most part, even though there is always something being written about him or reported in one way or another.
He’s a pretty private person when he has the chance to be.
”

“I saw a picture of the two o
f you,” he said.

“Really?”

“It looked like either a paparazzi photo or amateur of some sort, but yeah, you guys were leaving a restaurant. It said something like ‘Jared Miller and his
current
girlfriend, Taryn Hartford.’ ”

I couldn’t process his tone very well, so I didn’t reply. Maggie returned by then and kept him occupied for several minutes while I finished eating.
After that I suggested we venture out and do something fun, so Zack drove us to the children’s museum
for Maggie
. It was a nice setting for a casual couple of hours together, and we just talked about stuff in general to catch each other up. When I asked him about work he said he was doing good, and even though he’d sold the company
, he was still working about
forty
hours a week for Rusty.
He figured he would be for a while until Rusty felt completely comfortable running it on his own.

He ended up asking about my photography, and I was surprised when he admitted that he kept tabs on it by checking my website every so often. He told me which photos he liked and why, and then he asked if I planned on doing more jobs or photo shoots for people.

“I’ve actually been doing some photos for Jared’s band,” I confessed. “I never thought it was something that I’d like doing, but I really do.”

He nodded. “Actually I saw your name attached to something recently… I don’t
remember where I saw it but
it was of a concert in
Arizona
.”

“Oh. Yeah I posted some photos of that mini tour on Jared’s website and his social media pages.” I gave Zack a teasing smile and said, “Are you a Breaking Point follower?”

He chuckled but replied, “I was before you were.”

“
Maybe so
,” I agreed.

“But to be honest with you…” He paused for a few seconds, and it wasn’t just to watch Maggie play in the
bubbles
exhibit. We did watch her for a bit, but Zack was trying to find the right words. “I liked knowing where you guys were,” he finally said. “Occasionally I would read an update that I knew you and Maggie were a part of too, so I liked having that information. I hated it, but I preferred the suffering for the
little bit of insight.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. Jared was pretty good at keeping
people
updated vi
a social media. He and his band
mates took turns posting things for their fans. I knew there were also various photos of things the band and crew had done as a group, and Maggie and I were in some of those. I wondered if Zack had seen those pictures, but I didn’t ask.

“I used to drive by your house all the time,” I admitted.

I smiled at him with a side-glance and he did the same.

“Stalker,” he muttered.

I laughed and said, “I know. But you being out of the country kind
of
defeated the purpose
of stalking you
.”

It was his turn to laugh and with a nod he
replied
, “Very true.” After a few second
s
of silence he asked, “So at what point did you stop doing that?”

I looked at him to make sure he was being serious. He was.

“Um… I’m not sure really…”

“Before
or after Jared first kissed you?
” I was surprised at that and he shrugged. “Just curious. I’m sure it helped.”

“Helped with what? Getting over you?”

“You got over me? That’s not what you said the other night.”

I gave him a look, and he knew that he’d struck a nerve. He smiled to himself but didn’t respond.
It seemed to be a sign
for me
that I wasn’t ready to talk about it with him face to face. I wasn’t sure what that meant exactly. I suppose in a way it felt taboo to have such a conversation when I was in a relationship with someone else.

I did get a little uncomfortable while we were out and about with Maggie
that day
. Zack was perfectly accommodating to us as that “important friend” in our lives, but it was hard to forget all of the times we’d spent together as a couple. I couldn’t forget some of those experiences, and it became difficult as the evening wore on.

We were out to dinner when I finally had to call Jared. Even if it was just to leave him a message that I was thinking about him, it helped alleviate some of the guilt I felt. Zack barely acknowledged that I made a phone call to my boyfriend as dessert arrived at the table. He busied h
imself with entertaining Maggie
and didn’t look my way.

Jared returned my
call when we were leaving the restaurant
. He’d just gotten off the plane and was
on his way
to see us.
We headed back to Kensington and
I did invite Zack to come in
when we got to my parents’ house
, but he knew that Jared would be
there soon
as well. Even so, I was surprised that he turned me down.

“I thought you wanted to
see
my family
again
,” I said. Maggie had already gotten out of the car, so I told her to go on inside as I waited for Zack’s response. She had no idea that he was most likely headed for his hotel.

He didn’t answer at first, but he finally said, “Not like this, Taryn. I mean what would you even say? Is it even something that you want to do?
Bring in
your ex that wants you back and is currently making your life a mess?”

He had a point. I would have
, just
to be polite, but now that he’d stated
that
, I felt that he was right. “I’m sorry,” was all I could say.

He shrugged. “It is what it is. I wouldn’t mind
seeing
your family—I would really love to—but I can’t with things being this way.
I mean the circumstances were unpleasant the first time, when Rachel died,
and
now…
”

“I understand,” I replied softly.

“I hope you do. I mean…I really hate that things can’t be the way they were before. And even though I enjoyed being with you and Maggie tonight…it’s been miserable.”

“I know.”

“You know? You know in what way, Taryn. How I could
possibly
feel, or because you feel the same way?”

He waited for me to respond but I
couldn’t. I knew the answer but
wasn’t ready to discuss it
.

“I think you should probably go inside,” he finally said. “And about tomorrow…”

“If you want to take Maggie for the day by yourself, that’s fine.”

He paused, and even though I wasn’t looking at him, I could tell he nodded. “Yeah, that would be better if you don’t mind.”

“No, I don’t mind.” I wanted to ask him if that meant he didn’t want to be around Jared and I, or if he just needed a day to decide, but I didn’t. I only thanked him for the evening and told him I’d talk to him soon.