Lulu in LA LA Land (12 page)

Watson trudges sleepily out of the powder room, where he'd been napping.

JENNA

(looks at the pug)

You have a cat too?

LULU

(laughing out loud)

Geez peas, that's just Watson in his cat costume. Funny right?

JENNA

(now laughing)

WAY weird.

LULU

Sophia and I sewed it. The hard part was the getting the whiskers to stay on. Look.

Lulu scoops up Watson and shows the brown elastic band that loops under the pug's ears.

Jenna bends in to see.

JENNA

Why'd you guys wanna dress him like a cat?

LULU

Puggy acts like a cat. He only wants to lie around all day and not be bothered. So, one day we decided we'd dress him like one.

JENNA

K. That's weird AND funny. So, I'm gonna put his picture up on Instagram. Watch.

Jenna pulls out her sparkly purple-cased iPhone, sets it to camera, and takes a picture of the puggy-kitty. She explains to Lulu how to post it. Immediately, likes ping into her phone. Everyone who follows Jenna's Instagram sees the picture of pug as cat and likes it.

Jenna and Lulu sit with their heads together and watch the responses come in.

JENNA

See! You could take a picture of your friend's food truck or whatever and, if you have a lot of followers, ya know, friends who also are on Instagram, they'd know about it.

LULU

Alexis showed me how to take a picture on her phone. I can do that!

JENNA

(looking at her phone, freezes)

Uh oh. Big thumbs down from Jade. Uh oh, megatime. I better wait outside for my ride.

Jenna stands and grabs her purse and phone. Lulu stands and picks up her pug as cat.

LULU

Can I ask you one really, mucho fast question?

Jenna leaps toward the front door.

LULU

Why do you have to do what the other Pop Girls do?

JENNA

(spins around to face Lulu)

Because!

(pause)

Why do you always do everything with Sophia?

LULU

We do, I mean, did tons of stuff together, but no one was the boss. We were just friends and no one was in charge.

JENNA

News flash: I'm A POP GIRL! That's OUR way. They're MY friends!!

LULU

(softly—mostly to herself)

But I'm your friend too.

LULU'S POINT OF VIEW AS SHE WATCHES JENNA run toward her mother's car pulling up the driveway.

EXTERIOR—CROSSWINDS, FRIDAY LUNCH

LULU

Hey, guys.

Lulu squeezes into a spot at the end of Pop Girl Island. The girls shift their bodies away from her.

LULU

I met with Mr. Ling to show him the final plan for beach cleanup.

JADE

Why waste time doing that?

LULU

(slightly confused)

Oh, I just, ummm. Well, he's interested in how many people are coming and how many pounds of trash I expect we'll pick up.

JADE

Did you guys see the
Teen People
story about Emma Gorgeese and Brad Hanssome?

JANA

Totally! She's not nearly cute enough for him. He's way hot!

JADE

My father works for, like, his recording studio, and my iTunes account automatically downloads anything by Brad.

LULU

You have your own iTunes?

JANA

Don't you?

Pop Girls giggle.

JADE

(way snobby voice)

Everyone downloads music. And tweets, Snapchats, Facebooks, IMs, Instagrams, and texts. It's called communicating. It's for sure more interesting than photo science or whatever you were just talking about.

LULU

(confused)

I know I'm not the world's best technology user, but I'm not an alien. And I'm definitely learning about this stuff from you guys.

JADE

(robotic tone)

Now hear this: it's time for you to return to your weirdo planet.

Not thinking, Lulu licks the new cotton candy lip gloss she'd been wearing and then rubs it off with the back of her hand. She gobbles a few chips dunked in salsa from her lunch.

JANA

And, like, when you leave, take that food with you. It turns you into a salsa-breathing dragon.

LULU

(trying to recover from the unraveling of her new friendships)

Guys, I just thought we'd plan for the party this weekend.

JADE

There're lots of parties this weekend.

Cell phones go off. Jade and Jana reach into their purses, glance at their screens, then crack up. Jenna, who'd been sitting quietly, just sent them texts.

Lulu decides to get up before she drowns off the coast of Pop Girl Island.

INT. MONOGRAMMIT—FRIDAY AFTER SCHOOL

Monogrammit is a tiny but stuffed store. They monogram anything, in any style. Colored spools of thread stand on white shelves lining a pink wall. Neatly stacked pajamas, slippers, cosmetic bags, pillows, scarves, and blankets wait, ready to be purchased and initialed.

Lulu scoops fun-size candy bars from a glass urn. She knows Sophia would love this place, especially hearing the sewing machines hum from the back of the store. Before she gets too s'bad, Lulu pushes this thought out of her head and pops a mini Mounds bar in her mouth.

Alexis, Elana, and the kind and creative storeowner, ELISA, examine the personalized waffle fabric slippers and plush robes Alexis ordered earlier that week.

