Authors: Karina Gioertz
We picked up some burgers while we were out and devoured them long before we ever got home. Thinking we would get hungry later and desire something to snack on during the movie, we pulled into the grocery store and loaded up on everything ‘snacks’. By the time we left, we had spent fifty bucks and were carrying multiple bags back out to the car.
When we got back home with our movie and food, I made a beeline for the couch preparing to unload. Gabe stopped me before I had a chance to pour out the bags’ contents and assertively grabbed me by the shoulders and pointed me towards the stairs, insisting that we must watch the movie in his room, since he would under no circumstances spend the next two hours trying not to move to avoid making any noise on our lovely new couch. It seemed reasonable enough to me, so we went upstairs. I dropped off our goodies in his room, before heading over to my own, where I quickly changed into some more comfortable clothes. I reappeared in Gabe’s doorway wearing baggy old sweats and a tank top. He was already sprawled out on his bed, wearing pajama pants and a T-shirt, digging around for some red vines amongst the various articles of junk food. I cleared off a side of the bed and joined him and we began our movie.
Two hours later, we were still in the exact same spot, completely surrounded by empty wrappers and half eaten bags of potato chips. The credits were scrolling down the screen of Gabe’s flat screen TV and he reached for the remote to shut it off. I pulled myself up from the pillows and sat up.
“I can't believe they ended it like that! I hate it when they leave you hanging like that!” I was pointing at the screen, which was now completely black.
“You know they just do that so they can make a sequel,” Gabe replied, grinning at me.
“Well, I still think they should finish one movie, before they worry about making the next one,” I mumbled as I sank back down into the bed.
“True. So, it's your birthday in two days. Are you excited?” Gabe’s unexpected change in subject garnered him a nasty glare.
“Gabe, I'm not five. Birthdays become less appealing the closer you get to thirty, and I am too close to be excited about anything.”
“Oh, come on. You aren't exactly old.” He was playfully poking me in the side.
“I guess. I don't know, birthdays just make me think of Grandma Pearl. You know, she used to bake me an Angel food cake every year. And it wasn't like my birthday cake for the party or anything. She would make it just for me and keep it here at the house, so I could eat it with her when I came over,” I said, suddenly taking on a more serious tone.
“I wish I could have met, Grandma Pearl,” Gabe added, sounding very genuine. I turned my head to look up at him and smiled.
“She would have liked you,” I said, imagining for a moment just what that meeting might have looked like. No doubt she would have had something to say about his crazy hair, but overall she would have given him high markings. Grandma Pearl had been an excellent judge of character and Gabe was good people, she would have seen it instantly.
As if he had heard what I was thinking, he smiled and said, “You think?”
“Absolutely,” I nodded.
“I'm sure I would have liked her, too.” He laid his head back on his pillow and stared up at the ceiling looking satisfied.
Realizing how long it had been since I had seen a clock I began to search the room for some sort of device that might tell me the time.
“Do you not have a clock in here? What time is it?”
Gabe reached down to his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.
“It's 12:30.”
I sat up again and stretched.
“No wonder I'm so tired. I better go to bed, I've got an early morning.” I began to yawn.
“You could always sleep in here. You know...if you are too tired to walk down the hall.” He patted the pillow beside him invitingly and I sank back down into it.
“Yeah? It is pretty comfy over here.” I rolled onto my side and curled up against him as he reached his arms around me and held me close. I exhaled slowly and closed my eyes, allowing the comfort of his embrace to sink in and ease the tension that I had been storing all throughout my body for weeks. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself face to face with Janette, Gabe’s girlfriend. Not surprisingly, he kept a framed photo of the two of them right on his nightstand right beside his bed. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, I pulled away from Gabe and sat up again.
“You know, I better go to my room. I have my alarm set and stuff so it will just be easier that way,” I said, already standing up and walking towards the door.
“Are you sure?’ Gabe asked, trying once more to entice me to stay.
“Uh-huh. Good night, Gabe. Thanks for the movies and dinner.” Something about spending the night with Janette’s boyfriend, even if it was just to sleep, didn’t seem so appealing with her eyes piercing into me the entire time. I turned and smiled at Gabe one last time before I turned and walked out of the room.
“Night,” he called after me and I could hear a distinct tone of disappointment in his voice, as I quietly walked along the hall and into my bedroom. Closing the door behind me, I slipped out of my sweats and crawled into my own cold and empty bed. I tried fluffing up the pillows around me and tucking the blanket in tightly against my body to try and ease the feeling of being lost in too much space, but it didn’t work. The warmth that Gabe’s body had brought to mine had disappeared and left behind a chill that reminded me of how a cold stone felt to the touch. Frustrated with the thoughts that began to flood my mind, I stared at the ceiling in hopes that my brain would mirror the blank slate it was faced with. When that didn’t work, I pulled the blankets over my head and let out a muffled whimper.
The next thing I knew, I was throwing my blankets back to check my phone which had jingled out of the blue, indicating that I had received a text message. Not knowing who would be contacting me at such a late hour, I jumped out of bed to retrieve my phone from my purse. I slumped back onto my bed, when I saw who it was from. It was Gabe. I hesitated for a moment before reading the message.
“You should have spent the night with me.” I threw my head back into my pillow for a moment, then, knowing that no good could come from this, I began to text him back.
“Are you nuts?” I hit send. Seconds later my phone lit up again.
“Maybe.” Maybe? How about, definitely! Spending the night together in the same bed with the possibility of cuddling was one thing, but this was starting to feel more like I was being propositioned.
“I just don't think it would be right, with you having a girlfriend and all...remember?” I sent it.
