Authors: Karina Gioertz
“Yes, get ready to have me around 24/7!” he said smiling, but I thought I had heard just the slightest bit of a threatening undertone. If it was real, Janette didn’t hear it. She was already out of her seat and jumping up and down.
“Yay!!” she squeaked, as she rushed over to give him a hug, while I watched the scene before me, a bittersweet smile on my face.
Change is good, I reminded myself silently. Out loud I said, “I'm happy for you two! This is going to be really good!” I tried my best to sound as though I believed it already, but the truth was, I was still working on that.
Thrilled to have had my support, Janette let go of Gabe and came whirling back in my direction with outstretched arms, which she quickly flung around my neck in a tight embrace.
“Thank you!” she exclaimed. Then, just as fast as she had grabbed a hold of me, she let go again and turned her direction back on Gabe.
“Ok, let’s go upstairs!” she said sounding suddenly serious.
“Alright!” Gabe responded with a grin, having completely misinterpreted her meaning.
“Not for that! We need to start going through your stuff and figure out what you're taking and what you're getting rid of.”
Before he could object, she had already grabbed Gabe’s hand and was beginning to drag him out of the kitchen and towards the stairs.
“Wait...what I'm getting rid of? Why am I getting rid of stuff??” he asked, sounding both confused and panicked.
Janette stopped for a moment and turned to look at him.
“It's the beginning of a new chapter in our lives Gabe! You have to be practical, you don't want to clutter our future with the crap from your past, do you?” While she had phrased it as a question, Gabe was quite certain there was a demand of sorts hidden in her reasoning.
“No...I guess not…” He answered slowly, wondering just what he was agreeing to now.
Satisfied with his response, Janette went back into motion, fully focused on the task at hand. Unable to put up a fight, Gabe followed her up the stairs to his room and the belongings he would soon be parting with.
Left behind in the kitchen alone with my paper and coffee, I began to review the scene that had just played out before me. I was certain that if I looked at it closely, I could gather some sort of a sign to guide me on my next move in my new direction. After a moment, I realized it was staring me right in the face.
I stood up from the table and walked into the living room. Once in there, I made my way over to the small desk in the corner. Inside the top drawer was where I kept my old address book, something I was frequently mocked for in the digital age of endless possibilities for storing such information, but was quite grateful to have at that very moment, as I pulled it out and began to flip through the pages. When I found what I was looking for, I sat down in the chair in front of me and reached for the phone. I hesitated for a moment, then gave myself a determined nod and dialed the number. It rang a few times and for a second, I considered hanging up and counting it as a valid effort, but before I had chance to act on it, I heard a voice on the other end saying,
“Hello?”
“Hi, Amber. How are you? Listen, is that offer you made me a while back, still good? Really? That would be amazing! Yes, I think the timing is finally right.” The conversation continued on for over an hour as we discussed details and various possibilities for making this huge transition. When we ended things, I slowly put down the phone and waited to see how I would react to what I had just done.
Just like that, the new me had taken life and was headed in a new direction. The change had begun and I could suddenly feel the same excitement wash over me, that I had seen spread through Janette just moments before. This was going to be exactly what I was looking for. I was sure of it, since I had just figured out what that was.
***
Tara was the first to find out about the decision I had made that morning, and the major change I was planning to make for myself. It had been the only thing on my mind since making that phone call and I was eager to tell someone. Only, that turned out to be more difficult than anticipated. When I arrived at school that morning, I went straight to Tara’s class room expecting to find her there preparing for her first period class, but when I got there, the room was still dark and empty. I began to make my way towards the teacher’s lounge, when I passed Jason’s class and found it to be in the same state. Naturally, I had to assume that wherever they were, they were together and most likely hadn’t even arrived on the school grounds yet. Disappointed, I wandered back to my class and got started with work.
It wasn’t until lunch break that I finally tracked her down. She had been in the cafeteria keeping Jason company, since he was having his turn at supervising the students while on their break. It wasn’t easy, but I was eventually able to pry her from his side and convince her to join me in the teacher’s lounge, where I immediately told her everything that had been on my mind since I had woken up that morning. The words just flew out of my mouth, one after the other, as I told her about my sudden epiphany and my need for change. Then, I told her just what kind of change I had in mind. I told her about Gabe and New York and how that had prompted me to call Amber, an old teacher friend, we had both worked with for several years. The same Amber who had left our school to accept a better position at a private school in Idaho. Idaho. It sounded like another world to me, and that was exciting all in itself. As well as the prospect of teaching at a new school, a private school with more funds, which translated into better books and more possibilities for teaching, and in my case, a better salary. Amber had offered me a job shortly after she left, and I had finally accepted it.
Tara took in all of the information without saying an actual word, her face, however, spoke volumes. She had gone from initial curiosity, which briefly shifted to concern and sincere interest, but quickly changed to happy, before finally settling on shocked, as she sat in front of me with her eyes wide and her jaw so far down, it was nearly touching her chest. Having run out of things to say, I unwrapped my sandwich and began to eat, while I waited for Tara’s thoughts to catch up with her mouth.
“I can't believe you're going to leave us!” Tara’s mouth was still open, but at least she seemed to be able to move it again.
“I know” I replied, trying to swallow, “But, it's such a great opportunity and I really think it's time I make some changes in my life.”
“But, why do they have to be such big changes? I'm going to miss you so much!” Tara frowned as she reached into her bag to pull out her own lunch. She had a small salad and was further disappointed to see that the lettuce had already begun to wilt. Listlessly, she poked it with her fork and took a bite.