ALEXIS

These are WAY adorable.

She holds up a pair of white slippers with “Jade” monogrammed in silver.

LULU

Can I see whose names we got?

ALEXIS

(ignoring Lulu and talking to Elisa)

These need to be wrapped in cellophane.

ELANA

We all help. Where's the ribbons?

Elisa ducks in back to find cellophane and raffia.

LULU

Lex, the Pop Girls were so mean to me today. They made me feel like a freaky alien.

ALEXIS

Guess who's imagining things? YOU.

LULU

When girls crack mean jokes about you and play with their cell phones, it's a message that you don't belong.

ALEXIS

No, the message is: get a cell phone!

LULU

Lex, those girls don't want to come to my party.

ALEXIS

They all RSVPed that they're coming.

Lulu, Elana, and Elisa get busy wrapping the slippers. Lulu tries to read each monogrammed name.

ALEXIS

(strolling around the store instead of wrapping)

And, Lu, you've gotta get over your babyish thing about having Linc and Fiona at your party.

LULU

(almost yelling)

That's the WHOLE reason why I agreed to this party in the first place!

Lulu stops wrapping and swallows hard to steady her voice.

LULU

(trying to sound calm)

You said Spa-tacular was the type of party Mom and Dad would come to! Geez peas! As if I even need a reason for my parents to come to my birthday party!

(pause)

Did you even ask them, Lex?

ELANA

(looking up from wrapping)

You both are in a
tienda
. Not your casa. Alexis, what's the story now? I know your parents are muy busy this weekend. They coming? Yes or no?

Jade and her mother, DANA DEVINE, enter the store before Alexis can answer.

LULU

(from behind the counter)

Oh, Jade, hi! I just saw your name on one of my party favors.

JADE

(quietly)

I don't think I'll be needing that.

Jade nervously glances toward her mother, who gives Jade a warning look. Lincoln Harrison might be winning an Academy Award in two days! She wants to tell people their daughters are “best friends.”

Alexis observes Dana and figures out in a second: she's the type who's attracted to the rich and famous, like a moth to cashmere.

DANA

(to Lulu, who's tying raffia)

You look busy, sweetie.

JADE

You working here now? Trying to save this store or something?

LULU

No, just helping wrap party favors for, ya know, my birthday Spa-tacular.

DANA

(sugary sweet)

Oh, that reminds me. I came to get my tank tops monogrammed for summer. But, darn, I forgot to bring them.

Dana heads for the door.

DANA

Soooo super to see the Harrison girls. Fingers crossed for your dad! Tell him good luck!

Dana quickly walks out. Jade turns to follow.

Lulu comes out from behind the counter.

LULU

(calling after Jade)

Your mom can tell him herself when she drops you off at my party on Sunday.

JADE

(spins around to face Lulu)

You, Miss Brainy, can't seem to get the simplest clue. I'm not gonna be there! If only you read more
Teen People
and less science books, you'd know your dad's not gonna be there either. It's the ACADEMY AWARDS! Hellllo?!

Jade scurries out, clearly not wanting to confront Alexis, who'd crept toward her like a cat stalking its prey.

LULU

So, Lex, NOW do you think I'm making myself feel like an alien?

ALEXIS

She's a tacky loser.

Instantly, Alexis's iPhone goes crazy. Texts, emails, and phone calls zing into her phone at the same time. Alexis glances at the screen and starts working her touchpad like a pro.

ALEXIS

(without looking up)

Elana, I need to get straight home, PLEASE!

LULU

What's happening? Who's calling? I wanna know what's going on!

ALEXIS

(distressed, continues typing)

Seems like Tara Falls, up-and-coming starlet of
Sweetest 16
, a new reality show that I know you've never watched, is throwing a pre-Academy Awards party. Same time and day as your Spa-tacular.

Elana grabs the box of personalized slippers then, on second thought, leaves the box on the counter. She thanks Elisa, telling her she'll be back on Saturday. Then, Elana, Lulu, and Alexis hustle to the car.

FADE OUT.

EXT. HARRISON HOME—AN HOUR AFTER ARRIVING HOME FROM MONOGRAMMIT

Lulu sits on large stone steps just outside the front door of the neatly painted white brick house. Its dark green shutters look almost black in the last rays of afternoon sunlight. Lulu watches bees, birds, and butterflies flutter about enormous marble urns sprouting English lavender and Mexican sage.

Alexis exits the house and sits down next to Lulu. Neither sister talks. Lulu is lost in a trance, watching the natural world around her. Alexis is lost in a trance, sorting out the social world in her head.

After a while…

LULU

Watch those Monarch butterflies on the milkweed. I love hanging out with them 'cause they'd never be bothered by the drama going on in the house. I didn't want to be bothered, either.

ALEXIS

It was pretty noisy in there. Mega glad Linc and Fiona weren't home. An hour of everything ring-toning would have made them furious.