“Oh ok, that is probably true.” His next message said, sounding more reasonable. I nodded to myself and began to type again.
“Glad you are seeing things my way.” I pushed send one more time and set the phone down, expecting that to be the end of things. Just as my head hit the pillow, my phone lit up again. Startled, I sat up and reached for the phone again.
“LOL, can't say you never thought about it though.” Instead of letting it go as I had suspected, he had opted to go the other route and was in turn becoming bolder in his messages. Well, there was no way I was admitting to anything.
“Maybe, maybe not.” I smiled smugly and waited for his reply.
“Liar! You know we have both thought about it.” I knew we were treading a thin line, but I couldn’t help myself. I was enjoying the unplanned flirtation. He was right, we had both thought about. Acting on it, however, was an entirely different subject.
“Doesn't really matter though, does it?” I replied, intending to steer us back to reality. When I received Gabe’s response I realized he wasn’t ready to return just then.
“That's a matter of opinion.” I stared at the words on the screen of my phone and started to picture what Gabe looked like right then. Was he sitting on the edge of his bed the way I was, anticipating the possible outcome of the conversation? Or was he lying down, relaxed and expecting me to come around. Then, I remembered the fact, that no matter where he was in his room, Janette’s beautiful face was only a few feet away. Angrily, my fingers started moving across the miniature keyboard of my phone.
“Hey I am not some booty call to be had on the side!” I hit send and tossed the phone into the darkness. An instant later I was crawling around the room looking for it, knowing full well that I would need to see this play out if I expected to get any sleep at all that night. Just as I thought I would have to get up and turn on the light to find it, the phone lit up on its own, indicating that Gabe had responded. I pulled the phone out from the pile of dirty clothes it had landed in and climbed back up onto my bed to read what he had written.
“Wow, I didn't mean it like that. Sorry you took it that way.” I exhaled. Maybe I had over reacted after all. I thought for a moment and then sent my response.
“I didn't really, I was just being dramatic. But while we are on that, how exactly did you mean it?” It was time to get to the point of things. Having finally asked him outright, I was eagerly awaiting his answer, only this time the phone didn’t light up as quickly as it had before.
Instead, I found myself staring at the dark screen, willing it to show a new message. When that didn’t work, I lifted it up into the air checking to see if I was experiencing a sudden dead zone, however upon closer examination, I determined that I had a full set of antennas. I was just about to resend my last text, when Gabe finally responded. I read the message and then dropped my chin to my chest and closed my eyes.
“I wish we had the chance.” How often had I thought the very same thing? Not because I was madly in love with him, but because being with him came so naturally, that it was easy to believe that a future between the two of us was possible. Only it wasn’t. He was with Janette and me…I was complicated.
After contemplating several different answers, I finally chose just two words.
“Me too.” I knew there would be no more messages after that. We had said what there was to say. It wouldn’t change anything between us. Unlike with what had happened with Noah and me, this admission of suppressed feelings had merely set those thoughts and emotions free to take on a life of their own, away from us and our relationship.
I set down my phone once more and returned to my previous position of lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. I remained that way for a long time.
Another Trip Around The Sun
Monday had
rolled around much sooner than I would have liked. After too little sleep and too much to think about, I felt restless and exhausted all at the same time. Trying to ease at least one of the things that ailed me, I recruited Tara into walking the school track with me during lunch. Much more concerned about her already perfect physique since her relationship with Jason, she was happily moving one foot in front of the other rather swiftly, setting the pace for a much brisker walk than I had intended. It was all I could do to keep her from breaking into a jog. In an effort to slow her down a little, I initiated some conversation by bringing up my previous night with Gabe.
“So...you are not going to believe what happened last night.” It worked like a charm, and Tara slowed down, allowing me to catch up.
“Did Noah make another move?” she asked curiously. I shook my head and grinned.
“Nope. This time it was Gabe.”
Tara’s jaw dropped and for a moment she looked like she might stop all together. “What?!”
“I know!” I said, mirroring her disbelief.
“Wait, I thought he has a girlfriend.” Tara was slowly digesting the information.
“He does,” I said matter-of-factly.
“Huh.” Tara didn’t say anything else, but it was evident that she had more on her mind regarding the subject.
“Yeah. Anyway, nothing happened. I guess it was more about actually saying what had been unspoken between us for a while,” I added, hoping to ease her mind and keep her from jumping to any conclusions in which I came off as a home wrecker and he was a total prick. This only seemed to confuse Tara more.
“What do you mean?”
I shrugged.
“I don't know, I guess I mean there's always been like this curiosity about what it would be like if we hooked up. I'm not saying I have feelings for him, but there's definitely always been an attraction, plus, I love him. He's one of my closest friends.” It made sense to me, but judging by the look on Tara’s face, it wasn’t as logical as it seemed to me.
“And he feels the same way?” she asked.
“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it's not that surprising, if you think about it. I've been like his substitute girlfriend for years, since Janette is so far away and they hardly ever see each other.”
Slowly, Tara began to nod.
“That's true. So, do you think he will break up with her?”
That thought hadn’t occurred to me at all. Not the night before and certainly not now.
“For me? God no! I certainly hope not.” I almost laughed at the thought.
“So, what happens now with you two?” Tara asked, still looking pretty serious and unsure about my lighthearted approach to the whole situation.
“Nothing, I hope. I just want things to go on like before. I mean, it's kinda nice to know that he has the same feelings, but I don't think either of us expects anything to come of it.” I was shaking my head again to confirm what I was already saying. Tara was looking at me out of the corner of her eye as she was walking beside me. She began to speed up again as a smirk flashed across her lips.