“You're not even going to notice that I'm gone,” I said, trying my best to sound convincing. “You are going to be so busy getting a place with Jason and building a home together, it'll be months, before you even notice that I've left! Besides, it's not like we'll never see each other!” I had taken another bite, midsentence and was now mumbling in an effort to avoid spitting crumbs all over Tara. She was still poking her fork around in her salad in an attempt to put together enough pieces of fresh lettuce to produce a whole mouthful.
Without looking up she grumbled, “You better be right.” Then having drawn her own conclusion, she lifted her head and continued rather accusingly, “And I will notice that you've left! Who am I going to have lunch with when you're gone?”
About to shove the final piece of my sandwich into my mouth, I stopped short and looked at her with raised eyebrows.
“Um...Jason maybe...he works here too, you know,” I said using a tone I generally reserved for Gabe whenever he was having one of his ‘dumb jock’ moments.
“Jason better get his pink panties on and learn some girl talk, ‘cause that is the only way it would even be doable!” Tara replied, with her lips twisted into a sour looking pout, trying not to smile at the very image she had just described.
“For you...I bet he'd do it,” I smirked, realizing that I had won her over and that she would support me throughout the next move I made, no matter how big it was.
Noah’s Secrets
The weeks
that followed seemed to fly by. While I made arrangements to meet with realtors and moving companies, Gabe had slowly begun preparing for his move to New York. Meanwhile, Jason was busy house hunting with Tara and spending most of his time at her place, making it apparent that for all intents and purposes, he had already moved out. The only one who seemed to be unaware of everyone’s moving plans, was Noah. Between his schedule and our daytime activities, there just hadn’t been a time to tell him. Realizing that there would be a “For Sale” sign in the front lawn the coming morning, I decided to take a drive up to the bar while Noah was working. I figured after everything, he still deserved to hear it from me face to face, rather than put the pieces together for himself.
They had closed early, and Noah was already busy wiping down the bar when I walked in. He had left the music on at high volume and was quietly mumbling the words to the song, as I approached his counter and sat down on one of the empty bar stools.
“We need to talk,” I called loudly over the music. Startled, Noah looked up. After he saw me, he quickly reached for the remote to the stereo and turned it down.
“Lucky...I didn't even see you come in. What are you doing here?”
“There's some stuff we need to talk about,” I replied, very matter-of-factly. “I was hoping to catch you at home and do this, but you never seem to be there when I'm home, so I decided to come to you.”
“What's going on?” There was a mixture of concern and annoyance showing on his face. I took a deep breath in and when I exhaled, all of the words to my well-rehearsed speech came tumbling out as well.
“There's no easy way to do this, so I’m just going to say it - I've decided to sell the house. My friend Amber has been wanting me to come and teach at her school in Idaho for a long time now and I've decided to go. Gabe is moving to New York to be with Janette and Jason and Tara are getting a place together...it just seems like it's the right time for everyone to move on. I'm sorry. Of course, you have plenty of time to get a new place...I just wanted you to know what was going on. And I wanted you to hear it from me.” After I finished I quickly inhaled again, my eyes darting all across his face, searching for the next indicators of how he was taking the news. It started slowly, with confusion, but quickly turned to anger, as he returned fire with some well-chosen words himself.
“What are you talking about? You're going to sell Pearl's house?? You love that house! And who is this Amber person and this job? And, I'm sorry - Idaho? Why the hell would you want to move there?” For a moment, I told myself the music was still ringing in Noah’s ears and therefore to blame for his raised voice, but that couldn’t account for the tone he was using.
“Yes, I know I love that house, but I can't let it hold me back for the rest of my life, that's not why she left it to me,” I replied indignantly. “Amber used to work with me and Jason until she was offered a job as principal at a private school in Idaho. She has been wanting me to come out there since she left, and I kept turning her down, until now...Idaho is just a place... I can be happy there.” By the end I had lost some of my initial gusto, but I was certain that the words alone would manage to convey the message I was trying to send.
Noah became suddenly sullen and when he spoke again, his voice was so quiet I had to strain to make out the words.
“No, you can't,” he stated it as fact, immediately causing my emotions to rise once more.
“And why not? Why can't I be happy there, Noah?” I was glaring directly at him, daring him to give me an answer.
“Because....because this is your home, this is where your family is!” It was a halfhearted attempt, and we both knew it wasn’t the truth.
Feeling certain that I had conquered the last of my to-do list required for me to truly be able to move on, I slid from my bar stool and said, “I can make a new home for myself in Idaho...and my family will always be here when I come back.” Noah turned away from me as the last words were coming out of my mouth. Refusing to engage with him any longer, I helped myself out without saying goodbye.
The second Noah was sure that I had left the building, he angrily threw the bar rag he had been using to clean, onto the counter and stormed off into D.’s office slamming the door behind him loudly upon entering. D. was sitting at his desk working, when Noah plowed in. He glanced up just in time to see Noah plop himself down on the couch, his hands balled into fists and his face all scrunched up in an angry scowl.
“Something wrong?” D. asked sarcastically, leaning back into his chair in preparation for what he felt would probably be a long interruption of his work.
“She's leaving!” Noah declared outraged.
“Who's leaving?” D. hadn’t heard the news yet either.
“Lucky! She took a job...in freaking Idaho and she's leaving! Just like that. I mean, she just walked in and told me and then she walked back out again! Like there was nothing else to it! No big deal!” He was waving his hands around accusingly throughout his declaration. When he finished he looked at D. expectantly.
“Huh.”
“That's all you have to say?!” Noah’s eyes went wide with disbelief and his pitch had gone just a tad higher than intended. D. leaned forward again, crossing his arms and resting them on his desk.