LULU

They'd be right.

ALEXIS

Plus, I would've been totally embarrassed. OMG, I would've died if they'd been home for this extremely nasty Hollywooding.

LULU

(turns to face Alexis)

What are you even talking about?

ALEXIS

Hollywooded. That's what you were. Big time!

LULU

(eyes wide with curiosity)

What?

ALEXIS

“Hollywooded” is when people cancel on you because a better invitation comes along.

LULU

But I thought you got everything for Spa-tacular that Pop Girls like? What invitation could be better?

ALEXIS

It's an invitation for a cooler party with better people.

LULU

It's the same people! All the girls canceled on me to go to Tara Falls's party.

ALEXIS

Actually, someone named Jenna hasn't called yet.

LULU

Probably thinks I'm not even worth the effort to call. All the Pop Girls and their followers climb into a boat and row off to another location. Same people, just a different place.

ALEXIS

(drawing a breath before delivering the final punch)

No, Lu. Tara Falls, the party hostess, is a reality TV actress, and she's having stars come by.

CUT!! Don't you think this is
mucho
crazy nutty absurd? Really? If you were in my situation, would you laugh or cry? Back to: ACTION!!

LULU

(angry confusion in her voice)

Geez peas! I can't believe this! The Pop Girls wanna go to another party to see movie stars? The same day they could see my dad right here at my house? Right before he might win an Academy Award in front of millions of people worldwide?

Elana has been standing behind the girls throughout their conversation.

ELANA

Alexis, you tell your sister the whole story.
Todo!
In plain English so it's easy to understand.
Comprende?
I don't want nothing lost in the translation. You spill,
muchacha
.

ALEXIS

Linc and Fiona won't be at your party. Lulu, it's the ACADEMY AWARDS! And they're IN IT! Fiona's a presenter, and the movie she directed is up for Best Picture. Linc could win Best Actor. They've got hundreds of things to do to prepare: hair, makeup, fittings, photo shoots, and interviews.

LULU

(loud, angry voice)

You shoulda told me from the start. I would've ended this ridiculous party weeks ago.

(pause)

Is that why the Pop Girls aren't coming? Because they know Mom and Dad won't be here?

ALEXIS

Yep. You're finally applying your big brain. It seems Jana's father is an agent at Enduring, the same place as Steve, Dad's agent. Jana's dad told her that there's NO way Lincoln Harrison would be at your party because he'd be out all day getting ready for the Oscars.

LULU

(covering her ears)

I can't listen anymore.

(flooding anger)

Alexis, you're the worst party planner ever!

ALEXIS

(very quietly)

You're right.

LULU

You made my birthday into a soufflé that was guaranteed to flop 'cause it never went in the oven! You didn't even try to get Mom and Dad to come.

ALEXIS

(whispering)

You're right.

LULU

(yelling)

Now no one is coming! Pop Girls: zero! My best friend, Sophia: zero! Mom and Dad? Zero! It's because I'm a zero. How'd I let you talk me into this?

(pausing for breath)

I let this happen!

Lulu bends forward and grabs her knees trying to squeeze out the sloshing feeling in her tummy.

ALEXIS

No, Lu…

Alexis slides across the long step to be next to her sister.

ALEXIS

(sincerely)

I let this happen. I have no idea how to get Mom and Dad's attention on anything, either. I pretended that I could.

LULU

You pretended? But you made me think you'd get them to come. You were faking the whole time?

ALEXIS

Yup, I faked it.

(long pause)

OK, it's not what you think. At first, I imagined I could plan something good enough that Mom and Dad would come. But as soon as I heard they were going to the Academy Awards, I knew they wouldn't come to your spa thing. That, actually, took pressure off me. I was, like, just planning a cool party. I don't know what came over me.

(takes a breath)

Lulu, I kinda forgot about you.

LULU

Kinda exactly like what Dad and Mom do.

ALEXIS

(rising anger)

Look, for your 411, they've never been to any of MY birthday parties either!

Lulu and Alexis turn and look at each other for the first time during this conversation. After a moment, both girls' eyes fill with tears. Lulu puts her head down in Alexis's lap. Alexis places her thin, manicured hand on Lulu's wild, uncombed hair.

ALEXIS

(sad voice)

OK, so that's it. Really, I'm awful, and I understand if you hate me forever. I get it if you release ladybugs in my room, or train the birds to peck me, or mix a chemical concoction that makes my hair fall out, or even teach Watson to poop in my Jimmy Choos…

ELANA

(putting an arm around both girls' shoulders)

Muy bien
, Alexis. Good girl. See, Lulu, I tell you to trust your sister. She tell you the truth.

Lulu sits straight up, her green eyes wide with excitement.

LULU

Yeah, she's told me some very good ideas about how to get her back for this mess! I'm just not sure which I'm gonna do first.

All three giggle softly. Soon, they see Petal pull up the long driveway. She stops in front of them.

EXT. HOUSE FRONT STEPS / MOTOR COURT—CONTINUOUS

PETAL

Peace, gals.

Petal pulls her shades down her nose and looks at Lulu and Alexis over the lenses.

PETAL

Wow, long faces. Should be partying on. Academy Awards, and, Lady Lulu, it's almost your b-day!

ALEXIS

That's exactly the problem. The Awards and Lulu's birthday are on the same day.

PETAL

Hey, gals, joy up! At least you don't have to spend it driving around to zillions of parties, beauty appointments, publicity interviews, and airport pickups. Look at this schedule!

Petal flashes pages printed with times, locations, and contacts. The girls' eyes follow the flapping pages.

LULU

(suddenly excited)

Hey, Petal, you're mucho incredible, stupendous! Can I see that?

PETAL

Lulu, I know you're cool. You're not texting, tweeting, or calling paparazzi. So you wanna see it? No problem, but keep it away from that one.

Petal wiggles her forefinger at Alexis.

ALEXIS

(to Lulu)

Why do you want to see that?

PETAL

(winks at Lulu)

Lulu girl, you've always got a plan!

Cell phone rings inside the car. Petal answers. While listening, she tosses the booklet of Linc and Fiona's weekend schedule into the front seat. She soon disconnects.

PETAL

Seems that Stab and Slovinia's plane is landing early. Gotta fly.

ALEXIS

Glamazon? She's here?

LULU

Who or what is Glamazon?

ALEXIS

She's only one of the world's top models. Slovinia is called “the Glamazon” because she's a très-gorgeous, six-foot blond. It's rumored she's dating Stab.

LULU

(serious tone)

Oh, well, if she's friends with Stab, I'll add her to my guest list.

Petal rises her darkened window as she glides the car down the driveway. Suddenly, her brake lights go on. Petal backs up, rolls down her window, and hands Lulu an oversized, overstuffed envelope.

INT. ALEXIS'S BEDROOM—CONTINUOUS

Minutes after Petal's departure, Lulu grabs Alexis and yanks her upstairs. Alexis doesn't invite Lulu into her room, but given the mess she'd created, she doesn't complain now when Lulu barges in.

Alexis loved having Fiona's fancy decorator “do” her room. Slate blue walls match the rest of the house. Nothing is personalized, except her clothes and shoes strewn about the antique silk carpet. Crisp, monogrammed sheets cover her queen-sized bed. Cream-and-blue-striped drapes hang around the bed, sham-covered pillows are placed across the headboard. A flat-screen TV is framed onto a wall. Silver-framed black and white publicity photographs of her parents surround the room.

LULU

Have I ever told you, Lex, that you're a talented actress?

ALEXIS

Excuse me?

LULU

You've got all of Mom's mucho glam style, but, no offense to your party planning skills, you're a better actress than director.

ALEXIS

What's your point? We're facing mega social suicide here. NOT a good time for compliments.

LULU

From now on, I'm the writer and director, and I'm giving you a script. Here's the project: Hosting the most amazing Spa-tacular party!

ALEXIS

Stop joking. I've got “humiliation” with a giant H on my forehead.

Focused on her own thoughts, Lulu ignores Alexis.

LULU

All my friends and family will be there. I'll handle all the guests, except two: Mom and Dad. That's where you come in.

ALEXIS

Really, I think we should just get Elana to drive us to Santa Barbara for the weekend. We can hide out there.

LULU

What are you talking about? You're gonna be Mom and Dad's new assistant this weekend.

Alexis tugs nervously on the ends of her silky, perfect hair.

LULU

No one else could play this part! You've got the style and smarts to be the confident, invaluable assistant to Hollywood's Power Couple.

ALEXIS

(interested, but confused)

But they have assistants, remember? Lilac and Leif! Hellllllo?!

LULU

Right! Here's the plan. One: Linc's and Fiona's assistants are going to be busy with Stab and the Glamazon. That's a trick up my sleeve. Two: for an hour tomorrow afternoon, you're THE I'm-so-important-because-I-do-errands-for-a-celebrity assistant.

ALEXIS

What am I even supposed to do?

LULU

Here's your script!

With a flourish, Lulu tosses a booklet to Alexis. It's a copy of her parents' weekend schedule with a big red “CONFIDENTIAL” scribbled across the top. Little red writing scrawled at the bottom says, “Happy B-day, xoxo Petal.”

Alexis flips through the twenty-five pages. She can't believe what she's looking at.

ALEXIS

(stunned)

This is Linc and Fiona's 411! It's every place they're going and for how long…addresses, contacts, EVERYTHING. You can't have this!

LULU

Chill, it's OK, I'm sure Petal has another copy.

ALEXIS